100

Book of Nonsense Verse

And notice the way it worries the cuffs at the edges
And tatters the front to rags."

"I see, O great buccaneer," I said; "and prithee

What happens out there in the circular vat or tun?" "Why, that's the most delicate part," he replied, "of the smithy, That there is the Colour-Run.

"It is that which removes the mauve from the fastest flannel And changes the blue to green; you can see the dye

Run down to a metal trough through a wooden channel." "I certainly can," said I.

"And that there is the Button Biffer that clasps and snatches The best-sewn button away in its clean caress:

And yonder's the Mix-up Mill that sorts out batches
Of clothes for the wrong address."

UNIV. OF

Our Laundry CALIFORNIA

I thanked him and turned to go for I felt a spasm,

But ere I got out I beheld a hole in the floor

That seemed to go down to the depths of a bottomless chasm: And I asked him, "What's that for?"

"Oh that," he replied, "is our laundry's boast and splendour. By a couple of men all day that gulf is fed

With the things that are never returned at all to the sender." "Great heavens!" I shrieked and fled.

E. V. KNOX.'

I 66
"Evee” of “Punch," and brother to Father Ronald Knox.

SIR CHRISTOPHER WREN

Said "I'm going to dine with some men,

'From "Biography for Beginners," by E. Clerihew, B.A.

Ifegs!1

Gui sonsy thrennicks (a) gaily prance,
An' Mary whupples (b) through the dance,
I canna (c) glip (d) or thrang (e) ma pance (f)
In Gurgle's wummick (g).

O mak me fey and gin me grance (h)

For ilka jummick (i).

F. W. THOMAS.

GLOSSARY OF TERMS

(a) Thrennicks are three-cornered chouples.
(b) Whupples; the same as wimbles, only faster.
(c) Canna; one who cans, like Heinz.

(d) Glip; to make a noise like a herring.

(e) Thrang; to pull the ears up and down while standing on one foot and glumping.

(f) Pance; pants.

(g) Gurgle's wummick; this means the wummick belonging to Gurgle.

(h) Grance; I don't know what this means. Probably a hearthrug.

(i) Jummick; an unemployed lamplighter with three children.

F. W. T.

1 In granting me permission to make use of the two ingenious poems and their glossaries, which appear on this page and the one following, respectively, the popular humorist of the "Daily News" and "Star" wittily describes them as being "two samples of Scotch, slightly underproof."

Lines to a Wassick

Hear, Land o' Cakes, and brither Scots,
Frae Petticoat Lane to Johnny Groat's,
What gars ye gang right aff yer oats,
An' halesome parritch?

What gars the muckle, sonsie stots (a)
Ayont the splarritch? (b)

Aiblins (c) ye're snod an' owre the noo,
Forbye yon warlock's supped too fou,
Or dinged the blethers (d) daffin' coo,
That thus ye girn;

Whiles crummocks (e) sough amang the dew,

An' bannocks burn.

What feckless foumart maks his micht?
Ochone! Begorra! Hou'd yer whist! (f)

Ifegs! I'm doited, douce, an' clicht,
Erin go bragh!

'Tis a braw bricht, moonlicht nicht the nicht. Let's come awa'!

But gin (g) ye spier or gin ye greet,

Like ilka lassie doon the street.

Or if ye've meat an' canna eat,
Ma puir wee laddie,

Yon gawkie guy has got me beat,
Ye finnan haddie!