tion; and the joy arising on that occasion at length dismissed them pretty chearfully from each other, though Lætitia could not help concluding with the words, WHY B-CH? CHAP. IX. Observations on the foregoing dialogue, together with a base design on our Hero, which must be detested by every lover of GREATNESS. THUS did this dialogue (which, though we have termed it matrimonial, had indeed very little savour of the sweets of matrimony in it,) produce at last a resolution more wise than strictly pious, and which, if they could have rigidly adhered to it, might have prevented some unpleasant moments, as well to our hero as to his serene consort; but their hatred was so very great and unaccountable, that they never could bear to see the least composure in one another's countenance, without attempting to ruffe it. This set them on so many contrivances to plague and vex one another, that as their proximity afforded them such frequent opportunities of executing their malicious purposes, they seldom passed one easy or quiet day together. And this, reader, and no other, is the cause of those many inquietudes which thou must have observed to disturb the repose of some married couples, who mistake implacable hatred for indifference. For why should Corvinus, who lives in a round of intrigue, and seldom doth, and never willingly would, dally with his wife, endeavour to prevent her from the satisfaction of an intrigue in her turn? Why doth Camilla refuse a more agreeable invitation abroad, only to expose her husband at his own table at home? In short, to mention no more instances, whence can all the quarrels, and jealousies, and jars proceed, in people who have no love for each other, unless from that noble passion above mentioned, that desire, according to my Lady Betty Modish, of curing each other of a smile. We thought proper to give our readers a short taste of the domestic state of our hero, the rather to shew him that great men are subject to the same frailties and inconveniences in ordinary life, with little men, and that heroes are really of the same species with other human creatures, notwithstanding all the pains they themselves, or their flatterers, take to assert the contrary; and that they differ chiefly in the immensity of their greatness, or, as the vulgar erroneously call it, villainy. Now, therefore, that we may not dwell too long on low scenes, in a history of this sublime kind, we shall return to actions of a higher note, and more suitable to our purpose. When the boy Hymen had, with his lighted torch, driven the boy Cupid out of doors, that is to say, in common phrase, when the violence of Mr Wild's passion (or rather appetite) for the chaste Lætitia began to abate, he returned to visit his friend Heartfree, who was now in the liberties of the Fleet, and had appeared to the commission of bankruptcy against him. Here he met with a more cold reception than he himself had apprehended. Heartfree had long entertained suspicions of Wild; but these suspicions had, from time to time, been confounded with circumstances, and principally smothered with that amazing confidence, which was indeed the most striking virtue in our hero. Heartfree was unwilling to condemn his friend without certain evidence, and laid hold on every probable semblance to acquit him; but the proposal made at his last visit had so totally blackened his character in this poor man's opinion, that it entirely fixed the wavering scale, and he no longer doubted but that our hero was one of the greatest villains in the world. Circumstances of great improbability often escape men who devour a story with greedy ears. The reader therefore cannot wonder that Heartfree, whose passions were so variously concerned, first for the fidelity, and, secondly, for the safety of his wife; and, lastly, who was so distracted with doubt concerning the conduct of his friend, should at his first relation pass unobserved the incident of his being committed to the boat by the captain of the privateer, which he had, at the time of his telling, so lamely accounted for; but now when Heartfree came to reflect on the whole, and with a high prepossession against Wild, the absurdity of this fact glared in his eyes, and struck him in the most sensible manner. length a thought of great horror suggested itself to his imagination, and this was, whether the whole was not a fiction, and Wild, who was, as he had learned from his own mouth, equal to any undertaking, how black soever, had not spirited away, robbed, and murdered his wife. At Intolerable as this apprehension was, he not only turned it round and examined it carefully in his own mind, but acquainted young Friendly with it at their next interview. Friendly, who detested Wild, (from that envy probably with which these GREAT CHARACTERS naturally inspire low fellows,) encouraged these suspicions so much, that Heartfree resolved to attach our hero, and carry him before a magistrate. This resolution had been some time taken; and Friendly, with a warrant and a constable, had, with the utmost diligence, searched several days for our hero; but whether it was that, in compliance with modern custom, he had retired to spend the honey-moon with his bride, the only moon indeed in which it is fashionable or customary for the married parties to have any correspondence with each other; or perhaps his habitation might, for particular reasons, be usually kept a secret; like those of some few great men whom unfortunately the law hath left out of that reasonable, as well as honourable