And, fixthly, for my foul to barter it †,
For fifty times its worth, to Carteret 1.
Now, fince your motto thus you construe,
I must confess you've spoken once true.
Libertas et natale folum :

You had good reason, when you stole 'em.

25

Sent by Dr DELANY to Dr SWIFT, in order to be admitted to speak to him, when he was deaf.

Written in the year 1724.

Dear Sir, I think 'tis doubly hard,

Your ears and doors fhould both be barr'd.

Can any thing be more unkind?

Muft I not fee, 'cause you are blind?
Methinks a friend at night should cheer you,
A friend that loves to fee and hear you.
Why am I robb'd of that delight,
When you can be no loser by't?

Nay, when 'tis plain (for what is plainer ?)
That if you heard, you'd be no gainer.
For fure you are not yet to learn,
That hearing is not your concern;
Then be your doors no longer barr'd :
Your business, Sir, is to be heard.

THE ANSWER.

THE wife pretend to make it clear,
'Tis no great loss to lose an ear.

Why are we then so fond of two,
When, by experience, one would do ?.
"Tis true, fay they, cut off the head,
And there's an end; the man is dead;1

t(i. e.) Liberty to barter his foul. Hawkef.

Lord Carteret, Lord Lieutenant of Ireland.

10

Because, among all human race,

None e'er was known to have a brace:
But confidently they maintain,

That where we find the members twain,
The lofs of one is no fuch trouble,
Since t'other will in strength be double.
The limb furviving, you may swear,
Becomes his brother's lawful heir,
Thus, for a trial, let me beg of

Your Rev'rence but to cut one leg off:

And you fhall find by this advice,

The other will be stronger twice;

For ev'ry day you shall be gaining
New vigour to the leg remaining
So, when an eye hath loft its brother,
You fee the better with the other:
Cut off your hand, and you may do
With t'other hand the work of two;
Because the foul her power contracts,
And on the brother-limb reacts.

BUT yet the point is not fo clear in
Another cafe, the fenfe of hearing
For tho' the place of either ear
Be diftant as one head can bear;

20

30

Yet Galen most acutely fhews youj

(Confult his book de partium ufu),

That from each ear, as he observes
There crept two auditory nerves,
Not to be feen without a glass,

Which near the os pétrosum pals;

Thence to the neck and moving thro' there

One goes to this, and one to t'other ear,

Which made my grand-dame always ftuff her ears,
Both right and left, as fellow-fufferers..
You fee my learning; but to fhorten it,
When my left ear was deaf a fortnight,

Bb F

35%

40x

To t'other ear I felt it coming on:
And thus I folve this hard phenomenon.

'Tis true, a glafs will bring fupplies
To weak, or old, or clouded eyes:
Your arms, tho' both your eyes were loft,
Would guard your nofe against a poft :
Without your legs, two legs of wood
Are stronger, and almost as good:

And as for hands, there have been those,

Who wanting both, have us'd their toes † ;
But no contrivance yet appears

To furnish artificial ears.

A quiet LIFE and a good NAME.

To a friend who married a fhrew.

Written in the year 1724.

Ell fcolded in fo loud a din,

NELL

That Will durft hardly venture in :

He mark'd the conjugal difpute;
Nell roar'd inceffant, Dick fat mute ;
But when he faw his friend appear,
Cry'd bravely, Patience, good my dear.
At fight of Will fhe bawl'd no more,
But hurry'd out, and clapp'd the door.

WHY, Dick! the devil's in thy Nell, (Quoth Will), thy house is worfe than hell: Why, what a peal the jade has rung!

Damn her, why don't you flit her tongue ?

45

50

5

10

For nothing else will make it cease, og oft an oval” Dear Will, I fuffer this for peace:

I never quarrel with my wife;

I bear it for a quiet life.

There was about this time a man fhewed, who wrote with

his foot.

Hawkef

Scripture, you know, exhorts us to it;
Bids us to feek peace, and ensue it.

WILL went again to visit Dick;
And ent'ring in the very nick,

He faw virago Nell belabour,

With Dick's own ftaff, his peaceful neighbour:
Poor Will, who needs muft interpose,

Receiv'd a brace or two of blows.

But now, to make my story short,
Will drew out Dick to take a quart.

Why, Dick, thy wife has dev'lifh whims ;
Odfbuds, why don't you break her limbs ?
If fhe were mine, and had fuch tricks,
I'd teach her how to handle fticks:
Z-ds, I would fhip her to Jamaica,
Or truck the carrion for tobacco

I'd fend her far enough away

Dear Will; but, what would people fay ?
Lord! I thould get fo ill a name,

The neighbours round would cry out, fhame.

DICK fuffer'd for his peace and credit;
But who believ'd him, when he said it?
Can he who makes himself a flave,
Confult his peace, or credit fave?

Dick found it by his ill fuccefs,
His quiet fmall, his credit lefs.
She ferv'd him at the ufual rate;

She stunn'd, and then the broke his pate.

And what he thought the hardest cafe,
Som Bagirf
The parish jeer'd him to his face ;
Those men who wore the breeches leaft,
Call'd him a cuckold, fool and beast.
At home he was pursu'd with noife;
Abroad was pelter'd by the boys:
Within, his wife would break his bones;
Without, they pelted him with ftones:

ส.

The 'prentices procur❜d a riding †
To act his patience, and her chiding.

FALSE patience and mistaken pride!.
There are ten thousand Dicks befide;
Slaves to their quiet and good name
Are us'd like Dick, and bear the blame.

155

[Some ingenious gentlemen, friends to the author, used to en tertain themselves with writing riddles, and fending them him and their other acquaintance: copies of which ran about, and fome of them were printed both in England and Ireland. The author at his leifure-hours fell into the fame amufement; altho it be faid, that he thought them of no great merit, entertainment, or use. However, by the advice of fome perfons, for whom the author had a great esteem, and who were pleafed to fend the copies, the few following have been published, (which are allowed to be genuine); becaufe we are informed that fe veral good judges have a tafte for fuch kind of compofitions.]

IN youth exalted high in air,

11

Or bathing in the waters fair,
Nature to form me took delight,
And clad my body all in white:
My person tall and flender waifty
On either fide with fringes grac'd
Till me that tyrant man efpy'd,

And dragg'd me from my mother's fide!
No wonder now I look fo thin ;

The tyrant stripp'd me to the fkin;
My skin he flay'd, my hair he cropt;
At head and foot my body lopt:

1

10

Ariding, a humorous cavalcade ftill practifed in fome parts of England, to ridicnie a fcolding wife and henpecked bufband. A woman beftrides the horse, and with a ladle chastises a man, who fits on a pillion behind her, with his face to the horse's tail. Hawkef