WILS

been brought before us several times under indictment for similar offences, and invariably have been found guilty. In the present case it is charged that by the aid and connivance of a woman named Jansen, and various other persons, you have lured and attracted to a building known as the Broadway Theater a large number of law-abiding citizens, and,

having extracted various sums of money from them, have thereupon proceeded to split their sides and burst off their suspender buttons. With this end in view you have

caused to be performed a comic opera entitled The Lion Tamer." The aforesaid opera, it has been proved to Our satisfaction, is admirably adapted to your purpose. dialogue is bright and funny to

a

Its

remarkable degree, its music

is original and sparkling, and it is excellently set and costumed. One of its strongest features is the way in which speech and song are proportioned throughout. Of your accessories before and during the act, one Marie Jansen seems to be the principal offender. She is also well-known to us, and we repeat what we have said before, that you two together are the most expert perpetrators of comic opera known in this country, and are a constant menace to the gravity and glumness of the

THE OATH.

THE LION TAMER.

community. Your principal associate has added much to the success of your plans and will receive a sentence equal to yours. Your other associate, Laura Moore, is less guilty only because nature has not endowed her with equal powers. Neither in voice nor appearance is she very strongly qualified for the occupation in which we find her. We find Charles Plunkett and William Pruette, as well as the two colored boys, able accessories and aiding materially in your acts. In addition you have availed yourself of the services, as a chorus, of a number of younger, prettier and more shapely women than are usually employed in that capacity.

In your own case, Wilson, there are no mitigating circumstances. To be sure, your voice is nothing like as educated as your legs, but it seems to suffice to your purposes. You are a man of brains and you use them freely in your crimes against melancholy. That you do not descend to vulgarity makes you all the more dangerous to the risibles of the people you get together. Any one less graceful and less suave would naturally be less successful. You will now stand up while sentence is passed upon you.

No recommendation to mercy having been made, you are hereby sentenced to dance and sing and say clever things for the remainder of

your natural life. And may

your shadow never grow less.

Marie Jansen, alias

Angelina, is hereby sentenced to perpetual youth and admiration for life, unless she should die sooner.

8

ANGELINA.

THE

A PRECEDENT.

HE following report of an old English law case may be helpful to those of the rising generation who are hovering between the law and theology. A and B, the first a lawyer and the second a minister, brought an action of slander against C for calling them "durned fools." The learned Judge said that A could recover a verdict as it must tend to injure one in the legal profession, which requires discretion and reason, to have the reputation of a "durned fool." But the Judge said that B could not recover, as a man may be a "durned fool and yet be a very good minister.

AN INDUCEMENT.

Ruralistic Customer: HOW DOES IT LOOK ON ME? Dealer (in hollow whisper): MEIN FRENT, HAF YOU AN ENEMY?

Ruralistic Customer (amused): YOU BET I HAVE, THAT SI PERKINS

Dealer (in still more hollow, whisper): YOU SCHOOST PUY DOT CLODINGS, UNT VEAR IT SO YOUR ENEMY VILL SEE IT, UNT HE VOS OF ENVY DIE RIGHT OFF.

She has thrown herself upon her white bed and is weeping in the agony of love, when the maid enters her room and gives her a letter from him. She looks at it languidly until the maid has retired. Then she opens it with feverish haste and reads. As she does so the look of despair on her face changes to one of disdain. She finishes the letter with a cold little laugh and throws it aside. "He loves me," she says now," he loves me, but he has told me so too soon. Does he think that I am to be won in a week-in a day? I do not love him, I do not care for him, I detest him. I shall bid him go his way forever." And an hour later the maid posts a perfumed note that contains the single word, "Yes." Tom Hall.

AVT SCISSORS AVT NULLUS

A REMARK is attributed to Dr. Philpotts, Bishop of Exeter, which illustrates the bitterly contemptuous attitude of certain Anglicans towards Nonconformists. On a certain occasion, one of his clergy was lamenting to him the vast popularity of Mr. Spurgeon "Oh, bishop," he exclaimed, "if we only had Mr. Spurgeon! What a pity the Baptists have him!" "Is it not written," the bishop replied, with some severity, "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's ass'?"-Argonaut.

HE: I think it's outrageous to pamper up a dog like that. It makes me sick to look at it. Haven't you anything better to do?

HIS RELATIVE (savagely): Well, I haven't a husband, and I must have a brute of some sort to look after.-Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress.

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A NOTED English bishop had for years nursed the fear that he would some day become paralyzed. On one occasion, at a dinner, he suddenly interrupted the guests at table by exclaiming that his worst fears had been realized at last; that he was paralyzed in his right leg; that he had been pinching his thigh for some moments, and was unable to detect the slightest feeling. A lady sitting next to him assured him that he was mistaken, for it was her leg he had been pinching instead of his, the silk of the lady's dress being difficult to detect from the silk of the bishop's robe. He was cured.-Argonaut.

HANS VON BULOW, on one occasion, rebuked the feminine half of an oratorio chorus, which he was rehearsing. While the tenors and basses were singing their parts, the sopranos and altos indulged in conversation. They were called to order several times, but paid no attention. Finally, Von Bülow rapped upon his desk, and called out: "Ladies, Rome does not have to be saved to-night," which remark produced the desired effect, to the delight of the men and the chagrin of the women. -Argonaut.

BELATED TRAVELLER: How far is it from here (hic) to Charing Cross?

POLICEMAN : Fifteen minutes' walk.

BELATED TRAVELLER: For (hic) me or for (hic) you?-Xenophon's Book of Etiquette.

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