Were laid away in some great trance-the ages Coming and going all the while-till dawned
His true time's advent; and could then record The words they spoke who kept watch by his bed,- Then I might tell more of the breath so light Upon my eyelids, and the fingers light
Among my hair. Youth is confused; yet never So dull was I but, when that spirit passed, I turned to him, scarce consciously, as turns A water-snake when fairies cross his sleep. And having this within me and about me While Einsiedeln, its mountains, lakes and woods Confined me-what oppressive joy was mine When life grew plain, and I first viewed the thronged, The everlasting concourse of mankind!
Believe that ere I joined them, ere I knew The purpose of the pageant, or the place Consigned me in its ranks-while, just awake, Wonder was freshest and delight most pure- "T was then that least supportable appeared A station with the brightest of the crowd, A portion with the proudest of them all. And from the tumult in my breast, this only Could I collect, that I must thenceforth die Or elevate myself far, far above
The gorgeous spectacle. I seemed to long
At once to trample on, yet save mankind, To make some unexampled sacrifice
In their behalf, to wring some wondrous good From heaven or earth for them, to perish, winning Eternal weal in the act: as who should dare Pluck out the angry thunder from its cloud, That, all its gathered flame discharged on him, No storm might threaten summer's azure sleep: Yet never to be mixed with men so much As to have part even in my own work, share In my own largess. Once the feat achieved, I would withdraw from their officious praise, Would gently put aside their profuse thanks. Like some knight traversing a wilderness, Who, on his way, may chance to free a tribe Of desert-people from their dragon-foe; When all the swarthy race press round to kiss His feet, and choose him for their king, and yield Their poor tents, pitched among the sand-hills, for His realm and he points, smiling, to his scarf Heavy with riveled gold, his burgonet
Gay set with twinkling stones-and to the East, Where these must be displayed!
No more about your nature, "which first shrank "From all that marked you out apart from men!"
Paracelsus. I touch on that; these words but analyse The first mad impulse: 't was as brief as fond, For as I gazed again upon the show,
I soon distinguished here and there a shape Palm-wreathed and radiant, forehead and full eye. Well pleased was I their state should thus at once Interpret my own thoughts :-" Behold the clue "To all," I rashly said, "and what I pine "To do, these have accomplished: we are peers. "They know and therefore rule: I, too, will know!" You were beside me, Festus, as you say;
You saw me plunge in their pursuits whom fame
Is lavish to attest the lords of mind,
Not pausing to make sure the prize in view Would satiate my cravings when obtained, But since they strove I strove. Then came a slow And strangling failure. We aspired alike, Yet not the meanest plodder, Tritheim counts A marvel, but was all-sufficient, strong, Or staggered only at his own vast wits; While I was restless, nothing satisfied, Distrustful, most perplexed. I would slur over That struggle; suffice it, that I loathed myself As weak compared with them, yet felt somehow A mighty power was brooding, taking shape Within me; and this lasted till one night
When, as I sat revolving it and more,
A still voice from without said-" Seest thou not, "Desponding child, whence spring defeat and loss? "Even from thy strength. Consider: hast thou gazed "Presumptuously on wisdom's countenance,
"No veil between; and can thy faltering hands, "Unguided by the brain the sight absorbs,
"Pursue their task as earnest blinkers do
"Whom radiance ne'er distracted? Live their life
"If thou wouldst share their fortune, choose their eyes "Unfed by splendour.
"In profitless waiting for the gods' descent, "But have some idol of thine own to dress
"With their array. Know, not for knowing's sake, "But to become a star to men for ever;
"Know, for the gain it gets, the praise it brings,
"The wonder it inspires, the love it breeds : "Look one step onward, and secure that step!" And I smiled as one never smiles but once, Then first discovering my own aim's extent, Which sought to comprehend the works of God, And God himself, and all God's intercourse With the human mind; I understood, no less, My fellows' studies, whose true worth I saw, But smiled not, well aware who stood by me.
And softer came the voice-"There is a way: ""T is hard for flesh to tread therein, imbued "With frailty-hopeless, if indulgence first "Have ripened inborn germs of sin to strength : "Wilt thou adventure for my sake and man's,
Apart from all reward?" And last it breathed"Be happy, my good soldier; I am by thee, "Be sure, even to the end! -I answered not, Knowing him. As he spoke, I was endued With comprehension and a steadfast will;
And when he ceased, my brow was sealed his own. If there took place no special change in me, How comes it all things wore a different hue Thenceforward?-pregnant with vast consequence, Teeming with grand result, loaded with fate? So that when, quailing at the mighty range Of secret truths which yearn for birth, I haste To contemplate undazzled some one truth, Its bearings and effects alone-at once What was a speck expands into a star, Asking a life to pass exploring thus, Till I near craze. I go to prove my soul! I see my way as birds their trackless way. I shall arrive! what time, what circuit first, I ask not: but unless God send his hail Or blinding fireballs, sleet or stifling snow,
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