This post was accorded to his singular merit;
Its burdens he bore with a patient spirit,
And, to say the truth, with a cheerful mood,
And daily ate and drank what was good.

And after him came the spiritual assessor,
A man whose breadth was somewhat lesser,
But height much greater; he was spare of limb,
And his disposition exceedingly grim.

He not only the spiritual interests defended,
But to matters of economy also attended,
And drank only bad wine and beer,

For his income was small and his habit severe.

Then came Herr Krager, an oldish man rather,
Who was very well versed in many a church father,
And to prove a point could readily quote
Whatever any one of 'em wrote.

Next, Herr Krisch, polite as a Castilian,
Who was, in postils, a perfect postilion;
Posted up in them as well as the best
Parson the Swabian land possessed.

Next, Herr Beff, a linguist of great reputation,
And a tolerable Christian in walk and conversation,

In lecturing a terrible bore,

But always orthodox to the core.

Next, Herr Schreier, a man of great notoriety

Alike in the pulpit and in general society,

Free and easy; had no wife,

And led with his cook an exemplary life.

Next, Herr Plötz, an angelic creature,
In his youth of a somewhat genial nature,
But when to preach he once began
He became a very pious man.

He kept his beloved congregation
From vice and evil communication;
Faithful in season and out was he
To admonish, when he had opportunity.

Next, Herr Keffer, who never could tire
In following his sheep through mud and mire.
But alas! in his flock, besides the lambs
Were likewise many stiff-necked old rams.

Sometimes, to get them to follow his leadings,
He instituted legal proceedings,

For he understood the law of the state

As well as the very best advocate.

Besides those named in the above enumeration,
Other clerical gentlemen attended the examination,
Whom I neither need nor can
Particularly designate man by man.

Now when the reverend and pious faces
Had all come together in their places,
Præmissis præmittendis they
Round a great table sate straightway.

With trembling and quaking came Hieronimus
Before this assembly of white bands so ominous,
And scraped a greeting submissively.
Oh, wo, Hieronimus, wo on thee!

First and foremost inquired the examiners
About his previous morals and manners,
And presently asked him whether he
Had a certificate from the university?

Hieronimus, without hesitation,
Handed the inspector the attestation,
Who read the same immediately.
Alas, Hieronimus, wo on thee!

'Tis true, the document was worded
In Latin and Greek, as here recorded,
And consequently not easy to read,
But, unfortunately, as ill luck decreed,

The inspector made out, in a free translation,
To give a substantial interpretation,

For no other clergyman in the hall
Dared undertake the task at all.

To leave no breach in this narration,
I will now give the reader full information
What Hieronimus's certificate,

Word for word, did properly state.

First, the name and title of the professors,
And then, in larger hand, the letters
L. B. S., and the meaning of them
Was Lectori Benevolo Salutem!

"Forasmuch as Master Hieronimus Jobsius As Theologiæ Studiosus,

During three years' and some weeks' space Had his residence in this place;

"And the same now has it in contemplation To take his leave, and has made application For a written certificate to me

A step of great propriety

"I could not refuse his reasonable desires,
But give hereby the attest he requires:

That the same did every quarter of a year
Once in my lecture-room appear.

"Whether the rest was devoted to study,
Himself knows better than anybody,
For I in this official report

Assert and testify nothing of the sort.

"And as to general behavior,

There is not much to be said in his favor;
Entire silence on that point would be
The part of Christian charity.

"For the rest I have only to say, God speed him
On his journey home, and may Heaven lead him,
When all these earthly troubles are past,
To the place where he belongs at last!"

How the eyes of the learned body distended
When the reading of this document ended!
And that Herr Hieronimus did not laugh,
The reader can imagine readily enough.

However, on all hands, it seemed better
For this once to overlook the matter,
And for charity's sake to find all the good
In the testimonial that they could.

For the gentlemen wisely recollected

How many of their tricks had not been detected, And how, if they had, it had fared with them, And so they proceeded at once ad rem.

The Herr Inspector he led off,
Clearing the way with a mighty cough
Repeated thrice; thrice did he stroke
His portly paunch, and then he spoke:

"I, as you see, pro tempore inspector,
And of the clergy present director,
Ask you, 'Quid fit episcopus?""
Straightway replied Hieronimus:

"A bishop is, as I conjecture,
An altogether agreeable mixture

Of sugar, pomegranate juice, and red wine,
And for warming and strengthening very fine."

The candidate Jobs this answer making,
There followed of heads a general shaking,
And first the inspector said, "Hm, hm!"
Then the others, secundum ordinem.

And now the assessor began to inquire:
"Herr Hieronimus, tell me, I desire,
Who the apostles may have been?"
Hieronimus quick made answer again:

"Apostles they call great jugs, I'm thinking,

In which wine and beer are kept for drinking

In the villages, and from them oft

By thirsty students liquor is quaffed."