truth, there were few occurrences in life | him; and the treaty was now, at the end on which he could not draw advantage of two days, concluded. Nothing then from the precepts of one or other of those remained previous to the office of the great masters. priest, but the office of the lawyers, which threatened to take up so much time, that Western offered to bind himself by all manner of covenants, rather than defer the happiness of the young couple. Indeed, he was so very earnest and pressing, that an indifferent person might have concluded he was more a principal in this match than he really was: but this eagerness was natural to him on all occasions; and he conducted every scheme he undertook in such a manner, as if the success of that alone was sufficient to constitute the whole happiness of his life. The joint importunities of both father and son-in-law would probably have prevailed on Mr. Allworthy, who brooked but ill any delay of giving happiness to others, had not Sophia herself prevented it, and taken measures to put a final end to the whole treaty, and to rob both church and law of those taxes, which these wise bodies have thought proper to receive from the propagation of the human species in a lawful manner. Of which in the next chapter. CHAPTER VII. A strange resolution of Sophia, and a more strange stratagem of Mrs. Honour. Little deceit was indeed necessary to be practised on Mr. Western; who thought the inclinations of his daughter of as little consequence as Blifil himself conceived them to be; but as the sentiments of Mr. Allworthy were of a very different kind, so it was absolutely necessary to impose on him. In this, however, Blifil was so well assisted by Western, that he succeeded without difficulty; for as Mr. Allworthy had been assured by her father, that Sophia had a proper affection for Blifil, and that all which he had suspected concerning Jones was entirely false, Blifil had nothing more to do than to confirm these assertions; which he did with such equivocations, that he preserved a salvo for his conscience; and had the satisfaction of conveying a lie to his uncle, without the guilt of telling one. When he was examined touching the inclinations of Sophia by Allworthy, who said, 'He would on no account be accessary to forcing a young lady into a marriage contrary to her own will;' he answered, 'That the real sentiments of young ladies were very difficult to be understood; that her behaviour to him was full as forward as he wished it; and that, if he could believe her father, she had all the affection for him which any lover could desire. As THOUGH Mrs. Honour was principally for Jones,' said he, whom I am loath to attached to her own interest, she was not call villain, though his behaviour to you, without some little attachment to Sophia. sir, sufficiently justifies the appellation, To say truth, it was very difficult for any his own vanity, or perhaps some wicked one to know that young lady without views, might make him boast of a false-loving her. She no sooner, therefore, hood; for if there had been any reality in heard a piece of news, which she imagined Miss Western's love for him, the greatness to be of great importance to her mistress, of her fortune would never have suffered than, quite forgetting the anger which she him to desert her, as you are well in- had conceived two days before, at her unformed he hath. Lastly, sir, I promise pleasant dismission from Sophia's presence, you I would not myself, for any considera-she ran hastily to inform her of the news. tion, no, not for the whole world, consent The beginning of her discourse was as to marry this young lady, if I was not abrupt as her entrance into the room. 'O persuaded she had all the passion for me dear ma'am!' says she, what doth your which I desire she should have.' la'ship think? To be sure I am frightened This excellent method of conveying a out of my wits; and yet I thought it my falsehood with the heart only, without duty to tell your la'ship, though perhaps making the tongue guilty of an untruth, it may make you angry; for we servants by the means of equivocation and impos- don't always know what will make our ture, hath quieted the conscience of many ladies angry; for, to be sure, every thing a notable deceiver; and yet, when we is always laid to the charge of a servant. consider that it is Omniscience on which When our ladies are out of humour, to be these endeavour to impose, it may possibly sure we must be scolded; and to be sure seem capable of affording only a very su-I should not wonder if your la'ship should perficial comfort; and that this artful and refined distinction between communicating a lie, and telling one, is hardly worth the pains it costs them. Allworthy was pretty well satisfied with what Mr. Western and Mr. Blifil told be out of humour; nay, it must surprise you