subjects. Many persons create to themselves unnecessary fears, by endeavouring to ascertain the time of their conversion. Almost from my infancy I have felt in a greater or less degree the importance of religion. I can remember being conscious of very serious impressions during my voyage from India; and I afterwards found Mr. Romaine's discourses peculiarly useful and delightful. But I have always been a backslider, and God has again and again revived his work." 'She then mentioned our attachment, and told me that her affection to me began before she was aware of my regard for her, and that when I made proposals to her, she considered it as an interposition of Providence for her good. "After this event," she said, "when we resided at Horwood in 1781, my desires after God revived, and I often spent the whole night in reading and making extracts from religious books. Again, at Bath in 1782, I was excited more diligently to seek after God by attending the ministry of Mr. Percy; and after that, at Orlingbury in 1783; and again by the death of your dear mother in 1784, and by the difficulties which at that time attended the prospect of our marriage. But after our union in 1785, being free from trouble, I abused my mercies, and forgot my God. My serious impressions after this were less powerful, except at particular times; my confinements were always profitable seasons to me, and seemed greatly to revive my soul; as did your illness in 1788, at Amwell. But after my recovery from the birth of Hannah, in March, 1789, I again grew lukewarm and forgetful of God, and too much disposed to enter into the amusements of the world, especially when at Southampton. But God saw fit to visit me with affliction; the inoculation of my children in 1790, led me earnestly to seek his protection; and when I was first attacked with my painful illness last year, and confined to my room, serious things were brought home to my soul with great power. No event has been so impressive, and, I trust, so sanctified, as that illness. At the time of little Edward's birth, and still more at his death last November; I seemed to realize eternity, and have felt much more in earnest about religion ever since." 'After this interesting relation, she asked me if I really thought she was a true believer: and added, "O how I lament my past remissness; if it please God, I hope I shall recover of this illness, that I may live a more holy life, and that we may both of us be more devoted to the service of God." She then said to me with great affection, "I bless God for our union; I always esteemed it a peculiar favour of heaven, that I became your wife, and I have had a great share of conjugal happiness; but, oh! how ungrateful have I been to my God; in prosperity, I forgot him; in trouble, I cleave to him. Surely this is a bad sign." 'A little while after, she said, "What hope could I have, but for Jesus Christ? I am vile throughout; what righteousness can I have of my own? Mr. Walker's sermon on human depravity, when you read it some time ago in the family, struck me as an exact representation of my own depraved nature. What could I do without the righteousness of my Saviour? It is a delightful expression, the righteousness of Christ; O what should I do without such a Saviour!" This last sentence she repeated several times. 'I could not help saying, after this recital, “What, my dear, could be the reason of your averseness to talking on these subjects with me, especially when you must have known what pleasure it would have occasioned me?" Her answer was, "My backwardness to join in religious conversation arose partly from a lukewarm state of mind; partly from a dread of making a profession of religion without sincerity of heart; and partly from disgust at the affected and irreverent manner in which I have known some people express religious sentiments, while at the same time they were deficient in the observance of the common duties of morality." 6 my God! thy mercy overcomes me! I desire to adore thee. I think I now can say, Thy will be done. Glory to thee for thy great goodness! This discovery of the state of mind of my beloved partner was not essential to her safety; but oh! it was essential to my happiness. Now I resign her with no other pangs than those of temporary separation. Take, O my Father, take thy child, thy daughter, to thy presence, whenever thou thinkest best. Go and shine before the throne, Deck the mediatorial crown! Made for God, to God return. "I will sing unto the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have my being." This shall be my text next Sunday; it shall, by God's help, be a day of praise. The next evening I mentioned that text, "To them that believe he is precious," and added, "you, my dear, can say this." She smiled and said, "Oh yes!" adding, "what blasphemy and insult to God it is for man to seek salvation otherwise than through Christ!" On the following morning after breakfast, she desired me to pray with her. This was the first time for a long period she had been able to bear the fatigue of attention to prayer. I read Phil. ii. 2-10. She observed it was a sweet portion of Scripture. I prayed, and especially thanked God for calling us both by his grace, and uniting us in Christ for eternity; but I could not proceed, being too much affected, and was obliged to pause. She observed that I was overcome, and then said, I did not suspect that I was in danger, till I heard that the complaint was on my lungs. I am sadly afraid of death." I replied, "My love, death is a conquered enemy. Jesus has the power over death; why should you fear it?" This seemed to calm her mind. In the evening of the same day we had a most endearing but poignant conversation. She said, "If it be the will of God, I wish to be restored, and see my children settled in life; but I wish it in humble submission. The will of the Lord be done!" I said, "God is the best of parents, and he will be a parent to your children." She rejoined, "Yes, and God has given them a good father; but if it were his will, I should not wish to leave them so soon." I replied, "one of them is well provided for." She said, "Sweet little William! It is a high honour to be the parents of a saint." She then again and again repeated, "I have been very wicked, very wicked: I forgot God in health; now that I am in sickness I could be always praying. Is not that a very wicked disposition? Will God receive me?" I replied, "The prodigal son did not return till he had not even husks to feed upon; yet he was received; and whoever cometh to Jesus shall in no wise be cast out." "Ah! I fear," said she, "I have been a great hypocrite. I have no goodness, no good works; nothing wherewith to come before the Lord. Happily, the way of salvation is independent of our deserts." In another conversation on the same sub |