provision, which it hath made for the security of the persons of other greai men But Wild resolved to perform works of supererogation in the way of honour; and though no hero is obliged to answer the challenge of my Lord Chief Justice, or indeed of any other magistrate, but may with unblemished reputation slide away from it; yet such was the bravery, such the greatness, the magnanimity of Wild, that he appeared in person to it. Indeed, Envy may say one thing which may lessen the glory of this action, namely, that the said Mr Wild knew nothing of the said warrant or challenge; and, as thou mayst be assured, reader, that the malicious fury will omit nothing which can anywise sully so great a character, so she hath endeavoured to account for this second visit of our hero to his friend Heartfree, from a very different motive than that of asserting his own innocence. CHAP. X. Mr Wild, with unprecedented generosity, visits his friend Heartfree, and the ungrateful recep tion he met with. IT hath been said, then, that Mr Wild, not being able, on the strictest examination, to find in a certain spot of human nature called his own heart, the least grain of that pitiful low quality called honesty, had resolved, perhaps a little too generally, that there was no such thing. He therefore imputed the resolution with which Mr Heartfree had so positively refused to concern himself in murder, either to a fear of bloodying his hands, or the apprehension of a ghost, or lest he should make an additional example in that excellent book called God's Revenge against Murder; and doubted not but he would (at least in his present necessity) agree without scruple to a simple robbery, especially where any considerable booty should be proposed, and the safety of the attack plausibly made appear; which, if he could prevail on him to undertake, he would immediately get him impeached, convicted, and hanged. He no sooner, therefore, had discharged his duties to Hymen, and heard that Heartfree had procured himself the liberties of the Fleet, than he resolved to visit him, and to propose a robbery, with all the allurements of profit, ease, and safety. This proposal was no sooner made, than it was answered by Heartfree in the following manner : "I might have hoped the answer which I gave to your former advice would have prevented me from the danger of receiving a second affront of this kind. An affront I call it ; and surely if it be so to call a man a villain, it can be no less to shew him you suppose him one. Indeed it may be wondered how any man can arrive at the boldness, I may say impudence, of first making such an overture to another; surely it is seldom done, unless to those who have previously betrayed some symptoms of their own baseness. If I have therefore shewn you any such, these insults are more pardonable; but I assure you, if such appear, they discharge all their malignance outwardly, and reflect not even a shadow within; for to me baseness seems inconsistent with this rule, OF DOING no other peRSON AN INJURY FROM ANY MOTIVE, OR ON ANY CONSIDERATION WHATEVER. This, sir, is the rule by which I am determined to walk; nor can that man justify disbelieving me, who will not own he walks not by it himself. But whether it be allowed to me or no, or whether I feel the good effects of its being practised by others, I am resolved to maintain it: for surely no man can reap a benefit from my pursuing it, equal to the comfort I myself enjoy. For, what a ravishing thought! how replete with ecstasy must the consideration be, that Almighty Goodness is, by its own nature, engaged to reward me! How indifferent must such a persuasion make a man to all the occurrences of this life! What trifles must he represent to himself, both the enjoyments and afflictions of this world! How easily must he acquiesce under missing the former, and how patiently will he submit to the latter, who is convinced that his failing of a transitory imperfect reward here, is a most certain argument of his obtaining one permanent and complete hereafter! Dost thou think, then, thou little, paltry, mean animal, (with such language did he treat our truly Great Man,) that I will forego such comfortable expectations for any pitiful reward which thou canst suggest or promise to me? for that sordid lucre for which all pains and labour are undertaken by the industrious, and all barbarities and iniquities committed by the vile? for a worthless acquisition, which such as thou art can possess, can give, or can take away?" The former part of this speech occasioned much yawning in our hero, but the latter roused his anger; and he was collecting his rage to answer, when Friendly and the constable, who had been summoned by Heartfree on Wild's first appearance, entered the room, and seized the great man just as his wrath was bursting from his lips. The dialogue which now ensued is not worth relating; Wild was soon acquainted with the reason of this rough treatment, and presently conveyed before a magistrate. Notwithstanding the doubts raised by Mr Wild's lawyer on his examination, he insisting that the proceeding was improper; for that a Writ de Homine replegiando should issue, and on the return of that, a Capias in Withernam, the justice inclined to commitment; so that Wild was driven to other methods for his defence. He therefore acquainted the justice, that there was a young man likewise with him in the boat, and begged that he might be sent for, which request was accordingly granted, and the faithful Achates (Mr Fireblood) was soon