WHEN PATIENCE, ETC.

ANNIVERSARIES OF THE WEEK.

OU pay your money

γου

and you don't see the play. Far be it from LIFE to cast any reflections upon lovely woman, but when human beings are so organized that the consciousness of being a public nuisance has no weight it is almost time for somebody else to do something. As a matter of business it is the duty of a theatrical manager to give you a seat from which you can see the performance. If the occupant of the seat in front should hold up a large transparency telling you where to go for umbrellas, the officials of the establishment might possibly interfere. But when self-sacrificing woman accomplishes the same result by a large hat on a constantly moving head these same officials feel no responsibility. America is the only civilized country where this nuisance is tolerated, and it will continue to flourish as long as people are willing to pay their money for performances they have have little chance of enjoying.

AT ANY THEATRE.

DASHAWAY: The plumbing in my house broke down

the other day and we didn't get any water for twenty-four hours.

CLEVERTON: How did you manage?

DASHAWAY: I got along all right until the next morning and then I needed it badly.

“།

AUT SCISSORS AVT NULLUS

WANTS.

WANT another gown," she said, and heaved a gentle sigh; "I want an Easter bonnet, too," a tear stood in her eye. "I want a new Spring jacket "-then to start their daily strife Her husband murmured softly, "and I want another wife " -Cloak Review.

AN amusing story is told of a certain occasion in the House of Commons, when one Thomas Massey Massey moved that the Church of Henry VIII should get rid of the name of "mas" in Christmas, and substitute in place of the too Romish expression the more Saxon one "tide," thus, " Christide." O'Connell, who happened to be present, and who was seldom at a loss for the right word at the right time, moved that "as the honorable gentleman prized the old Saxon so much, he would do well to begin at home, namely, to Saxonize his own name. Let him do away with the mass' in Thomas Massey Massey,' and put his beloved tide' in the place of it, thus, 'Thotide Tidey Tidey'!" Needless to say that the house roared at the complete turn of the tables on the objector to the 'mas' in Christmas.-Exchange.

THE point of the following story lies in the important part which the threepenny bit" plays in church collections in England. Canon Blank was having a friendly game of pool at the 'squire's, and one of his opponents was Wigsby, the barrister. The canon lost a "life," and took from his pocket a threepenny piece to pay for it, which he placed on the edge of the table.

"Oh," said Wigsby, "I see, canon, you have had your finger in the plate!"

The canon drew himself up to his full height (a good six feet), and looking the man of the law full in the face, said:

"I'm surprised that you Mr. Wigsby, in the presence of this respectable company, have the audacity to recognize your own paltry contribution !"-Argonaut.

MOTHER: It's terribly late. Why in the world don't you go to bed? LITTLE DAUGHTER: I'm studying my grammar lesson.

"But you said the teacher gave you only one rule to-day and that you learned that in three minutes." "Yes'm."

"Then why are you poring over that grammar at eleven o'clock at night?"

I'm learning the 'xceptions."-Good News.

FULL-BLOWN ROSE: What a pity, dear, you are engaged so young! You will never have the fun of refusing a man.' BUD: No; but I've had the fun of accepting one -Funny Folks.

-AND

SPAULDING & Co.

(INCORPORATED),

Gold and Silversmiths,

Have recently added to their establishment a Stationery Department which will be quite on a par with the other branches of their business, and which will, it is hoped, maintain the reputation of the house. Messrs. Spaulding & Co. are prepared to furnish the newest and most correct forms in fine

Stationery. Elegantly engraved Wedding, Dinner or other Invitations in the most approved fashions. Crests, Monograms and Address Dies executed in the finest manner. Correspondence is solicited.

State and Jackson Sts..

Chicago, Ill.

36 Ave. de l'Opera, Paris.

Fine CUT GLASS has at all times an intrinsic value. The name of J. HOARE & CO., Corning, is the best guarantee that any piece can have.

Cook

45 sold in '88 2,288 sold in '89 6,268 sold in '90 20,049 sold in '91 60,000 will be sold in '92

A Steel Windmill and Steel
Tower every 3 minutes.

These figures tell the
story of the ever-growing,
ever going, everlasting
Steel Aermotor. Where
one goes others follow,
and we take the country.'
Though sold, we were unable to make all of
the 20,049 Aermotors in '91. Orders often
waited 8 weeks to be filled, but now we have
vastly increased our plant and are pre-
pared promptly to plant our increase in
every habitable portion of the globe.

