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here, do you there: interest of both sides, few words, flat, done and done, and it's over. Sir W. A thought strikes me. (Aside.) Now you mention Sir William Honeywood, madam; and as he seems, sir, an acquaintance of yours, you'll be glad to hear he's arrived from Italy. I had it from a friend who knows 110 him as well as he does me, and you may depend on my information.

Lofty. (Aside.) The devil he is! . . .

Sir W. He is certainly returned; and, as this gentleman is a friend of yours, he can be of signal service to us, by introducing me to him: there are some papers relative to your affairs that require dispatch and his inspection.

Miss R. This gentleman, Mr Lofty, is a 120 person employed in my affairs: I know you will serve us.

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Lofty. My dear madam, I live but to serve you. Sir William shall even wait upon him, if you think proper to command it.

Sir W. That will be quite unnecessary. Lofty. Well, we must introduce you, then. Call upon me - let me see-ay, in two days.

Sir W. Now, or the opportunity will be lost for ever.

Lofty. Well, if it must be now, now let it be. But, hang it, that's unfortunate; my Lord Grig's cursed Pensacola business comes on this very hour, and I'm engaged to attendanother time

Sir W. A short letter to Sir William will do.

Lofty. You shall have it; yet, in my opinion, a letter is a very bad way of going 140 to work; face to face, that's my way.

Sir W. The letter, sir, will do quite as well.

Lofty. Zounds! sir, do you pretend to direct me in the business of office? Do you know me, sir? Who am I?

Miss R. Dear Mr Lofty, this request is not so much his as mine, if my commands-but you despise my power.

Lofty. Delicate creature! your commands 150 could even control a debate at midnight: to a power so constitutional, I am all obedience and tranquillity. He shall have a letter: where is my secretary? Dubardieu! And yet, I protest I don't like this way of doing business. I think if I spoke first to Sir William.-But you will have it so. [Exit with Miss R. Sir W. Ha, ha! This is one of my nephew's hopeful associates. Oh, vanity! thou constant deceiver, how do all thy efforts 160 to exalt serve but to sink us! . . . I'm not

displeased at this interview: exposing this fellow's impudence to the contempt it deserves may be of use to my design :-at least, if he can reflect, it will be of use to himself.

III.-ACT V.

An Inn.

Sir WM. HONEYWOOD, Miss RICHLAND, CROAKER, HONEYWOOD.

Enter LOFTY.

Lofty. Is the coast clear? None but friends. I have followed you here with a trifling piece of intelligence; but it goes no further; things are not yet ripe for a discovery. I have spirits working at a certain board; your affair at the Treasury will be done in less than-a thousand years. Mum!

Miss R. Sooner, sir, I should hope.

Lofty. Why, yes, I believe it may, if it falls into proper hands, that know where to push and where to parry; that know how the land lies-eh, Honeywood?

Miss R. It has fallen into yours.

Lofty. Well, to keep you no longer in suspense, your thing is done. It is done, I say-that's all. I have just had assurances from Lord Neverout, that the claim has been examined, and found admissible. Quietus is the word, madam.

Miss R. But how? His lordship has been at 2 Newmarket these ten days.

Lofty. Indeed! then Sir Gilbert Goose must have been most confoundedly mistaken. I had it of him.

Miss R. He? Why, Sir Gilbert and his family have been in the country this

month.

I

Lofty. This month? It must certainly be so. Sir Gilbert's letter did come to me from Newmarket, so that he must have met his 31 lordship there; and, so it came about. have his letter about me; I'll read it to you. (Taking out a large bundle.) That's from Paoli of Corsica; that from the Marquis of Squilachi-Have you a mind to see a letter from Count Poniatowski, now King of Poland? Honest Pon- (Searching.) (To Sir W.) Oh, sir, what, are you here, too? I'll tell you what, honest friend, if you have not absolutely delivered my letter to Sir William Honeywood, 40 you may return it. The thing will do without him.

Sir W. Sir, I have delivered it; and must inform you it was received with the most mortifying contempt. . . . Yes, sir; I believe you'll be amazed, if, after waiting some time in the ante-chamber, after being surveyed with insolent curiosity by the passing servants, I was at last assured that Sir William Honeywood knew no such person, and I must certainly have been imposed upon.

Ha!

Lofty. Good! let me die; very good. ha! ha!... Why, I was in the house at that very time. Ha ha! It was I that sent that very answer to my own letter. Ha! ha!

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Crea. Indeed! How?-why?

Lofty. In one word, things between Sir William and me must be behind the curtain. A party has many eyes. He sides with Lord Buzzard, I side with Sir Gilbert Goose. So that unriddles the mystery.

Crea. And so it does, indeed, and all suspicions are over.

Lofty. Suspicions! What, then, you have been suspecting, you have been suspecting, have you?

Croa. Pray, sir, don't be discomposed. Lofty. Zounds! sir, but I am discomposed, and will be discomposed. To be treated thus! Who am I? Was it for this I have been dreaded both by ins and outs? Have I been libelled in the Gazetteer, and praised in the St James's? Have I been chaired at Wildman's, and a speaker at Merchant-tailors' Hall? Have I had my hand to addresses, and my head in the print-shops, and talk to me of suspects!

