"Ah! then you have met Miss Barmecide?" "Met her, my boy! I should like to know who had not met Bella Barmecide anywhere between the Himalayas and Cape Comorin. Why, she is as well known as the adjutant-general."

"I have heard of her," rejoined the major carelessly. "Do you know her precise position in the brigadier's family? She was no relative, I believe?"

"Not the slightest-that is to say, I do know what her precise position was-I mean that she

"Well, Bella—we all called her Bella, you know -after skimming as much cream off an education as the skyblue of a semi-fashionable school would afford, was placed under the care of a lively aunt, who paid not the smallest attention to her, and who got rid of her once and for all by shipping her off to India. This she managed without much trouble or expense. The Cruppers agreed to receive her, and let her live with them until she got married, if the aunt would send her out. So the aunt was kind enough to pay her passage money by the P. and O., and launched her into deep water under that anomalous kind of guardianship known as the care of the captain,' who has usually a dozen or so of young ladies so placed every voyage, and who has all the passengers under his care, if you come to that. Bella was the mildest of girls in England; but there is nothing like sea air to bring out truth and nature. There are many persons, I believe, whose characters may be said to be written in invisible ink so long as they remain on land; let them loose on a voyage, and they come out in bold relief, as before a blazing fire. Bella Barmecide was one of these. She began to flirt before she was out of Southampton Water, and she was flirting when she reached Garden Reach, at Calcutta; nor did she leave off then, as I suppose you know, if you have heard much about her. She was desperately ill in the Bay, as most young ladies are; but the ruling passion was superior to sea-sickness, and she made her malady as powerful a weapon as anybody else would have made her health. When a girl is fit for nothing else, she can generally become interesting,' and when she ceases to amuse, she can, at any rate, excite sympathy. Bella made the most of her opportunities, you may be sure; and by remaining quiet at first, kept curiosity, at least, alive. By the time we reached Gib, she was doing immense execution in the languid line, and by the time we got to Malt* she had established a complete empire over the admirers of vivacity and dash. By this time she had several promising flirtations on hand.

"Her arrival in Calcutta was not, perhaps, very "Gib" and "Malt" are military for Gibraltar and Malta,

glorious. She had made the mistake of cultivating only the male sex, who, of course, could not offer to receive her; and, having incurred by this means the mortal enmity of every lady on board, of course none of these would have anything to do with her. There were two or three married fellows, to be sure, among her particular friends, but even these did not choose to take the responsibility of introducing her at their homes; so she was thrown back, after all, upon her formal protector, the ship's captain, who was glad to drop her at a boarding-house on shore, whence she found her way up country to her friends as she best might. She was just a little depressed, I heard, at this contretemps, but recovered herself on taking her place as the new spin* of a Mofussil station. Here she was all in her glory, and it would be difficult to say whether she made a greater fool of herself or of other people. The old Brig to whom she went out was not a Brig at that time; and whether upon regimental or other duty, he was somehow marched about in a merciless manner. During the five years which elapsed from the arrival of Bella to his getting the Cawnpore Brigade, he was at some half-dozen different stations in the north-west provinces and the Punjaub, and Bella contrived to gain additional experience by being asked about on visits; for she found it easier to get people to receive her when she had powerful protectors, though her carrying on' was just as bad as it had been on board ship.

6

"To do her justice, I don't think she cared for any of the men whom she made love to, or whom she allowed to make love to her. She liked the fun, she said; and I believe that was all she did like. As soon as things began to get serious with a man, she cut him, and there was an end to the business. You may be sure that the majority of the men did not treat her with much more respect than she treated them. The jokes about her at the mess were awful; and sensible fellows were at last ashamed of being seen doing spotted dog or door-knocker† to her any longer. But, as most men are not sensible, of course there was no want as far as numbers were concerned. The only man or two to whom she paid any serious attention, I am bound to say, jilted her mercilessly, and she was more than once the subject of practical jokes of a rather mortifying character, the authors of which could never be traced. Once, I remember, when a regimental fellow proposed to her, she declared she would never marry any officer unless he had a staff appointment. A few days afterwards, when all the station was out in the early morning, a remarkably fine specimen of an adjutant (I mean the bird, of course) was found

tied to old Crupper's gate-post, with a pair of spurs attached to his heels, and a label fastened to his leg, after the manner of a presentation turkey at Christmas-time, upon which was inscribed 'For Miss Barmecide.' Everybody laughed, of course, and the joke was communicated, by 'our own correspondent,' to the Delhi Gazette; 'our own correspondent,' I have no doubt, being one of the perpetrators of the mischief.

