Imágenes de páginas
PDF
EPUB

ON THE DUTIES INVOLVED IN THE CONJUGAL RELATION.

BY REV. HEMAN HUMPHREY, D. D.

PRIZE ARTICLE.

MARRIAGE is a Divine institution, the earliest but one on sacred record. First the Sabbath.

"And God rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made, and blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it."

Next marriage.

"And the Lord God said, It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a helpmeet for him. And he caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh thereof; and the rib made he a woman, and brought her to the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh."

"This is a great mystery," involving a oneness of affection, interest and aims, so endearing and inseparable, that it admits of no comparison with any other relation, save that which subsists between Christ and the church. Marriage is the stock, the root, from which all other human relations spring, and branch off into families, tribes and larger communities; each branch, in turn, taking root again, springing up a new stock and throwing off new shoots, like the great Banyan tree of India, which, in this manner, surrounds itself with successive generations.

Our present inquiry is, What duties are involved in the conjugal relation? We derive the answer from two sources; the constitution of the sexes and the Bible. By the constitution of the sexes, I mean those physical and mental endowments, which, while they are very different, clearly show that they were made for each other. And we must rightly understand and appreciate these constitutional differences, in order to decide what duties the conjugal relation involves; in other words, what is due from each to each.

In their physical organization, the difference between the two is extremely obvious. The man is much taller and stronger than the woman. His articulations are broader, his joints more closely "compacted

together," and his muscles larger and firmer. His whole frame "is fenced with bones and sinews," for rough and hard endurance.

Physically, the woman is "the weaker vessel." Though made of the same clay, her frame is of a more delicate and comely mould, slender, graceful, with a fairer countenance, a more sparkling eye, and a more winning smile. Of the first wedded pair in their innocence, and wherein they were unlike, and each was the complement of the other, let the prince of epic poets speak, in his immortal verse.

"Two of far nobler shape, erect and tall,
God-like erect, with native honor clad
In naked majesty, seemed lords of all,
And worthy seemed; for in their looks divine
The image of their glorious Maker shone.
* Though both

Not equal, as their sex not equal seemed;
For contemplation he and valor formed,
For softness she and sweet attractive grace.
He for God only, she for God in him.

His fair large front and eye sublime declared
Absolute rule; and hyacinthine locks
Round from his parted forelock manly hung
Clustering; but not beneath his shoulders broad;
She, as a veil, down to the slender waist,
Her unadorned golden tresses wore
Disheveled, but in wanton ringlets waved,
As the vine curls her tendril, which implied
Subjection, but required with gentle sway,
And by her yielded, by him best received.

*

So hand in hand they passed, the loveliest pair
That ever since in love's embraces met;

Adam the goodliest of men since born

His sons, the fairest of her daughters, Eve."

Alas! that such a God-like pair should ever have sinned and been driven forth from the blissful garden! The like to the parents of our race before they fell, will never more be joined in holy bands connubial. But amid the ruins of the fall, we see the same differences between the sexes, which the poet saw in "Paradise," before it was "lost." We see that, wherever they are united as husbands and wives, different classes of duties must devolve upon them. God has made them so. Their physical constitutions are in some respects so different, that, to secure connubial harmony, the man must keep within his own allotted sphere and the woman within hers, as each of

the planets must move in its own orbit, to preserve the balance of the solar system. The only way to keep the balance and maintain perfect harmony between them, is, for Jupiter and Venus to roll on in their respective celestial pathways. The smallest deviation in either would endanger the whole system. That the God of nature intended to assign different domestic spheres and different classes of duties to husbands and wives, is so strikingly manifest to the eye, in their physical unlikeness, that the blind alone can fail to see it.

But there have been innumerable juvenile debates upon the question, whether "the abilities of the sexes are equal;" some most gallantly affirming, and others as strenuously denying. If by equal is meant just alike, so that the intellectual powers and susceptibilities of the one are the exact counterparts of those of the other, then the disputants might just as well raise the question, whether they are physically equal, which no one pretends to maintain. As in their physical, so in their mental constitutions, they are, in many respects, very unlike. The words masculine and feminine very well express the difference. Man has a stronger mind than woman; more breadth and solidity of judgment; more penetration, and more patience in solving hard questions. He has more shrewdness and forecast in conducting all the great departments of out-door business than woman, and is better qualified to manage all public affairs. In these and other respects he is superior.