produced to bear testimony for his friend, which he did with so much becoming zeal, and went through his examination with such coherence, (though he was forced to collect his evidence from the hints given him by Wild in the presence of the justice and the accusers,) that as here was direct evidence against mere presumption, our hero was most honourably acquitted, and poor Heartfree was charged by the justice, the audience, and all others, who afterwards heard the story, with the blackest ingratitude, in attempting to take away the life of a man, to whom he had such eminent obligations. Lest so vast an effort of friendship as this of Fireblood's should too violently surprise the reader in this degenerate age, it may be proper to inform him, that besides the ties of engagement in the same employ, another nearer and stronger alliance subsisted between our hero and this youth, which latter was just departed from the arms of the lovely Lætitia, when he received her husband's message; an instance which may also serve to justify those strict intercourses of love and acquaintance, which so commonly subsist in modern history between the husband and gallant, displaying the vast force of friendship contracted by this more honourable than legal alliance, which is thought to be at present one of the strongest bonds of amity between great men, and the most reputable as well as easy way to their favour. Four months had now passed since Heartfree's first confinement, and his affairs had begun to wear a more benign aspect; but they were a good deal injured by this attempt on Wild, (so dangerous is any attack on a great man,) several of his neighbours, and particularly one or two of his own trade, industriously endeavouring, from their bitter animosity against such kind of iniquity, to spread and exaggerate his ingratitude as much as possible; not in the least scrupling, in the violent ardour of their indignation, to add some small circumstances of their own knowledge of the many obligations conferred on Heartfree by Wild. To all these scandals he quietly submitted, comforting himself in the consciousness of his own innocence, and confiding in time, the sure friend of justice, to acquit him. CHAP. XI. po A scheme so deeply laid, that it shames all the litics of this our age; with digression and subdigression. WILD having now, to the hatred he bore Heartfree on account of those injuries he had done him, an additional spur from this injury received, (for so it appeared to him, who, no more than the most ignorant, considered how truly he deserved it,) applied his utmost industry to accomplish the ruin of one whose very name sounded odious in his ears; when, luckily, a scheme arose in his imagination, which not only promised to effect it securely, but (which pleased him most) by means of the mischief he had already done him, and which would at once load him with the imputation of having committed what he himself had done to him, and would bring on him the severest punishment for a fact of which he was not only innocent, but had already so greatly suffered by; and this was no other than to charge him with having conveyed away his wife, with his most valuable effects, in order to defraud his creditors. He no sooner started this thought, than he immediately resolved on putting it in execution. What remained to consider was only the quomodo, and the person or tool to be employed; for the stage of the world differs from that in Drury-Lane principally in this, that whereas on the latter, the hero, or chief figure, is almost continually before your eyes, whilst the under-actors are not seen above once in an evening; now, on the former, the hero, or great man, is always behind the curtain, and seldom or never appears, or doth any thing in his own person. He doth indeed, in this grand drama, rather perform the part of the prompter, and doth instruct the welldressed figures, who are strutting in public on the stage, what to say and do. To say the truth, a puppet-show will illustrate our meaning better, where it is the master of the show (the great man) who dances and moves every thing; whether it be the King of Muscovy, or whatever, other potentate, alias puppet, which we behold on the stage: but he himself wisely keeps out of sight; for should he once appear, the whole motion would be at an end. Not that any one is ignorant of his being there, or supposes that the puppets are not mere sticks of wood, and he himself the sole mover; but as this (though every one knows it) doth not appear visibly, i. c. to their eyes, no one is ashamed of consenting to be imposed upon; of helping on the drama by calling the several sticks or puppets by the names which the master hath allotted to them, and by assigning to each the character which the great man is pleased they shall move in, or rather, in which he himself is pleased to move them. It would be to suppose thee, gentle reader, one of very little knowledge in this world, to imagine thou hast never seen some of these puppet-shows, which are so frequently acted on the great stage. But though thou shouldst have resided all thy days in those remote parts of this island which great men seldom visit, yet, if thou hast any penetration, thou must have had some occasion to admire both the solemnity of countenance in the actor, and the gravity in the spectator, while some of those farces are carried on, which are acted almost daily in every village in the kingdom. He must have a very despicable opinion of mankind indeed, who can conceive them to be