certainly, ay, and shock you too.'Good Honour, let me know it without any longer preface,' says Sophia; there are few things, I promise you, which will surprise, and fewer which will shock me. -'Dear ma'am,' answered Honour, 'to |nour, I am come to a resolution. I am be sure, I overheard my master talking to determined to leave my father's house this Parson Supple about getting a licence this very night; and if you have the friendship very afternoon; and to be sure I heard for me which you have often professed, him say, your la'ship should be married you will keep me company. That I to-morrow morning. Sophia turned pale will, ma'am, to the world's end,' answered at these words, and repeated eagerly, Honour; but I beg your la'ship to con"To-morrow morning! Yes, ma'am,' sider the consequence, before you underreplied the trusty waiting-woman, 'I will take any rash action. Where can your take my oath I heard my master say so.' la'ship possibly go?'-'There is,' replied -'Honour,' says Sophia, 'you have both Sophia, a lady of quality in London, a surprised and shocked me to such a de- relation of mine, who spent several months gree, that I have scarce any breath or with my aunt in the country; during all spirits left. What is to be done in my which time she treated me with great dreadful situation?'-I wish I was able to kindness, and expressed so much pleasure advise your la'ship,' says she. Do ad- in my company, that she earnestly desired vise me,' cries Sophia, pray, dear Honour, my aunt to suffer me to go with her to advise me. Think what you would at- London. As she is a woman of very tempt if it was your own case.'-'Indeed, great note, I shall easily find her out, and ma'am,' cries Honour, I wish your la'ship I make no doubt of being very well and and I could change situations; that is, I kindly received by her. I would not mean, without hurting your la'ship; for have your la'ship too confident of that,' to be sure I don't wish you so bad as to cries Honour; for the first lady I lived be a servant; but because, that if so be it with used to invite people very earnestly was my case, I should find no manner of to her house; but if she heard afterwards difficulty in it; for, in my poor opinion, they were coming, she used to get out of young Squire Blifil is a charming, sweet, the way. Besides, though this lady would handsome man.'-Don't mention such be very glad to see your la'ship, as to be stuff,' cries Sophia. Such stuff,' repeated Honour; why there. Well, to be sure, what's one man's meat is another man's poison, and the same is altogether as true of women.'-'Honour,' says Sophia, rather than submit to be the wife of that contemptible wretch, I would plunge a dagger into my heart.'-' O lud, ma'am !' answered the other, 'I am sure you frighten me out of my wits now. Let me beseech your la'ship not to suffer such wicked thoughts to come into your head. O lud! to be sure I tremble every inch of me. Dear ma'am, consider, that to be denied Christian burial, and to have your corpse buried in the highway, and a stake drove through you, as Farmer Halfpenny was served at Ox Cross; and, to be sure, his ghost hath walked there ever since, for several people have seen him. To be sure it can be nothing but the devil which can put such wicked thoughts into the head of any body; for certainly it is less wicked to hurt all the world than one's own dear self, and so I have heard said by more parsons than one. If your la'ship hath such a violent aversion, and hates the young gentleman so very bad, that you can't bear to think of going into bed to him; for to be sure there may be such antipathies in nature, and one had lieverer touch a toad than the flesh of some people.' she sure any body would be glad to see your 'Well but, ma'am,' answered Honour, 'how doth your la'ship think of making your escape? Where will you get any horses or conveyance? For as for your own horse, as all the servants know a little how matters stand between my master and your la'ship, Robin will be hanged before he will suffer it to go out of the stable without my master's express orders.'-'I intend to escape,' said Sophia, by walking out of the doors when they are open. I thank Heaven my legs are very able to carry me. They have supported me many a long evening after a fiddle, with no very agreeable partner; and surely they will assist me in running Sophia had been too much wrapt in con- from so detestable a partner for life.'-'Ŏ templation to pay any great attention to Heaven, ma'am! doth your la'ship know the foregoing excellent discourse of her what you are saying? cries Honour, maid; interrupting her, therefore, without would you think of walking about the making any answer to it, she said, 'Ho-country by night, and alone.'-'Not alone,' answered the lady: 'you have promised to bear me company.'