§§ 113, 114]

Stop Whining.

93

puts them into Complaints and Bawling. This few Children avoid: For it being the first and natural Way to declare their Sufferings or Wants, before they can speak, the Compassion that is thought due to that tender Age foolishly encourages, and continues it in them long after they can 5 speak. 'Tis the Duty, I confess, of those about Children, to compassionate them, whenever they suffer any Hurt; but not to shew it in pitying them. Help and ease them the best you can, but by no means bemoan them. This softens their Minds, and makes them yield to the little 10 Harms that happen to them; whereby they sink deeper into that Part which alone feels, and makes larger Wounds there, than otherwise they would. They should be harden'd against all Sufferings, especially of the Body, and have no Tenderness but what rises from an ingenuous 15 Shame, and a quick Sense of Reputation. The many Inconveniences this Life is expos'd to, require we should not be too sensible of every little Hurt. What our Minds yield not to, makes but a slight Impression, and does us but very little Harm. 'Tis the suffering of our Spirits that 20 gives and continues the Pain. This Brawniness and Insensibility of Mind, is the best Armour we can have against the common Evils and Accidents of Life; and being a Temper that is to be got by Exercise and Custom, more than any other way, the Practice of it should be begun 25 betimes; and happy is he that is taught it early. That Effeminacy of Spirit, which is to be prevented or cured, as nothing that I know so much increases in Children as Crying; so nothing, on the other Side, so much checks and restrains, as their being hinder'd from that sort of 30 complaining. In the little Harms they suffer from Knocks and Falls, they should not be pitied for falling, but bid do so again; which besides that it stops their Crying, is a better Way to cure their Heedlessness, and prevent their tumbling another Time, than either chiding or bemoaning 35 them. But, let the Hurts they receive be what they will, stop their Crying, and that will give them more Quiet and Ease at present, and harden them for the future.

§ 114. The former sort of Crying requires Severity to silence it; and where a Look, or a positive Command will 40 not do it, Blows must: For it proceeding from Pride, Obsti

94

Cases of Fool-hardiness.

[SS 114, 115 nacy, and Stomach, the Will, where the Fault lies, must be bent, and made to comply, by a Rigour sufficient to master it. But this latter being ordinarily from Softness of Mind, a quite contrary Cause, ought to be treated with a gentler 5 Hand. Persuasion, or diverting the Thoughts another Way, or Laughing at their Whining, may perhaps be at first the proper Method: But for this, the Circumstances of the Thing, and the particular Temper of the Child, must be considered. No certain unvariable Rules can be given 10 about it; but it must be left to the Prudence of the Parents or Tutor. But this, I think, I may say in general, that there should be a constant discountenancing of this sort of Crying also; and that the Father, by his Authority, should always stop it, mixing a greater Degree of Roughness in his Looks 15 or Words, proportionably as the Child is of a greater Age, or a sturdier Temper: But always let it be enough to silence their Whimpering, and put an end to the Disorder.

20

$ 115.

Fool-hardi

ness.

Cowardice and Courage are so nearly related to the foremention'd Tempers, that it may not be amiss here to take Notice of them. Fear is a Passion that, if rightly governed, has its Use. And though Self-love seldom fails to keep it watchful and high enough in us, yet there may be an Excess on the daring Side; Fool-hardiness and Insensibility of Danger 25 being as little reasonable, as trembling and shrinking at the Approach of every little Evil. Fear was given us as a Monitor to quicken our Industry, and keep us upon our Guard against the Approaches of Evil; and therefore to have no Apprehension of Mischief at Hand, not to make a 30 just Estimate of the Danger, but heedlessly to run into it, be the Hazard what it will, without considering of what Use or Consequence it may be, is not the Resolution of a rational Creature, but brutish Fury. Those who have Children of this Temper, have nothing to do, but a little to 35 awaken their Reason, which Self-preservation will quickly dispose them to hearken to, unless (which is usually the Case) some other Passion hurries them on head-long, without Sense and without Consideration. A Dislike of Evil is so natural to Mankind, that no body, I think, can be with40 out Fear of it: Fear being nothing but an Uneasiness under the Apprehension of that coming upon us, which we dislike.

§ 115]

True Courage.

95

And therefore, whenever any one runs into Danger, we may say, 'tis under the Conduct of Ignorance, or the Command of some more imperious Passion, no body being so much an Enemy to himself, as to come within the Reach of Evil, out of free Choice, and court Danger for Danger's sake. If it 5 be therefore Pride, Vain-glory, or Rage, that silences a Child's Fear, or makes him not hearken to its Advice, those are by fit Means to be abated, that a little Consideration may allay his Heat, and make him bethink himself, whether this Attempt be worth the Venture. But this being a Fault 10 that Children are not so often guilty of, I shall not be more particular in its Cure. Weakness of Spirit is the more common Defect, and therefore will require the greater Care. Fortitude is the Guard and Support of the other Virtues; and without Courage a Man will scarce keep steady to his Duty, and fill up the Character of a truly worthy Man.

Fortitude.