On the other hand, woman has quicker sensibilities and a warmer heart; more lively sympathies, a more refined taste, a more glowing imagination, more winning manner, truer affections, and more passive courage than man; and, in these respects, therefore, she is superior to him. Neither has anything to boast of over the other. Instead of coveting one another's gifts, in the marriage state, both have reason to be thankful that there is "no schism in the body," each possessing what is lacking in the other. The paradox, that the man is superior to the woman, and that, at the same time, the woman is superior to the man, is an indisputable fact. Taken both together, they possess those physical, social and mental endowments, which qualify them for the highest happiness in the conjugal state, and for the proper discharge of all the duties which it involves. There are, doubtless, exceptions to the general rule. Some women have stronger minds than most men, and are capable of managing any

branch of business, public or private, with more skill and success. But, as a general thing, the differences are such as I have stated. Man was made to till the ground, build cities, cut down wildernesses, navigate the seas, dig canals, make rail-roads, command armies, and sway senates. Woman was made for lighter, though not less arduous and responsible duties, namely, to look well to the ways of her house that nothing be mismanaged or lost, to preside over and bless the domestic circle, to make every apartment through which she moves radiant with her smiles, and, in fine, to discharge all the unostentatious duties of a good wife and mother. These constitutional qualifications for different classes of duties, are so obvious, that if we had no other guide, we might infer what the husband ought to be to the wife and the wife to the husband, with a good degree of

assurance.

But as neither husbands nor wives are perfect in this fallen state, God, foreseeing that they would be inclined to claim more and yield less than would be conducive to their highest happiness, has been pleased authoritatively to enjoin upon them their respective duties in the conjugal state; so that, in all questions which may arise between them, the Bible must be their ultimate appeal. Whatever conjugal duties the Scriptures, rightly understood, require, must be cheerfully performed. It is not left optional with the parties whether to obey or disobey. Having voluntarily entered into the marriage state, "necessity is laid upon them." As what God hath joined together no man may put asunder, so what he hath enjoined upon the parties they cannot neglect to perform.

The subject of conjugal duties is one on which the happiness, and I had almost said the salvation of the world depends; and in further discussing it, in the light of God's word, I shall follow the order indicated by the sacred writers, as nearly as I can, beginning with the duties of wives to their husbands.

[ocr errors]

The first of these is clearly laid down in the following passages:

"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the Head of the church, and he is the Saviour of the body. Wherefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be subject to their husbands in everything." Eph. 5: 22-24. "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, that if any obey not in word, they also may, without the word, be won by the conversation of the wives, while they behold your chaste conversation, coupled with fear. Whose adorning, let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of

putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is, in the sight of God, of great price. For after this manner, in the old time, the holy women, also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands; even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well and are not afraid with any amazement."-1 Pet. 8: 1-6.

Again:

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord."Col. 3: 18.

Subjection to their own husbands, on the part of wives, is, we see, the explicit injunction in each of these three passages of Scripture. Of course, however repulsively they may strike any one at the first glance, we "may not go beyond the words of the Lord to say less or more." All we have to do is to ascertain the nature and extent of the subjection or obedience which is here enjoined.

And it is obvious to remark, in the first place, negatively, the meaning cannot be, that wives are bound to obey their husbands in anything which is contrary to the word of God, and which their own consciences forbid their doing, or refusing to do. The headship of the husband over the wife is a subordinate authority, which, as we shall see when we come to treat of the duties of husbands, is limited by Him from whom that authority is derived. There is "a higher law," which she must obey whenever any human requirement conflicts with it. If a husband should require his wife to break any one of the ten commandments, she would not be bound to obey him; she would be bound not to obey him; for God never delegated to him any such authority. She is bound only to what "is fit in the Lord." So, if a husband were to forbid his wife's reading the Bible, she would be under no obligation to obey him, but the contrary; for God has made it her duty, no less than her privilege, to "search the Scriptures," let who will forbid. In like manner, if a wife is renewed and converted by the Spirit of God, and wishes to make a public profession of her faith in Christ, and her husband is such a tyrant and reprobate as to forbid her, the prohibition is unlawful, and therefore nugatory. It may be allowable and best, in an extreme case, to delay a little, in hopes that the husband will relent, but she must in due time obey the command of her Saviour, and own him before men, and have her name enrolled

« AnteriorContinuar »