in his bed, forsooth! a pretty story! ay, ay, those that hide know where to find. Lord forgive him! I warrant he hath many more bastards to answer for, if the truth was known. One comfort is, they will all be known where he is a going now."The servants will find some tokens to remember me by:" those were the very words; I shall never forget them, if I was to live a thousand years. Ay, ay, I shall remember you for huddling me among the servants. One would have thought he might have mentioned my name as well as that of Square; but he is a gentleman, forsooth, though he had not clothes on his back when he came hither first. Marry come up with such gentlemen! though he hath lived here this many years, I don't believe there is arrow a servant in the house ever saw the colour of his money. The devil shall wait upon such a gentleman for me.' Much more of the like kind she muttered to herself; but this taste shall suffice to the reader.

as to put me in balance with one who received his wages. I know to what it is owing: it proceeds from those narrow principles which you have been so long endeavouring to infuse into him, in contempt of every thing which is great and noble. The beauty and loveliness of friendship is too strong for dim eyes, nor can it be perceived by any other medium than that unerring rule of right, which you have so often endeavoured to ridicule, that you have perverted your friend's understanding. I wish,' cries Thwackum, in a rage, I wish, for the sake of his soul, your damnable doctrines have not perverted his faith. It is to this I impute his present behaviour, so unbecoming a Christian. Who but an atheist could think of leaving the world without having first made up his account? without confessing his sins, and receiving that absolution which he knew he had one in the house duly authorised to give him? He will feel the want of these necessaries when it Neither Thwackum nor Square were is too late, when he is arrived at that much better satisfied with their legacies. place, where there is wailing and gnashing Though they breathed not their resent-of teeth. It is then he will find in what ment so loud, yet, from the discontent which appeared in their countenances, as well as from the following dialogue, we collect that no great pleasure reigned in their minds.

mighty stead that heathen goddess, that virtue, which you and all other deists of the age adore, will stand him. He will then summon his priest, when there is none to be found, and will lament the About an hour after they had left the want of that absolution, without which no sick room, Square met Thwackum in the sinner can be safe.'-'If it be so material,' hall, and accosted him thus: Well, sir, says Square, why don't you present it have you heard any news of your friend him of your own accord ?-It hath no since we parted from him?'-' If you mean virtue,' cries Thwackum, but to those Mr. Allworthy,' answered Thwackum, 'I who have sufficient grace to require it. think you might rather give him the ap- But why do I talk thus to a heathen and pellation of your friend; for he seems to an unbeliever? It was you that taught me to have deserved that title.'-The him this lesson, for which you have been title is as good on your side,' replied well rewarded in this world, as I doubt Square, 'for his bounty, such as it is, hath not your disciple will soon be in the other.' been equal to both.'-I should not have I know not what you mean by reward,' mentioned it first,' cries Thwackum, but said Square; but if you hint at that pitisince you begin, I must inform you I am ful memorial of our friendship, which he of a different opinion. There is a wide hath thought fit to bequeath me, I despise distinction between voluntary favours and it; and nothing but the unfortunate situarewards. The duty I have done in his tion of my circumstances should prevail on family, and the care I have taken in the me to accept it.' education of his two boys, are services for which some men might have expected a greater return. I would not have you imagine I am therefore dissatisfied; for St. Paul hath taught me to be content with the little I have. Had the modicum been less, I should have known my duty. But though the scripture obliges me to remain contented, it doth' not enjoin me to shut my eyes to my own merit, nor restrain me from seeing, when I am injured by an unjust comparison.'-'Since you provoke me,' returned Square, that injury is done to me; nor did I ever imagine Mr. Allworthy had held my friendship so light,

