CHA P. V.

A dialogue between Mr. Jones and the barber.

TH

HIS converfation paffed partly while Jones was at dinner in his dungeon, and partly while he was expecting the barber in the parlour. And, as foon as it was ended, Mr. Benjamin, as we have said, attended him, and was very kindly desired to fit down. Jones then filling out a glafs of wine, drank his health by the appellation of doctiffime tonforum. Ago tibi gratias, domine, faid the barber; and then looking very ftedfaftly at Jones, he faid, with great gravity, and with a feeming furprife, as if he had recollected a face he had feen before, 'Sir, may I crave the favour to know if your name is not Jones' To which the other answered, that it was. • Proh deûm atque hominum fidem,' fays the barber, how frangely things come to pafs! Mr. Jones, I am your most obedient fervant. I find you do not know me, which indeed is no wonder, fince you never faw me but once, and then you was very young. Pray, Sir, how doth the good 'fquire Allworthy? how doth ille optimus omnium patronus ? I find,' faid Jones, you do indeed know me; but I have not the like happiness of recollecting you.'I do not wonder at that,' cries Benjamin; I am furprised I did not know you fooner, for you are not in the leaft altered And pray, Sir, may I without offence inquire whither you are travelling this way? Fill the glass, Mr. Barber,' faid Jones, and afk no more questions? Nay, Sir,' anfwered Benjamin, I would not be troublefome; and I hope you don't think me to be a man of an impertinent curiofity, for that is a vice which no-body can lay to my charge; but I afk pardon, for when a gentleman of your figure travels without his fervants, we may fuppofe him to be, as we fay, in cafu incognito, and perhaps I ought not to have • mentioned your name.' I own fays Jones, I did not expect to have been fo well known in this " country

· but

country as I find I am, yet for particular reasons, 'I fhall be obliged to you if you will not mention my name to any other perfon, till I am gone from hence.' Pauca verba,' answered the barber;

and

I with no other here knew you but myfelf; for fome people have tongues; but I promife you I can keep a fecret. My enemies will allow me that vir'tue.' And yet that is not the characteristic of your profeffion, Mr. Barber,' anfwered Jones. Alas, Sir,' replied Benjamin, Non fi male nuns et olim fic erit. I was not born nor bred a barber, I affure เ you I have spent most of my time among gentlemen, and though I fay it, I understand fomething of gentility. And if you had thought me as worthy ' of your confidence as you have fome other people, I fhould have fhewn you I could have kept a fecret • better I fhould not have degraded your name in a public kitchen; for indeed, Sir, fome people have not used you well; for befides making a public ⚫ proclamation of what you told them of a quarrel between yourself and 'fquire Allworthy, they added lies of their own, things which I knew to be lies.' You furprize me greatly,' cries Jones. • Upon my word, Sir,' anfwered Benjamin, • I tell the 'truth, and I need not tell you my landlady was the perfon. I am fure it moved me to hear the story, and I hope it is all falfe; for I have a great respect 'for you, I do affure you I have, and have had, ever fince the good-nature you fhewed to Black George, which was talked of all over the country, and I received more than one letter about it. Indeed it made you beloved by every body. You 'will pardon me, therefore; for it was real concern at what I heard made me afk fo many questions; 1 for I have no impertinent curiofity about me; but 'I love good-nature, and thence became amoris a'bundantia erga te.

Every profeffion of friendfhip eafily gains credit with the miferable; it is no wonder, therefore, if Jones, who, befides his being miferable, was extremely open-hearted, very readily believed all the profeffions of Benjamin, and received him into his

bofom.

bofom. The fcraps of Latin, fome of which Benjamin applied properly enough, though it did not favour of profound literature, feemed yet to indicate fomething fuperior to a common barber, and fo indeed did his whole behaviour. Jones therefore believed the truth of what he had faid, as to his original and education, and at length, after much entreaty, he faid, Since you have heard, my friend, fo much of my affairs, and feem fo defirous to 'know the truth, if you will have patience to hear it, I will inform you of the whole.' • Patience,' cries Benjamin, that I will, if the chapter was never fo long, and I am very much obliged to you for the 'honour you do me.'

Jones now began, and related the whole hiftory, forgetting only a circumftance or two, namely, every thing which paffed on that day in which he had fought with Thwackum, and ended with his refolution to go to fea, till the rebellion in the North had made him change his purpose, and had brought him to the płace where he then was.

