And it was the nixt mornin, sure enough, jist as I was making up me mind whither it wouldn't be the purlite thing to sind a bit o' writing to the widdy by way of a love-litter, when up cum'd the delivery sarvant wid an illigant card, and he tould me that the name on it (for I niver cud rade the copper-plate printing on account of being lift handed) was all about Mounseer, the Count, A Goose, Look-aisy, Maiter-di-dauns, and that the houl o' the divilish lingo was the spalpeeny long name of the little ould furrener Frinchman as lived over the way.

And jist wid that in cum'd the little willain himself, and thin he made me a broth of a bow, and thin he said he had ounly taken the liberty of doing me the honor, of the giving me a call, and thin he went on to palaver at a great rate, and divil the bit did I comprehind what he wud be afther the tilling me at all at all, excipting and saving that he said "pully wou, woolly wou," and tould me, among a bushel o'lies, bad luck to him, that he was mad for the love o' my widdy Misthress Tracle, and that my widdy Mrs. Tracle had a puncheon for him.

At the hearin' of this, ye may swear, though, I was as mad as a grasshopper, but I remimbered that I was Sir Pathrick O'Grandison, Knight, and that it wasn't althegither gentaal to lit the anger git the upper hand o' the purliteness, so I made light o' the matter and kipt dark, and got quite sociable wid the little chap, and afther a while what did he do but ask me to go wid him to the widdy's, saying he wud give me the feshionable introduction to her leddy ship.

"Is it there ye are?" said I thin to meself—" and it's thrue for you, Pathrick, that ye 're the fortunnittest mortal in life. We'll soon see now whither it's your swate silf, dear, or whither it's little Mounseer Maiter-di-dauns, that Misthress Tracle is head and ears in the love wid."

With that we wint aff to the widdy's, next door, and ye may well say it was an illigant place-so it was. There was a carpet all over the floor, and in one corner there was a forty-pinny and a jews-harp and the divil knows what ilse, and in another corner was a sofythe beautifullest thing in all natur- and sittin' on the sofy, sure enough there was the swate little angel, Misthress Tracle.

"The tip o' the morning to ye," says I -" Mrs. Tracle "— and then I made sich an iligant obaysance that it wud ha quite althegither bewildered the brain o' ye.

"Wully woo, pully woo, plump in the mud," says the little furrener Frinchman-"and sure enough Mrs. Tracle," says he, that he did-"isn't this gintleman here jist his riverence Sir Pathrick O'Grandison, Knight, and isn't he althegither and entirely the most purticular frind and acquaintance that I have in the houl world?"

And wid that the widdy she gits up from the sofy, and makes the swatest curtchy nor iver was seen; and thin down she gits agin like an angel; and thin, by the powers, it was that little spalpeen Mounseer Maiter-di-dauns that plumped his self right down by the right side of her. Och hon! I ixpicted the two eyes o' me wud ha cum'd out of my head on the spot, I was so dispirate mad! Howiver"Bait who!" says I, after a while. "Is it there ye are, Mounseer Maiter-di-dauns?" and so down I plumped on the lift side of her leddyship, to be aven wid the willain. Botheration! it wud ha done

your heart good to persave the illigant double wink that I gived her jist thin right in the face wid both eyes.

But the little ould Frinchman he niver beginned to suspict me at all at all, and disperate hard it was he made the love to her leddyship. "Woully wou," says he-" Pully wou,” says he " Plump in the mud."

"That's all to no use, Mounseer Frog, mavourneen," thinks I; and I talked as hard and as fast as I could all the while; and troth it was meself jist that divarted her leddyship complately and intirely, by rason of the illigant conversation that I kipt up wid her all about the swate bogs of Connaught. And by and by she giv'd me sich a swate smile, from one ind of her mouth to the other, that it made me as bould as a pig, and I jist took hould of the ind of her little finger in the most dillikittest manner in natur, looking at her all the while out o' the whites of my eyes.

And thin only to persave the cuteness of the swate angel; for no sooner did she obsarve that I was afther the squazing of her flipper, than she up wid it in a jiffy, and put it away behind her back, jist as much as to say,-"Now, thin, Sir Pathrick O'Grandison, there's a bitther chance for ye, mavourneen; for it 's not althegither the gentaal thing to be afther the squazing of my flipper right full in the sight of that little furrenner Frinchman, Mounseer Maiter-didauns."