The physican now arrived, and began to inquire of the two disputants, how we all did above stairs? In a miserable way,' answered Thwackum. 'It is no more than I expected,' cries the doctor: but pray what symptoms have appeared since I left you?'-No good ones, I am afraid,' replied Thwackum: after what passed at our departure, I think there were little hopes. The bodily physician, perhaps, misunderstood the curer of souls: and, before they came to an explanation, Mr. Blifil came to them with a most melancholy countenance, and acquainted them that he brought sad news; for that his

mother was dead at Salisbury: that she | but as a wise general never despises his had been seized on the road home with enemy, however inferior that enemy's the gout in her head and stomach, which force may be, so neither doth a wise phyhad carried her off in a few hours. 'Good-sician ever despise a distemper, however lack-a-day!' says the doctor. One can- inconsiderable. As the former preserves not answer for events; but I wish I had the same strict discipline, places the same been at hand, to have been called in. The guards, and employs the same scouts, gout is a distemper which it is difficult to though the enemy be never so weak; so treat; yet I have been remarkably suc- the latter maintains the same gravity of cessful in it.' Thwackum and Square both countenance, and shakes his head with the condoled with Mr. Blifil for the loss of his same significant air, let the distemper be mother, which the one advised him to bear never so trifling. And both, among many like a man, and the other like a Christian. other good ones, may assign this solid reaThe young gentleman said, he knew very son for their conduct, that by these means well we were all mortal, and he would the greater glory redounds to them if they endeavour to submit to his loss as well as gain the victory, and the less disgrace, if he could. That he could not, however, by any unlucky accident they should haphelp complaining a little against the pecu- pen to be conquered. liar severity of his fate, which brought the news of so great a calamity to him by surprise, and that at a time when he hourly expected the severest blow he was capable of feeling from the malice of fortune. He said, the present occasion would put to the test those excellent rudiments which he had learnt from Mr. Thwackum and Mr. Square; and it would be entirely owing to them, if he was enabled to survive such misfortunes.

Mr. Allworthy had no sooner lifted up his eyes, and thanked Heaven for these hopes of his recovery, than Mr. Blifil drew near, with a very dejected aspect, and having applied his handkerchief to his eye, either to wipe away his tears, or to do, as Ovid somewhere expresses himself on another occasion,

Si nullus erit, tamen execute nullum,
If there be none, then wipe away that none,

with.

Allworthy received the news with concern, with patience, and with resignation. He dropped a tender tear, then composed his countenance, and at last cried, The Lord's will be done in every thing.'

It was now debated whether Mr. All-he communicated to his uncle what the worthy should be informed of the death of reader hath been just before acquainted his sister. This the doctor violently opposed; in which, I believe, the whole college would agree with him: but Mr. Blifil said, he had received such positive and repeated orders from his uncle, never to keep any secret from him, for fear of the disquietude which it might give him, that he durst not think of disobedience, whatever might be the consequence. He said, for his part, considering the religious and philosophic temper of his uncle, he could not agree with the doctor in his apprehensions. He was therefore resolved to communicate it to him: for if his uncle recovered, (as he heartily prayed he might,) he knew he would never forgive an endeavour to keep a secret of this kind from him.

He now inquired for the messenger: but Blifil told him, it had been impossible to detain him a moment; for he appeared by business of importance on his hands: that the great hurry he was in to have some he complained of being hurried, and driven and torn out of his life, and repeated many times, that if he could divide himself into four quarters, he knew how to dispose of

every one.

occasion.

Allworthy then desired Blifil to take care The physician was forced to submit to of the funeral. He said, he would have these resolutions, which the two other his sister deposited in his own chapel; and learned gentlemen very highly commended. as to the particulars, he left them to his So together moved Mr. Blifil and the doc-own discretion, only mentioning the pertor towards the sick room; where the son whom he would have employed on this physician first entered, and approached the bed, in order to feel his patient's pulse, which he had no sooner done, than he declared he was much better; that the last application had succeeded to a miracle, and had brought the fever to intermit; so that, he said, there appeared now to be as little danger, as he had before apprehended there were hopes.

To say the truth, Mr. Allworthy's situation had never been so bad as the great caution of the doctor had represented it;

CHAPTER IX.

Which, among other things, may serve as a comment on that saying of Eschines, that "Drunkenness shows the mind of a man, as a mirror reflects his person."

THE reader may, perhaps, wonder at hearing nothing of Mr. Jones in the last chapter. In fact, his behaviour was so different from that of the persons there

་

mentioned, that we chose not to confound toasts,) he became very soon literally his name with theirs. drunk.

