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designs do chiefly terminate ;* and how mean and sordid they are at the bottom.

It behoves the public to keep him quiet; for his frequent murmurs are a certain sign of intestine tumults.

No philosopher ever lamented more the luxury for which these nations are so justly taxed; it has been known to cost him tears of blood;† for in his own nature he is far from being profuse; though indeed he never stays a night at a gentleman's house, without leaving something behind him.

He receives with great submission whatever his patrons think fit to give him; and when they lay heavy burdens upon him, which is frequently enough, he gets rid of them as soon as he can; but not without some labour, and much grumbling.

He is a perpetual hanger on; yet nobody knows how to be without him. He patiently suffers himself to be kept under, but loves to be well used, and in that case will sacrifice his vitals to give you ease: and he has hardly one acquaintance, for whom he has not been bound; † yet, as far as we can find, was never known to lose any thing by it.

He is observed to be very unquiet in the company of a Frenchman in new clothes, or a young coquette. §

* I conceive the author means no more by this, than that our highest performances, either of hand or head, in plain words, amount to no more than a t--Original.

+ Hemorrhoids, (i.e. the piles) according to the physicians, are a frequent consequence of intemperance, which is here our author's meaning.-Original.

This turn of humour depends on the different effects of being bound in law, and bound in the body.--Original.

§ Their tails being generally observed to be most restless.→ Original.

He is, in short, the subject of much mirth and raillery, which he seems to take well enough; though it has not been observed, that ever any good thing came from himself.

There is so general an opinion of his justice, that sometimes very hard cases are left to his decision: and while he sits upon them, he carries himself exactly even between both sides, except where some knotty point arises; and then he is observed to lean a little to the right or left, as the matter inclines him; but his reasons for it are so manifest and convincing, that every man approves them.

POSTSCRIPT.

GENTLE READER,

THOUGH I am not insensible how many thousand persons have been, and still are, with great dexterity handling this subject, and no less aware of what infinite reams of paper have been laid out upon it; however, in my opinion, no man living has touched it with greater nicety, and more delicate turns than our author. But, because there is some intended obscurity in this relation; and curiosity, inquisitive of secrets, may possibly not enter into the bottom and depth of the subject, it was thought not improper to take off the veil, and gain the reader's favour by enlarging his insight. ARs enim non habet inimicum, nisi ignorantem. It is well known, that it has been the policy of all times, to deliver down important subjects by emblem and riddle, and not to suffer the knowledge of truth to be derived to us in plain and simple terms, which are generally as soon forgotten as conceived. For this reason, the heathen religion is mostly couched under mythology. For

the like reason (this being a FUNDAMENTAL in its kind) the author has thought fit to wrap up his treasure in clean linen, which it is our business to lay open, and set in a due light; for I have observed, upon any accidental discovery, the least glimpse has given a great diversion to the eager spectator, as many ladies could testify, were it proper, or the case would admit.

The politest companies have vouchsafed to smile at the bare name; and some people of fashion have been so little scrupulous of bringing it in play, that it was the usual saying of a knight and a man of good breeding, that whenever he rose, his a-se rose with him.

THE

WONDER OF ALL THE WONDERS,

THAT EVER THE WORLD

WONDERED AT.

FOR ALL PERSONS OF QUALITY AND OTHERS.

NEWLY arrived at this city of Dublin, the famous artist John Emanuel Schoitz, who, to the great surprise and satisfaction of all spectators, is ready to do the following wonderful performances; the like before never seen in this kingdom.

He will heat a bar of iron red hot, and thrust it into a barrel of gunpowder before all the company, and yet it shall not take fire.

He lets any gentleman charge a blunderbuss with the same gunpowder, and twelve leaden bullets, which blunderbuss the said artist discharges full in the face of the said company, without the least hurt, the bullets sticking in the wall behind them.

He takes any gentleman's own sword, and runs it through the said gentleman's body, so that the point appears bloody at the back to all the spectators; then he takes out the sword, wipes it clean, and returns it to the owner, who receives no manner of hurt.

He takes a pot of scalding oil, and throws it by

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great ladlefuls directly at the ladies, without spoiling their clothes or burning their skins.

He takes any person of quality's child from two years old to six, and lets the child's own father or mother take a pike in their hands; then the artist takes the child in his arms, and tosses it upon the point of the pike, where it sticks to the great satisfaction of all spectators; and is then taken off without so much as a hole in his coat.

He mounts upon a scaffold just over the spectators, and from thence throws down a great quantity of large tiles and stones, which fall like so many pillows, without so much as discomposing either perukes or head-dresses.

He takes any person of quality up to the said scaffold, which person pulls off his shoes, and leaps nine foot directly down on a board prepared on purpose, full of sharp spikes six inches long, without hurting his feet or damaging his stockings.

He places the said board on a chair, upon which a lady sits down with another lady in her lap, while the spikes, instead of entering into the under lady's flesh, will feel like a velvet cushion.

He takes any person of quality's footman, ties a rope about his bare neck, and draws him up by pullies to the ceiling, and there keeps him hanging as long as his master or the company pleases, the said footman, to the wonder and delight of all beholders, having a pot of ale in one hand and a pipe in the other; and when he is let down, there will not appear the least mark of the cord about his neck.

He bids a lady's maid put her finger into a cup of clear liquor like water, upon which her face and both her hands are immediately withered like an old woman of fourscore; her belly swells as if she were within a week of her time, and her legs are as thick

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