Are you curious to know how the Aermotor Co. In the 4th year of its exist

ence, came to make many times as many windmills as all other makers combined? How we came

The Aermotor Pneumatic Water Supply System enables you to sup

ply every

part of your house

with

water

without

an

Elevated

Tank.

to originate the Steel Wheel, the Steel Fixed Tower, the Steel Tilting Tower?

1st. We commenced in a field in I which there had been no improvement for 25 years, and in which there seemed no talent or ambition, and none has yet been shown except in feeble Imitation of our Inventions.

2d.

Before commencing the manufacture, exhaustive scientifo investigation and experi Iments were made by a skilled mechanical engineer, in which over 5,000 dynamometic tests were made on 61 different forms,

It is not enough to make portions of

protected from rust and
being completed, thus absolutely
motor and Steel Tower are now galvanized after

GALVANIZED wheel of galvanized metal. That

leaves exposed edges and is not so good as painting. The Steel Aer

decay.

of wheels, propelled by artificial AERMOTOR
and therefore uniform wind,
which settled definitely many,
questions relating to the proper
speed of wheel, the best form,

angle, curvature and amount of sail surface, the resist-
ance of air to rotation, obstructions in the wheel, such as
heavy wooden arms, obstructions before the wheel, as in
the vaneless mill, and many other more abstruse, though
not less important questions. These Investiga-
tions proved that the power of the best
wind wheels could be doubled, and the
AERMOTOR daily demonstrates It has
been done.
3d. To the liberal policy of the Aermotor Co., that guaran
tees its goods satisfactory or pays freight both ways, and to
the enormous ou put of its factory which enables it to fur-
nish the best article at less than the poorest is sold for. For
92 we furnish the most perfect bearings ever put
in a windmill, and have made an exhaustive re-
vision of the Aermotor and Towers.

If you want a strong, stiff, Steel Fixed Tower-or if you want the tower you don't have to climb (the Steel Tilting Tower) and the Wheel that runs when all others stand stil Wthat costs you less than wood and lasts ten times as long (The Steel Aermotor) or if you want a Geared Aermotor to churn, grind, cut feed, pump water, turn gindstone and saw wood, that does the work of 4 horses at the cost of one ($100), write for copiously illustrated printed matter, showing every conceivable phase of windmill construction and work, to the AERMOTOR CO. 12th and Rock. well Sts., Chicago, or 12 Main St., San Francisco.

8 Per Cent. Net sounds good for idle money, but $2,475 net is not impossible revenue from one acre Italian Prunes in Oregon. Invest ment Share Certificates on installments. CROPS AND BANKS NEVER FAIL IN OREGON. Send for new Prospectus. THE FARM TRUST AND LOAN Co., Portland, Ore.

SHE KNOWS A THING OR TWO about the Pittsburgh Lamp

you don't, better send for primer PITTSBURGH BRASS CO

A New Edition de Luxe.

VICTOR HUGO'S WORKS

Limited to 1,000 Copies.

The first and ONLY fine edition of Hugo's works, including all the romances, and travels, and the principal poems and dramas ever made in the English language.

Victor Hugo is beyond question the greatest of the French writers of fiction, and is now esteemed both in Europe and America as one of the foremost writers of the Nineteenth Century. He was also a most gifted poet, and as a dramatist his great plays "Ruy Blas," "The Fool's Revenge," etc., etc., have been wonderfully successful.

This edition is embellished with over 200 superb etchings and photogravures, by the best artists in France, the latter being mainly executed by the great firm of Goupil & Co., of Paris. All of these illustrations are proofs on Imperial Japanese Government paper.

The manufacture of the book is perfect.

The type is large and new, and set in a fine open page. The margins are ample and the paper is a beautiful natural tint laid paper. The volume is a small 8vo, easy to handle, and the binding is vellum cloth, gilt tops, slightly trimmed. Complete in 30 vols., issued at the rate of about 2 vols. per month, at $2.50 per volume. Prospectus and specimen pages showing type, page and paper with sample illustration, sent on application.

Estes & Lauriat, Publishers, Boston.

Arnold Constable & Co

ROBES ET MANTEAUX.

PARIS AND LONDON

Hotel Renaissance,

43d St., West of 5th Av.

Suites of Rooms to Rent. RESTAURANT ACCOMMODATIONS

PARTIES OTHER THAN GUESTS.

FOR

UMBRELLAS.

We direct attention to our Stock of Ladies' and Gentlemen's Umbrellas, now complete with a full line of New Goods in Fast-dye Union, Silk Warp Gloria, Serge, Taffeta and Extra

FOR SALE ON BUZZARD'S BAY. heavy twilled Silk, mounted on English Natural,

A beautiful point of land containing thirty-five acres, with old fashioned house and barn. Price $7,000. Address, ALEX. S PORTER, 27 State St., Boston, Mass.