Jones had naturally violent animal spirits: these being set on float, and augmented by the spirit of wine, produced most extravagant effects. He kissed the doctor, and embraced him with the most passionate endearments; swearing that, next to Mr. Allworthy himself, he loved him of all men living. 'Doctor,' added he, 'you deserve a statue to be erected to you at the public expense, for having preserved a man, who is not only the darling of all good men who know him, but a blessing to society, the glory of his country, and an honour to human nature. D-n me if I don't love him better than my own soul.';

When the good man had ended his speech, Jones was the last who deserted the room. Thence he retired to his own apartment, to give vent to his concern; but the restlessness of his mind would not suffer him to remain long there: he slipped softly, therefore, to Allworthy's chamber-door, where he listened a considerable time without hearing any kind of motion within, unless a violent snoring, which at last his fears misrepresented as groans. This so alarmed him, that he could not forbear entering the room; where he found the good man in the bed, in a sweet composed sleep, and his nurse snoring in the abovementioned hearty manner, at the bed's feet. He immediately took the only More shame for you,' cries Thwackum. method of silencing this thorough bass,Though I think you have reason to love whose music he feared might disturb Mr. him, for he hath provided very well for Allworthy; and then sitting down by the you. And, perhaps, it might have been nurse, he remained motionless till Blifil better for some folks, that he hath not and the doctor came in together, and lived to see just reason of revoking his waked the sick man, in order that the gift.' doctor might feel his pulse, and that the other might communicate to him that piece of news, which, had Jones been apprised of it, would have had great difficulty of finding its way to Mr. Allworthy's ear at such a season.

Jones now, looking on Thwackum with inconceivable disdain, answered, 'And doth thy mean soul imagine, that any such considerations could weigh with me? No, let the earth open and swallow her own dirt, (if I had millions of acres, I would say it,) rather than swallow up my dear glorious friend.'

Quis desiderio sit pudor aut modus
Tam chari capitis ?*

When he first heard Blifil tell his uncle this story, Jones could hardly contain the wrath which kindled in him at the other's indiscretion, especially as the doctor shook his head, and declared his unwillingness to have the matter mentioned to his pa- The doctor now interposed, and pretient. But as his passion did not so far vented the effects of a wrath which was deprive him of all use of his understand-kindling between Jones and Thwackum; ing, as to hide from him the consequences which any violent expression towards Bliti might have on the sick, this apprehension stilled his rage at the present; and he grew afterwards so satisfied with finding that his news had, in fact, produced no mischief, that he suffered his anger to die in his own bosom, without ever mentioning it to Blifil.

The physician dined that day at Mr. Allworthy's; and having after dinner visited his patient, he returned to the company, and told them, that he had now the satisfaction to say, with assurance, that his patient was out of all danger; that he had brought his fever to a perfect intermission, and doubted not, by throwing in the bark, to prevent its return.

This account so pleased Jones, and threw him into such immoderate excess of rapture, that he might be truly said to be drunk with joy;-an intoxication which greatly forwards the effects of wine; and as he was very free too with the bottle on this occasion, (for he drank many bumpers to the doctor's health, as well as to other R

VOL. 1.

after which the former gave a loose to mirth, sang two or three amorous songs, and fell into every frantic disorder which unbridled joy is apt to inspire; but so far that he was ten times better humoured, was he from any disposition to quarrel, if possible, than when he was sober.

To say truth, nothing is more erroneous than the common observation, that men, who are ill-natured and quarrelsome when they are drunk, are very worthy persons when they are sober; for drink in reality, doth not reverse nature, or create passions in men, which did not exist in them before. It takes away the guard of reason, and consequently forces us to produce those symptoms, which many, when sober, have art enough to conceal. It heightens and that passion which is uppermost in our inflames our passions, (generally indeed

*What modesty or measure can set bounds to our desire of so dear a friend? The word desiderium here cannot be easily translated. It includes our de

sire of enjoying our friend again, and the grief which attends that desire.

mind,) so that the angry temper, the amo- | humour, had some mixture of the irascible rous, the generous, the good-humoured, in his constitution, leaped hastily from his the avaricious, and all other dispositions of men, are in their cups heightened and exposed.

