CHAPTER XII.

The adventure of a company of officers.

THE lieutenant, whom we mentioned in the preceding chapter, and who commanded this party, was now near sixty years of age. He had entered very young into the army, and had served in the capacity of an ensign at the battle of Tanniers: here he had received two wounds, and had so well distinguished himself, that he was by the Duke of Marlborough advanced to be a lieutenant immediately after that battle.

In this commission he had continued ever since, viz. near forty years; during which time he had seen vast numbers preferred over his head, and had now the mortification to be commanded by boys, whose fathers were at nurse when he first entered into the service.

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one of whom had been bred under an attorney, and the other was son to the wife of a nobleman's butler.

formed the company of the merriment As soon as dinner was ended, Jones inwhich had passed among the soldiers upon their march; 'and yet,' says he, 'notwithstanding all their vociferation, I dare swear they will behave more like Grecians than Trojans when they come to the enemy.'Grecians and Trojans!' says one of the ensigns, who the devil are they? I have heard of all the troops in Europe, but never of any such as these.'

you have, Mr. Northerton,' said the wor'Don't pretend to more ignorance than thy lieutenant. 'I suppose you have heard of the Greeks and Trojans, though perhaps you never read Pope's Homer, who, 1 remember, now the gentleman mentions it, cackling of geese, and greatly commends compares the march of the Trojans to the the silence of the Grecians. And upon my honour there is great justice in the cadet's observation.'

the French lieutenant: 'me ave read them 'Begar, me remember dem ver well,' said at school in dans Madam Daciere, des Greek, des Trojan, dey fight for von woman,-ouy, ouy, me ave read all dat.'

Nor was this ill success in his profession solely owing to his having no friends among the men in power. He had the misfortune to incur the displeasure of his colonel, who for many years continued in the command of this regiment. Nor did he owe the implacable ill-will which this man bore him to any neglect or deficiency as an officer, nor indeed to any fault in himself; but solely to the indiscretion of his wife, who was a very beautiful woman, Northerton: 'I have the marks of him in 'D-n Homo, with all my heart,' says and who, though she was remarkably fond my a- yet. There's Thomas of our reof her husband, would not purchase his giment, always carries a Homo in his pockpreferment at the expense of certain fa-et; d-n me, if ever I come at it, if I don't vours which the colonel required of her.

d-d son of a whore, that hath got me burn it. And there's Corderius, another many a flogging.'

Northerton?' said the lieutenant.
Then you have been at school, Mr.

The poor lieutenant was more peculiarly unhappy in this, that while he felt the effects of the enmity of his colonel, he neither knew, nor suspected that he really bore him any; for he could not suspect an illwill for which he was not conscious of the devil take my father for sending me 'Ay, d-n me, have I,' answered he; giving any cause; and his wife, fearing thither. The old put wanted to make a what her husband's nice regard to his parson of me, but d-n me, thinks I to myhonour might have occasioned, contented self, I'll nick you there, old cull; the devil herself with preserving her virtue, without a smack of your nonsense shall you ever enjoying the triumphs of her conquest. This unfortunate officer (for so I think our regiment, he narrowly escaped being get into me. There's Jemmy Oliver, of be called) had many good quali-a pimp too, and that would have been a ties, besides his merit in his profession; thousand pities; for d-n me if he is not for he was a religious, honest, good-na- one of the prettiest fellows in the whole tured man; and had behaved so well in world; but he went farther than I with the his command, that he was highly esteemed old cull, for Jemmy can neither write nor and beloved, not only by the soldiers of read.' his own company, but by the whole regi

he

may

ment.

The other officers who marched with him were a French lieutenant, who had been long enough out of France to forget his own language, but not long enough in England to learn ours, so that he really spoke no language at all, and could barely make himself understood on the most ordinary occasions. There were likewise two ensigns, both very young fellows;

'You give your friend a very good cha-
deserved one, I dare say. But prithee,
racter,' said the lieutenant, and a very
Northerton, leave off that foolish, as
well as wicked custom of swearing; for
you are deceived, I promise you,
think there is wit or politeness in it. I
wish, too, you would take my advice, and
if you
desist from abusing the clergy. Scanda-
lous names, and reflections cast on any
body of men, must be always unjustifiable;

VOL. I.

