MAXIMUMS & SPECIMENTS

OF

WILLIAM MUGGINS,

NATURAL PHILOSOPHER AND CITIZEN OF THE WORLD.

BY CHARLES SELBY,

COMEDIAN.

A NEW EDITION.

LONDON:

ROUTLEDGE, WARNES, & ROUTLEDGE,

FARRINGDON STREET;

NEW YORK: 56, WALKER STREET.

1859.

243.6.549.

MAXIMUMS AND SPECIMENTS.

CHAPTER I.

My reasons for writing this 'ere hortobiography is, that I thinks the history of any man's life, never mind how poor and low he are, if so be it are wrote down without any lies and hartificial gammon, are a moral lesson to them as reads it, and may do 'em good.

Fool as I are, I har seed and larnt a thing or two in my time, and as I har paid for my larning, perhaps my 'sperience may be o' use to many as may find themselves similarly sitivated as I vas..

All I har said, and done, and thought on, as Rosso, the French fileosofer, as said afore me, I har put down permiscuously, jest as it comed into my 'ed, without thinking nuffin of my spelling, or my languidge; them 'ere is nuffin: if so be the beef are good, wats the hodds vether it's sarved up on delf or china?

To begin with my beginning. I war born-there arnt no doubt about that, but vere and ven is another pair o' shoes. Howsomdever, not to make no mystery o' nuffin, and perwent the world from supposing that I means to pitch it, and wants to make believe as how I war born a genlemn, I boldly says, that my mother war a vashervoman, and my father a nackney-coachman.

I shan't say nuffin about my babby days, cause they warn't nuffin out of the common, so cuts avay at vonce to ven I vas a boy in jacket and trousers.

We lived in a cellar in the Dials, and a wery nice crib it war, and wery wholesome, bating the smell from the rags and bones as father dealt in ven he gived up the driving business, and tuk to hese and smoking.

B

As I war a harty boy, and we hadn't got too much room, mother used to start me out into the streets to play with the other blagard boys as lived in the neighberhood. Now this 'ere war all wery pleasant to a young youth like me, 'cos I could do as I pleased, and didn't care nuffin for nobody; but howsomdever, it warn't good for me, cos for vhy? Young uns should be teached things by degrees, and didn't ought to be let to get their larning permiscuously. Boys larns no good in the streets; on the contrary they larns a deal o' harm, picking o' pockets and gambling, and sich likes. I got my eddecation as I could, by hods and hends. My reading I larnt by the play-bills; and this 'ere vas the vay I did it.

Mother tuk me one night to the Vells (Sadler's Vells), and I seed a play vich made such a heligible himpression on my hinnocent mind that I war halways a thinking on it. It war a water piece called Rokeby, and a werry good un it war; I har never seed nuffin like it since, not heven at Droory Lane and Common Garden, or heven the 'Talian Hoppera, thof I've seed many wonderful things at hall of 'em. I suppose the reason why I thinks so are, that I war so hunsofistycated then, and warn't up to the artful dodges I are now.

Hevery thing I seed in them juleval days was so uncommon prime and shiny-like new boots, poor hinnocent creeturs, wot don't know nuffin about the rain and mud, and soleing and heeling and patching, but thinks the pavement will never be nuffin but clean and smooth. Oh! if them west-end boots could but see the old uns as hangs up in Monmouth-street, there'd be a lesson for 'em. It's astonishing how soon the shine is taken out of heverything; time and misfortun is the hard brushes as wears us out, and bad conduct is the knife we cuts our upper leather with, ven ve tries to scrape off the dirt afore it is dry.

But to return to my larning to read. I war always a hankering after the play, and a slinking about the playhouse, staring at the hactors and hactresses as they comed from rehearsaling. Cremmeni! how different them people har when they've got their own clothes on, a

valking about like hornary ladies and genlemn in the hopen hair; them as looks the best and has the most to say for themselves at night, looks the wust and most fullishest in the morning; rum creeturs them, the whole biling on 'em, specially them as does the clowns and pantermines. The playhouses used to hang out then, just as they do now, boards with the bills o' the hentertainments as war to be seed. That 'ere Rokeby I spoke on was a thing that tooked werry much, and so in course it war hacted hevery night.

I used to look at the board every morning, and thof I didn't know wot war writ on it, I knowed when it war Rokeby, for this ere reason-it war one word, and the letters war big uns, with a pictur of a ship at the top of 'em.

So says I to myself one day, ven I was a leaning aginst a post, as all genlemn does in the Dials, thinking o' nuffin, says I, "There's a deal more writing under that 'ere Rokeby. I should like to know what it are." So vot does I do but asks a boy of my acquaintance, vot went to the parish college, and had larnt to read, what it war; says I to he, "Jim!"-his name war Jim Lobkins (poor feller, he war lagged a year or two arter for valking into a genlemn's house, and borrowing his spoons and forks) — "read me that 'ere!" He did it right hoff like nuffin at all, barring spelling a crack-jaw vord or two, vich war never meant to be pernounced.

I war astonished at his larning, and ven I vent home I said to myself, "Bill, you wagabond, vat har you been a-doing vith your time all this 'ere vile, that you can't read no more nor a norse or a donkey! You ought to be ashamed o' yourself, you hignorant hidle warmint!"

From that ere werry day I turned hover a new leaf, guved hover playing and leaning against the postises, and set to vork to inform my mind, and cultivate my hunderstanding.

I beginned with Rokeby. I larnt to know a R, and a O, and a K, a E, a B, and a Y.

By little and little I larn'd hall my letters; then I larn'd words; and then I could read like a house afire,