Yet round the world the blade has been
To see whatever could be seen.
Returning from his finish'd tour,
Grown ten times perter than before;
Whatever word you chance to drop,
The travell'd fool your mouth will stop;
"Sir, if my judgment you'll allow-
"I've seen and sure I ought to know"-
So begs you'd pay a due submission,
And acquiesce in his decision.
2. Two travellers of such a cast,
As o'er Arabia's wilds they pass'd,
And on their way in friendly chat,
Now talk'd of this, and then of that,
Discours'd awhile, 'mongst other matter,
Of the Chameleon's form and nature.
3. "A stranger animal," cries one,
"Sure never liv'd beneath the sun:
A lizard's body, lean and long,
A fish's head, a serpent's tongue,
It's foot with triple claw disjoin'd:
And what a length of tail behind!
How slow its pace! and then its hue-
Whoever saw so fine a blue?"
4. "Hold there," the other quick replies,
""Tis green-I saw it with these eyes,
As late with open mouth it lay,
And warm'd it in the sunny ray;
Stretch'd at its ease the beast I view'd,
And saw it eat the air for food."
I've seen it, Sir, as well as you,
And must again affirm it blue;
At leisure I the beast survey'd
Extended in the cooling shade."
6. ""Tis green, 'tis
"Green!" cries the other, in a fury—
Why, Sir-d'ye think I've lost my eyes!"
""Twere no great loss," the friend replies,
"For if they always serve you thus,
You'll find 'em but of little use."
7. So high at last the contest rose,
From words they almost came to blows;
When luckily came by a third:
To him the question they referr'd;
And begg'd he'd tell 'em if he knew,
Whether the thing was green or blue.
8. "Sirs," cries the umpire, "cease your pother-
The creature's neither one nor t' other.
I caught the animal last night,
And view'd it o'er by candle light:
I mark'd it well-'twas black as jet-
You stare-but, Sirs, I've got it yet,
And can produce it."—" Pray, Sir, do:
I'll lay my life the thing is blue."
"And I'll be sworn that when you've seen
The reptile, you'll pronounce him green.”
9. "Well then, at once to ease your doubt,"
Replies, the man, "I'll turn him out:
And when before your eyes I've set him,
you don't find him black, I'll eat him,"
10. He said; then full before their sight
Produc'd the beast, and lo !-'twas white.
Both star'd-the man look'd wond'rous wise—
"My children," the Chameleon cries,
(Then first the creature found a tongue)
"You all are right, and all are wrong:
When next you talk of what you view,
Think others see as well as you:
Nor wonder if you find that none
Prefers your eye-sight to his own.”
The Country Bumpkin and Razor seller.-P. PINDAR
1. A FELLOW, in a market-town,
Most musical, cried razors up and down,
And offer'd twelve for eighteen pence;
Which, certainly, seem'd wond'rous cheap,
And, for the money, quite a heap,
That every man would buy, with cash and sense.
2. A country bumpkin the great offer heard;
Poor Hodge,-who suffer'd by a broad black beard,
That seem'd a shoe-brush stuck beneath his nose,
With cheerfulness the eighteen pence he paid,
And, proudly, to himself, in whispers said-
"This rascal stole the razors, I suppose.
3. "No matter if the fellow be a knave, Provided that the razors shave;
It certainly will be a monstrous prize."
So home the clown, with his good fortune, went,-
Smiling,-in heart and soul content,
And quickly soap'd himself to ears and eyes.
4. Being well lather'd, from a dish or tub,
Hodge now began, with grinning pain, to grubJust like a hedger cutting furze :
'Twas a vile razor!-then the rest he try'd,— All were impostors. "Ah!" Hodge sigh'd, "I wish my eighteen pence were in my purse."
5. In vain to chase his beard, and bring the graces,
He cut and dug, and whin'd, and stamp'd, and swore; Brought blood, and danc'd, blasphem'd, and made wry faces And curs'd each razor's body, o'er and o'er.
His muzzle, form'd of opposition stuff,
Firm as a Foxite, would not lose its ruff;
So kept it-laughing at the steel and suds.
