strengthened. Adams said, he was very far from being ashamed of what he had done: she replied, "Want of shame was not the currycuristic of a clergyman." This dialogue might have probably grown warmer, had not Joseph opportunely entered the room, to ask leave of Madam Slipslop to introduce Fanny: but she positively refused to admit any such trollops; and told him, she would have been burnt before she would have suffered him to get into a chaise with her, if she had once respected him of having his sluts waylaid on the road for him; adding, that Mr Adams acted a very pretty part, and she did not doubt but to see him a bishop. He made the best bow he could, and cried out, "I thank you, madam, for that right reverend appellation, which I shall take all honest means to deserve." "Very honest means," returned she with a sneer, "to bring good people together." At these words Adams took two or three strides across the room, when the coachman came to inform Mrs Slipslop, that the storm was over, and the moon shone very bright. She then sent for Joseph, who was sitting without with his Fanny, and would have had him gone with her; but he peremptorily refused to leave Fanny behind; which threw the good woman into a violent rage. She said, she would inform her lady what doings were carrying on, and did not doubt but she would rid the parish of all such people; and concluded a long speech, full of bitterness and very hard words, with some reflections on thé clergy, not decent to repeat. At last, finding Joseph unmoveable, she flung herself into the chaise, casting a look at Fanny as she went, not unlike that which Cleopatra gives Octavia in the play. To say the truth, she was most disagreeably disappointed by the presence of Fanny; she had, from her first seeing Joseph at the inn, conceived hopes of something which might have been accomplished at an alehouse as well as a palace. Indeed, it is probable Mr Adams had rescued more than Fanny from the danger of a rape that evening. When the chaise had carried off the enraged Slipslop, Adams, Joseph, and Fanny assembled over the fire, where they had a great deal of innocent chat, pretty enough; but as possibly it would not be very entertaining to the reader, we shall hasten to the morning; only observing that none of them went to bed that night. Adams, when he had smoked three pipes, took a comfortable nap in a great chair, and left the lovers, whose eyes were too well employed to permit any desire of shutting them, to enjoy by themselves, during some hours, a happiness which none of my readers, who have never been in love, are capable of the least conception of, though we had as many tongues as Homer desired to describe it with, and which all true lovers will represent to their own minds without the least assistance from us. thousand entreaties, at last gave up her whole soul to Joseph, and almost fainting in his arms, with a sigh infinitely softer and sweeter too than any Arabian breeze, she whispered to his lips, which were then close to hers," O Joseph, you have won me; I will be yours for ever." Joseph having thanked her on his knees, and embraced her with an eagerness which she now almost returned, leapt up in a rapture, and awakened the parson, earnestly begging him, that he would that instant join their hands together. Adams rebuked him for his request, and told him, he would by no means consent to any thing contrary to the forms of the church: that he had no licence, nor indeed would he advise him to obtain one. That the church had prescribed a form, namely the publication of banns, with which all good Christians ought to comply, and to the omission of which he attributed the many miseries which befel great folks in marriage; concluding, "As many as are joined together otherwise than God's word doth allow, are not joined together by God, neither is their matrimony lawful." Fanny agreed with the parson, saying to Joseph with a blush, she assured him she would not consent to any such thing, and that she wondered at his offering it. In which resolution she was comforted and commended by Adams, and Joseph was obliged to wait patiently till after the third publication of the banns, which however he obtained the consent of Fanny, in the presence of Adams, to put in at their arrival. The sun had now been risen some hours, when Joseph, finding his leg surprisingly recovered, proposed to walk forwards; but when they were all ready to set out, an accident a little retarded them. This was no other than the reckoning, which amounted to seven shillings; no great sum, if we consider the immense quantity of ale which Mr Adams poured in. Indeed they had no objection to the reasonableness of the bill, but many to the probability of paying it; for the fellow who had taken poor Fanny's purse, had unluckily forgot to return it. So that the account stood thus: They stood silent some few minutes, staring at each other, when Adams whipped out on his toes, and asked the hostess, "If there was no clergyman in that parish?" She answered, "There was." "Is he wealthy?" replied he; to which she likewise answered in the affirmative. Adams then snapping his fingers, returned overLet it suffice then to say, that Fanny, after a 'joyed to his companions, crying out," Heure ka, heureka;” which not being understood, he told them in plain English, they need give themselves no trouble, for he had a brother in the parish who would defray