Olive, Cape Horn, Silvered Loop Snake and Fleur de Lis Handles.

In 26-inch, we are showing a line of Um

brellas for Ladies' use, in Natural and Silverpatch Handles, at $1.00, $1.15, $1.65, $2.00, $2.25 and upward.

Gentlemen's Umbrellas, in 26 and 28-inch, mounted on the latest styles of Imported Sticks

and $4.25 each.

A PRIVATE soldier had knocked down his captain, and a court-martial had sentenced him to the Dry Tortugas. His friends bestirred themselves in his-Plain and Silvered-from $1.15 to $10.50 behalf, and prevailed upon Judge Schofield, a personal friend of President Lincoln, to intercede in his each. Gentlemen's Close Rollers at $3.60 behalf. Lincoln paid close attention to all that Schofield had to offer, and then said: "I tell you, judge, you go right down to the capitol, and get Congress to pass an act authorizing a private soldier to knock down his captain. Then come back here, and I will pardon your man." The judge saw the point, and withdrew, with a broad smile on his face.Argonaut.

WAS there ever a more mordant and sardonic stroke of description than that O'Connell gave of Peel's bloodlessness? "His smile was like a silverplate on a coffin." Less scathing, but less witty, also, was his description of a lady of a similarly repellent temperament: "She had all the characteristics of a poker, except its occasional warmth."-Argonaut.

AN anecdote of the Duke of Marlborough, who is said to have bought land in the Powells River Valley, Tenn., on which to establish a country-seat, is told at the expense of a native wine-maker in those parts. "There, Mr. Duke," said the Tennessee vintner. handing Marlborough a sample glass, "is what I call honest wine!"

"Yes," the duke is said to have replied; "yes, Mr. Stebbens, poor but honest!"-Argonaut.

James McCreery & Co.,

BROADWAY & 11th STREET, NEW YORK.

Especially infants, is prevalent more or less at all times, but is largely avoided by giving proper nourishment and wholesome food. The most successful and reliable of all is the Gail Borden Eagle" Brand Condensed Milk. Your grocer and druggist keep it.

W. G. WILLS, the English novelist, one night allowed himself to be dragged to the theatre by a friend, when he would far rather have stayed at home. The young man at the door would not admit them, though Wills had a standing invitation to the house, but the proper official was afterward found, and gave the necessary permission. Wills endured the performance with stoical calmness, but, on going out, said pathetically: "I am looking for that kind-hearted young man who was for not letting us in. I should like to give him a shilling."-Argonaut.

SEEKER: I observe that Professor Stagg has been lecturing on "How to Become a Christian Athlete." I wonder what that means?

SAGEMAN: That's an easy one. A Christian athlete is one who is continually jumping from one faith to another.-Boston Courier.

Mrs. O'Toole: AN' PHAT IS THAT, DINNY? Mr. O'Toole: THAT? THAT IS A OSTRICH. Mrs. O'Toole: OSTRICH! PHERE'S THE FEDDERS, THIN?

Mr. O'Toole (in disgust): DON'T SHOW YAZ IGNERANCE OFF, DUMMY. TH' BURD IS MOULTIN'.

Three of a kind and a PEAR
Copyrighted.

TRITON

BRAND OF PLAYING CARDS ARE

"SQUEEZERS”

AND HAVE PERFECT SLIP, SUPERB FINISH. For PRICE and QUALITY UNEQUALED. Our Cards are used by the leading Clubs and Army and Navy. All dealers have them. SAMPLE PACK mailed on receipt of 25c. Be sure you see the word TRITON on the box and wrapper of each pack. Ask for TRITONS; they are double enameled.

N. Y. CONSOLIDATED CARD CO.,
West 14th Street, N. Y.

Special Poudre de RTZ

Prepared with bismuth by CH. FAY, Perfumer. 0, r. de la Paix, Paris
USE NONE OTHER

Caution. - None Genuine but those bearing the word FRANCE and the signature CH. FAY.

Only $1.00 a Year.

Postage Paid.

FUN FOR 40 MINUTES

-AND

INFORMATION FOR A MONTH

GO WITH EVERY COPY OF

LIFE'S MONTHLY CALENDAR.

It tells you everything, and more, too. Rich and Poor may have it now, as the price is only 10 cents, with

Copious Reading Matter and Profuse Illustrations !