'Sir," said an old woman to a loafing neighbor, "if you don't send home my husband's breeches, I'll expose you." เ Madam," replied the loafer, "if I do I shall expose myself." General H., finding himself unable to pay his debts, has taken to drink. We suppose he calls that going into liquidation. "Would you not love to gaze on Niagara forever," said a romantic girl to her legs romantic companion. "Oh, no, I shouldn't like to have a cataract always in my eye." A duel was fought in Mississippi last week by Mr. I. Knott and Mr. A. W. Shott. The result was that Knott was shot and Shott was not. A British paper says that the American government is devouring our people's substance piece-meal. The British govern ment will never devour the substance of its subjects that way. "Won't that boaconstrictor bite me?" said a small boy to a showman. "Oh, no, boy, he never bites-he swallows his wittles whole." A New Orleans poet calls the Mississippi the most eloquent of rivers. It ought to be eloquent; it has a dozen mouths. An editor of a small paper in New York, in computing the strength of his party, appears to include in it the whole Whig party. It is as great a mistake as was made by the clerk of an old Scotch merchant in computing the profits of the house during the preceding year. The old Scotchman, not a little surprised at the amount, cast his eye over the figures and exclaimed, “Why, ye dom scoundrel, ye've added up the year of our Lord among the poons." A lady who writes in the Winchester Virginian under the signature of "An Old Maid," says that she "cannot bear the men. We wonder if she can bear children. "I don't think, husband, that you are very smart.' No, indeed, wife: but everybody knows that I am awfully shrewed." A fellow in Tennessee, arrested for stealing a bank-bill, was searched, and the bill was not found. A person who had observed him closely insisted that an emetic should be given him. The thief was convicted out of his own mouth. "Boy, how did you manage to get such a big string of fish?" "I hooked them, sir." Dull writers should be careful not to steal brilliant passages, lest the brilliancy betray them by contrast. A fellow stole a fish in the market-place and slipped it under his vest. A gentleman, meeting him, as he passed out, and seeing several inches of the tail below his vest, advised him either to wear a longer jacket or to steal a shorter fish. ODE TO THE SKUNK. Oh, ho! old scent-bag! there you are again! This is the way Mephitis goes a wooing; Stealing upon his charmer's soft repose, Dost fear she'll think thee but a lukewarm Unless thy offering comes quite nigh to stifle trifler, her? Phew! "Shade of Lubin," the sweet scent distiller, Methinks its awful pungency would kill her. But does she never show the least alarm, Nor try to squelch it with a counter-charm? For "like cures like," as Hahnemann would And thou art one of these, and hope to die Go to Cologne, Spice Islands, or the devil! Thou marchest like the monarch of the air, Claiming not part, but all the atmosphere, Spreading thy charter over all the wind, And leaving a strong rear-guard far behind. Sweet buds and blossoms, vainly struggling to blench, Wilt up and die beneath thy boundless stench. Hast thou no olfactory of thine own? pray tell No function, knowledge, consciousness of smell? Then, if thou hast, thou odoriferous elf, Canst thou endure the presence of thyself? And wife and skunklings, do they seem content To struggle on with the paternal scent? Sure Denmark had thee in his eye (or nose) When his own infamy before him rose. LESSING'S FABLES. [GOTTHOLD EPHRAIM LESSING, the illustrious Ger man author and literary reformer, was born January 22, 1729, at Kammenz, in Saxon Upper Lusatia, where his father was a clergyman of the highest orthodox Lutheran school. After spending five years at a school in Meissen, he proceeded to the University of Leipsic, in 1746, to study theology; but making the acquaintance of actors, he contracted a fondness for dramatic entertainments, and set about the composition of dramatic pieces and Anacreontic poems. It was his destiny to revive the national character of German literature, and after one or two literary ventures at Leipsic of a trifling character he proceeded in 1750 to Berlin, where, in conjunction with his friend Mylius, he commenced to publish a quarterly, entitled Beiträge zur Historie und Aufnahme des Theaters. About this time also appeared his collection of little poems, entitled Kleinigkeiten. In 1755 he produced his Miss Sara Sampson, the first specimen of bourgeoisie tragedy in Germany, which became very popular. In company with Nicolai and Mendelssohn, he started in 1757 the Bibliothek der Schonen Wissenschaften, still valuable for its clear natural criticism: he also wrote his Fabeln, his Literaturbriefe, and a variety of miscellaneous articles on literature and æsthetics. In 1766 he published his masterpiece, the Laocoon, perhaps the finest and most classical treatise on æsthetic criticism in the German or any other language. In 1767 appeared Minna von Barnhelm, a national drama, hardly less celebrated than the Laocoon; and in 1768 his Dramaturgie, a These are his words--could stronger proof work which exercised a powerful influence on the con be given? "Oh! my offence is rank; it smells to heaven!" Of course it was; 'twas why the villain shrunk, troversy between the French and English styles of dramatic art. In 1770 Lessing was appointed keeper of the Wolfenbüttel Library. Two years later appeared his Emilia Galotti; and between 1774 and 1778 the farfamed Wolfenbüttelsche Fragmente eines Ungenannten. now known to But didn't begin to rank thee, thou darned These Wolfenbüttel fragments are old skunk! have been the composition of Reimarus, but the odium of their authorship fell at the time on Lessing. As an illustration of his lighter humor, we make extracts from his fables and epigrams, which are the only part of his works which enables us to give Lessing a place in the Library of Wit and Humor. Lessing is one of the greatest names in German literature. He died February 15, 1781.] THE BLIND HEN. A hen which had become blind continued to scratch for food as she had been used. What availed it the industrious fool? Another hen, that could see, but wished to spare her tender feet, never forsook the side of the former, and without scratching enjoyed the fruit of scratching. For as often as the blind hen turned up a corn, the seeing one devoured it. The laborious German compiles the collectanea which the witty Frenchman uses. LESSING'S