CHAPTER III.

ON GENERAL CONDUCT.

EARNESTLY endeavour to deserve among your acquaintance the character of a good husband; and abhor that sort of would-be wit, which I have sometimes seen practised among men of the world-a kind of coarse jesting on the bondage of the married state, and a laugh at the shackles which a wife imposes. On the contrary, be it your pride. to exhibit to the world that sight on which the Apostle passes such an encomium, as being "heirs together of the grace of life." (1 Peter iii. 7.)

Supposing that you have chosen wisely, make it an established rule to consult your wife on all occasions. Your interest is hers: and undertake no plan contrary to her advice and approbation. Independent of better motives, what a responsibility does it free you from! for, if the affair turn out ill, you are spared reproaches both from her and

from your own feelings. But the fact is, she who ought to have most influence on her husband's mind, is often precisely the person who has least; and a. man will frequently take the advice of a stranger who cares not for him nor his interest, in preference to the cordial and sensible opinion of a wife competent to offer it. A due consideration of the domestic evils such a line of conduct is calculated to produce, might, one would think, of itself be sufficient to prevent its adoption; but, separate from these, policy should influence you; for there is in woman an intuitive quickness, a sagacity, a penetration, and a foresight into the probable consequences of an event, that make her peculiarly calculated to give her opinion and advice. If I was making up a plan of consequence," said the acute Lord Bolingbroke, "I should like first to consult with a sensible woman.

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Have you any male acquaintance, whom, on just and reasonable grounds, your wife wishes you to resign? Why should you hesitate? Of what consequence can be the civilities, or even the friendship, of any one, compared with the wishes of her with whom you have to spend your life-whose comfort

you

have sworn to attend to; and who has a right to require, not only such a trifling compliance, but great sacrifices, if necessary.

It is, in fact, here understood, that you have made your wife, prior to your marriage, acquainted with all your very dear friendships, and that from the congeniality of your sympathies with hers, your friends would be likely to be agreeable to her. Of course, if you value your own honour, you would not wish to compel your wife to receive any friend of yours whose principles and manners were not such as an intelligent woman could approve.

Never witness a tear from your wife with apathy or indifference. Words, looks, actions-all may be artificial; but a tear is unequivocal; it comes direct from the heart, and speaks at once the language of truth, nature, and sincerity! Be assured, when you see a tear on her cheek, her heart is touched; and do not, I again repeat it, do not behold it with coldness or insensibility!

It is very unnecessary to say that contradiction is to be avoided at all times. Mere tame, uninteresting acquiescence is not meant by this avoidance of contradiction; but a courteous freedom from all harshly expressed

opinions especially, when in the presence of others, be most particularly watchful. A look, or word, that perhaps, in reality, conveys no angry meaning, may at once lead people to think that their presence alone restrains the eruption of a discord, which probably has no existence whatsoever.

Some men, who are married to women of inferior fortune or connexion, will sometimes have the meanness to upbraid them with the disparity. For such men I do not write. They would be incapable of attaining social happiness - their own baseness of spirit would prevent it. In reference to fortune, it would be well to remember, that you did not marry merely to oblige or please your wife. No, truly; it was to oblige and please yourself. Had she refused to marry you, you would have been (in lover's phrase) a very miserable man. Did you never tell her so? Therefore, really, instead of upbraiding her, you should be very grateful to her for rescuing you from such an unhappy fate.

It is particularly painful to a woman, whenever her husband is unkind enough to say a lessening or harsh word of any member of her family: invectives against herself are not half so wounding.

Should illness, or suffering of any kind, assail your wife, your tenderness and attention are then peculiarly called for; and if she be a woman of sensibility, believe me, a look of love, a word of pity or sympathy, will, at times, have a better effect than all the prescriptions of her physicians.

Perhaps some calamity, peculiarly her own, may befal her. She may weep over the death of some dear relative or friend; or her spirits and feelings may be affected by various circumstances. Remember that your sympathy, tenderness, and attention, on such occasions, are particularly required.

A man would not on any account use personal violence to his wife: but he will, without remorse, sometimes use to her language which strikes much deeper to her heart than the blow of any weapon he could make use of. "He would not, for the world," says an ingenious writer, "cut her with a knife, but he will, without the least hesitation, cut her with his tongue."

I have known some unfeeling husbands, who have treated their unhappy wives with unvaried and unremitting unkindness, till perhaps the arrival of their last illness, and who then became all assiduity and attention.