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VERSES ON A LADY'S TABLE-BOOK. 69 If he be wealthy, and a fool, Is in all points the fittest tool; Of whom it may be juftly faid, He's a gold pencil tipp'd with lead.

MRS. HARRIS's PETITION.

Written in the Year 1701.

To their Excellencies the Lords Juftices of Ireland *.

The humble petition of Frances Harris,
Who must farve, and die a maid, if it mifcarries,

Humbly fheweth,

That I went to warm myself in lady Betty's chamber, because I was cold, And I had in a purfe feven pound, four fhillings, and fix pence, befides farthings, in money and gold:

So, because I had been buying things for my lady last night,

I was refolv'd to tell my money, to see if it was right.

*Earl of Berkeley, and earl of Galway.

+ Lady Betty Berkeley.

Now

F 3

Now you must know, because my trunk, has a very bad lock,

Therefore all the money I have, which,
God knows, is a very small stock,
I keep in my pocket, ty'd about my mid-
dle, next to my fmock.

So, when I went to put up my purse, as God would have it, my fmock was unript, And, instead of putting it into my pocket, down it flipt:

Then the bell rung, and I went down to put my lady to bed;

And, God knows, I thought my money was as fafe as my maidenhead.

So, when I came up again, I found my pocket feel very light:

But when I fearch'd, and mifs'd my purse, Lord! I thought I fhou'd have funk outright.

Lord! madam, fays Mary, how d'ye do? indeed, fays I, never worse:

But pray, Mary, can you tell what I have done with my purse?

Lord help me! said Mary, I never stirr'd out of this place :

Nay, faid I, I had it in lady Betty's chamber, that's a plain cafe.

So

So Mary got me to bed, and cover'd me up

warm:

However, fhe ftole away my garters, that I might do myself no harm.

So I tumbled and tofs'd all night, as you may very well think,

But hardly ever fet my eyes together, or flept a wink.

So I was a-dream'd, methought, that we went and fearch'd the folks round, And in a corner of mrs. Dukes's box ty'd in a rag the money was found.

So next morning we told Whittle *, and he fell a fwearing:

Then my dame Wadgar+ came; and she, you know, is thick of hearing:

Dame, faid I, as loud as I could bawl, do you know what a loss I have had ? Nay, faid fhe, my lord ‡ Colway's folks are all very fad;

For my lord § Dromedary comes a Tuesday without fail.

Pugh! faid I, but that's not the bus'nefs

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Says Cary*, fays he, I have been a fervant

this five and twenty years, come spring, And in all the places I liv'd I never heard of fuch a thing.

Yes, fays the feward, I remember, when I was at my lady Shrewsbury's,

Such a thing as this happen'd juft about the time of goosberries.

So I went to the party fufpected, and I found her full of grief,

(Now you must know, of all things in the world, I hate a thief)

However, I was refolv'd to bring the difcourse flily about:

Mrs. Dukes †, faid I, here's an ugly accident has happen'd out:

'Tis not that I value the money three skips of a loufe ;

But the thing I ftand upon is the credit of the house.

'Tis true, feven pounds, four fhillings, and fix pence, makes a great hole in my wages:

Befides, as they fay, service is no inheritance in these ages,

*Clerk of the kitchen. A fervant, wife to one of the footmen.

↑ An ufual faying of hers,

Now,

Now, mrs. Dukes, you know, and every

body understands,

That though 'tis hard to judge, yet money can't go without hands.

The devil take me, faid fhe, (bleffing her-. felf) if ever I faw't!

So fhe roar'd like a Bedlam, as though I had call'd her all to naught.

So you know, what cou'd I fay to her any more?

I e'en left her, and came away as wife as I was before.

Well; but then they would have had me gone to the cunning man:

No, faid I, 'tis the fame thing, the chaplain will be here anon.

So the chaplain * came in. Now the fervants fay he is my fweetheart, Because he's always in my chamber, and I always take his part.

So, as the devil would have it, before I was aware, out I blunder'd,

Parfon, faid I, can you caft a nativity, when a body's plunder'd?

(Now you must know, he hates to be call'd parfon like the devil)

Truly, fays he, mrs. Nab, it might become you to be more civil:

*The author.

If

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