-Yes, to be sure,' cries Honour, I will follow your la'ship through the world; but your la'ship had almost as good be alone; for I shall not be able to defend you, if any robbers, or other villains, should meet with you. Nay, I should be in as horrible a fright as your la'ship; for to be certain, they would ravish us both. Besides, ma'am, consider how cold the nights are now: we shall be frozen to death.'-'A good brisk pace,' answered Sophia, will preserve us from the cold; and if you cannot defend me from a villain, Honour, I will defend you; for I will take a pistol with me. There are two always charged in the hall.''Dear ma'am, you frighten me more and more,' cries Honour: sure your la'ship would not venture to fire it off! I had rather run any chance, than your la'ship should do that.'-'Why so?' says Sophia, smiling would not you, Honour, fire a pistol at any one who should attack your virtue To be sure, ma'am,' cries Honour, 'one's virtue is a dear thing, especially to us poor servants; for it is our livelihood, as a body may say: yet I mortally hate fire-arms; for so many accidents happen by them.'-Well, well,' says Sophia, I believe I may insure your virtue at a cheap rate, without carrying any arms with us; for I intend to take horses at the very first town we come to, and we shall hardly be attacked in our way thither. Look'e, Honour, I am resolved to go; and if you will attend me, I promise you I will reward you to the very utmost of my power.' the mercy of Western, who, she doubted not, would in his rage make them suffer martyrdom. The ingenious Mrs. Honour having applied all her oratory to dissuade her mistress from her purpose, when she found her positively determined, at last started the following expedient to remove her clothes, viz. to get herself turned out of doors that very evening. Sophia highly approved this method, but doubted how it might be brought about, Oh! ma'am,' cries Honour, 'your la'ship may trust that to me: we servants very well know how to obtain this favour of our masters and mistresses; though sometimes, indeed, where they owe us more wages than they can readily pay, they will put up with all our affronts, and will hardly take any warning we can give them: but the squire is none of those; and since your la'ship is resolved upon setting out to-night, I warrant I get discharged this afternoon.' It was then resolved that she should pack up some linen and a night-gown for Sophia, with her own things; and as for all her other clothes, the young lady abandoned them with no more remorse than the sailor feels when he throws over the goods of others in order to save his own life. CHAPTER VIII. Containing scenes of altercation, of no very uncommon kind. MRS. Honour had scarce sooner parted from her young lady, than something, (for I would not, like the oid woman in Quevedo, injure the devil by any false accusaThis last argument had a stronger effect tion, and possibly he might have no hand on Honour than all the preceding. And in it,) but something, I say, suggested since she saw her mistress so determined, itself to her, that by sacrificing Sophia and she desisted from any further dissuasions. all her secrets to Mr. Western, she might They then entered into a debate on ways probably make her fortune. Many consiand means of executing their project. derations urged this discovery. The fair Here a very stubborn difficulty occurred, prospect of a handsome reward for so and this was the removal of their effects, great and acceptable a service to the which was much more easily got over by squire, tempted her avarice; and again, the mistress than by the maid: for when the danger of the enterprise she had una lady hath once taken a resolution to run dertaken; the uncertainty of its success: to a lover, or to run from him, all obstacles night, cold, robbers, ravishers, all alarmed are considered as trifles. But Honour her fears. So forcibly did all these operate was inspired by no such motive: she had upon her, that she was almost determined no raptures to expect, nor any terrors to to go directly to the squire, and to lay shun; and besides the real value of her open the whole affair. She was, however, clothes, in which consisted a great part of too upright a judge to decree on one side, her fortune, she had a capricious fondness before she had heard the other. And here, for several gowns, and other things; either first, a journey to London appeared very because they became her, or because they strongly in support of Sophia. She eawere given her by such a particular per- gerly longed to see a place in which she son; because she had bought them lately, fancied charms short only of those which or because she had had them long; or for a raptured saint imagines in Heaven. In some other reason equally good; so that the next place, as she knew Sophia to she could not endure the thoughts of leav-have much more generosity than her masing the poor things behind her, exposed to ter, so her fidelity promised her a greater reward than she could gain by treachery. the quarrel between my master and your She then cross-examined all the articles lady would have robbed us of.'