but the invention of women is, as hath been observed, much readier than that of men. She recollected that there was a communication between her chamber and that of Mr. Jones; relying. therefore, on his honour, and her own affurance, the anfwered, I know not 'what you mean, villains! I am wife to none of you. Help! Rape! Murder! Rape !'-And now the landlady coming into the room, Mrs. Waters fell upon her with the utmost virulence, faying, She thought herself in a fober inn, and not in a bawdy'houfe; but that a fet of villains had broke into her room, with an intent upon her honour, if not upon her life; and both, fhe faid, were equally dear to

'her.'

6

The landlady now began to roar as loudly as the poor woman in bed had done before. She cried, She was undone, and that the reputation of her house, 'which was never blown upon before, was utterly deftroyed.' Then turning to the men, the cried, What, in the devil's name, is the reafon of all this dilturbance in the lady's room?' Fitzpatrick, hanging down his head, repeated, that he had committed a mistake, for which he heartily afked pardon,' and then retired with his countryman. Jones, who was too ingenious to have miffed the hint given him by his fair one, boldly afferted, That he had run to her affiftance upon hearing the door broke open; with what defign he could not conceive, unlefs of robbing the lady; which if they intended, he faid, he had the good fortune to prevent.' I never had a rob. bery committed in my houfe fince I have kept it,' cries the landlady: I would have you to know, Sir, I harbour no highwaymen here; 1 fcorn the word, thof 1 fay it. None but honeft, good gentlefolks, welcome to my houfe; and I thank good luck, I have always had enow of fuch customers; indeed as many as I could entertain. Here hath been iny • Lord -,' and then the repeated over a catalogue of names and titles, many of which we might, perhaps, be guilty of a breach of privilege by inferting. Jones, after much patience, at length interrupted her, by making an apology to Mrs. Waters, for having. appeared.

" are

N 2

THE HISTORY OF appeared before her in his fhirt, affuring her,

That

nothing but a concern for her fafety could have prevailed on him to do it. The reader may inform himself of her anfwer, and, indeed, of her whole behaviour to the end of the fcene, by confidering the fituation which fhe affected, it being that of a modeft lady, who was awakened out of her fleep by three ftrange men in her chamber. This was the part which the undertook to perform; and, indeed, the executed it fo well, that none of our theatrical actreffes could exceed her, in any of their performances, either on or off the flage.

And hence, I think, we may very fairly draw an argument, to prove how extremely natural virtue is to the fair fex: for though there is not, perhaps, one in ten thoufand who is capable of making a good actress; and even among thefe we rarely fee two who are equally able to perfonate the fame character; yet this of virtue they can all admirably well put on; and ́as well thofe individuals who have it not, as those who poffefs it, can all act it to the utmost degree of perfection.

When the men were all departed, Mrs. Waters, recovering from her fear, recovered likewife from her anger, and spoke in much gentler accents to the landlady, who did not fo readily quit her concern for the reputation of the houfe, in favour of which fhe began again to number the many great perfons who had flept under her roof; but the lady ftopt her fhort, and, having abfolutely acquitted her of having had any fhare in the paft difturbance, begged to be left to her repofe, which, fhe faid, the hoped to enjoy unmolested during the remainder of the night Upon which the landlady, after much civility, and many court'fies, took her leave.

CHAP

CHA P. III.

Adialogue between the landlady, and Sufan the chambermaid, proper to be read by all innkeepers and their fervants with the arrival, and affable behaviour of a beautiful young lady; which may teach perfons of condition how they may acquire the love of the whole world..

T

HE landlady, remembering that Sufan had been the only perfon out of bed when the door was burft open, reforted prefently to her, to enquire into the firft occasion of the disturbance, as well as who the ftrange gentleman was, and when and how he ar

rived.)

Sufan related the whole ftory, which the reader · knows already, varying the truth only in fome circumftances, as fhe faw convenient, and totally concealing the money which the had received. But whereas her miftrefs had, in the preface to her enquiry, fpoken much in compaffion for the fright which the lady had been in, concerning any intended depredations on her virtue, Sufan could not help endeavouring to quiet the concern which her mistress feemed to be under on that account, by fwearing; heartily fhe faw Jones leap out from her bed..

