XV.

SYMPATHY BETWEEN PARENT AND

CHILD.

IMPORTANCE OF SYMPATHY.

Though we sometimes speak of the great importance and the wondrous power of sympathy, too few realize how inconceivably potent is its function in the formation of human character. Especially powerful is its influence over the tender feelings of a child. In his joys and sorrows every child wishes some one to share. At every turn he needs, and should have, the tenderest sympathy of the loving parent. Too often he receives no sympathy where he has a right to expect it.

The child who has injured himself is made no better by being told, "It serves you right; be more careful next time." "I told you you would hurt yourself." Such a statement will tend to stir up all that is worst in any child, but especially in the child of sensitive temperament.

THE POWER OF SYMPATHY.

Parents must ever remember, and never forget, then, that sympathy is the strongest bond of union between human hearts. It is not possible for any

heart to shut itself against it. When all else has failed it will prove to be the most powerful factor in reclaiming the lost. Indeed, it seems almost impossible to exaggerate the strength of the influence which it exerts in forming character, and in regulating the habits of all. If a child feels that you sympathize with him he will imitate you, and you can mold him almost at will.

As children grow older their habits become firmly fixed, and determine character. That which is once fixed in a child's mind through loving sympathy will scarcely ever be removed, even by the most skilful argument. Each one of us can trace most changes in ourselves to the influence of someone whom we loved, because of the sympathy which was shown us. It may have been silent sympathy. It may have been almost or entirely unconscious. It was none the less powerful.

The child who loves the parent and feels that he possesses the parent's sympathy needs but little admonition or criticism. When he perceives what the parent wishes, the bond of sympathy tends to firmly establish the desired principles. Be assured that in no way can any parent so surely gain such power over a child for the purpose of shaping his character as by manifesting warm sympathy with the child. Next to a lack of loving kindness there is no more potent cause of unhappiness to children than a lack of sympathy in those from whom they have a right to expect it.

THE PECULIAR ACTION OF SYMPATHY.

Almost every person has wondered at the peculiar power and action of sympathy. One child starts to cry, and nearly all the young children present will do the same, as if they had been injured also. The actress feigns great grief, and two-thirds of the audience join with her in shedding tears. Or one or two start to laugh, and in a short time laughter will spread to the whole company, though none may be able to tell why they are laughing. Someone sneezes or yawns, and many others do the same. A joke, which is scarcely understood by a single hearer, will set a whole audience into sympathetic laughter.

It would thus seem that there is some mysterious, inexplicable power in sympathy. By this power the mental or physical condition of one may be communicated to others, increasing in intensity as it passes from one to another. Since this is so, need we wonder that that sympathy, prompted by holiest love, should have such an all-powerful effect upon children, who are so delicately deeply sensitive to every influence?

SYMPATHY VERSUS LOVE.

Some may assert that there is no difference between sympathy and love. If this is the case, then, having considered the power of love and kindness, we are not justified in spending even a few minutes in the consideration of sympathy. But are they the

same? Love may be upon one side alone, and may be therefore unappreciated and without any power of affecting the object loved. It is not so with sympathy. Sympathy is two-fold. It starts as a response to an express need. It is an answer to a call for it, whether expressed in words or not. It is therefore certain of grateful recognition, even where love is neither felt nor welcome.

THE GREAT DEARTH OF SYMPATHY.

This

As before stated, next to love there is nothing a child needs so much as sympathy. It is much easier for a parent to love a child than to give the child the sympathy which it should have. Parental love is natural. It may not be unnatural, but it is comparatively seldom that a parent is found who shows great sympathy with his child in both work and play. When such a parent is noticed it is considered worthy of remark, if not remarkable. may seem a strong statement, but it is believed that it will bear the test of investigation. Let the reader ask himself the questions: "How many playthings have I taken home to my child? Of these, how many have I taken time to enjoy with the child in play? How many books have I purchased for him? How many of them have I enjoyed with him, or even made inquiry concerning? Of the things lost how many have I simply replaced? Concerning the lost how many have I really sympathized with the dear child in his then great sor

row ?"

Truthful answers to such questions as the above will give a parent some idea as to whether or not he is showing that sympathy to which every child is entitled.

HOW TO SYMPATHIZE WITH A CHILD.

To sympathize with a child you must be able to put yourself in the child's place, and feel as a child. You must forget that you are not a child any longer. By being a child again, if only for a few minutes, you will not only make the child love and adore you, but you will again renew your youth and be the better and the stronger because of it.

WHEN SYMPATHY SHOULD BE GIVEN.

Let it be acknowledged, then, that the most effective way of securing that confidence and love of children which will make their management easy is by sympathizing with them in their hopes, in their fears, in their sorrows, in their plays, and in their work. Certain it is that the parent who does not sometimes descend into the world in which the child lives, as a sharer of its fears and sorrows, and not as a faultfinder, or even as a counselor, cannot have the fullest power over the child.

Nine times out of ten-yes, ninety-nine times out of one hundred-the child does not mean to do wrong. The right kind of sympathy will have a more powerful effect at this time than at any other; for the heart is especially open to such influences when bowed down by grief. Why should not the