XXXVIII.

HINTS TO PARENTS.

BIRTHDAYS.

The observances of these anniversaries are a source of far greater good than most parents think. The remembrance and celebration of them bring the different members of the family closer together and small differences are forgotten. The loving thoughts connected with the preparation of something for the occasion will increase and multiply with the passing years.

If you remember a child's birthday he will discover that you are really glad that he is here. It will never be forgotten. You will find that he will take great pleasure in remembering yours during the years which are to come.

The remembrance need be no more than a kiss, or a bunch of flowers, or some similar expression of love. In one family a boy, on his birthday, received a pencil from one brother, a knife from another, a box of writing paper from his sister, some newly-baked gingercake from his mother, and twenty-five cents from his father. Even this was more expensive than need be to prove that the day was not forgotten by those who loved him and were glad that he was one of the family. To those who

are absent, even a brief note will be more highly prized than would many presents under other cir

cumstances.

It will thus be apparent that it is not necessary to go to great expense; not necessary to have costly parties, in order that the day may be properly celebrated. The spirit is the important requisite. Given that, all else may be omitted; without that, everything will be wanting.

Too MUCH RESTRAINT.

Nine out of ten children are subjected to too much restraint. Children should be permitted to do what they wish unless there is good reason for their not doing so. When a child raises an objection in a proper spirit, it is sometimes proper to give reasons. For example, suppose a boy is told not to go down a certain street. He asks, in proper tone, why you prefer him not to take the shortest way. He may be told the reason then; or, later, it may be well to tell him you knew there was a cross dog at the corner, and that you feared that he might be bitten. Care should also be taken to express pleasure that the question was asked in the way that it should have been asked, and that there was no hesitation about obedience.

OVERTRAINING.

There is great tendency to overtraining on the part of ministers and others, who are intensely interested in the proper management of their children.

The failure of such in the training of their children has become almost proverbial. It is certainly not because of lack of love or interest; but, realizing the importance of proper training, there is apt to be too much training. Then, too, it must be remembered that the failings of these children are likely to be unduly magnified by both parents and others.

LEAVING A CHILD ALONE.

It is very important that we parents should appreciate the necessity of leaving children to themselves, that they may do about as they wish. While the child must be trained, it is not necessary that he should be under supervision all the time. If he is, he is likely to become so antagonistic that he cannot be trained as he should.

Too MANY DIRECT ISSUES.

One great mistake which most of us parents make is that we are too willing to take issue with our children upon every occasion. No parent

Such

should hesitate to do so when it is necessary. as hesitate will suffer later. However, issues can be avoided by exercising a small amount of tact and common sense. It is especially necessary with children of certain temperaments at times. It is absolutely necessary that the parents should strive to avoid direct issues at certain times.

TOO MANY DONT'S.

Is it not true that all of us say "don't" to our

children too often? One is reminded of the boy, who, when asked his name, said his right name was "Willie Smith," but it seemed generally to be "Willie Don't."

THREATS.

Many children are completely ruined by the threats which parents make and fail to carry out. How often we promise to do something "next time." What a mistake! We should act at the time or say nothing. A little punishment or rewarding in the present is more powerful than ten times the amount promised for delivery at some future time. As "a barking dog never bites," so it is almost certain that a parent who threatens much seldom fulfils the promises made. How soon the child discovers this! Strive never to make threats which cannot or should not be carried out. Then "make good."

NAGGING.

There is no place for scolding or nagging in the training of children. Yet how many of us are apt to do so. Some say they do this so that they need not whip their children. But this will have a worse effect on a child's character than a reasonable amount of whipping, inflicted at a proper time and in a proper manner. If such a child has done wrong he should be spoken to in a kindly and, if necessary, in a very firm tone. However, it should be done in the natural tone of voice at all times.

FAULTS OF CHILDREN.

We are apt to magnify the faults of children. Let us remember that many of the so-called faults are not faults, but are natural actions, which they should and will outgrow.

When you hesitate as to whether or not you should refuse some request made, do not consider whether the request would have been a foolish one for you, but rather whether it is a proper one for the child. The child who finds he is treated in this way will not hesitate to ask for things which otherwise he would get by stealth.

SELF-CONTROL.

Other things being equal, the individual who can control himself is likely to be most happy. Whether or not a person is able to control himself will largely depend upon his training in early life. At times it may require only loving kindness upon the part of the parent; or it may require much firmness also. Almost all children can be taught self-control when young. That is the time to help them. Life with them is a constant warfare. We must stand ready to help them battle against self, as well as against outside influences. Don't bribe your child to control himself in any way. This is a great mistake, and evil results will have to be borne later by both parents and child.

TEMPER.

We are all very apt to treat with too little con