SHEPHERD. What must I do, when woman will be cross? SHEPHERD. Lord, what is she, that can so turn and wind? SHEPHERD. If she be wind, what stills her when she blows? SHEPHERD. ECHо. Be cross. ECHO. Wind. ECHO. Blows. ECHO. Bang her. ECHO. Hang her. But, if she bang again, still should I bang her? SHEPHERD. Is there no way to moderate her anger? SHEPHERD. Thanks, gentle Echo! right thy answers tell ECHо. Guard her well. EPITAPH.* HERE continueth to rot In spite of AGE and INFIRMITIES, *This epitaph on a man infamous for all manner of vices, was written by Dr Arbuthnot, His insatiable AVARICE exempted him from the first; WEALTH: For, without TRADE or PROFEssion, A MINISTERIAL ESTATE. He was the only person of his time Who Could CHEAT without the mask of HONESTY; Retain his primeval MEANNESs when possessed of TEN THOUSAND a-YEAR; And, having daily deserved the GIBBET for what he did, Was at last condemned to it for what he could not do.* O indignant reader! Think not his life useless to mankind! PROVIDENCE Connived at his execrable designs, To give to after ages conspicuous PROOF and EXAMPLE Of how small estimation is EXORBITANT WEALTH in the sight of GOD, By his bestowing it on the most UNWORTHY Of ALL MORTALS, JOHANNES jacet hic Mirandula-cætera nôrant Et Tagus et Ganges-forsan et Antipodes. *The Colonel, at a very advanced period of life, was tried for a rape. APPLIED TO F. C. HERE Francis Chartres lies *-be civil! EPIGRAM. PETER Complains, that God has given ANOTHER. You beat your pate, and fancy wit will come: EPITAPH OF BY-WORDS. HERE lies a round woman, who thought mighty odd Ev'ry word she e'er heard in this church about God. To convince her of God the good Dean did endea vour; But still in her heart she held Nature more clever. * Thus applied by Mr Pope: "Here lies Lord Coningsby."-H. Tho' he talk'd much of virtue, her head always run EPIGRAM FROM THE FRENCH. PRIOR. SIR, I admit your gen'ral rule, But you yourself may serve to show it, EPITAPH. WELL then, poor G lies under ground! So there's an end of honest Jack. So little justice here he found, 'Tis ten to one he'll ne'er come back.* It is strange that Goldsmith should have condescended to adopt this (not very excellent) epigram, in the lines printed in his works: Here lies poor Ned Purdon, from misery freed, Who long was a bookseller's hack; He led such a damnable life in this world- EPIGRAM ON THE TOASTS OF THE KIT-CAT CLUB, WHENCE deathless KIT-CAT took its name, Some say from PASTRYCOOK it came, TO A LADY, WITH THE TEMPLE OF FAME. WHAT'S fame with men, by custom of the nation, About them both why keep we such a pother? *The Kit-cat Club, which was the point of convivial union among the friends of the Hanoverian succession, was sometimes said to have derived its name from Christopher Kat, a pastry-cook, remarkable for the excellence of his twopenny pies. Others supposed it was from a cat and fiddle, the sign of the tavern. But the epigrammatist, with no very pregnant humour, derives it from their toasts, upon each of whom they wrote verses, which were engraved upon the glasses consecrated to the health proposed. |