6. Hodge, in a passion, stretched his angry jaws,
Vowing the direst vengeance, with clench'd claws,
On the vile CHEAT that sold the goods.
"Razors! a vile confounded dog!
Not fit to scrape a hog."
7. Hodge sought the fellow-found him-and begun-
"Perhaps, Master Razor-rogue! to you 'tis fun
That people flay themselves out of their lives.
You rascal! for an hour have I been grabbing,
Giving my crying whiskers here a scrubbing
With razors just like oyster-knives.
Sirrah! I tell you, you're a knave,
To cry up razors that can't shave."
8. "Friend," quoth the razor-man, "I'm not a knave.
As for the razors you have bought,-
Upon my soul, I never thought
That they would shave."
9. "Not think they'd shave?" quoth Hodge, with wond'ring eyes And voice not much unlike an Indian yell,
"What were they made for then, you dog?" he cries. "Made!" quoth the fellow, with a smile-" to sell"
The Gascon Peasant and the Flies.
1. AT Neuchatel, in France, where they prepare
Cheeses, that set us longing to be mites,
There dwelt a farmer's wife, famed for her rare
Skill in these small quadrangular delights.
Where they were made, they were sold for the immense
Price of three sous* apiece,
But as salt water made their charms increase,
In England, the fixed rate was eighteen pence.
2. This damsel had, to keep her in her farm,
To milk her cows, and feed her hogs,
A Gascon peasant, with a sturdy arm
For digging, or for carrying logs:
But in his noddle, weak as any baby,
In fact a gaby:
And such a glutton when you came to feed him,
That Wantley's dragon, who "ate barns and churches
As if they were geese and turkeys,"
(See the ballad) scarcely could exceed him.
3. One morn she had prepared a monstrous bowl
Of cream, like nectar!
And would'nt go to church (good careful soul)
Till she had left it safe with a protector;
So she gave strict injunctions to the Gascon,
To watch it while his mistress was to mass gone.
Watch it he did; he never took his eyes off,
But licked his upper, then his under lip,
And doubled up his fist to drive the flies off,
Begrudging them the smallest sip,
Like my Lord Salisbury, he heaved a sigh,
And cried, "Oh happy, happy fly!
How I do envy you your lot."
3. Each moment did his appetite grow stronger;
His bowels yearned;
At length he could not bear it any longer,
But, on all sides his looks he turned,
And, finding that the coast was clear, he quaffed
The whole up at a draught.†
Pronounced soo-a sous is of the value of a half penny.
+ Pronounced draft.
5. Scudding from church, the farmer's wife
Flew to the dairy;
But stood aghast, and could not, for her life,
One sentence mutter,
Until she summoned breath enough to utter
"Holy St. Mary"—
And shortly, with a face of scarlet,
The vixen* (for she was a vixen) flew
Upon the varlet ;†
Asking the when, and where, and how, and who
Had gulped her cream, nor left an atom?
To which he made not separate replies,
But with a look of excellent digestion
One answer made to every question-
"The Flies."
6. "The flies, you rogue !-the flies, you guttling dog!
Behold your whiskers still are covered thickly,
Thief! Liar! Villain! Gormandizer! Hog!
I'll make you tell another story quickly."
So out she bounced, and brought, with loud alarms,
Two stout Gens d'Armes,‡
Who bore him to the Judge: a little prig
With angry bottle nose,
Like a red-cabbage-rose,
While lots of white ones flourish'd on his wig.
7. Looking at once both stern and wise,
He turned to the delinquent,
And 'gan to question him and catechise
As to which way the drink went.
Still the same dogged answers rise,
"The flies, my lord,-the flies, the flies."
8. "Pshaw," quoth the Judge, half peevish, and half pompous,
Why you're non-compos;
You should have watched the bowl, as she desired,
And killed the flies, you stupid clown." "What, is it lawful then," the dolt inquired, "To kill the flies in this here town?"
9. "The man's a fool!-What question's this? Lawful! you booby,—to be sure it is :
Vixen, a cross, quarrelsome woman.
Gens d'Armes, guards.
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