15

Courage, that makes us bear up against Dangers that we fear and Evils that we feel, is of great Use Courage. in an Estate, as ours is in this Life, expos'd to Assaults on all hands: And therefore it is very advisable to get Children into this Armour as early as we can. Natural Temper, I confess, does here a great deal: But even where that is defective, and the Heart is in it self weak and timorous, it may, by a right Management, be brought to a better 25 Resolution. What is to be done to prevent breaking Children's Spirits by frightful Apprehensions instill'd into them when young, or bemoaning themselves under every little Suffering, I have already taken notice; how to harden their Tempers, and raise their Courage, if we find them too much subject to 30 Fear, is farther to be consider'd.

True Fortitude, I take to be the quiet Possession of a Man's self, and an undisturb'd doing his Duty, whatever Evil besets, or Danger lies in his Way. This there are so few Men attain to, that we are not to expect it from Chil- 35 dren. But yet something may be done: And a wise Conduct by insensible Degrees may carry them farther than one expects.

The neglect of this great Care of them, whilst they are young, is the Reason, perhaps, why there are so few that 40 have this Virtue in its full Latitude when they are Men.

I should not say this in a Nation so naturally brave, as ours is, did I think that true Fortitude required nothing but Courage in the Field, and a Contempt of Life in the Face of an Enemy. This, I confess, is not the least part of it, 5 nor can be denied the Laurels and Honours always justly due to the Valour of those who venture their Lives for their Country. But yet this is not all. Dangers attack us in other Places besides the Field of Battle; and though Death be the King of Terrors, yet Pain, Disgrace and Poverty, 10 have frightful Looks, able to discompose most Men whom they seem ready to seize on: And there are those who contemn some of these, and yet are heartily frighted with the other. True Fortitude is prepar'd for Dangers of all kinds, and unmoved, whatsoever Evil it be that threatens. I do 15 not mean unmoved with any Fear at all. Where Danger shews it self, Apprehension cannot, without Stupidity, be wanting: Where Danger is, Sense of Danger should be; and so much Fear as should keep us awake, and excite our Attention, Industry, and Vigour; but not disturb the calm Use of 20 our Reason, nor hinder the Execution of what that dictates. The first Step to get this noble and manly Steadiness, is, what I have above mentioned, carefully to keep Cowardice. Children from Frights of all kinds, when they are young. Let not any fearful Apprehensions be talk'd 25 into them, nor terrible Objects surprize them. This often so shatters and discomposes the Spirits, that they never recover it again; but during their whole Life, upon the first Suggestion or Appearance of any terrifying Idea, are scatter'd and confounded; the Body is enervated, and the Mind 30 disturb'd, and the Man scarce himself, or capable of any composed or rational Action. Whether this be from an habitual Motion of the animal Spirits, introduc'd by the first strong Impression, or from the Alteration of the Constitution by some more unaccountable way, this is certain, that so it is. Instances of such who in a weak timorous Mind, have borne, all their whole Lives through, the Effects of a Fright when they were young, are every where to be seen, and therefore as much as may be to be prevented.

35

But

The next thing is by gentle Degrees to accustom 40 Children to those things, they are too much afraid of. here great Caution is to be used, that you do not make too

§ 115]

What is Fear?

97

much Haste, nor attempt this Cure too early, for fear lest you increase the Mischief instead of remedying it. Little ones in Arms may be easily kept out of the way of terrifying Objects, and till they can talk and understand what is said to them, are scarce capable of that Reasoning and Dis- 5 course which should be used to let them know there is no harm in those frightful Objects, which we would make them familiar with, and do, to that Purpose by gentle Degrees bring nearer and nearer to them. And therefore 'tis seldom there is need of any Application to them of this kind, till 10 after they can run about and talk. But yet, if it should happen that Infants should have taken Offence at any thing which cannot be easily kept out of their way, and that they shew Marks of Terror as often as it comes in sight; all the Allays of Fright, by diverting their Thoughts, or mixing 15 pleasant and agreeable Appearances with it, must be used, till it be grown familiar and inoffensive to them.

I think we may observe, That, when Children are first born, all Objects of Sight that do not hurt the Eyes, are indifferent to them; and they are no more afraid of a 20 Blackamoor or a Lion, than of their Nurse or a Cat. What is it then, that afterwards, in certain Mixtures of Shape and Colour, comes to affright them? Nothing but the Apprehensions of Harm that accompanies those things. Did a Child suck every Day a new Nurse, I make account it 25 would be no more affrighted with the change of Faces at six Months old, than at sixty. The Reason then why it will not come to a Stranger, is, because having been accustomed to receive its Food and kind Usage only from one or two that are about it, the Child apprehends, by coming into the 30 Arms of a Stranger, the being taken from what delights and feeds it and every Moment supplies its Wants, which it often feels, and therefore fears when the Nurse is away.

The only thing we naturally are afraid of is Pain, or Loss of Pleasure. And because these are Timorousness. 35 not annexed to any Shape, Colour, or Size of visible Objects, we are frighted with none of them, till either we have felt Pain from them, or have Notions put into us that they will do us Harm. The pleasant Brightness and Lustre of Flame and Fire so delights Children, that at first 40 they always desire to be handling of it: But when constant