CHAP. XIV.

Containing several curious night-adventures, in which Mr Adams fell into many hair-breadth scapes, partly owing to his goodness, and partly to his inadvertency.

ABOUT an hour after they had all separated, (it being now past three in the morning,) Beau Didapper, whose passion for Fanny permitted him not to close his eyes, but had employed his imagination in contrivances how to satisfy his desires, at last hit on a method by which he hoped to effect it. He had ordered his servant to bring him word where Fanny lay, and had received his information; he therefore arose, put on his breeches and night-gown, and stole softly along the gallery which led to her apartment; and being come to the door, as he imagined it, he opened it with the least noise possible, and entered the chamber. A savour now invaded his nostrils, which he did not expect in the room of so sweet a young creature, and which might have probably had no good effect on a cooler lover. However, he groped out the bed with difficulty; for there was not a glimpse of light; and opening the curtains, he whispered in Joseph's voice, (for he was an excellent mimic,) "Fanny, my angel, I am come to inform thee that I have discovered the falsehood of the story we last night heard. I am no longer thy brother, but thy lover; nor will I be delayed the enjoyment of thee one moment longer. You have sufficient assurances of my constancy not to doubt my marrying you, and it would be want of love to deny me the possession of thy charms."-So saying, he disencumbered himself from the little clothes he had on, and, leaping into the bed, embraced his angel, as he conceived her, with great rapture. If he was surprised at receiving no answer, he was no less pleased to find his hug returned with equal ardour. He remained not long in this sweet confusion; for both he and his paramour presently discovered their error. Indeed it was no other than the accomplished Slipslop whom he had engaged; but though she immediately knew the person whom she had mistaken for Joseph, he was at a loss to guess at the representative of Fanny. He had so little seen or taken notice of this gentlewoman, that light itself would have afforded him no assistance in his conjecture. Beau Didapper no sooner had perceived his mistake, than he attempted to escape from the bed with much greater haste than he had made to it; but the watchful Slipslop prevented him. For that prudent woman being disappointed of those delicious offerings which her fancy had promised her pleasure, resolved to make an immediate sacrifice to her virtue. Indeed she wanted an op

portunity to heal some wounds which her late conduct had, she feared, given her reputation ; and as she had a wonderful presence of mind, she conceived the person of the unfortunate beau to be luckily thrown in her way to restore her lady's opinion of her impregnable chastity. At that instant, therefore, when he offered to leap from the bed, she caught fast hold of his shirt, at the same time roaring out, "O thou villain! thou hast attacked my chastity, and, I believe, ruined me in my sleep; I will swear a rape against thee-I will prosecute thee with the ut most vengeance." The beau attempted to get loose, but she held him fast, and when he struggled, she cried out, "Murder! murder! rape! robbery! ruin!" At which words parson Adams, who lay in the next chamber, wakeful, and meditating on the pedlar's discovery, jumped out of bed, and, without staying to put a rag of clothes on, hastened into the apartment whence the cries proceeded. He made directly to the bed in the dark, where laying hold of the beau's skin, (for Slipslop had torn his shirt almost off,) and finding his skin extremely soft, and hearing him in a low voice begging Slipslop to let him go, he no longer doubted but this was the young woman in danger of ravishing, and immediately falling on the bed, and laying hold on Slipslop's chin, where he found a rough beard, his belief was confirmed; he therefore rescued the beau, who presently made his escape, and then turning towards Slipslop, received such a cuff on his chops, that his wrath kindling instantly, he of fered to return the favour so stoutly, that, had poor Slipslop received the fist, which in the dark past by her, and fell on the pillow, she would most probably have given up the ghost.-Adams missing his blow, fell directly on Slipslop, who cuffed and scratched as well as she could; nor was he behind-hand with her in his endeavours, but happily the darkness of the night befriended her. She then cried she was a woman; but Adams answered, she was rather the devil, and if she was, he would grapple with him; and being again irritated by another stroke on his chops, he gave her such a remembrance in the guts, that she began to roar loud enough to be heard all over the house. Adams then seizing her by the hair (for her double-clout had fallen off in the scuffle) pinned her head down to the bolster, and then both called for lights together. The Lady Booby, who was as wakeful as any of her guests, had been alarmed from the beginning; and being a woman of a bold spirit, she slipt on a night-gown, petticoat, and slippers, and taking a candle, which always burnt in her chamber, in her hand, she walked undauntedly to Slipslop's room, where she entered just at the instant as Adams had discovered, by the two mountains which Slipslop carried before her, that he was concerned with a female. He then concluded her to be a witch, and said, he fan