FABLES. THE WOLF ON HIS DEATH-BED. A wolf lay at the last gasp, and was reviewing his past life. It is true, said he, I am a sinner, but yet, I hope, not one of the greatest. I have done evil, but I Once, I rehave also done much good. member, a bleating lamb that had strayed from the flock, came so near to me, that I might easily have throttled it; but I did At the same time I listened with the most astonishing indifference to the gibes and scoffs of a sheep, although I had nothing to fear from protecting dogs. it no harm. I I can testify to all that, said his friend, the fox, who was helping him to prepare for death. I remember perfectly all the circumstances. It was just at the time you were so dreadfully choked with that bone, which the good-natured wards drew out of your throat. ESOP AND THE ASS. crane after Said the ass to Æsop: The next time you tell a story about me, let me say something that is right rational and ingenious. You something ingenious! said Æsop; what propriety would there be in that? Would not the people say you were the moralist and I the ass? his bosom to warm it. Scarcely had the I am amazed, said the serpent. How partial your historians must be! Ours relate the affair very differently. Thy kind man thought the serpent was actually variegated sort, he put it into his bosom, frozen, and, because it was one of the in order, when he reached home, to strip off its beautiful skin. Was that right? When Ah! be still! replied the boy. was there ever an ingrate who did not know how to justify himself? True, my son, said his father, who had listened to the conversation. Neverthe less, when you hear of an extraordinary instance of ingratitude, be sure to examine carefully all the circumstances, before you brand a human being with so detestable a fault. Real benefactors have seldom had ungrateful debtors; no! I will hope, for the honor of humanity-never. But benefactors with petty, interested motives-they, my son, deserve to reap ingratitude instead of acknowledgments. THE YOUNG SWALLOW. What are you doing there? demanded We are cola swallow of the busy ants. lecting stores for the winter, was the ready answer. That is wise, said the swallow; I will do so, too. And immediately she began to carry a number of dead spiders and flies into her nest. But to what purpose is that? asked her mother at last. To what purpose? Stores The ants have for the ugly winter, dear mother. Do thou gather likewise. taught me this providence. Oh, leave to earthly ants this small wisdom, replied the old one. That which befits them befits not the nobler swallows. Kind Nature has destined us for a happier fate. When the rich summer ended, we go hence; we gradually fall asleep on our journey, and then warm marshes receive us, where we rest without wants, until a new spring awakens us to a new life. replied: And do thou name to me an ani- | because he is so bold as to partake of the mal so humble as to think of imitating sacrifices. thee! Writers of my country! Need I explain myself more fully?" ZEUS AND THE HORSE. Father of beasts and of men!-so spake the horse, approaching the throne of Zeus-I am said to be one of the most beautiful animals with which thou hast adorned the world; and my self-love leads me to believe it. Nevertheless, might not some things in me still be improved? And what in thee, thinkest thou, admits of improvement? Speak! I am open to instruction, said the indulgent god with a smile. Perhaps, returned the horse, I should be fleeter if my legs were taller and thinner. A long swan-neck would not disfigure me. A broader breast would add to my strength. And, since thou hast once for all destined me to bear thy favorite, man—the saddle which the well-meaning rider puts upon me might be created a part of me. Good! replied Zeus, wait a moment. Zeus, with earnest countenance, pronounced the creative word. Then 'flowed life into the dust; then organized matter combined; and suddenly stood before the throne the ugly camel. The horse saw, shuddered and trembled with fear and abhorrence. Here, said Zeus, are taller and thinner legs; here is a long swan-neck; here is a broader breast; here is the created saddle! Wilt thou, horse! that I should transform thee after this fashion? The horse still trembled. Go! continued Zeus. Be instructed, for this once, without being punished. But to remind thee, with occasional compunction, of thy presumption-do thou, new creation, continue !-Zeus cast a preserving glance on the camel-and never shall the horse behold thee without shuddering. THE RAVEN. The fox saw how the raven robbed the altars of the gods, and lived, like them, upon their sacrifices. And he thought within himself: I would like to know whether the raven partakes of the sacrifices because he is a prophetic bird; or whether he is considered a prophetic bird, THE EAGLE AND THE FOX. Be not so proud of thy flight! said the fox to the eagle. Thou mountest so high into the air for no other purpose but to look farther about thee for carrion. So have I known men who became deep-thinking philosophers, not from love of truth, but for the sake of lucrative offices of instruction. THE SWALLOW. Believe me, friends! the great world is not for the philosopher-is not for the poet. Their real value is not appreciated there; and often, alas! they are weak enough to exchange it for a far inferior one. In the earliest times the swallow was as tuneful and melodious a bird as the nightingale. But she soon grew tired of living in the solitary bushes, heard and admired by no one but the industrious countryman and the innocent shepherdess. She forsook her humbler friend and moved into the city. What followed? Because the people of the city had no time to listen to her divine song, she gradually forgot it, and learned, instead thereof, to-build. THE RAVEN. The raven remarked that the eagle sat thirty days upon her eggs. And that, undoubtedly, said she, is the reason why the young of the eagle are so allseeing and strong. Good! I will do the same. And, since then, the raven actually sits thirty days upon her eggs; but, as yet, she has hatched nothing but miserable ravens. THE SPIRIT OF SOLOMON. den and heat of the day. With his own hands he ploughed his field; with his own hand he cast the pure seed into the loosened bosom of the willing earth. An honest old man still bore the bur Suddenly under the broad shadow of a linden-tree there stood before him a godlike apparition. The old man was astounded. I am Solomon, said the phantom, with a voice which inspired confidence. What dost thou here, old man? |