authority, that in consequence of this accidental longevity, eggs have risen ninety per cent. in the small town of Wells, in North America, where the old lady was born and died.

AN ANCHOVY TOAST.

TAKE six or seven anchovies, and after boning and skinning them, pound them in a marble mortar, with half an ounce of butter, so as to make the mass of an uniform colour. Spread upon narrow pieces of toasted bread; or it may be sent up in the form of a Sandwich.

OBS.

THIS Savoury toast is sufficient to quiet a craving stomach at noon,

chicken, or cold beef.

without the aid of ham, "Woe unto thee, O

Land, when thy Princes eat in the morning." Archæus complains, that the innovation of eating meat between meals gives him an intolerable degree of trouble, as it takes up the time that he could better employ in his other important duties.

Van Helmont gave the name of Archæus to a spirit that he supposed existed in the body, for the purpose of regulating and keeping in order the innu

merable glands, ducts, and vessels; and though this spirit visits every part, his chief post is at the upper orifice of the stomach, where he acts the part of a custom-house officer, allowing nothing to pass unexamined that, by the law of nature, has the appearance of being contraband. This part of his duty being only required during meal-times, the remaining part of the twenty-four hours (for he never sleeps) is employed in rubbing, scrubbing, and repairing the waste of the body occasioned by the continual friction of the fluids against the sides of the containing vessels. For this last purpose, and an important one it is, he is supposed to select from the chyle such particles as he may stand in need of; but as he may sometimes be in want of one kind more than of another, he very judiciously obtains it by bringing on a longing for a particular kind of food. For example, when the internal coat of the intestines is abraded by a Diarrhoea or Dysentery, a longing is brought on for fried tripe with melted butter, as containing the greatest quantity of materials proper for the repair of bowels so disordered. To this circumstance, modern

physicians do not sufficiently attend, neither are they sufficiently awake to the necessity of prescribing a diet for persons in health, whose chyle should be of a nature for supplying Archæus with general materials without compelling him to call for them. The folly, therefore, of keeping to one kind of diet, whether high or low, is abundantly evident, as in that case, Archæus must sometimes be overstocked with materials that he may have no occasion for, and be in want of such as his office may stand in need of And here it will be necessary to remark, for the information of medical men, that a microscopical examination of the chyle of different men, made after sudden deaths, has proved to a demonstration, that the chyle of the human body contains different shaped particles, round, oval, long, square, angular, kidney-shaped, heart-shaped, &c. varying according to the food taken in. In consequence of this important discovery, the practitioner has only to direct such food as may contain the particles that Archæus may stand in need of. For example: Are the kidneys diseased? Then prescribe stews and broths, made

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of ox, deer, and sheeps' kidneys. Asthmas require dishes prepared from the lungs of sheep, deer, calves, hares, and lambs. Are the intestines diseased? Then prescribe tripe, boiled, fried, or fricasseed. When this practice has become general, Archæus will be enabled to remove every disease incident to the human body, by the assistance of the cook only. And as all persons, from the palace to the cottage, will receive the benefit of my discovery, I shall expect a Parliamentary reward, at least equal to what was given to Mrs. Stevens, Dr. Jenner, and Dr. Smyth. On the last revision of the College Dispensatory, among other things of less moment, such as ordering fomentations to be made with distilled water, the name of Archæus was changed into Anima Medica, as more expressive of a Maid Servant of all Work. With men of deep researches, I will not dispute the propriety of the alteration, as I conceive that such a violence. could not be done but after serious investigation.

In order to give my readers a more comprehensive idea of the government and powers of Archæus, I shall beg leave to present them with

the following Dialogue between him and Dr. Franklin, when in France, on the subject of the gout, which for sound sense exceeds all that has ever been written on that dreadful malady.

Dr. Franklin.

DIALOGUE.

Eh! Oh! Eh! what have I

done to merit these cruel sufferings?

Archaus. Enough, Enough: you have ate, and' drank too much, and over indulged those legs of yours in their indolence.

Dr. Franklin. Who is it that thus accuses me?

Archæus. It is I, even I, Archæus.

Dr. Franklin. What! my enemy in person!
Archæus. No! not your enemy.

Dr. Franklin. I repeat it, my enemy; for you would at once torment my body to death, and ruin my good reputation: you reproach me as a glutton and a drunkard; now all the world that knows me will allow that I am neither the one nor the other.

Archæus. The world, may think as it pleases: it is always very complaisant to itself, and some

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