the reckoning; and that he would just step to the house and fetch the money, and return to them instantly. CHAP. XIV. of such bacon as is now in the stye." Upon which he laid violent hands on Adams, and dragged him into the hog-stye, which was indeed but two steps from his parlour window. They were no sooner arrived there, than he cried out, Do but handle them; step in, friend; art welcome to handle them whether dost buy or no." At which words, opening the gate, he pushed Adams into the pig-stye, insisting on it, that he should handle them, before he would An interview between Parson Adams and Parson talk one word with him. Adams, whose natu Trulliber. PARSON ADAMS came to the house of Parson Trulliber, whom he found stript into his waistcoat, with an apron on, and a pail in his hand, just come from serving his hogs; for Mr Trulliber was a parson on Sundays, but all the other six might more properly be called a farmer. He occupied a small piece of land of his own, besides which he rented a considerable deal more. His wife milked his cows, managed his dairy, and followed the markets with butter and eggs. The hogs fell chiefly to his care, which he carefully waited on at home, and attended to fairs; on which occasion he was liable to many jokes, his own size being with much ale rendered little inferior to that of the beasts he sold. He was indeed one of the largest men you should see, and could have acted the part of Sir John Falstaff without stuffing. Add to this, that the rotundity of his belly was considerably increased by the shortness of his stature, his shadow ascending very near as far in height when he lay on his back, as when he stood on his legs. His voice was loud and hoarse, and his accent extremely broad; to complete the whole, he had a stateliness in his gait, when he walked, not unlike that of a goose, only he stalked slower. Mr Trulliber being informed that somebody wanted to speak with him, immediately slipt off his apron, and clothed himself in an old nightgown, being the dress in which he always saw his company at home. His wife, who informed him of Mr Adams's arrival, bad made a small mistake; for she had told her husband, she believed here was a man come for some of his hogs. This supposition made Mr Trulliber hasten with the utmost expedition to attend his guest. He no sooner saw Adams, than not in the least doubting the cause of his errand to be what his wife had imagined, he told him, he was come in very good time; that he expected a dealer that very afternoon; and added, they were all pure and fat, and upwards of twenty score apiece. Adams answered, he believed he did not know him. "Yes, yes," cried Trulliber, "I have seen you often at fair; why, we have dealt before now, mun, I warrant you. Yes, yes," cries he, "I remember thy face very well, but won't mention a word more till you have seen them, though I have never sold thee a flitch ral complaisance was beyond any artificial, was obliged to comply before he was suffered to explain himself; and laying hold on one of their tails, the unruly beast gave such a sudden spring, that he threw poor Adams all along in the mire. Trulliber, instead of assisting him to get up, burst into a laughter, and entering the stye, said to Adams, with some contempt, "Why, dost not know how to handle a hog?" and was going to lay hold of one himself; but Adams, who thought he had carried his complaisance far enough, was no sooner on his legs, than he escaped out of the reach of the animals, and cried out, "Nihil habeo cum porcis: I am a clergyman, sir, and am not come to buy hogs." Trulliber answered, he was sorry for the mistake; but that he must blame his wife; adding, she was a fool, and always committed blunders. He then desired him to walk in and clean himself; that he would only fasten up the stye and follow him. Adams desired leave to dry his great coat, wig and hat by the fire, which Trulliber granted. Mrs Trulliber would have brought him a basin of water to wash his face; but her husband bid her be quiet like a fool as she was, or she would commit more blunders, and then directed Adams to the pump. While Adams was thus employed, Trulliber, conceiving no great respect for the appearance of his guest, fastened the parlour door, and now conducted him into the kitchen; telling him, he believed a cup of drink would do him no harm, and whispered his wife to draw a little of the worst ale. After a short silence, Adams said, "I fancy, sir, you already perceive me to be a clergyman." Ay, ay," cries Trulliber grinning; " I perceive you have some cassock; I will not venture to caale it a whole one." Adams answered, It was indeed none of the best; but he had the misfortune to tear it about ten years ago in passing over a stile. Mrs Trulliber returning with the drink, told her husband, she fancied the gentleman was a traveller, and that he would be glad to eat a bit. Trulliber bid her hold her impertinent tongue; and asked her, if parsons used to travel without horses? adding, he supposed the gentleman had none, by his having no boots on." Yes, sir, yes," says Adams, "I have a horse, but I have left him behind me.' "I am glad to hear you have one," says Trulliber; "for I assure you I don't love to see clergymen on foot; it is not 66 seemly, nor suiting the dignity of the cloth." Here Trulliber made a long oration on the dignity of the cloth (or rather gown), not much worth relating, till his