The landlady fell into a violent rage at thefe words. A likely ftory truly,' cried fhe, that a woman • should cry out, and endeavour to expofe herself if that was the cafe! I defire to know what better proof any lady can give of her virtue than her crying out, which, I believe, twenty people can witnefs for her fhe did? I beg, Madam, you would fpread no fuch fcandal of any of my guests: for it will not only reflect on them, but upon the house; and I am fure no vagabonds, nor wicked beggarly people come here.'

Well,' fays Sufan, then I must not believe my own eyes.' No, indeed must you not always,' anfwered her miftrefs, I would not have believed my ówn eyes against fuch good gentlefólks. I have not

138 had a better fupper ordered this half year than they ordered last night; and so easy and good humoured were they, that they found no fault with my Worcefterfhire perry, which I fold them for Champaigne; and to be fure it is as well tafted, and as wholesome as the best Champaigne in the kingdom, otherwise I would fcorn to give it 'em, and they drank me two bottles. No, no, I will never believe any harm of 'fuch fober good fort of people.'

Sufan being thus filenced, her mistress proceeded to other matters. And fo you tell me,' continued fhe, that the ftrange gentleman came poft, and there. is a footman without with the horfes; why then, he is certainly fome of your great gentlefolks too. Why ⚫ did not you ask him whether he'd have any fupper? I think, he is in the other gentleman's room; go up ⚫ and afk whether he called. Perhaps he'll order fomething when he finds any body stirring in the house to drefs it. Now don't commit any of your ufual blunders, by telling him the fire's out, and the fowls • alive. And if he fhould order mutton, don't blab · out, that we have none. The butcher, I know,

༔

killed a sheep juft before I went to bed, and he never ⚫ refuses to cut it up warm when I defire it. Go, re'member there's all forts of mutton and fowls; go, open the door, with, Gentlemen d'ye call; and if they fay nothing, afk what his honour will be pleased to have for his fupper. Don't forget his honour. Go; if you don't mind all thefe matters better, you'll never come to any thing.'

ཟླ

Sufan departed, and foon returned with an account that the two gentlemen were got both into the fame ⚫ bed. Two gentlemen,' fays the landlady,

in

the fame bed! that's impoffible; they are two errant • fcrubs, I warrant them; and, I believe, young 'fquire Allworthy guefled right, that the fellow intended to rob her ladyfhip: for if he had broke open the lady's door with any of the wicked defigns of a gentleman, he would never have fneaked away to another room to fave the expence of a fupper and a bed to himself. They are certainly thieves, and

1

their fearching after a wife is nothing but a pre'tence.'

In these cenfures, my landlady did Mr. Fitzpatrick great injuftice; for he was really born a gentleman, though not worth a groat; and though, perhaps, he had fome few blemishes in his heart as well as in his head, yet being a fneaking, or a niggardly fellow, was not one of them. In reality, he was fo generous a man, that whereas he had received a very handfome fortune with his wife, he had now spent every penny of it, except fome little pittance which was fettled upon her; and in order to poffefs himfelf of this, he had ufed her with such cruelty, that together with his jealoufy, which was of the bittereft kind, it had forced the poor woman to run away from him.

This gentleman then being well tired with his long journey from Chefter in one day, with which, and fome good dry blows he had received in the fcuffle, his bones were fo fore, that added to the foreness of his mind, it had quite deprived him of any appetite for eating. And being now fo violently difappointed in the wo man, whom at the maid's inftance, he had mistaken for his wife, it never once entered into his head, that The might nevertheless be in the houfe, though he had erred in the first perfon he had attacked. He therefore yielded to the diffuaffions of his friend from searching any farther after her that night, and accepted the kind offer of part of his bed.

The footman and post-boy were in a different difpofition. They were more ready to order than the landlady was to provide; however, after being pretty well fatisfied by them of the real truth of the cafe, and that Mr. Fitzpatrick was no thief, fhe was at length prevailed on to fet fome cold meat before them, which they were devouring with great greediness, when Partridge came into the kitchen. He had been firft awaked by the hurry which we have before feen; and while he was endeavouring to compofe himself again on his pillow, a fcreech-owl had given him fuch a ferenade at his window, that he leapt in a moft horrible affright from his bed, and huddling on his cloaths with great

expec