cied those breasts gave suck to a legion of devils. Slipslop seeing Lady Booby enter the room, cried, "Help! or I am ravished," with a most audidible voice; and Adams perceiving the light, turned hastily, and saw the lady (as she did him) just as she came to the feet of the bed; nor did her modesty, when she found the naked condition of Adams, suffer her to approach farther. She then began to revile the parson as the wickedest of all men, and particularly railed at his impudence in chusing her house for the scene of his debaucheries, and her own woman for the object of his bestiality. Poor Adams had before discovered the countenance of his bedfellow, and now first recollecting he was naked, he was no less confounded than Lady Booby herself, and immediately whipt under the bedclothes, whence the chaste Slipslop endeavoured in vain to shut him out. Then putting forth his head, on which by way of ornament he wore a flannel night-cap, he protested his innocence, and asked ten thousand pardons of Mrs Slipslop for the blows he had struck her, vowing he had mistaken her for a witch. Lady Booby then casting her eyes on the ground, observed something sparkle with great lustre, which, when she hat taken it up, appeared to be a very fine pair of diamond buttons for the sleeves. A little farther she saw the sleeve itself of a shirt with laced ruffles. "Hey-day!" says she, "what is the meaning of this ?"-" O, madam," says Slipslop, "I don't know what hath happened, I have been so terrified. Here may have been a dozen men in the room."-" To whom belongs this laced shirt and jewels?" says the lady. "Undoubtedly," cries the parson, 66 to the young gentleman, whom I mistook for a woman on coming into the room, whence proceeded all the subsequent mistakes; for if I had suspected him for a man, I would have seized him had he been another Hercules, though indeed he seems rather to resemble Hylas."-He then gave an account of the reason of his rising from bed, and the rest, till the lady came into the room; at which, and the figures of Slipslop and her gallant, whose heads only were visible at the opposite corners of the bed, she could not refrain from laughter; nor did Slipslop persist in accusing the parson of any motions towards a rape. The lady therefore, desiring him to return to his bed as soon as she was departed, and then ordering Slipslop to rise and attend her in her own room, she returned herself thither. When she was gone, Adams renewed his petitions for pardon to Mrs Slipslop, who, with a most Christian temper, not only forgave, but began to move with much courtesy towards him, which he taking as a hint to be gone, immediately quitted the bed, and made the best of his way towards his own; but unluckily, instead of turning to the right, he turned to the left, and went to the apartment where Fanny lay, who (as the reader

may remember) had not slept a wink the preceding night, and who was so hagged out with what had happened to her in the day, that, notwithstanding all thoughts of her Joseph, she was fallen into so profound a sleep, that all the noise in the adjoining room had not been able to disturb her. Adams groped out the bed, and turning the clothes down softly, a custom Mrs Adams had long accustomed him to, crept in and deposited his carcase on the bed-post, a place which that good woman had always assigned him.

As the cat or lap-dog of some lovely nymph, for whom ten thousand lovers languish, lies quietly by the side of the charming maid, and, ignorant of the scene of delight on which they repose, meditates the future capture of a mouse, or surprisal of a plate of bread and butter; so Adams lay by the side of Fanny, ignorant of the paradise to which he was so near; nor could the emanation of sweets which flowed from her breath, overpower the fumes of tobacco which played in the parson's nostrils. And now sleep had not overtaken the good man, when Joseph, who had secretly appointed Fanny to come to her at the break of day, rapped softly at the chamber-door, which, when he had repeated twice, Adams cried, "Come in, whoever you are." Joseph thought he had mistaken the door, though she had given him the most exact directions; however, knowing his friend's voice, he opened it, and saw some female vestments lying in a chair. Fanny waking at the same instant, and stretching out her hand on Adams's beard, she cried out, "O heavens! where am I?""Bless me! where am I?" said the parson.Then Fanny screamed, Adams leapt out of bed, and Joseph stood, as the tragedians call it, like the statue of Surprise. "How came she into my room?" cried Adams." How came you into her's?" cried Joseph, in an astonishment.-"I know nothing of the matter," answered Adams, "but that she is a vestal for me. As I am a Christian, I know not whether she is a man or woman. He is an infidel who doth not believe in witchcraft. They as surely exist now as in the days of Saul. My clothes are bewitched away too, and Fanny's brought into their place." For he still insisted he was in his own apartment; but Fanny denied it vehemently, and said, his attempting to persuade Joseph of such a falsehood, convinced her of his wicked design. "How!" said Joseph in a rage, "hath he offered any rudeness to you?"-She answered, she could not accuse him of any more than villainously stealing to bed to her, which she thought rudeness sufficient, and what no man would do without a wicked intention. Joseph's great opinion of Adams was not so easily to be staggered, and when he heard from Fanny, that no harm had happened, he grew a little cooler; yet still he was confounded, and as he knew the house,