wife had spread the table, and set a mess of porridge on it for his breakfast. He then said to Adams, " I don't know, friend, how you came to caale on me; however, as you are here, if you think proper to eat a morsel, you may." Adams accepted the invitation, and the two parsons sat down together, Mrs Trulliber waiting behind her husband's chair, as was, it seems, her custom. Trulliber eat heartily, but scarce put any thing in his mouth without finding fault with his wife's cookery. All which the poor woman bore patiently. Indeed she was so absolute an admirer of her husband's greatness and importance, of which she had frequent hints from his own mouth, that she almost carried her adoration to an opinion of his infallibility. To say the truth, the parson had exercised her more ways than one: and the pious woman had so well edified by her husband's sermons, that she had resolved to receive the bad things of this world together with the good. She had indeed been at first a little contentious; but he had long since got the better, partly by her love for this, partly by her fear for that, partly by her religion, partly by the respect he paid himself, and partly by that which he received from the parish: she had, in short, absolutely submitted, and now worshipped her husband as Sarah did Abraham, calling him (not lord, but) master. Whilst they were at table, her husband gave her a fresh example of his greatness; for as she had just delivered a cup of ale to Adams, he snatched it out of his hand, and, crying out, "I caal'd vurst," swal lowed down the ale. Adams denied it; it was referred to the wife, who, though her conscience was on the side of Adams, durst not give it against her husband. Upon which he said, 66 No, sir, no, I should not have been so rude to have taken it from you, if you had caal'd vurst; but I'd have you know, I'm a better man than to suffer the best he in the kingdom to drink before me in my own house, when I caale vurst." As soon as their breakfast was ended, Adams began in the following manner: "I think, sir, it is high time to inform you of the business of my embassy. I am a traveller, and am passing this way in company with two young people, a lad and a damsel, my parishioners, towards my own cure: we stopt at a house of hospitality in the parish, where they directed me to you, as having the cure."- "Though I am but a curate," says Trulliber, " I believe I am as warm as the vicar himself, or perhaps the rector of the next parish too; I believe I could buy them both." "Sir," cries Adams, "I rejoice thereat. Now, sir, my business is, that we are by various accidents stript of our money, and are not able to pay our reckoning, being seven shillings. I therefore request you to assist me with the loan of those seven shillings, and also seven shillings more, which peradventure I shall return to you; but if not, I am convinced you will joyfully embrace such an opportunity of laying up a treasure in a better place than any this world affords." Suppose a stranger, who entered the chambers of a lawyer, being imagined a client, when the lawyer was preparing his palm for the fee, should pull out a writ against him. Suppose an apothecary, at the door of a chariot containing some great doctor of eminent skill, should, instead of directions to a patient, present him with a potion for himself. Suppose a minister should, instead of a good round sum, treat my Lord or Sir or Esq.with a good broomstick. Suppose a civil companion, or a led captain, should, instead of virtue, and honour, and beauty, and parts, and admiration, thunder vice, and infamy, and ugliness, and folly, and contempt in his patron's ears. Suppose, when a tradesman first carries in his bill, the man of fashion should pay it; or suppose, if he did so, the tradesman should abate what he had overcharged on the supposition of waiting. In short, suppose what you will, you never can nor will suppose any thing equal to the astonishment which seized on Trulliber, as soon as Adams had ended his speech. A while he rolled his eyes in silence, sometimes surveying Adams, then his wife, then casting them on the ground, then lifting them up to heaven. At last, he burst forth in the following accents. "Sir, I believe I know where to lay up my little treasure as well as another: I thank God if I am not so warm as some, I am content; that is a blessing greater than riches; and he to whom that is given, need ask no more. To be content with a little is greater than to possess the world, which man may possess without being so. Lay up my treasure! what matters where a man's treasure is, whose heart is in the Scriptures? there is the treasure of a Christian." At these words the water ran from Adams's eyes; and catching Trulliber by the hand in a rapture, Brother, says he, "Heavens bless the accident by which I came to see you! I would have walked many a mile to have communed with you, and believe me, I will shortly pay you a second visit: but my friends, I fancy, by this time, wonder at my stay; so let me have the money immediately." Trulliber then put on a stern look, and cried out, "Thou dost not intend to rob me?" At which the wife, bursting into tears, fell on her knees, and roared out, "O dear sir, for heaven's sake don't rob my master; we are but poor people." "Get up for a fool as thou art, and go about thy business," said Trulliber, "dost think the man will venture his life? he is a beggar