X

but especially so, when thrown on so sacred a function: for to abuse the body is to abuse the function itself; and I leave you to judge how inconsistent such behaviour is in men who are going to fight in defence of the protestant religion.'

Mr. Adderly, which was the name of the other ensign, had sat hitherto kicking his heels and humming a tune, without seeming to listen to the discourse: he now answered, O monsieur, on ne parle pas de la religion dans la guerre.'-' Well said, Jack,' cries Northerton: if la religion was the only matter, the parsons should fight their own battles for me.'

'I don't know, gentlemen,', says Jones, 'what may be your opinion; but I think no man can engage in a nobler cause than that of his religion; and I have observed, in the little I have read of history, that no soldiers have fought so bravely, as those who have been inspired with a religious zeal for my own part, though I love my king and country, I hope, as well as any man in it; yet the protestant interest is no small motive to my becoming a volunteer in the cause.'

Northerton now winked on Adderly, and whispered to him slily. Smoke the prig, Adderly, smoke him.' Then turning to Jones, said to him, 'I am very glad, sir, you have chosen our regiment to be a volunteer in; for if our parson should at any time take a cup too much, I find you can supply his place. I presume, sir, you have been at the university; may I crave the favour to know what college?'

But the lieutenant, who was the toast master, was not contented with Sophia only. He said, he must have her sirname; upon which Jones hesitated a little, and presently after named Miss Sophia Western. Ensign Northerton declared he would not drink her health in the same round with his own toast, unless somebody would vouch for her. I knew one Sophy Western,' says he, that was lain with by half the young fellows at Bath; and perhaps this is the same woman.' Jones very solemnly assured him of the contrary; asserting that the young lady he named was one of great fashion and fortune. Ay, ay,' says the ensign, and so she is; d-n me, it is the same woman; and I'll hold half a dozen of Burgundy, Tom French of our regiment brings her into company with us at any tavern in Bridges-street.' He then proceeded to describe her person exactly, (for he had seen her with her aunt,) and concluded with saying, 'that her father had a great estate in Somersetshire.'

The tenderness of lovers can ill brook the least jesting with the names of their mistresses. However, Jones, though he had enough of the lover and of the hero too in his disposition, did not resent these slanders as hastily as, perhaps, he ought to have done. To say the truth, having seen but little of this kind of wit, he did not readily understand it, and for a long time imagined Mr. Northerton had really mistaken his charmer for some other. But now turning to the ensign with a stern 'Sir,' answered Jones, 'so far from hav-aspect, he said, 'Pray, sir, choose some ing been at the university, I have even other subject for your wit; for I promise had the advantage of yourself; for I was you I will bear no jesting with this lady's never at school." character. Jesting!' cries the other; 'I presumed,' cries the ensign, 'only'd-n me if ever I was more in earnest in upon the information of your great learn- my life. Tom French of our regiment ing.'-Oh! sir,' answered Jones, it is as had both her and her aunt at Bath.'possible for a man to know something Then I must tell you in earnest,' cries without having been at school, as it is to Jones, 'that you are one of the most imhave been at school and to know nothing.' pudent rascals upon earth.' 'Well said, young volunteer,' cries the lieutenant. Upon my word, Northerton, you had better let him alone; for he will be too hard for you.'

Northerton did not very well relish the sarcasm of Jones; but he thought the provocation was scarce sufficient to justify a blow, or a rascal, or scoundrel, which were the only repartees that suggested themselves. He was, therefore, silent at present; but resolved to take the first opportunity of returning the jest by abuse.

It now came to the turn of Mr. Jones to give a toast, as it is called; who could not refrain from mentioning his dear Sophia. This he did the more readily, as he imagined it utterly impossible that any one present should guess the person he meant.

He had no sooner spoken these words, than the ensign, together with a volley of curses, discharged a bottle full at the head of Jones, which hitting him a little above the right temple, brought him instantly to the ground.

The conqueror perceiving the enemy to lie motionless before him, and blood beginning to flow pretty plentifully from his wound, began now to think of quitting the field of battle, where no more honour was to be gotten; but the lieutenant interposed, by stepping before the door, and thus cut off his retreat.

Northerton was very importunate with the lieutenant for his liberty; urging the ill consequences of his stay; asking him, what he could have done less? Zounds!

