Heinrich von Kleist Ready for the Inspector ADAM, Village Magistrate, and LICHT, Clerk of Court. Licht. Eh, what in the world has come over you, friend Adam? Do you know how you look? Adam (sitting and bandaging his leg). Oh, yes. In order to stumble, all that one needs are feet, especially on this slippery floor. I slipped down here. The occasion for such a mishap each man bears in himself. Licht. What, my friend? In himself? Licht. Upon my word! Adam. What do you mean? Licht. You are descended from a pretty wild ancestor. He fell at the very beginning of things, and became famous through his fall. Have you, too Adam. Well? Licht. Fallen? Adam. I? But I tell you, here I slipped-right here. Licht. Not metaphorically? Actually fell down? Adam. That would be a poor enough metaphor. Yes, actually! Licht. And how did it happen? Adam. Just now, as I was getting out of bed. I was singing a cheerful morning song, and before I had begun my day I fell, and wrenched my foot. Adam. The left one? Licht. Yes, this one here! Adam. To be sure! Licht. A pity! For that foot walks the ways of sin with some difficulty at best. Adam. That foot? With difficulty? Why? Licht. Why, your clubfoot! Adam. Clubfoot? Lumpfoot! One foot is as much of a lump as the other! Licht. Pardon me. You wrong your right foot, which can hardly boast of equal size, and risks less going on slippery places. Adam. Pshaw! Where one dares to go, the other follows too. Licht. And what has injured your face so? Adam. My face? Licht. What, you do not know? Adam. I believe you are lying! How does it look? Licht. How it looks? Adam. Yes, friend, how? Licht. Frightful! Adam. Explain yourself. Licht. It's flayed most horribly. A piece of your cheek is missing, so big that it would need scales to estimate it. Adam. The devil it is! Licht (brings a mirror). Here, convince yourself! A sheep driven by wolves, that forces its way through a hedge of thorns, leaves not more wool behind than you. Adam. Hm, hm! You are right. It looks unlovely enough. The nose has suffered too. Licht. And the eye. Licht. Yes; right across here is a mark as bloody-so help me Heaven!-as though a giant had laid a club across it. Adam. Hm, hm! You see, I did not note all that. Licht. Yes, under fire one does not feel one's wounds. Adam. Fire? What, with the stove I fought? Yes, now I know. I lost my balance, clutched about in the air for some support, and caught hold of the trousers-which had got wet last night, and which I had hung beside the stovethinking to save myself. But the band snapped, and trousers and I together came down, I with my forehead against the stove, on the stove's sharpest corner. Licht (laughs). Good! Good! Adam. Cursed, rather! Licht. The first fall of Adam in such conditions Adam. Well, well, but what's the news? Licht. The news-the news! I had almost forgot to tell you. Adam. Well? Licht. Prepare for unexpected company from Utrecht. Adam. Indeed? Licht. The inspector of village courts is coming. Licht. The inspector from Utrecht. He is traveling about to see how justice is administered. He will be here to-day. Adam. To-day? Are you in your right mind? Licht. True as I live! He was at Holla, the nearest place, yesterday, and looked into the workings of the court there. A farmer saw the fresh horses hitched up. He's coming now to us at Huisum. Adam. To-day? The inspector from Utrecht? The good man grinds his own ax as well as any other, and hates a fuss. He will not come to Huisum to annoy us. Licht. If he went as far as Holla, he'll go on to Huisum. Take care! Adam. Go to with your fairy tales, I tell you. Adam. Who can tell whom the squinting rascal saw! These fellows cannot tell a face from a bald head. Put a three-cornered hat on a cane, throw a cloak about it, and such a lout will take it for any one you please. Licht. Very well, go on doubting until the inspector is at the door. Adam. What, at the door, without warning us by so much as a word? Licht. Stupid! It's not the old inspector, Wachholder. Then all would be well. It is the counselor, Walther. Adam. Even so! Leave me in peace! Like us, the man has taken his oath, and, like us, is ruled by the edicts and traditional observances. Licht. Well, listen to me. Inspector Walther appeared in Holla yesterday quite unexpectedly. He inspected the books and the treasury of the court, and suspended judge and clerk summarily from office. Why, I cannot tell. Adam. The devil! Did the farmer say that too? Adam. Oh! Licht. If you want to know, early this morning the judge was looked for. He had been arrested in his house. They found him in the barn. He had hung himself from a crossbeam. Adam. What is it you say? Licht. They cut him down, rubbed him all over, poured water on him, and finally managed to bring him back to life. Adam. Oh, did they? Licht. Now, everything in his house is sealed for official examination, as though he really were a corpse, and another has already been put in his place. Adam. Shocking! Shocking! A careless fellow he was, true, yet otherwise honest, sure as I live. A fellow he was who was good company, but very careless, that I'll not deny. If the inspector really was in Holla, I have no doubt that our poor friend fared badly. Licht. And it is only owing to this circumstance that the inspector is not here yet. At noon he will be, that's certain. Adam. At noon? Very well. Now true friendship will show itself. You know how two hands can help each other. You, too, I know, would like to be a magistrate, and you deserve to be as much as any one. But the proper time has not yet come. Licht. I a magistrate? What are you thinking of? Adam. You are a friend of reasonable, measured speech; you have studied your Cicero thoroughly, in spite of the fellows who lecture at Amsterdam. But hold down your ambition for to-day, do you hear? Other and more fitting times will come for you to exercise your art. Licht. Why, we're the closest friends! You have nothing to fear from me. Adam. For, at the proper time, you remember, even the great Demosthenes was silent. Follow the master now. And though I am no king of Macedon, I show gratitude in my own way. Licht. But why are you so suspicious? Have I ever Adam. True, true! Only remember, not everything will bear the light of day. It was only a jest. Is there any reason why a judge must always be as grave as a polar bear? |