Wid that I giv'd her a big wink, jist to say," Lit Sir Pathrick alone for the likes o' them thricks." And thin I went aisy to work, and you'd have died wid the divarsion to behould how cliverly I slipped my right arm betwane the back o' the sofy and the back of her leddyship, and there, sure enough, I found a swate little flipper all a-waiting to say, "The tip o' the mornin' to ye, Sir Pathrick O'Grandison, Knight." And wasn't it meself, sure, that jist giv'd the laste little bit of a squaze in the world, all in the way of a commincement, and not to be too rough wid her leddyship? and och, botheration, wasn't it the gentaalest and delikittest of all the little squazes that I got in return? "Blood and thunder, Sir Pathrick, mavourneen!" thinks I to meself, faith, it's jist the mother's son of you, and nobody else at all at all, that's the handsommest and the fortunittest young bogthrotter that ever cum'd out of Connaught!" And wid that I giv'd the flipper a big squaze and a big squaze it was, by the powers, that her leddyship giv'd to me back. But it wud ha split the seven sides of you wid the laffin to behould jist thin all at once the consated behaviour of Mounseer Maiter-di-dauns. The likes o' sich a jabbering, and a smirking, and a parly-wouing as he begin'd wid her leddyship, niver was known before upon arth; and divil may burn me if it wasn't my own very two peepers that cotch'd him tipping her the wink out of one eye. Och hon! if it wasn't meself thin that was as mad as a Kilkenny cat, I shud like to be tould who it was!

"Let me infarm you, Mounseer Maiter-di-dauns," said I, as purlit as iver ye seed, "that's not the gintaal thing at all at all, and not for the likes o' you inny how, to be after the oggling and a-goggling at her leddyship in that fashion." And jist wid that such another squaze as it was I giv'd her flipper, all as much as to say, Sir Pathrick now, my jewel, that 'll be able to the proticting o' you, darlint?" And thin there cum'd another squaze back, all by

my

"Isn't it

way of the answer, "Thrue for you, Sir Pathrick,”-it said as plain as iver a squaze said in the world,-"Thrue for you, Sir Pathrick, mavourneen, and it's a proper nate gintleman ye are — that's God's thruth!" And wid that she opened her two beautiful peepers, till I belaved they wud ha com'd out of her head althegither and intirely, and she looked first as mad as a cat at Mounseer Frog, and thin as smiling as all out o' doors at meself.

"Thin," says he, the willian, "Och hon! and a woolly-wou, pully-wou!" And thin wid that he shoved up his two shoulders, till the divil the bit of his head was to be diskivered, and thin he let down the two corners of his purraty-trap, and thin not the bit more of the satisfaction could I git out o' the spalpeen.

Belave me, my jewel, it was Sir Pathrick that was unreasonable mad thin, sure enough, and the more by token that he kept on wid his winking and blinking at the widdy; and the widdy she kept on wid the squazing of my flipper, as much as to say, "At him again, Sir Pathrick O'Grandison, mavourneen!" So I jist ripped out wid a big oath, and says I, sure enough,

"Ye little spalpeeny frog of a bog-throtting soon of a bloodynoun!"— and jist thin what d'ye think it was that her leddyship did? Troth she jumped up from the sofy as if she was bit, and made aff through the door, while I turned my head round afther her, in a complate bewilderment and botheration, and followed her wid me two peepers. You persave I had a rason of my own for the knowing that she couldn't git down the stairs althegither and intirely, for I knew very well that I had hould of her hand, for divil the bit had I iver let it go. And says I,

"Isn't it the laste little bit of a mistake in the world that ye've been afther the making, yer leddyship? Come back now, that's a darlint, and I'll give ye yur flipper.' But aff she wint down the stairs like a shot, and then I turned round to the little French furrenner. Och hon! if it wasn't his spalpeeny little flipper that I had hould of in my own-why thin-thin it wasn't-that's all.

son.

Maybe it wasn't meself that jist died then outright wid the laffin, to behould the little chap when he found out that it wasn't the widdy at all that he had hould of, but only Sir Pathrick O'GrandiThe ould divil himself niver behild such a long face as he pet on! As for Sir Pathrick O'Grandison, Knight, it wasn't for the likes of his riverence to be afther the minding a thrifle of a mistake. Ye may jist say, though for it's God's thruth-that afore I lift hould of the flipper of the spalpeen, (which was not till afther her leddyship's futmen had kicked us both down the stairs,) I gived it such a nate little broth of a squaze, as made it all up into raspberry jam.