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says he, 'I was but in jest with the fellow. I the fame of it should never have reached I never heard any harm of Miss Western his ears. in my life.'-Have not you?' said the lieutenant; then you richly deserve to be hanged, as well for making such jest, as for using such a weapon. You are my prisoner, sir; nor shall you stir from hence, till a proper guard comes to secure you.'

Such an ascendant had our lieutenant over this ensign, that all that fervency of courage which had levelled our poor hero with the floor, would scarce have animated the said ensign to have drawn his sword against the lieutenant, had he then had one dangling at his side; but all the swords being hung up in the room, were, at the very beginning of the fray, secured by the French officer. So that Mr. Northerton was obliged to attend the final issue of this affair.

the reader, that the lieutenant, a worthy It surprises us, and so, perhaps, it may and good man, should have applied his chief care, rather to secure the offender, than to preserve the life of the wounded person. We mention this observation, not for so odd a behaviour, but lest some critic with any view of pretending to account should hereafter plume himself on discovering it. We would have these gentlemen know we can see what is odd in characters as well as themselves, but it is our business to relate facts as they are; which, when we have done, it is the part of the learned and sagacious reader to consult that original book of nature, whence every passage in our work is transcribed, though we quote not always the particular page for its authority.

The French gentleman and Mr. Adderly, at the desire of their commanding of a different disposition. They suspended The company which now arrived were officer, had raised up the body of Jones; their curiosity concerning the person of the but as they could perceive but little, (if ensign, till they should see him hereafter any,) sign of life in him, they again let in a more engaging attitude. At present, him fall. Adderly damning him for having their whole concern and attention were blooded his waistcoat; and the French-employed about the bloody object on the man declaring, 'Begar me no tush de floor; which, being placed upright in a Engliseman de mort: me ave heard the chair, soon began to discover some sympEnglise lay, law, what you call, hang up toms of life and motion. These were no de man dat tush him last.' When the good lieutenant applied him-Jones was at first generally concluded to sooner perceived by the company, (for self to the door, he applied himself likewise to the bell; and the drawer immediately attending, he despatched him for a file of musqueteers and a surgeon. These commands, together with the drawer's report of what he had himself seen, not only produced the soldiers, but presently drew up the landlord of the house, his wife, and servants, and, indeed, every one else, who happened at that time to be in the inn.

To describe every particular, and to relate the whole conversation of the ensuing scene, is not within my power, unless I had forty pens, and could, at once write with them altogether, as the company now spoke. The reader must, therefore, content himself with the most remarkable incidents, and perhaps he may very well excuse the rest.

The first thing done was securing the body of Northerton, who being delivered into the custody of six men, with a corporal at their head, was by them conducted from a place which he was very willing to leave, but it was unluckily to a place whither he was very unwilling to go. To say the truth, so whimsical are the desires of ambition, the very moment this youth had attained the above-mentioned honour, he would have been well contented to have retired to some corner of the world, where

be dead,) than they all fell at once to prescribing for him: for as none of the physical order was present, every one there took that office upon him.

whole room; but unluckily there was no Bleeding was the unanimous voice of the operator at hand; every one then cried, Call the barber;' but none stirred a step. Several cordials were likewise prescribed in the same ineffective manner; till the beer, with a toast, which he said was the landlord ordered up a tankard of strong best cordial in England.

occasion, indeed the only one who did any The person principally assistant on this service, or seemed likely to do any, was the landlady: she cut off some of her hair, and applied it to the wound to stop the blood; she fell to chafing the youth's temgreat contempt for her husband's prescripples with her hand; and having expressed tion of beer, she despatched one of her maids to her own closet for a bottle of brandy, of which, as soon as it was brought, she prevailed on Jones, who was just returned to his senses, to drink a very large and plentiful draught.

who having viewed the wound, having
Soon afterwards arrived the surgeon,
shaken his head, and blamed every thing
which was done, ordered his patient in-
stantly to bed; in which place we think

proper to leave him some time to his repose, and shall here, therefore, put an end to this chapter.

CHAPTER XIII.