Crea. My dear sir, be pacified. What can you have but asking pardon?

Lofty. Sir, I will not be pacified! Suspects! Who am I? To be used thus! Have I paid court to men in favour to serve my friends, the lords of the Treasury, Sir William Honeywood, and the rest of the gang, and talk to me of suspects? Who am I, I say; who am I?

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window.

Croa. What, Mr Importance, and are these your works? Suspect you! You who have been dreaded by the ins and outs; you who have had your hand to addresses, and your head stuck up in print-shops! If you were served right, you should have your head stuck up in a pillory.

Lofty. Ay, stick it where you will; for, by the Lord, it cuts but a very poor figure where 110 it sticks at present. I now begin to find that the man who first invented the art of speaking truth was a much cunninger fellow than I thought him. And I design to speak truth So now, if any of the company has a mind for preferment, he may take my place: I'm determined to resign.

for the future.

[Exit.

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LADY RANDOLPH, LORD RANDOLPH, NORVAL.

Lady R. What means this clamour?
Stranger, speak secure:

Hast thou been wronged? Have these rude
men presumed

To vex the weary traveller on his way?

Lady R. Not vain the stranger's fears! how fares my lord?

Lord R. That it fares well, thanks to this gallant youth,

Whose valour saved me from a wretched death! As down the winding dale I walked alone, At the cross way, four armed men attacked me; Rovers, I judge, from the licentious camp, to Who would have quickly laid Lord Randolph low,

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IIad not this brave and generous stranger come,

Like my good angel in the hour of fate,
And, mocking danger, made my foes his

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Whom call the saviour of Lord Randolph's | Journeying with this intent, I passed these life?

Lord R. I asked that question, and he answered not:

But I must know who my deliverer is.

(To Norval).

Norv. A low born man, of parentage obscure,

Who nought can boast but his desire to be
A soldier, and to gain a name in arms.

Lord R. Who'er thou art, thy spirit is ennobled

By the great King of kings! thou art ordained
And stamped a hero by the sovereign hand
Of nature! Blush not, flower of modesty
As well as valour, to declare thy birth.

Norv. My name is Norval: on the Grampian hills

My father feeds his flocks; a frugal swain,
Whose constant cares were to increase his store,
And keep his only son, myself, at home.
For I had heard of battles, and I longed
To follow to the field some warlike lord;
And heav'n soon granted what my sire denied.
This moon which rose last night, round as my
shield,

Had not yet filled her horns, when, by her light,

A band of fierce barbarians from the hills
Rushed like a torrent down upon the vale.
Sweeping our flocks and herds.

herds fled

The shep

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towers,

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The chosen warriors of thy native land,
Who languish for the fight, and beat the air
With brandished swords.

Norv. Let us begone, my lord.

Lord R. (To Lady R.) About the time that the declining sun

Shall his broad orbit o'er yon hills suspend,
Expect us to return. This night once more
Within these walls I rest; my tent I pitch
To-morrow in the field. Prepare the feast!
Free is his heart who for his country fights.
He in the eve of battle may resign
Himself to social pleasure; sweetest then,
When danger to a soldier's soul endears
The human joy that never may return.

[Exeunt,

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THOMAS HOOD

(1798-1845)

THE ABSTRACTION

QUICKSET, THICKSET, LANDLORD, OSTLER,

POSTILLION.

Quickset. I tell you, Thomas, you are a flat. Before you've been a day in London they'll have the teeth out of your very head. As for me, I've been there twice, and know what's what. Take my advice. Never tell the truth on no account. Questions is only asked by way of pumping, and you ought always to put 'em on a wrong scent.

Thickset. But Aunt is to send her man to meet me at the Old Bailey, and to show me to her house. Now if a strange man says to me, 'Young man, are you Jacob Giles?' ain't I to tell him?

Quickset. By no manner of means; say you are quite another man. No one but a flat would tell his name to a stranger about London. You see how I answered them last night about what was in the waggon. 'Brooms!' says I, 'nothing else.' A flat would have told them there was the honey-pots underneath; but I've been to London before, and know a thing or two.

Thickset. London must be a desperate place! Quickset. Mortal! fobs and pockets are nothing! Your watch is hardly safe if you carried it in your inside, and as for money

Thickset. I'm almost sorry I left Berkshire. Quickset. Pooh-pooh! don't be afeard. I'll look after ye; cheat me, and they've only one more to cheat. Only mind my advice. Don't say anything of your own head, and don't object to anything I say. If I say black's white, don't contradict. Mark that. Say everything as I say.

Thickset. I understand what you mean.
[Exit THICKSET.

Thickset. (From behind.) Hullo! it's all gone!

Enter LANDLOrd, Ostler, POSTILLION, then THICKset.

Landlord. In the name of everything, what's the matter?