and that the women's apartments were on this side, Mrs Slipslop's room and the men's on the other, he was convinced that he was in Fanny's chamber. Assuring Adams therefore of this truth, he begged him to give some account how he came there. Adams then, standing in his shirt, which did not offend Fanny, as the curtains of the bed were drawn, related all that had happened; and when he had ended, Joseph told him, it was plain he had mistaken, by turning to the right instead of the left. "Odso!" cries Adams, "that's true, as sure as sixpence, you have hit on the very thing." He then traversed the room, rubbing his hands, and begged Fanny's pardon, assuring her he did not know whether she was man or woman. That innocent creature firmly believing all he said, told him she was no longer angry, and begged Joseph to conduct him into his own apartment, where he should stay himself, till she had put her clothes on. Joseph and Adams accordingly departed, and the latter soon was convinced of the mistake he had committed; however, whilst he was dressing himseif, he often asserted he believed in the power of witchcraft notwithstanding, and did not see how a Christian could deny it.

CHAP. XV.

The arrival of Gaffer and Gammer Andrews, with another person not much expected; and a perfect solution of the difficulties raised by the pedlar.

As soon as Fanny was dressed, Joseph returned to her, and they had a long conversation together, the conclusion of which was, that if they found themselves to be really brother and sister, they vowed a perpetual celibacy, and to live together all their days, and indulge a Platonic friendship for each other.

The company were all very merry at breakfast, and Joseph and Fanny rather more cheerful than the preceding night. The Lady Booby produced the diamond button, which the beau most readily owned, and alleged that he was very subject to walk in his sleep. Indeed he was far from being ashamed of his amour, and rather endeavoured to insinuate, that more than was really true had passed between him and the fair Slipslop.

Their tea was scarce over, when news came of the arrival of old Mr Andrews and his wife. They were immediately introduced, and kindly received by the Lady Booby, whose heart went now pit-a-pat, as did those of Joseph and Fanny. They felt perhaps little less anxiety in this interval, than Edipus himself, whilst his fate was revealing.

Mr Booby first opened the cause, by informing the old gentleman that he had a child in the company more than he knew of, and taking

VOL. I.

Fanny by the hand, told him, this was that daughter of his who had been stolen away by gypsies in her infancy. Mr Andrews, after expressing some astonishment, assured his honour, that he had never lost a daughter by gypsies, nor ever had any other children than Joseph and Pamela. These words were a cordial to the two lovers, but had a different effect on Lady Booby. She ordered the pedlar to be called, who recounted his story as he had done before. At the end of which old Mrs Andrews running to Fanny, embraced her, crying out, "She is, she is my child!" The company were all amazed at this disagreement between the man and his wife ; and the blood had now forsaken the cheeks of the lovers, when the old woman turning to her husband, who was more surprised than all the rest, and having a little recovered her own spirits, delivered herself as follows. "You may remember, my dear, when you went a sergeant to Gibraltar, you left me big with child; you staid abroad, you know, upwards of three years. In your absence, I was brought to bed, I verily believe, of this daughter, whom I am sure I have reason to remember, for I suckled her at this very breast till the day she was stolen from me. One afternoon, when the child was about a year, or a year and half old, or thereabouts, two gypsey women came to the door, and offered to tell my fortune. One of them had a child in her lap; I shewed them my hand, and desired to know if you was ever to come home again, which, I remember as well as if it was but yesterday, they faithfully promised me you should. I left the girl in the cradle, and went to draw them a cup of liquor, the best I had; when I returned with the pot (I am sure I was not absent longer than whilst I am telling it to you) the women were gone. I was afraid they had stolen something, and looked and looked, but to no purpose, and heaven knows I had very little for them to steal. At last, hearing the child cry in the cradle, I went to take it up;-but O'the living! how was I surprised to find, instead of my own girl that I had put in the cradle, who was as fine a fat thriving child as you shall see in a summer's day, a poor sickly boy, that did not seem to have an hour to live. I ran out, pulling my hair off, and crying like any mad after the women, but never could hear a word of them from that day to this. When I came back, the poor infant (which is our Joseph there, as stout as he now stands) lifted up his eyes upon me so piteously, that to be sure, notwithstanding my passion, I could not find it in my heart to do it any mischief. A neighbour of mine happening to come in at the same time, and hearing the case, advised me to take care of this poor child, and God would perhaps one day restore me my own. Upon which I took the child up, and suckled it, to be sure, all the world as if it had been born of my own natural body. And as true as I am alive, in a little time I loved.