"At last, affairs began to grow serious. Mamma Crupper, as well as the Brig, remonstrated with her seriously upon the imprudence of her conduct as affecting her prospects in life, and even gave her broad hints as to the pecuniary responsibility which they were incurring on her behalf. This indeed, began to assume dimensions beyond a joke; for, although the aunt had made judicious arrangement with a Calcutta milliner that her bills were to stand over until her marriage, when of course her husband would pay, the milliner naturally grew anxious. Credit, like art, is long; but time is fleeting, and the Brig received portentous warnings that if Miss Barmecide did not choose to get a husband, somebody else must seo to the bills: and this was an alternative that the Brig, who had been all his life in India, was deep in the banks, and had only just begun to liquidate his subaltern's debts, by no means relished. After a great struggle, I believe, Bella condescended to change her tactics. She was in no great hurry to do so, as she imagined that she had but to hold up her finger to have a ring put upon it then and there; but when she condescended to make the experiment, she found she had gone just a little too far; that she had reckoned, in fact, without her host-of admirers.

"You ask," pursued Rocket, who had had the talking tolerably well to himself all this time, “when I was acquainted with the young lady. Well, it was at Cawnpore, a year ago; and then, I don't mind confessing, that I made a fool of myself, like the rest."

"I should like to know how you managed that ?" said Martingale, looking just a little sarcastic.

"Well, you shall," said Rocket, who was more occupied with his own recollections than with his companion, and was talking, I fancy, rather to please himself than anybody else. "Well, you shall. This is how it happened. There was a ball one night-there was always a ball at that time at Cawnpore-and Miss Barmecide was there as a matter of course. I had not been long at the station, but had already been fortunate enough to earwig my way into the post of brigade major -only officiating of course. My duties took me a great deal to the house, as the Brig held his office there; and somehow I found myself before long as regular an attendant at the tiffin-table as the

275

tunda moorghee* itself. Sometimes I stayed on all day and dined, and nearly always I was pressed into the service to go out riding or driving with the family, or it might be with Bella alone. As for the brigade business, it got shamefully neglected. The office was fast being transferred to the drawing-room-the whole business being transacted on sofas, ottomans, or anywhere most convenient. As to attending to any etiquette as regarded uniform, I soon gave that up; if the Brig didn't care, why should I?

"Well, in the mean time, I was a little taken with this girl, I must confess, notwithstanding her foolish way of going on and getting herself talked about; and at the ball I mentioned just now I was as nearly taking the fatal plunge as could well be. It was after supper-of course it was, you will say

and we had just finished a particularly wild galop, and having got hotter than anybody ever was before-as well we might, for though the punkahs were going, the thermantidotes † would not work—we had gone out on to the verandah to cool ourselves. The verandah was not cool enough, so we descended into the garden, and there, as we walked up and down a path separated by a row of orange-trees from the house, as well as from the band, which was playing in the open air close to the verandah, the sweet moonlight, and the soft atmosphere, and the charming character of the scene generally, had such an effect upon me that I felt myself suddenly impelled to make a declaration of love. As to what followed, I confess to being a little confused. It was after supper, as I told you, and the air had set my head swimming coming from the hot room. I know, however, that I could not have said much, as to quantity, when I heard myself addressed by name, and the next moment a hand was laid upon my shoulder by a small ensign who could scarcely reach it, but who told me hurriedly that the Brig was ill, and that Miss Barmecide was wanted immediatelyto go home. We hurried back accordingly, my head getting suddenly clear, and then I found that just what I anticipated had come to pass. The Brig, without having exactly taken too much, had become indisposed, not exactly through having taken too little. He had no head left, especially in hot weather, the slightest excess, and, as he could scarcely keep his eyes open, it was desirable to get him away as soon as possible, to save scandal. Accordingly, he and his party were put into their carriage, and I returned to my bungalow very soon after, with a vague idea of something being the matter. Nor was my idea entirely unfounded.

* Cold fowl.