Little Benjamin, who had been all attention, never once interrupted the narrative; but when it was ended, he could not help obferving, that there must be furely fomething more invented by his enemies, and told Mr Allworthy against him, or fo good a man would never have difiniffed one he had loved fo ten derly, in fuch a manner. To which Jones answered, He doubted not but fuch villainous arts had been 'made ufe of to defroy him.'

And furely it was fearce poffible for any one to have avoided making the fame remark with the barber; who had not, indeed, heard from Jones, one fingle circumstance upon which he was condemned; for his actions were not now placed in those injurious lights, in which they had been mifreprefented to Allworthy: nor could he mention thofe many falfe accufations which had been from time to time preferred against him to Allworthy; for with none of these he was himfelf acquainted. He had likewife, as we have obferved, omitted many material facts in his prefent relation. Upon the whole, indeed, every thing now

appeared

appeared in fuch favourable colours to Jones, that malice itself would have found it no eafy matter to fix any blame upon him.

Not that Jones defired to conceal or to disguise the truth; nay, he would have been more unwilling to have fuffered any cenfure to fall on Mr. Allworthy for punishing him, than on his own actions for deferving it, but. in reality, fo it happened, and fo it always will happen: for let a man be never fo honest, the account of his own conduct will, in spite of him. felf, be fo very favourable, that his vices will come purified through his lips, and, like foul liquors well ftrained, will leave all their foulnefs behind. For though the facts themselves may appear, yet fo different will be the motives, circumftances, and confequences, when a man tells his own ftory, and when his enemy tells it, that we fcarce can recognize the facts to be one and the fame.

Though the barber had drank down this story with greedy ears, he was not yet fatisfied. There was a circumstance behind, which his curiofity, cold as it was, moft eagerly longed for. Jones had mentioned the fact of his amour, and of his being the rival of Blifil, but had cautiously concealed the name of the young lady. The barber therefore, after fome hefi tation, and many hums and ha's, at last begged leave to crave the name of the lady, who appeared to be the principal caufe of all this mifchief. Jones paufed a moment, and then faid, Since I have trufted you ' with fo much, and fince, I am afraid, her name is 'become too publick already on this occafion, I will not conceal it from you. Her name is Sophia 'Western.'

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Prob Deum atque hominum fidem! 'fquire Weftern hath a daughter grown a woman!' Ay, and fuch a woman,' cries Jones, that the world cannot match. No eye ever faw any thing fo beautiful; 'but that is her leaft excellence. Such fenfe! fuch for ever, and yet Mr. Western a

goodness! O I could praise her 'fhould omit half her virtues.' 'daughter grown up!'eries the

barber, I re

• member

member the father a boy: well, Tempus edax re

rum.

The wine being now at an end, the barber preffed very eagerly to be his bottle; but Jones abfolutely refufed, faying, He had already drunk more than he ought; and that he now chofe to retire to his room, where he wished he could procure himself a ' book.' • A book!' cries Benjamin, what book would you have? Latin or English? I have fome curious books in both languages. Such as Erafmi Colloquia, Ovid de Triftibus, Gradus ad Parnaffum; and in English I have feveral of the best books, though fome of them are a little torn; but I have. a great part of Stowe's Chronicle; the fixth volume • of Pope's Homer; the third volume of the Spectator; the fecond volume of Echard's Roman Hiftory; the Craftsman; Robinson Crufoe; Thomas a Kempis, and two volumes of Tom Brown's • works.'

Thofe laft,' cries Jones, are books I never faw, fo if you pleafe to lend me one of those volumes. The barber affured him he would be highly entertained; for he looked upon the Author to have been one of the greatest wits that ever the nation. produced He then stepped to his house, which was hard by, and immediately returned; after which, the barber having received very strict injunctions of fecrecy from Jones, and having fworn inviolably to maintain it, they separated; the barber went home, and Jones retired to his chamber.

CH A P. VI.

In which more of the talents of Mr. Benjamin will appear, as well as who this extraordinary perfon was.

N the morning Jones grew a little uneafy at the desertion of his furgeon, as he apprehended fome inconvenience, or even danger, might attend the not dreffing his wound: he enquired therefore of the drawer what other furgeons were to be met with in that neighbourhood. The drawer told him there was one