chair, and catching hold of Blifil's collar, cried out, 'D-n you for a rascal! do you insult me with the misfortune of my birth? And yet, as no nation produces so many He accompanied these words with such drunken quarrels, especially among the rough actions, that they soon got the lower people, as England, (for, indeed, with better of Mr. Blifil's peaceful temper; them to drink and to fight together, are and a scuffle immediately ensued, which almost synonymous terms,) I would not, might have produced mischief, had it not methinks, have it thence concluded, that been prevented by the interposition of the English are the worst-natured people Thwackum and the physician; for the alive. Perhaps the love of glory only is philosophy of Square rendered him supeat the bottom of this; so that the fair con-rior to all emotions, and he very calmly clusion seems to be, that our countrymen smoked his pipe, as was his custom in all have more of that love, and more of bra-broils, unless when he apprehended some very, than any other plebeians. And this danger of having it broke in his mouth. the rather, as there is seldom any thing The combatants being now prevented ungenerous, unfair, or ill-natured, exer- from executing present vengeance on each cised on these occasions; nay, it is com- other, betook themselves to the common mon for the combatants to express good-resources of disappointed rage, and vented will for each other even at the time of the their wrath in threats and defiance. In conflict; and as their drunken mirth gene- this kind of conflict, Fortune, which, in rally ends in a battle, so do most of their the personal attack, seemed to incline to battles end in friendship. Jones, was now altogether as favourable to his enemy.

But to return to our history. Though Jones had shown no design of giving offence, yet Mr. Blifil was highly offended at a behaviour which was so inconsistent with the sober and prudent reserve of his own temper. He bore it too with the greater impatience, as it appeared to him very indecent at this season: When,' as he said, the house was a house of mourning, on the account of his dear mother; and if it had pleased heaven to give him some prospect of Mr. Allworthy's recovery, it would become them better to express the exultations of their hearts in thanksgiving, than in drunkenness and riot: which were properer methods to increase the divine wrath, than to avert it.' Thwackum, who had swallowed more liquor than Jones, but without any ill effect on his brain, seconded the pious harangue of Blifil; but Square, for reasons which the reader may probably guess, was totally silent.

Wine had not so totally overpowered Jones, as to prevent his recollecting Mr. Bliff's loss, the moment it was mentioned. As no person, therefore, was more ready to confess and condemn his own errors, he offered to shake Mr. Blifil by the hand, and begged his pardon, saying, 'His excessive joy for Mr. Allworthy's recovery had driven every other thought out of his mind.'

Blifil scornfully rejected his hand; and, with much indignation, answered, 'It was little to be wondered at, if tragical spectacles made no impression on the blind; but, for his part, he had the misfortune to know who his parents were, and consequently must be affected with their loss.'

A truce, nevertheless, was at length agreed on, by the mediation of the neutral parties, and the whole company again sat down at the table; where Jones being prevailed on to ask pardon, and Blifil to give it, peace was restored, and every thing seemed in statu quo.

But though the quarrel was, in all appearance, perfectly reconciled, the goodhumour, which had been interrupted by it, was by no means restored. All merriment was now at an end, and_the_subsequent discourse consisted only of grave relations of matters of fact, and of as grave observations upon them;-a species of conversation, in which, though there is much of dignity and instruction, there is but little entertainment. As we presume, therefore, to convey only this last to the reader, we shall pass by whatever was said, till the rest of the company having by degrees dropped off, left only Square and the physician together; at which time the conversation was a little heightened by some comments on what had happened between the two young gentlemen; both of whom the doctor declared to be no better than scoundrels; to which appellation the philosopher, very sagaciously shaking his head, agreed.

CHAPTER X.

Showing the truth of many observations of Ovid, and of other more grave writers, who have proved, beyond contradiction, that wine is often the forerunner of incontinency.