imposed on as often as they appear to be so. The truth is, they are in the same situation with the readers of romances, who, though they know the whole to be one entire fiction, nevertheless agree to be deceived; and as these find amusement, so do the others find ease and convenience in this concurrence. But this being a sub-digression, I return to my digression. A great man ought to do his business by others; to employ hands, as we have before said, to his purposes, and keep himself as much behind the curtain as possible; and though it must be acknowledged that two very great men, whose names will be both recorded in history, did, in these latter times, come forth themselves on the stage, and did hack and hew, and lay each other most cruelly open to the diversion of the spectators, yet this must be mentioned rather as an example of avoidance than imitation, and is to be ascribed to the number of those instances which serve to evince the truth of these maxims,-Nemo mortalium omnibus horis sapit. Ira furor brevis est, &c. CHAP. XII. New instances of Friendly's folly, &c. To return to my history, which, having rested itself a little, is now ready to proceed on its journey: Fireblood was the person chosen by Wild for this service. He had, on a late occasion, experienced the talents of this youth for a good round perjury. He immediately, therefore, found him out, and proposed it to him; when, receiving his instant assent, they consulted together, and soon framed an evidence, which being communicated to one of the most bitter and severe creditors of Heartfree, by him laid before a magistrate, and attested by the oath of Fireblood, the justice granted his warrant, and Heartfree was accordingly apprehended and brought - before him. When the officers came for this poor wretch, they found him meanly diverting himself with his little children, the younger of whom sat on his knees, and the elder was playing at a little distance from him with Friendly. One of the officers, who was a very good sort of a man, but one very laudably severe in his office, after acquainting Heartfree with his errand, bade him come along and be d-d, and leave those little bastards, for so, he said, he supposed they were, for a legacy to the parish. Heartfree was much surprised at hearing there was a warrant for felony against him; but he shewed less concern than Friendly did in his countenance. The elder daughter, when she saw the officer lay hold on her father, immediately quitted her play, and running to him, and bursting into tears, cried out, "You shall not hurt poor papa." One of the other ruffians offered to take the little one rudely from his knees; but Heartfree started up, and, catching the fellow by the collar, dashed his head so violently against the wall, that, had he had any brains, he might possibly have lost them by the blow. The officer, like most of those heroic spirits who insult men in adversity, had some prudence mixed with his zeal for justice. Seeing, therefore, this rough treatment of his companion, he began to pursue more gentle methods, and very civilly desired Mr Heartfree to go with him, seeing he was an officer, and obliged to execute his warrant; that he was sorry for his misfortune, and hoped he would be acquitted. The other answered, he should patiently submit to the laws of his country, and would attend him whither he was ordered to conduct him: then taking leave of his children with a tender kiss, he recommended them to the care of Friendly, who promised to see them safe home, and then to attend him at the justice's, whose name and abode he had learned of the constable. Friendly arrived at the magistrates's house just as that gentleman had signed the mittimus against his friend; for the evidence of Fireblood was so clear and strong, and the justice was so incensed against Heartfree, and so convinced of his guilt, that he would hardly hear him speak in his own defence, which the reader, perhaps, when he hears the evidence against him, will be less inclined to censure: for this witness deposed, "That he had been, by Heartfree himself, employed to carry the orders of embezzling to Wild, in order to be delivered to his wife; that he had been afterwards present with Wild and her at the inn, when they took coach for Harwich, where she shewed him the casket of jewels, and desired him to tell her husband, that she had fully executed his commands:" and this he swore to have been done after Heartfree had notice of the commission; and, in order to bring it within that time, Fireblood, as well as Wild, swore, "that Mrs Heartfree lay several days concealed at Wild's house, before her departure for Holland." When Friendly found the justice obdurate, and that all he could say had no effect, nor was it any way possible for Heartfree to escape being committed to Newgate, he resolved to accompany him thither; where, when they arrived, the turnkey would have confined Heartfree (he having no money,) amongst the common felons; but Friendly would not permit it, and advanced every shilling he had in his pocket, to procure a room in the Press-Yard for his friend, which, indeed, through the humanity of the keeper, he did at a cheap rate. They spent that day together, and, in the evening, the prisoner dismissed his friend, desiring him, after many thanks for his fidelity, to be comforted on his account. "I know not," says he, "how far the malice of my enemy may prevail; but whatever my sufferings are, I am convinced my innocence will somewhere be rewarded. If, therefore, any fatal