and no robber." " Very true indeed," answered Adams. "I wish, with all my heart, the tithing-man was here," cries Trulliber, "I would have thee punished as a vagabond for thy impudence. Fourteen shillings indeed! I wont give thee a farthing. I believe thou art no more a clergyman than the woman there (pointing to his wife); but if thou art, dost deserve to have thy gown stript over thy shoulders, for running about the country in such a manner." "I forgive your suspicions," says Adams; " but suppose I'm not a clergyman, I am nevertheless thy brother; and thou, as a Christian, much more as a clergyman, art obliged to relieve my distress." "Dost preach to me?" replied Trulliber, "dost pretend to instruct me in my duty ?" "Ifacks, a good story," cries Mrs Trulliber, "to preach to my master!" "Silence, woman," cries Trulliber; "I would have thee know, friend," addressing himself to Adams, "I shall not learn my duty from such as thee; I know what charity is, better than to give it to vagabonds." "Besides, if we were inclined, the poor's rate obliges us to give so much charity," cries the wife." Pugh! thou art a fool. Poor's reate! hold thy nonsense," answered Trulliber: and then, turning to Adams, he told him, he would give him nothing. "I am sorry," answered Adams, "that you do know what charity is, since you practise it no better; I must tell you, if you trust to your knowledge for your justification, you will find yourself deceived, though you should add faith to it without good works." "Fellow," cries Trulliber, "dost thou speak against faith in my house? Get out of my doors, I will no longer remain under the same roof with a wretch who speaks wantonly of faith and the Scriptures." "Name not the Scriptures," says Adams." How, not name the Scriptures! Do you disbelieve the Scriptures?" cries Trulliber. "No, but you do," answered Adams, "if I may reason from your practice: for their commands are so explicit, and their rewards and punishments so immense, that it is impossible a man should stedfastly believe without obeying. Now, there is no command more express, no duty more frequently enjoined, than charity. Whoever, therefore, is void of charity, I make no scruple of pronouncing that he is no Christian." "I would not advise thee," says Trulliber," to say that I am no Christian; I won't take it of you: for I believe I am as good a man as thyself;" (and indeed, though he was now rather corpulent for athletic exercises, he had in his youth been one of the best boxers and cudgel-players in the county). His wife, seeing him clench his fist, interposed, and begged him not to fight, but shew himself a true Christian, and take the law of him. As nothing could provoke Adams to strike but an absolute assault on himself or his friend, he smiled at the angry look and gestures of Trulliber; and, telling him he was sorry to see such men in orders, depart ed without further ceremony. CHAPTER XV. An adventure, the consequence of a new, instance which Parson Adams gave of his forgetfulness. WHEN he came back to the inn, he found Joseph and Fanny sitting together. They were so far from thinking his absence long, as he had feared they would, that they had never once missed or thought of him. Indeed I have been often assured by both, that they spent these hours in a most delightful conversation: but as I never could prevail on either to relate it, so I cannot communicate it to the reader. Adams acquainted the lovers with the ill success of his enterprize. They were all greatly confounded, none being able to propose any method of departing, till Joseph at last advised calling in the hostess, and desiring her to trust them; which Fanny said she despaired of her doing, as she was one of the sourest-faced women she had ever beheld. But she was agreeably disappointed; for the hostess was no sooner asked the question, than she readily agreed; and, with a curtsey and smile, wished them a good journey. However, lest Fanny's skill in physiognomy should be called in question, we will venture to assign one reason which might probably incline her to this confidence and good-humour. When Adams said he was going to visit his brother, he had unwittingly imposed on Joseph and Fanny; who both believed he had meant his natural brother, and. not his brother in divinity; and had so informed the hostess on her inquiry after him. Now Mr Trulliber had, by his professions of piety, by his gravity, austerity, reserve, and opinion of his great wealth, so great an authority in his parish, that they all lived in the utmost fear and apprehension of him. It was therefore no wonder that the hostess, who knew it was in his option whether she should ever sell another mug of drink, did not dare to affront his supposed brother by denying him credit. They were now just on their departure, when Adams recollected he had left his great coat and hat at Mr Trulliber's. As he was not desirous of renewing his visit, the hostess herself, having no servant at home, offered to fetch it. This was an unfortunate expedient: for the hostess was soon undeceived in the opinion she had entertained of Adams, whom TruÎliber abused in the grossest terms, especially when he heard he had had the assurance to pretend to be his near relation. At her return, therefore, she entirely changed her note. She said, folks might be ashamed of travelling about, and pretending to be what they were not: that taxes were high, and, for