Containing the great address of the landlady, the great learning of a surgeon, and the solid skill in casuistry of the worthy lieutenant.

ever I saw, are quite a different sort of people, and look as if they would scorn to spill any christian blood as much as any men; I mean, that is, in a civil way, as my first husband used to say. To be sure, when you come into the wars, there must be bloodshed; but that they are not to be blamed for. The more of our enemies they kill there, the better; and I wish, with all my heart, they would kill every mother's son of them.'

'O fie, madam,' said the lieutenant, smiling; all is rather too bloody-minded a wish.'

WHEN the wounded man was carried to his bed, and the house began again to clear up from the hurry which this accident had occasioned, the landlady thus addressed the commanding officer: I am afraid, sir,' 'Not at all, sir,' answered she; 'I am said she, this young man did not behave not at all bloody-minded, only to our enehimself as well as he should do to your mies; and there is no harm in that. To honours; and if he had been killed, I sup-be sure it is natural for us to wish our pose he had but his desarts: to be sure, when gentlemen admit inferior parsons into their company, they oft to keep their distance; but, as my first husband used to say, few of 'em know how to do it. For my own part, I am sure I should not have suffered any fellows to include themselves into gentlemen's company: but I thoft he had been an officer himself, till the sergeant told me he was but a recruit.'

'Landlady,' answered the lieutenant, 'you mistake the whole matter. The young man behaved himself extremely well, and is, I believe, a much better gentleman than the ensign who abused him. If the young fellow dies, the man who struck him will have most reason to be sorry for it; for the regiment will get rid of a very troublesome fellow, who is a scandal to the army; and if he escapes from the hands of justice, blame me, madam, that's all.'

Ay! ay! good lack-a-day!' said the landlady; who could have thoft it? Ay, ay, ay, I am satisfied your honour will see justice done; and to be sure it oft to be to every one. Gentlemen oft not to kill poor folks without answering for it. A poor man hath a soul to be saved, as well as his betters.'

'Indeed, madam,' said the lieutenant, 'you do the volunteer wrong; I dare swear he is more of a gentleman than the officer.'

'Ay!' cried the landlady; why look you there, now: well, my first husband was a wise man; he used to say, you can't always know the inside by the outside. Nay, that might have been well enough too; for I never saw'd him till he was all over blood. Who would have thoft it; mayhap, some young gentleman crossed in love. Good lack-a-day, if he should die, what a concern it will be to his parents; why, sure the devil must possess the wicked wretch to do such an act. To be sure, he is a scandal to the army, as your honour says; for most of the gentlemen of the army that

enemies dead, that the wars may be at an end, and our taxes be lowered; for it is a dreadful thing to pay as we do. Why, now, there is above forty shillings for window-lights, and yet we have stopped up all we could; we have almost blinded the house, I am sure. Says I to the exciseman, says I, I think you oft to favour us; I am sure we are very good friends to the government: and so we are for sartain, for we pay a mint of money to 'um. And yet I often think to myself the government doth not imagine itself more obliged to us, than to those that don't pay 'um a farthing. Ay, ay, it is the way of the world."

She was proceeding in this manner, when the surgeon entered the room. The lieutenant immediately asked how his patient did. But he resolved him only by saying, 'Better, I believe, than he would have been by this time, if I had not been called; and even as it is, perhaps, it would have been lucky if I could have been called sooner.'-'I hope, sir,' said the lieutenant, the skull is not fractured.'-' Hum,' cries the surgeon: 'fractures are not always the most dangerous symptoms. Contusions and lacerations are often attended with worse phenomena, and with more fatal consequences, than fractures. People, who know nothing of the matter, conclude, if the skull is not fractured, all is well; whereas, I had rather see a man's skull all broke to pieces, than some contusions I have met with.'-'I hope,' says the lieutenant, 'there are no such symptoms here.'