+ Punkahs-fans hung from the ceiling. machines for pumping cold air into the room.

for

Thermantidotes

"The next day I received a note in the wellknown writing of Bella Barmecide, asking me whether what I had said to her in the garden the night before had any meaning, or whether I was only taking advantage of her unprotected condition to trifle with her feelings. I was requested to return an early answer, as it would be 'quite' impossible for us to meet again without an understanding upon the point.

"I never was more puzzled in my life. I had not the smallest recollection of what I had said, but I knew that I had not had time to say much, so that it must have been very strong, whatever it was, to have warranted such a letter. I did not dare reply at once. Fortunately, my business at the brigade office had been dispatched carly in the morning, the brigadier keeping his room all day, and relieving me from any further attendance. Bella's letter had been sent to my bungalow, and I found it on my return to a late breakfast. So I thought I would go over and tiff at the mess, by way of a novelty, and take counsel's opinion of one or two of the steadiestgoing of my brother officers as to how I should get out of the scrape.

"I drove over accordingly. The fellows had just sat down when I entered the mess-room, and there was a general chorus of congratulation at my re-appearance among them in the day-time; indeed, I had even dined but seldom with them since my appointment to the staff and Miss Barmecide's affections. But I soon found I was a marked man among them. Some jest had evidently got about at my expense, and I could not but fancy that it had something to do with Miss Barmecide. At last I got hold of one of my more discreet friends, and told him all about the affair of the night before, and the letter I had received that morning. My discreet friend burst into a fit of laughter, and drew me into the verandah, out of earshot of the rest.

"Be under no fear,' said he, 'of the letter; it's all a hoax; I heard them talking about it this morning at chota hazree.* Young Cowslip, the greatest rip that ever missed parade, heard you, as he describes it, spooning with Bella, and the result has been a little attempt at forgery, which, it seems, has proved successful.'

"The load was off my mind. I was ready to dance with joy. I did nothing more absurd, how ever, than rushing back to the mess-room and embracing Cowslip with tremendous demonstrations of affection, and telling him and the rest that I had found out their plot, but forgave them all in consideration of my delight at the discovery. The afternoon, I need scarcely say, was spent in thorough enjoyment.

Little breakfast taken early in the morning in India.

"We sat so late that it was out of the question going to the band, the strains of which were borne upon the breeze while we were yet over our cheroots. Suddenly I remembered that I was engaged out to dinner that night. It was then sunset. There was just time to go home, bathe and dress, and put in an appearance. These processes I punctually performed, and made such haste that I was early instead of late at my destination.

"There was only one person present when I entered the drawing-room-a lady. She was looking over a scrap-book. She raised her head when I appeared. It was-Miss Barmecide!

"There seemed no reason why I should be confused at meeting her; so, though I felt awkward at first, I went up to her and entered into conversation in my old familiar way. To my astonish. ment, she made no reply, would not meet my eye, but buried herself in the scrap-book, like the ostrich in the sand, as if to ignore anything that she did not see. We were both relieved when our hostess appeared, and other guests began to arrive. Fortunately, nobody noticed that Miss Barmecide and myself were 'cuts;' so no remark was made upon the fact. If any. body had noticed it, by the way, they could not have wondered more at the possible meaning than I did myself.

"It was not until my arrival at the brigade office next day that the truth of the matter came out. There I found a letter, purporting to come from Miss Barmecide, but of so transparent a character, both as to handwriting and diction, that it would not have deceived me for two minutes. This was the mess hoax. The other letter was Miss Barmecide's genuine missive.

"What followed need not take long in telling. I attempted explanations of my conduct, but they were of no avail. To be sure, I did not renew my offer of marriage, which, it seems, I had made in most decided-however brief-terms in the garden; and this, I suppose, had something to do with the reception of my amende. Poor Bella was furious, so was Mrs. Crupper; and, as the Brig told me that the continuance of our official relations would be inconvenient after what had occurred, I took the hint and resigned. I got leave to the Hills next day, and have never since seen the lady who, but for the hoax played upon me, would most likely be at the present moment Mrs. Edward Rocket, other wise Mrs. Lieutenant Rocket, by courtesy of the trades people."

Major Martingale made no remark when Rocket had concluded his story. He might have done so, indeed, but the noise of another dåk gharee entering the compound distracted the attention of both