accident should happen to me, (for he who is in the hands of per jury may apprehend the worst,) my dear Friendly, be a father to my poor children;" at which words the tears gushed from his eyes. The other begged him not to admit any such apprehensions; for that he would employ his utmost diligence in his service, and doubted not but to subvert any villainous design laid for his destruction, and to make his innocence appear to the world as white as it was in his opinion. We cannot help mentioning a circumstance here, though we doubt it will appear very unnatural and incredible to our reader; which is, that, notwithstanding the former character and behaviour of Heartfree, this story of his embezzling was so far from surprising his neighbours, that many of them declared they expected no better from him. Some were assured he could pay forty shillings in the pound, if he would. Others had overheard hints formerly pass between him and Mrs Heartfree, which had given them suspicions. And, what is most astonishing of all, is, that many of those who had before censured him for an extravagant heedless fool, now no less confidently abused him for a cunning, tricking, avaricious knave. CHAP. XIII. Something concerning Fireblood, which will surprise, and somewhat touching one of the Miss Snaps, which will greatly concern the Reader. HOWEVER, notwithstanding all these censures abroad, and in despite of all his misfortunes at home, Heartfree in Newgate enjoyed a quiet, undisturbed repose; while our hero, nobly disdain ing rest, lay sleepless all night; partly from the apprehensions of Mrs Heartfree's return before he had executed his scheme, and partly from a suspicion lest Fireblood should betray him; of whose infidelity he had, nevertheless, no other cause to maintain any fear, than from his knowing him to be an accomplished rascal, as the vulgar term it, a complete GREAT MAN in our language. And indeed, to confess the truth, these doubts were not without some foundation; for the very same thought unluckily entered the head of that noble youth, who considered, whether he might not possibly sell himself for some advantage to the other side, as he had yet no promise from Wild. But this was, by the sagacity of the latter, prevented in the morning with a profusion of promises, which shewed him to be of the most generous temper in the world, with which Fireblood was extremely well satisfied; and made use of so many protestations of his faithfulness, that he convinced Wild of the justice of his suspicions. At this time an accident happened, which, though it did not immediately affect our hero, we cannot avoid relating, as it occasioned great VOL. I. confusion in his family, as well as in the family of Snap. It is indeed a calamity highly to be lamented, when it stains untainted blood, and happens to an honourable house; an injury never to be repaired; a blot never to be wiped out; a sore never to be healed. To detain my reader no longer, Miss Theodosia Snap was now safely delivered of a male infant, the product of an amour which that beautiful (O that I could say, virtuous) creature had with the Count. ner. Mr Wild and his lady were at breakfast when Mr Snap, with all the agonies of despair both in his voice and countenance, brought them this melancholy news. Our hero, who had (as we have said) wonderful good-nature when his greatness or interest was not concerned, instead of reviling his sister-in-law, asked with a smile, "Who was the father?" But the chaste Lætitia,-we repeat the chaste, for well did she now deserve that epithet,-received it in another manShe fell into the utmost fury at the relation, reviled her sister in the bitterest terms, and vowed she would never see nor speak to her more. Then burst into tears, and lamented over her father, that such dishonour should ever happen to him and herself. At length she fell severely on her husband, for the light treatment which he gave this fatal accident. She told him, he was unworthy of the honour he enjoyed, of marrying into a chaste family. That she looked on it as an affront to her virtue. That if he had married one of the naughty hussies of the town, he could have behaved to her in no other manner. She concluded, with desiring her father to make an example of the slut, and to turn her out of doors; for that she would not otherwise enter his house, being resolved never to set her foot within the same threshold with the trollop, whom she detested so much the more, because (which was perhaps true) she was her own sister. So violent, and indeed so outrageous was this chaste lady's love of virtue, that she could not forgive a single slip (indeed the only one Theodosia had ever made,) in her own sister, in a sister who loved her, and to whom she owed a thousand obligations. Perhaps the severity of Mr Snap, who greatly felt the injury done to the honour of his family, would have relented, had not the parish-officers been extremely pressing on this occasion, and, for want of security, conveyed the unhappy young lady to a place, the name of which, for the honour of the Snaps, to whom our hero was so nearly allied, we bury in eternal oblivion: where she suffered so much correction for her crime, that the good-natured reader of the malekind may be inclined to compassionate her, at least to imagine she was sufficiently punished for a fault, which, with submission to the chaste Lætitia, and all other strictly virtuous ladies, it should be either less criminal in a woman to commit, or more so in a man to solicit her to it. 3 c |