her part, she was obliged to pay for what she had; she could not therefore possibly, nor would she, trust any body, no, not her own father; that money was never scarcer, and she wanted to make up a sum; that she expected, therefore, they should pay the reckoning, before they left the house. Adams was now greatly perplexed: but as he knew that he could easily have borrowed such a sum in his own parish, and as he knew he would have lent it himself to any mortal in distress: so he took fresh courage, and sallied out all around the parish, but to no purpose; he returned as pennyless as he went, groaning and lamenting, that it was possible, in a country professing Christianity, for a wretch to starve in the midst of his fellow-creatures who abounded. Whilst he was gone, the hostess, who stayed as a sort of guard with Joseph and Fanny, entertained them with the goodness of Parson Trulliber. And indeed he had not only a very good character, as to other qualities, in the neighbourhood, but was reputed a man of great charity: for though he never gave a farthing, he had always that word in his mouth. Adams was no sooner returned the second time, than the storm grew exceeding high, the hostess declaring, among other things, that if they offered to stir without paying her, she would soon overtake them with a warrant. Plato and Aristotle, or somebody else hath said, "That when the most exquisite cunning fails, Chance often hits the mark, and that by means the least expected." Virgil expresses this very boldly : Turne, quod optanti divum promittere nemo I would quote more great men if I could, but my memory not permitting me, I will proceed to exemplify these observations by the following instance. There chanced (for Adams had not cunning enough to contrive it) to be at that time in the ale-house a fellow who had been formerly a drummer in an Irish regiment, and now travelled the country as a pedlar. This man having attentively listened to the discourse of the hostess, at last took Adams aside, and asked him what the sum was for which they were detained. As soon as he was informed, he sighed, and said, he was sorry it was so much; for that he had no more than six shillings and sixpence in his pocket, which he would lend them with all his heart. Adams gave a caper, and cried out, it would do; for that he had sixpence himself. And thus these poor people, who could not engage the compassion of riches and piety, were at length delivered out of their distress by the charity of a poor pedlar. I shall refer it to my reader to make what observations he pleases on this incident: it is sufficient for me to inform him, that after Adams and his companions had returned him a thousand thanks, and told him where he might call to be repaid, they all sallied out of the house without any compliments from their hostess, or indeed without paying her any; Adams declaring, he would take particular care never to call there again, and she on her side assuring them she wanted no such guests. CHAP. XVI. A very curious adventure, in which Mr Adams gave a much greater instance of the honest simplicity of his heart, than of his experience in the ways of this world. OUR travellers had walked about two miles from that inn, which they had more reason to have mistaken for a castle than Don Quixote ever had any of those in which he sojourned, seeing they had met with such difficulty in escaping out of its walls, when they came to a parish and beheld a sign of invitation hanging out. A gentleman sat smoking a pipe at the door; of whom Adams inquired the road, and received so courteous and obliging an answer, accompanied with so smiling a countenance, that the good parson, whose heart was naturally disposed to love and affection, began to ask several other questions; particularly the name of the parish, and who was the owner of a large house whose front they then had in prospect. The gentleman answered as obligingly as before; and as to the house, acquainted him it was his own. He then proceeded in the following manner; "Sir, I presume by your habit you are a clergyman; and as you are travelling on foot, I suppose a glass of good beer will not be disagreeable to you; and I can recommend my landlord's within, as some of the best in all this country. What say you, will you halt a little, and let us take a pipe together? there is no better tobacco in the kingdom." This proposal was not displeasing to Adams, who had allayed his thirst that day with no better liquor than what Mrs Trulliber's cellar had produced; and which was indeed little superior, either in richness or flavour, to that which distilled from those grains her generous husband bestowed on his hogs. Having therefore abundantly thanked the gentleman for his kind invitation, and bid Joseph and Fanny follow him, he entered the ale-house, where a large loaf and cheese, and a pitcher of beer, which truly answered the character given of it, being set before them, the three travellers fell to eating with appetites infinitely more voracious than are to be found at the most exquisite eating-houses in the parish of St James's. The gentleman expressed great delight in the hearty and chearful behaviour of Adams; and particularly in the familiarity with which he conversed with Joseph and ranny, whom he often called his children, a term he explained to mean no more than his parishioners; saying, he looked on all lose whom God had entrust |