fessing any thing more or better of herself than she felt to be strictly true. This was expected to wear off as she grew older; but, on the contrary, after her marriage it rather increased. As she became more acquainted with the various forms of dissimulation which the world exhibits, she in proportion retired into herself. Disgusted by the hypocrisy of many who insincerely pretend to godliness, she scarcely ventured to allow in her conversation what she thought could be regarded as a decided profession of religion. An insuperable dread of uttering what she did not feel, and a cautious integrity lest she should lead others to think too highly of her character, seldom permitted her to indulge in religious discourse. At the same time a holy jealousy of God's honour, lest, after avowing herself a disciple of Christ, she should by subsequent inconsistencies disgrace the character she had assumed, made her desirous of passing through life rather undistinguished, that the discredit of her feelings might be the less reflected on her profession. These and similar motives so far operated with her natural reserve, that they who were most esteemed by her had often less pleasure and edification in her company than they would otherwise have enjoyed. I believe I must also add, that an assemblage of temporal mercies had, as she acknowledged, a too sensible tendency to abate her earnestness in religion, and to generate a too exclusive regard to sublunary objects.

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The united effect of the above causes often excited in me great anxiety. The interest which I felt in her spiritual welfare suggested fears and alarms which I did not then know to be groundless. My affection was tormenting itself with its own anxieties in this manner, when it pleased God to visit her with this last affliction. The approach of death, and her own unconsciousness of danger, greatly increased my alarm; and some circumstances of her disorder excited in me an anguish of feeling such as I had never before experienced. What I chiefly allude to was her extreme nervous weakness and irritability, which exceeded every thing of the kind I had before witnessed. Towards the close of February she was afflicted with violent catchings, occasional startings, and such acute sensations, that she could bear no conversation, nor even the ticking of a watch. Her nervous affections seemed at times to threaten her with suffocation. Various means were adopted, but in vain, during her stay in town. She saw no visitors but her medical attendants.

About this time I grew very wretched, and learned indeed what it was to be unhappy. I was oppressed with anxiety about her soul, and yet could not venture to speak upon the subject. One day she just mentioned in a general manner the temporal mercies she had received. I joined with her on the subject, and then said, "I hope you do not

forget spiritual mercies, especially the death of the Lord Jesus Christ for sinners." She waved her hand and answered, "No; but I cannot bear the subject." It affected me greatly; I burst into tears, and said, "I hope you will recover; but if not, I hope you are safe for eternity." She replied, "Pray do not mention that subject, I cannot bear to think of those things."

"This distressing crisis chiefly arose from the state of her nervous system, which seemed not able to sustain the weight of an impressive idea. She could not support the fatigue of attention of any kind, either in reading, prayer, or conversation; and if ever I discovered apprehension or anxiety, she was so much agitated, that I was obliged to affect cheerfulness, when my soul truly mourned.

'I now cried unto the Lord; and I desire to record it to the praise of his goodness, that he heard my cry and helped me. I begged of my intimate friends to plead her cause, and mine. Prayer prevailed with God; and, in about six weeks from a day which I now particularly allude to as peculiarly distressing to my mind, I inserted in my diary this acknowledgement; "O my God, I wish for no farther evidence of my beloved's safety than thou hast now in rich indulgence given me." But God saw it good for a while to try me.

'We were to have set out on the 22nd of March for Bristol: but extreme weakness prevented the

attempt. On the preceding day, in addition to Sir Lucas Pepys and Dr. Denman, who had hitherto attended her, I had had a consultation with Dr. Warren. I shall always feel grateful for his plain speaking, though it was like a dagger to my soul. He declared to me that matter was formed in her lungs, and that there was no hope. After a short pause, I summoned courage just to say, "Then, sir, what will be the symptoms of approaching death?” His reply was, "We will not talk upon that subject." They then advised me to leave town, and take apartments at Brompton; and afterwards, if there should be any change for the better, to proceed for the summer to Devonshire, and thence by sea to Lisbon for the next winter. When I went up stairs again, I said, "Well, my dear, the physicians have been consulting what they can do for you." She replied, "Ah! Paul may plant, and Apollos water, but God must give the increase." I heard this remark with great pleasure; it was the first serious observation I remember to have heard from her during her illness.

The following week we removed to CromwellHouse, Brompton. I strongly suspected it was the last time she would ever in this world see her little offspring. She bore the ride thither tolerably well; the air seemed to revive her, and she was rather cheerful when she got to Brompton. Our dear little family were taken under the protection of their

grandmother, and removed from the melancholy scene which was now approaching.

The change of air effectually removed her nervous irritability; her mind grew calm, and she seemed much to enjoy the situation of the house, which was in a gardener's ground, the season being remarkably forward. But, while nature on all sides revived, the object that was dearest to my feelings, declined with awful rapidity. Her spirit hastened its return to God who gave it; and it graciously pleased our heavenly Father not to delay the application of those rich cordials which he had in mercy reserved for my support in the trying hour.

In the evening of the 2nd of April, we had a little general conversation on the insufficiency of man's own righteousness, and the hopes offered in the gospel; but she advanced nothing which could be appropriated to her own experience. It was not till the 6th of April, that I obtained from her any satisfactory information respecting the state of her mind. This indeed was a day long to be remembered. Help me, O my God, to record it, and do thou record it on my heart! This day all restraint was removed. "Her tongue was loosed, and she spake and praised God." She gave me without reserve a narrative of all her experience.

'On my saying to her, "My love, when do you think your first serious impressions commenced?" She replied, "I am not fond of fixing dates on such