I

the boy all to nothing as if it had been my own girl. Well, as I was saying, times growing very hard, I having two children, and nothing but my own work, which was little enough, God knows, to maintain them, was obliged to ask relief of the parish; but, instead of giving it me, they removed me, by justices warrants, fifteen miles, to the place where I now live, where I had not been long settled before you came home. Joseph (for that was the name I gave him myself-the Lord knows whether he was baptized or no, or by what name) Joseph, I say, seemed to me to be about five years old when you returned; for I believe he is two or three years older than our daughter, (for I am thoroughly convinced she is the same); and when you saw him, you said he was a chopping boy, without ever minding his age; and so I seeing you did not suspect any thing of the matter, thought I might e'en as well keep it to myself, for fear you should not love him as well as I did. And all this is veritably true, and I will take my oath of it before any justice in the kingdom."

The pedlar, who had been summoned by the order of Lady Booby, listened with the utmost attention to Gammer Andrews's story, and when she had finished, asked her if the supposititious child had no mark on it's breast? To which she answered, Yes, he had as fine a strawberry as ever grew in a garden. This Joseph acknowledged, and, unbuttoning his coat at the intercession of the company, shewed to them. "Well," says Gaffer Andrews, who was a comical sly old fellow, and very likely desired to have no more children than he could keep," you have proved, I think, very plainly, that this boy doth not be long to us; but how are you certain that the girl is ours?" The parson then brought the pedlar forward, and desired him to repeat the story which he had communicated to him the preceding day at the alehouse; which he complied with, and related what the reader, as well as Mr Adams, hath seen before. He then confirmed, from his wife's report, all the circumstances of the exchange, and of the strawberry on Joseph's breast. At the repetition of the word strawberry, Adams, who had seen it without any emotion, started and cried, " Bless me! something comes into my head." But before he had time to bring any thing out, a servant called him forth. When he was gone, the pedlar assured Joseph, that his parents were persons of much greater circumstances than those he had hitherto mistaken for such; for that he had been stolen from a gentleman's house, by those whom they call gypsies, and had been kept by them during a whole year, when looking on him as in a dying condition, they had exchanged him for the other healthier child, in the manner before related. He said, as to the name of his father, his wife had either never known or forgot it; but that she had acquainted him he lived about forty miles from the place where

the exchange had been made, and which way, promising to spare no pains in endeavouring with him to discover the place.

But fortune, which seldom doth good or ill, or makes men happy or miserable by halves, resolved to spare him this labour. The reader may please to recollect, that Mr Wilson had intended a journey to the West, in which he was to pass through Mr Adams's parish, and had promised to call on him. He was now arrived at the Lady Booby's gates for that purpose, being directed thither from the parson's house, and had sent in the servant whom we have above seen call Mr Adams forth. This had no sooner mentioned the discovery of a stolen child, and had uttered the word strawberry, than Mr Wilson, with wildness in his looks, and the utmost eagerness in his words, begged to be shewed into the room, where he entered without the least regard to any of the company but Joseph, and embracing him with a complexion all pale and trembling, desired to see the mark on his breast; the parson followed him, capering, rubbing his hands, and crying out, Hic est quem quæris; inventus est, &c. Joseph complied with the request of Mr Wilson, who no sooner saw the mark, than abandoning himself to the most extravagant rapture of passion, he embraced Joseph with inexpressible ecstacy, and cried out in tears of joy, "I have discovered my son, I have him again in my arms!"-Joseph was not sufficiently apprized yet, to taste the same delight with his father, (for so in reality he was ;) however, he returned some warmth to his embraces: but he no sooner perceived, from his father's account, the agreement of every circumstance, of person, time, and place, than he threw himself at his feet, and embracing his knees, with tears begged his blessing, which was given with much affection, and received with such respect, mixed with such tenderness on both sides, that it affected all present; but none so much as Lady Booby, who left the room in an agony, which was but too much perceived, and not very charitably ac counted for by some of the company.

fondness, imputed her abrupt departure to her pride, and disdain of the family into which he was married; he was therefore desirous to be gone with the utmost celerity: and now, having congratulated Mr Wilson and Joseph on the discovery, he saluted Fanny, called her sister, and introduced her as such to Pamela, who behaved with great decency on the occasion.