-'I don't which had raised her fears, on the other know, madam,' answered the other, 'what side, and found, on fairly sifting the mat- you mean by we and us. I assure you I ter, that there was very little in them. do not look on any of the servants in this And now both scales being reduced to a house to be proper company for me. I am pretty even balance, her love to her mis- company, I hope, for their betters every tress being thrown into the scale of her in- day in the week. I do not speak on your tegrity, made that preponderate, when a account, Mrs. Honour; for you are a civilcircumstance struck upon her imagination, ized young woman; and when you have which might have had a dangerous effect, seen a little more of the world, I should not had its whole weight been fairly put into be ashamed to walk with you in St. James's the other scale. This was the length of Park.'-'Hoity toity!' cries Honour; 'matime which must intervene before Sophia dam is in her airs, I protest. Mrs. Honour, would be able to fulfil her promises; for forsooth! sure, madam, you might call me though she was entitled to her mother's by my sirname; for though my lady calls fortune at the death of her father, and to me Honour, I have a sirname as well as the sum of 30001. left her by an uncle when other folks. Ashamed to walk with me, she came of age; yet these were distant quotha! marry, as good as yourself, I hope.' days, and many accidents might prevent Since you make such a return to my cithe intended generosity of the young lady; vility,' said the other, I must acquaint whereas the rewards she might expect you, Mrs. Honour, that you are not so from Mr. Western were immediate. But good as me. In the country, indeed, one while she was pursuing this thought, the is obliged to take up with all kind of trumgood genius of Sophia, or that which pre-pery; but in town I visit none but the wosided over the integrity of Mrs. Honour, men of women of quality. Indeed, Mrs. or perhaps mere chance, sent an accident Honour, there is some difference, I hope, in her way, which at once preserved her between you and me.'-'I hope so, too, fidelity, and even facilitated the intended answered Honour: there is some differbusiness. ence in our ages, and, I think, in our perMrs. Western's maid claimed great su- sons.' Upon speaking which last words, periority over Mrs. Honour, on several she strutted by Mrs. Western's maid with accounts. First her birth was higher: for the most provoking air of contempt; turnher great grandmother by the mother's side ing up her nose, tossing her head, and viowas a cousin, not far removed, to an Irish lently brushing the hoop of her competitor peer. Secondly, her wages were greater. with her own. The other lady put on one And lastly, she had been at London, and of her most malicious sneers, and said, had of consequence seen more of the world. Creature! you are below my anger; and She had always behaved, therefore, to Mrs. it is beneath me to give ill words to such Honour with that reserve, and had always an audacious saucy trollop; but, hussy, I exacted of her those marks of distinction, must tell you, your breeding shows the which every order of females preserves and meanness of your birth, as well as of your requires in conversation with those of an education; and both very properly qualify inferior order. Now as Honour did not at you to be the mean serving-woman of a all times agree with this doctrine, but country girl.'-Don't abuse my lady,' would frequently break in upon the respect cries Honour; 'I won't take that of you: which the other demanded, Mrs. Western's she's as much better than yours as she is maid was not at all pleased with her com-younger, and ten thousand times more pany; indeed, she earnestly longed to re- handsomer.' turn home to the house of her mistress, where she domineered at will over all the other servants. She had been greatly, therefore, disappointed in the morning, when Mrs. Western had changed her mind on the very point of departure; and had been in what is vulgarly called a glouting humour ever since. In this humour, which was none of the sweetest, she came into the room where Honour was debating with herself in the manner we have above related. Honour no sooner saw her, than she addressed her in the following obliging phrase: Soh! madam, I find we are to have the pleasure of your company longer, which I was afraid Here ill luck, or rather good luck, sent Mrs. Western to see her maid in tears, which began to flow plentifully at her approach; and of which being asked the reason by her mistress, she presently acquainted her that her tears were occasioned by the rude treatment of that creature there-meaning Honour. And, madam,' continued she, 'I could have despised all she said to me; but she hath had the audacity to affront your ladyship, and to call you ugly-Yes, madam, she called you ugly old cat, to my face. I could not bear to hear your ladyship called ugly.'