"PEN," PENELOPE DISCUSSETH THE STAGE. ," said Daisy Tolliver, one morning after they had become tired of talking about their fiancés and their dresses, "do you think it's easy to get on the stage?" The girls all think Pen a walking encyclopedia, you know. "Of course it is," replied Pen with a contemptuous sniff. "If Jack ever dies and papa fails and mamma loses her money, I'm going on the stage myself, some day. It's easy enough." "How would you go about it, Pen?" continued the interested Daisy. "Well, the first thing to do is to get the money. Of course Uncle Tom or Aunt Hattie would get that for me. I don't suppose it would take much, not over thirty or forty thousand dollars, for you see all the people who come to see the play have to pay so much and that helps out on the expenses. Then, the next most important thing is to get a manager." "What do you have to have a manager for ?" "Why, he takes care of the money and sees that you don't get cheated, and gets you talked about in the clubs, and the papers, and all that sort of thing. O, he's more necessary than the money. It's awfully hard to get a manager, but if you have money enough you usually can. Then you choose what plays you want to play in. I would prefer to play in such plays as Bernhardt does myself, because then if you succeed you're much greater than if you play in the other kinds of plays. Then you choose your company, or the manager does it for you, only I should insist on choosing my own leading man, for I would want him to be very handsome. I would choose Mr. Barrymore or Mr. Kelcey, myself, and the manager would have to get them for me or I would get into a rage." "O-0-0-0-0," said the now thoroughly delighted Daisy, "wouldn't it be splendid, wouldn't it. How I should envy you!" "Well, that would be all that there was to it except to learn the parts, and that would be easy enough. Of course I wouldn't do them just exactly as Bernhardt does, for I would want to show the critics AVT SCISSORS AVT NULLUS A CRUSTY old bachelor, not liking the way his landlady's daughter had of appropriating his hair-oil, filled his bottle with liquid glue the day before the ball to which the girl was invited. She stayed at home. -Exchange. FONTENELLE, when ninety years old, passed before Mme. Helvetius without perceiving her. "Ah!" cried the old lady; "that is your gallantry, then? To pass before me without even looking at me!" "If I had looked at you, madame," replied the old beau, "I could never have passed you at all."-Argonaut. MRS. BLINKS: Where in the world is Mr. Blinks's revolver? I forgot to take it from under his pillow this morning. NEW GIRL (a recent arrival): What's it like, mum ? MRS. BLINKS: It's about so long, with a crook at one end, and it's bright, like silver. NEW GIRL: I don't know, mum, unless it's that thing little Tommy is hammerin' tacks wid.-Good News. Chapping, Chafing, Dandruff, Odors from Perspiration. Speedy Relief by Using Packer's Tar Soap. "It Soothes while it Cleanses." Medical and Surg. Reporter, Phila. Lundborg's FAMOUS PE FUMES EDENIA AND Goya Lily. A DOCTOR finds it difficult sometimes to secure for the patient the quiet necessary for his recovery. One doctor, however, was equal to the emergency. The fussy, worrying wife of a man who was ill came up to him as he was leaving the house, asking: "Oh, doctor, how is he? How is he to-day?" "Above everything, he must positively have quiet, so I have written out a prescription here for a couple of opium powders," replied the doctor. When shall he take them? When shall I give them to him?" Exchange. |