He now sent a message to his aunt, who returned, that she wished him a good journey; but was too disordered to see any company: he therefore prepared to set out, having invited Mr Wilson to his house; and Pamela and Joseph both so insisted on his complying, that he at last consented, having first obtained a messenger from Mr Booby, to acquaint his wife with the news; which, as he knew it would render her completely happy, he could not prevail on himself to delay a moment in acquainting her

with.

The company were ranged in this manner. The two old people, with their two daughters, rode in the coach; the squire, Mr Wilson, Joseph, Parson Adams, and the pedlar, proceeded on horseback.

In their way Joseph informed his father of his intended match with Fanny; to which, though he expressed some reluctance at first, on the eagerness of his son's instances he consented, saying, if she was so good a creature as she appeared, and he described her, he thought the disadvantages of birth and fortune might be compensated. He, however, insisted on the match being deferred till he had seen his mother; in which Joseph, perceiving him positive, with great duty obeyed him, to the great delight of Parson Adams, who, by these means, saw an opportunity of fulfilling the church forms, and marrying his parishioners without a licence.

Mr Adams, greatly exulting on this occasion, (for such ceremonies were matters of no small moment with him,) accidentally gave spurs to his horse, which the generous beast disdaining, for he was of high mettle, and had been used to more expert riders than the gentleman who at present bestrode him, for whose horsemanship he had, perhaps, some contempt, immediately ran away full speed, and played so many antic tricks, that he tumbled the parson from his back; which Joseph perceiving, came to his relief. This accident afforded infinite merriment to the servants, and no less frighted poor Fanny, who beheld him as he passed by the coach; but the mirth of the one and terror of the other were soon determined, when the parson declared he had received no damage.

The horse having freed himself from his unworthy rider, as he probably thought him, proceeded to make the best of his way; but was stopped by a gentleman and his servants who were travelling the opposite way, and were now at a little distance from the coach. They soon

met; and as one of the servants delivered Adams his horse, his master hailed him, and Adams looking up, presently recollected he was the justice of peace before whom he and Fanny had made their appearance. The parson presently saluted him very kindly; and the justice informed him, that he had found the fellow who attempted to swear against him and the young woman the very next day, and had committed him to Salisbury gaol, where he was charged with many robberies.

Many compliments having passed between the parson and the justice, the latter proceeded on his journey, and the former having, with some disdain, refused Joseph's offer of changing horses, and declared he was as able a horseman as any in the kingdom, remounted his beast; and now the company again proceeded, and happily arrived at their journey's end, Mr Adams, by good luck rather than by good riding, escaping a second fall.

The company arriving at Mr Booby's house, were all received by him in the most courteous, and entertained in the most splendid manner, after the custom of the old English hospitality, which is still preserved in some very few families in the remote parts of England. They all passed that day with the utmost satisfaction; it being, perhaps, impossible to find any set of people more solidly and sincerely happy. Joseph and Fanny found means to be alone upwards of two hours, which were the shortest, but the sweetest imaginable.

In the morning, Mr Wilson proposed to lis son to make a visit with him to his mother, which, notwithstanding his dutiful inclinations, and a longing desire he had to see her, a little concerned him, as he must be obliged to leave his Fanny: but the goodness of Mr Booby relieved him; for he proposed to send his own coach and six for Mrs Wilson, whom Pamela so very earnestly invited, that Mr Wilson at length agreed with the entreaties of Mr Booby and Joseph, and suffered the coach to go empty for his wife.

On Saturday night the coach returned with Mrs Wilson, who added one more to this happy assembly. The reader may imagine, much better and quicker too than I can describe, the many embraces and tears of joy which succeeded her arrival. It is sufficient to say, she was easily prevailed with to follow her husband's example, in consenting to the match.

On Sunday Mr Adams performed the service at the squire's parish church, the curate of which very kindly exchanged duty, and rode twenty miles to the Lady Booby's parish so to do; being particularly charged not to omit publishing the banns, being the third and last time.

At length the happy day arrived, which was to put Joseph in the possession of all his wishes. He arose and dressed himself in a neat, but plain suit of Mr Booby's, which exactly fitted him;