JONES retired from the company, in

Jones, who, notwithstanding his good-which we have seen him engaged, into

the fields, where he intended to cool him- | proached. Our hero had his penknife in self by a walk in the open air, before he his hand, which he had drawn for the beattended Mr. Allworthy. There, whilst fore-mentioned purpose of carving on the he renewed those meditations on his dear bark; when the girl coming near him, Sophia, which the dangerous illness of his cried out with a smile, 'You don't intend friend and benefactor had for some time to kill me, squire, I hope?'-'Why should interrupted, an accident happened, which you think I would kill you?' answered with sorrow we relate, and with sorrow Jones. 'Nay,' replied she, 'after your doubtless will it be read; however, that cruel usage of me when I saw you last, historic truth, to which we profess so in-killing me, would, perhaps, be too great violable an attachment, obliges us to com- kindness for me to expect.' municate it to posterity.

Here ensued a parley, which, as I do not think myself obliged to relate it, I shall omit. It is sufficient that it lasted a full quarter of an hour, at the conclusion of which they retired into the thickest part of the grove.

It was now a pleasant evening in the latter end of June, when our hero was walking in a most delicious grove, where the gentle breezes fanning the leaves, together with the sweet trilling of a murmuring stream, and the melodious notes Some of my readers may be inclined to of nightingales, formed altogether the think this event unnatural. However, the most enchanting harmony. In this scene, fact is true; and, perhaps, may be suffiso sweetly accommodated to love, he medi- ciently accounted for by suggesting, that tated on his dear Sophia. While his wan-Jones probably thought one woman better ton fancy roved unbounded over all her than none; and Molly as probably imagined beauties, and his lively imagination painted two men to be better than one. Besides the charming maid in various ravishing the before-mentioned motive assigned to forms, his warm heart melted with tender- the present behaviour of Jones, the reader ness; and, at length, throwing himself on will be likewise pleased to recollect in his the ground, by the side of a gently mur- favour, that he was not at this time perfect muring brook, he broke forth in the fol- master of that wonderful power of reason, lowing ejaculation: which so well enables grave and wise men 'O Sophia, would Heaven give thee to to subdue their unruly passions, and to my arms, how blest would be my condition! decline any of these prohibited amuseCurst be that fortune which sets a distance ments. Wine now had totally subdued between us. Was I but possessed of thee, this power in Jones. He was, indeed, in one only suit of rags thy whole estate, is a condition, in which, if reason had interthere a man on earth whom I would envy! posed, though only to advise, she might How contemptible would the brightest have received the answer which one CleCircassian beauty, dressed in all the jew-ostratus gave many years ago to a silly els of the Indies, appear to my eyes! But fellow, who asked him, if he was not why do I mention another woman? Could ashamed to be drunk? Are not you,' I think my eyes capable of looking at any said Cleostratus, ashamed to admonish a other with tenderness, these hands should drunken man?'-To say the truth, in a tear them from my head. No, my Sophia, court of justice, drunkenness must not be if cruel fortune separates us for ever, my an excuse, yet in a court of conscience it soul shall doat on thee alone. The chastest is greatly so; and therefore Aristotle, who constancy will I ever preserve to thy commends the laws of Pittacus, by which image. Though I should never have pos- drunken men received double punishment session of thy charming person, still shalt for their crimes, allows there is more of thou alone have possession of my thoughts, policy than justice in that law. Now, if my love, my soul. Oh! my fond heart is there are any transgressions pardonable so wrapt in that tender bosom, that the from drunkenness, they are certainly such brightest beauties would for me have no as Mr. Jones was at present guilty of; on charms, nor would a hermit be colder in which head I could pour forth a vast protheir embraces. Sophia, Sophia alone shall fusion of learning, if I imagined it would be mine. What raptures are in that name! either entertain my reader, or teach him I will engrave it on every tree.' any thing more than he knows already. For his sake, therefore, I shall keep my learning to myself, and return to my history.

At these words he started up, and beheld-not his Sophia-no, nor a Circassian maid richly and elegantly attired for the grand seignior's seraglio. No; without a It hath been observed, that Fortune selgown, in a shift that was somewhat of the dom doth things by halves. To say truth, coarsest, and none of the cleanest, bedewed there is no end to her freaks, whenever likewise with some odoriferous effluvia, the she is disposed to gratify or displease. No produce of the day's labour, with a pitch-sooner had our hero retired with his Dido, fork in her hand, Molly Seagrim ap-but