where the ladies were. In short, to drop all metaphor and figure, Mrs. Honour, having scolded violently below stairs, and continued the same all the way up, came in to her mistress in a most outrageous passion, crying out, 'What doth your ladyship think? Would you imagine, that this ' impudent villain, the master of this house, hath had the impudence to tell me, nay, to stand it out to my face, that your ladyship is that nasty, stinking wh-re (Jenny Cameron they call her), 'that runs about the country with the Pretender? Nay, the lying, saucy villain, had the assurance to tell me, that your ladyship had owned your self to be so: but I have clawed the rascal; I have left the marks of my nails in his impudent 'face. My lady! says I, you saucy scoundrel: C my lady is meat for no pretenders. She is a < young lady of as good fashion, and family, and fortune, as any in Somersetshire. Did you < never hear of the great Squire Western, sirrah? She is his only daughter; she is and heir.

6 ess to all his great estate. My lady to be called a nasty Scotch wh-e by such a varlet-To be 6 sure, I wish I had knocked his brains out with the punch-bowl.'

The principal uneasiness with which Sophia was affected on this occasion, Honour had herself caused, by having in her passion discovered who she was. However, as this mistake of the landlord sufficiently accounted for those passages which Sophia had before mistaken, she acquired some ease on that account; nor could she, upon the whole, forbear smiling. This enraged Honour, and she cried,Indeed, madam, I did not think 6 your ladyship would have made a laughing mat

ter of it. To be called whore by such an im'pudent low rascal. Your ladyship may be an

< gry with me, for aught I know, for taking your C part, since proffered service, they say, stinks; but to be sure I could never bear to hear a lady ' of mine called whore-Nor will I bear it. I am sure your ladyship is as virtuous a lady as ever sat foot on English ground, and I will claw villain's eyes out who dares for to offer to presume for to say the least word to the contrary. Nobody ever could say the least ill of the character of any lady that ever I waited upon.'

any

Hinc illa lachrymæ; in plain truth, Honour had as much love for her mistress as most servants have; that is to say-But besides this, her pride obliged her to support the character of the lady she waited on; for she thought her own was in a very close manner connected with it. In proportion as the character of her mistress was raised, her's, likewise, as she conceived, was raised with it; and, on the contrary, she thought the one could not be lowered without the other.

On this subject, reader, I must stop a moment, to tell thee a story. The famous Nell Gwynn, stepping one day from a house, where she had ❝ made a short visit, into her coach, saw a great 'mob assembled, and her footman all bloody and dirty the fellow being asked by his mistres the reason of his being in that condition, answered, I have been fighting, madam, with < an impudent rascal who called your ladyship a wh-re.'- 'You blockhead,' replied Mrs. Gwynn, at this rate you must fight every < day of your life; why, you fool, all the world knows it.'-' Do they?' cries the fellow, in a muttering voice, after he had shut the coachcoor, they shan't call me a whore's footman for all that.'

Thus the passion of Mrs. Honour appears natural enough, even if it were to be no otherwise accounted for; but, in reality, there was another cause of her anger; for which we must beg leave to remind our reader of a circumstance mentioned in the above simile. There are, indeed, certain liquors, which, being applied to our passions, or to fire, produce effects the very reverse of those produced by water, as they serve to kindle and inflame, rather than to extinguish. Among these, the generous liquor called punch is one. It was not, therefore, without reason, that the learned Dr. Cheney used to call drink, ing punch, pouring liquid fire down your throat.

Now, Mrs. Honou had unluckily poured so much of this liquid fire down her throat, that the smoke of it began to ascend into her pericranium, and blinded the eyes of reason, which is there supposed to keep her residence, while the fire itself from the stomach easily reached the heart, and there inflamed the noble passion of pride. So that, upon the whole, we shall cease to wonder at the violent rage of the waiting-woman; though at first sight we must confess the cause scems inadequate to the effect.

Sophia and her cousin both did all in their power to extinguish these flames, which had roared so loudly all over the house. They at length prevailed; or, to carry the metaphor one step far ther, the fire having consumed all the fuel which the language affords, to wit, every reproachful term in it, at last went out of its own accord.

But though tranquillity was restored above stairs, it was not so below; where my landlady, highly resenting the injury done to the beauty of her husband, by the flesh-spades of Mrs. Honour, called aloud for revenge and justice. As to the

bands and fathers, over the young and lovely of the other sex, as ever knight-errant was to the barbarous power of enchanters: nay, to say truth, I have often suspected that those very en chanters with which romance every where abounds, were, in reality, no other than the husbands of those days; and matrimony itself was, perhaps, the enchanted castle in which the nymphs were said to be confined.

This nobleman had an estate in the neighbourhood of Fitzpatrick, and had been for some time acquainted with the lady. No sooner, therefore, did he hear of her confinement, than he earnestly applied himself to procure her liberty; which he presently effected, not by storming the castle, according to the example of ancient heroes; but by corrupting the governor, in conformity with the modern art of war; in which craft is held to be preferable to valour, and gold is found to be more irresistible than either lead or steel.

This circumstance, however, as the lady did not think it material enough to relate to her friend, we would not at that time impart it to the reader. We rather chose to leave him a while under a supposition, that she had found, or coined, or, by some very extraordinary, perhaps su❤ pernatural, means, had possessed herself of the money with which she had bribed her keeper, than to interrupt her narrative by giving a hint of what seemed to her of too little importance to be mentioned.

The peer, after a short conversation, could not forbear expressing some surprise at meeting the lady in that place; nor could he refrain from telling her, he imagined she had been gone to Bath. Mrs. Fitzpatrick very freely answered,

That she had been prevented in her purpose by the arrival of a person she need not mention. In short,' says she, I was overtaken by my husband (for I need not affect to conceal what the world knows too well already). I had the good fortune to escape in a most surprising manner, and am now going to London with this young lady, who is a near relation of mine, and who hath escaped from as great a tyrant as my ' own.'

His lordship, concluding that this tyrant was likewise a husband, made a speech full of com. pliments to both the ladies, and as full of invectives against his own sex; nor, indeed, did he avoid some oblique glances at the matrimonial institution itself, and at the unjust powers given by it to man over the more sensible, and more me. ritorious part of the species. He ended his oration with an offer of his protection, and of his coach and six, which was instantly accepted by Mrs. Fitzpatrick, and, at last, upon her persuasions, by Sophia.

Matters being thus adjusted, his lordship took his leave, and the ladies retired to rest, where Mrs. Fitzpatrick entertained her cousin with many high encomiums on the character of the noble peer, and enlarged very particularly on his great fondness for his wife; saying, she believed he was almost the only person of high rank, who was entirely constant to the marriage-bed. In' deed,' added she, my dear Sophy, that is a very rare virtue amongst men of condition. Never expect it when you marry; for, be lieve me, if you do, you will certainly be de 'ceived.'

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A gentle sigh stole from Sophia at these words, which perhaps contributed to form a dream of ne