— Why do you repeat her impudence so often?' said Mrs. Western. And then 171 turning to Mrs. Honour, she asked her, and saying, 'Such handsome b-s as you How she had the assurance to mention don't want jewels to set them off, and be her name with disrespect?'-Disrespect, d-ned to you.' But now, so uncertain madam,' answered Honour; 'I never men- are our tempers, and so much do we at tioned your name at all: I said somebody different times differ from ourselves, she was not as handsome as my mistress, and would hear of no mitigation; nor could all to be sure you know that as well as I.'- the affected penitence of Honour, nor all Hussy,' replied the lady, I will make the entreaties of Sophia for her own sersuch a saucy trollop as yourself know that vant, prevail with her to desist from earI am not a proper subject of your dis-nestly desiring her brother to execute course. And if my brother doth not dis-justiceship, (for it was, indeed, a syllable charge you this moment, I will never sleep more than justice,) on the wench. in his house again. I will find him out, and have you discharged this moment.''Discharged!' cries Honour; and suppose I am: there are more places in the world than one. Thank Heaven, good servants need not want places; and if you turn away all who do not think you handsome, you will want servants very soon; let me tell you that.' Mrs. Western spoke, or rather thundered, in answer; but as she was hardly articulate, we cannot be very certain of the identical words; we shall, therefore, omit inserting a speech which at best would not greatly redound to her honour. She then departed in search of her brother, with a countenance so full of rage, that she resembled one of the furies, rather than a human creature. The two chambermaids being again left alone, began a second bout at altercation, which soon produced a combat of a more active kind. In this the victory belonged to the lady of inferior rank, but not without some loss of blood, of hair, and of lawn and muslin. The wise demeanour of Mr. Western in the character of a magistrate. A hint to justices of peace, concerning the necessary qualifications of a clerk; with extraordinary instances of paternal madness and filial affection. LOGICIANS Sometimes prove too much by an argument, and politicians often overreach themselves in a scheme. Thus had it like to have happened to Mrs. Honour, who, instead of recovering the rest of her clothes, had like to have stopped even those she had on her back from escaping; for the squire no sooner heard of her having abused his sister, than he swore twenty oaths he would send her to Bridewell. Mrs. Western was a very good-natured woman, and ordinarily of a forgiving temper. She had lately remitted the trespass of a stage-coachman, who had overturned her post-chaise into a ditch; nay, she had even broken the law, in refusing to prosecute a highwayman who had robbed her, not only of a sum of money, but of her ear-rings; at the same time d-ning her But luckily the clerk had a qualification, ever to be without, namely, some underwhich no clerk to a justice of peace ought standing in the law of this realm. He, therefore, whispered in the ear of the justice, that he would exceed his authority by committing the girl to Bridewell, as there had been no attempt to break the cannot legally commit any one to Bridepeace; for I am afraid, sir,' says he, 'you well only for ill-breeding.' larly in cases relating to the game, the In matters of high importance, particujustice was not always attentive to these admonitions of his clerk; for, indeed, in execution the laws under that head, many justices of peace suppose they have a large discretionary power, by virtue of which, taking away engines for the destruction under the notion of searching for and of the game, they often commit trespasses, and sometimes felony, at their pleasure. a nature, nor so dangerous to society. wise and significant countenance, after a The squire, therefore, putting on a most preface of several hums and hahs, told his he was of opinion, that as there was no sister, that, upon more mature deliberation, breaking up of the peace, such as the law,' says he, calls breaking open a door, or breaking a hedge, or breaking a head, or any such sort of breaking; the matter did not amount to a felonious kind of a thing, nor trespasses, nor damages; and, therefore, there was no punishment in the law for it.' much better; that she had known servants be so in London; but the law is different |