Symptoms,' answered the surgeon, are not always regular nor constant. Í have known very unfavourable symptoms in the morning change to favourable ones at noon, and return to unfavourable again at night. Of wounds, indeed, it is rightly and truly said, Nemo repente fuit turpissimus. I was once, I remember, called to a patient who had received a violent contusion in his tibia, by which the exterior cutis was lacerated, so that there was a

profuse sanguinary discharge; and the
interior membranes were so divellicated,
that the os or bone very plainly appeared
through the aperture of the vulnus or
wound. Some febrile symptoms interven-
ing at the same time, (for the pulse was
exuberant, and indicated much phleboto-
my,) I apprehended an immediate mortifi-
cation. To prevent which, I presently
made a large orifice in the vein of the left
arm, whence I drew twenty ounces of
blood; which I expected to have found ex-
tremely sizy and glutinous, or indeed co-
agulated, as it is in pleuritic complaints;
but, to my surprise, it appeared rosy and
florid, and its consistency differed little
from the blood of those in perfect health.
I then applied a fomentation to the part,
which highly answered the intention; and,
after three or four times dressing, the
wound began to discharge a thick pus or
matter, by which means the cohesion-
But perhaps I do not make myself per-
fectly well understood?'-' No, really,' an-
swered the lieutenant, I cannot say I un-
derstand a syllable.'-Well, sir,' said the
surgeon, then I shall not tire your pa-
tience; in short, within six weeks my pa-
tient was able to walk upon his legs as
perfectly as he could have done before he
received the contusion.'-'I wish, sir,'
said the lieutenant, you would be so kind
only to inform me, whether the wound this
young gentleman hath had the misfortune
to receive, is likely to prove mortal.'-
'Sir,' answered the surgeon, to say
whether a wound will prove mortal or no,
at first dressing, would be very weak and
foolish presumption: we are all mortal,
and symptoms often occur in a cure which
the greatest of our profession could never
foresee.'

indeed it was lucky she had not named soup or high sauces, for the doctor would have complied, rather than have lost the custom of the house.

The doctor was no sooner gone, than the landlady began to trumpet forth his fame to the lieutenant, who had not, from their short acquaintance, conceived quite so favourable an opinion of his physical abilities as the good woman, and all the neighbourhood, entertained, (and perhaps very rightly ;) for though I am afraid the doctor was a little of a coxcomb, he might be, nevertheless, very much of a surgeon.

The lieutenant having collected from the learned discourse of the surgeon that Mr. Jones was in great danger, gave orders for keeping Mr. Northerton under a very strict guard, designing in the morning to attend him to a justice of peace, and to commit the conducting the troops to Gloucester to the French lieutenant, who, though he could neither read, write, nor speak any language, was, however, a good officer.

In the evening our commander sent a message to Mr. Jones, that if a visit would not be troublesome, he would wait on him. This civility was very kindly and thankfully received by Jones, and the lieutenant accordingly went up to his room, where he found the wounded man much better than he expected; nay, Jones assured his friend, that if he had not received express orders to the contrary from the surgeon, he should have got up long ago; for he appeared to himself to be as well as ever, and felt no other inconvenience from his wound but an extreme soreness on that side of his head.

'I should be very glad,' quoth the lieutenant, if you was as well as you fancy yourself; for then you could be able to do yourself justice immediately; for when a matter can't be made up, as in a case of a blow, the sooner you take him out the better; but I am afraid you think yourself better than you are, and he would have too much advantage over you.'

'But do you think him in danger?' says the other. In danger! ay, surely,' cries the doctor who is there among us, who, in the most perfect health, can be said not to be in danger? Can a man, therefore, with so bad a wound as this be said to be out of danger? All I can say at present is, that it is well I was called as I was, 'I'll try, however,' answered Jones, 'if and perhaps it would have beeen better if you please, and will be so kind to lend me I had been called sooner. I will see him a sword, for I have none here of my own.' again early in the morning; and in the 'My sword is heartily at your service, mean time, let him be kept extremely my dear boy,' cries the lieutenant, kissing quiet, and drink liberally of water-gruel.'-him; you are a brave lad, and I love Won't you allow him sack-whey?' said your spirit; but I fear your strength; for the landlady. Ay, ay, sack-whey,' cries such a blow, and so much loss of blood, the doctor, if you will, provided it be must have very much weakened you; and very small. And a little chicken broth though you feel no want of strength in too?' added she. "Yes, yes, chicken your bed, yet you most probably would broth,' said the doctor, 'is very good.'-after a thrust or two. I can't consent to 'Mayn't I make him some jellies too? your taking him out to night; but I hope said the landlady. 'Ay, ay,' answered you will be able to come up with us before the doctor, jellies are very good for we get many days' march advance; and I wounds, for they promote cohesion.' And give you my honour you shall have satis