Thickset. It's gone-all gone, by goles! Quickset. You don't mean to say the honeypots!

Thickset. I don't mean to say the honeypots.

Quickset. What made you screech out, then? Thickset. What made me screech out, then? Landlord. The fellow's drunk; the ale's got into his head!

Quickset. Ale?-what ale has he had? Thickset. Ale? what ale have I had? Quickset. He's not drunk; there's something the matter.

Thickset. I'm not drunk; there is somethir.g the matter. (Pointing to the waggon.)

Quickset. You don't mean to say the honey? Thickset. I don't mean to say the honey.

[Exit QUICKSET: he is heard shouting behind the scenes.

Re-enter QUICKSET.

Quickset. Yes, Mr Bush, it's gone. Landlord. What's gone?

Quickset. My honey's gone.

But it's no

matter. I won't lose it. The house must stand the damage. Mr Bush, I shall look to you for the money!

Thickset. He will look to you for the money.

Landlord. You may look till doomsday. It's all your own fault: I thought nobody would steal brooms. If you had told me there was honey, I would have put the waggon under lock and key.

Quickset and Thickset. Why, there was honey.

Landlord. I don't know that; you said last night in the kitchen there was nothing but brooms.

Ostler. I heard him; I'll take my oath to his very words.

Postillion. And so will I.

Quickset. What of that? I know I said there was nothing but brooms.

Thickset. I know, I'm positive he said there was nothing but brooms.

Ostler. He confesses it himself.
Postillion. And his own man speaks agin

him.

Ostler. I see the waggon when it come in, and it didn't seem to have any honey in it. Postillion. Maybe the flies have eaten it. Ostler. I've seen two chaps the very moral of them two at the bar of the Old Bailey. Landlord. It's a swindle, it is, and I sha'n't pay a farthing.

Postillion. They deserve tossing in a blanket. Ostler. Duck 'em in the horsepond.

Thickset. (To Quickset.) I think they are making themselves up for mischief. You've been to London before, and to be sure know best; but somehow, to my mind, the telling the untruth don't seem to answer.

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BEN JONSON
(1574-1637)

EVERY MAN IN HIS HUMOUR

I.-ACT I.-Scene 1.

MASTER STEPHEN, BRAINWORM. Enter MASTER STEPHEN and BRAINWORM.

Step. Oh, Brainworm! didst thou not see a fellow here in a what-sha'-call-him doublet?. Brain. Yes, Master Stephen, what of him? Step. Oh, I ha' such a mind to beat himwhere is he? canst thou tell?

Brain. Faith! he is not of that mind: he is gone, Master Stephen.

Step. Gone! Which way? When went he? How long since?

Brain. He is rid hence. the street-door.

He took horse at

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Brain. Why, a fine wisp of hay, rolled hard, Master Stephen.

Step. No, faith! it's no boot to follow him now let him e'en go and hang. How dost thou like my leg, Brainworm?

Brain. A very good leg, Master Stephen; but the woollen stocking does not commend it so well.

Step. Foh! the stockings be good enough, now summer is coming on, for the dust: I'll have a pair of silk against the winter, that I go to dwell i' the town. I think my leg would show in a silk hose.

Brain. Believe me, Master Stephen, rarely well.

Step. In sadness, I think it would; I have a reasonable good leg.

Brain. You have an excellent good leg, Master Stephen; but I cannot stay to praise it longer now; I am very sorry for't.

[Exit.

Step. Another time will serve, Brainworm,

40 Gramercy, for this.

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Young K. How now, Cousin Stephen, melancholy?

Step. Yes, a little. I thought you had laughed at me, cousin.

Young K. Why, what an I had, coz, what would you ha' done?

Step. By this light, I would ha' told mine uncle.

Young K. Nay, if you would ha' told your uncle, I did laugh at you, coz.

Step. Did you, indeed? Young K. Yes, indeed. Step. Why, then

Young K. What then?

Step. I am satisfied; it is sufficient. Young K. Why, be so, gentle coz. Come, come, wrong not the quality of your desert with looking downward, coz; but hold up your head so; and let the idea of what you are be pourtrayed i' your face, that men may read i' your physiognomy,-'here, within this place, is to be seen, the true and accomplished monster,' or 'miracle of nature,' which is all one. What think you of this, coz?

Step. Why, I do think of it; and I will be more proud, and melancholy, and gentlemanlike, than I have been, I'll assure you.

Young K. Why, that's resolute, Master Stephen! (Aside.) Now, if I can but hold him up to his height, as it is happily begun, it will do well. Come, coz.

Step. I'll follow you.

Young K. Follow me! you must go before. Step. Nay, an I must, I will. Pray you, show me, good cousin. [Exeunt.

II. ACT I.-Scene 2.

A Room in Cob's House.

CAPTAIN BOBADIL discovered upon a bench.

Enter TIB.

Capt. B. Hostess, hostess!

Tib. What say you, sir?

Capt. B. A cup o' thy small beer, sweet hostess.

Tib. Sir, there's a gentleman below would speak with you.

t

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