Wouly-wou," says he,-" pully-wou," says he,-"Cot tam!" And that's jist the thruth of the rason why he wears his lift hand in a sling.

SWEET Sympathy! thou healing balm of every woe-lacerated bosom!

Thou art as grateful as the gentle shower to the thirsty earth, parched and gaping beneath the burning rays of a blazing-sun-bringing soft solace in a crack!

Feeble is my pen, and weak my wit, in the attempt to do justice to thy catalogue of virtues; for thou art like-the dew of eve to the drooping lily; the wooden-leg to the cripple; the pellucid oil to the consuming wick; the pig-tail quid to the weather-beaten tar; the sunny rays to the juicy grape, or the indolent Italian; the glass of Booth's best to the weary washerwoman; the favouring breeze to the becalmed vessel; the blow of a battledore to the feathered shuttlecock;-the, &c. &c. &c.

Mr. Cornelius Crocodile was one of the most "picked" and perfect specimens of the lacrymose legion, whose ready tears are promptly distilled at the recital of another's woe; a sort of hydrocephalalembic; a human sponge, which the heavy hand of sorrow appeared delighted to squeeze, and never squeezed in vain.

The spider-spun cambric was displayed eternally in his convulsive grasp, and some ill-natured cynics had the temerity to assert that it concealed an onion within its delicate folds!

VOL. VIII.

E

The only composition in which Mr. Crocodile indulged were wills and epitaphs; and he invariably appeared in decent mourning, — for his connexions were so numerous that he had usually two or three funerals in hand during the year.

His ready sympathy naturally won the confidence of his acquaintance, and he was consequently nominated executor by most. Two undertakers contended for his patronage; and, it is said that there was a certain feeling-quite unallied to sympathy-arising out of these funeral transactions, perfectly well understood, although never expressed.

He, moreover, enjoyed quite a harvest of legacies and mourningrings; and his "pickings" were so abundant that, like the fabled gnome, he might be said to live upon the dead.

Envy nicknamed him the "universal executor."

Among the most intimate of his friends was a gentleman rejoicing in the name of Pugsley.

Peter Pugsley, Esquire, had in his youth served in India, in the civil department, at that happy period when gold-dust and diamonds were "shovelled up" (and the natives "shot ") like so much rubbish ; and when in seven or fourteen years any man possessed of a tolerable capacity, and a reasonable tenacity, was certain of accumulating a fortune, returning to England with a full purse and a disordered liver, and a jaundiced, wash-leather complexion, that seemed like the veritable reflection of their ill-gotten gold.

Pugsley married, or rather bought, an amiable woman, (for her worldly-minded father sacrificed his lamb at the shrine of Mammon,) who, having presented him with a son, departed this life.

Having subsequently engaged a young "person" as governess to his heir, she so humoured the tetchy Anglo-Indian, and rendered herself so indispensably necessary to his comfort by every sacrifice of her own; and, in fine, contrived to make herself so very agreeable (which Nature had not-for she was more cunning than comely,) that she ultimately wheedled the wheezy Mr. Pugsley into a marriage.

The" dear little Frederic" was, of course, soon found to be very troublesome, and quite above her control, and accordingly despatched to a school; and then it was poor Pugsley discovered his error; for Mrs. P. had played her cards so well, that her partner found too late she had the game entirely in her own hands. Little Frederic's governess became his !

No sooner had Frederic arrived at an age when it was thought necessary to choose for him some profession or pursuit, than Mrs. Pugsley, anxious to be rid of her step-son, very amiably condescended to take the management of this momentous affair into her own hands. And, pointing out to her obedient spouse the great advantages of his Eastern connexions, at once decided that nothing on earth could be better than to send him abroad, either in a civil or a military capacity.

Pugsley immediately exerted himself to carry his wife's notable project into execution; and his wealth, and consequent influence in Leadenhall Street rendered the imposed task so comparatively easy, that his indolence, and her importunity, for once going hand in hand, Master Frederic was soon equipped, and shipped for Calcutta.