law allows of atonement for the sin of ignorance, but none for the sin of presumption. And it is an awful truth that I am going to relate; namely, that, where the law allows of no sacrifice, the gospel never allows a Christ; " I obtained mercy "I because I did it ignorantly in unbelief." But for a wilful, presumptuous sinner there is no more sacrifice for sin. I bless God that he has given me repentance for sin, and the pardon of it; and I hope his special grace will be still sufficient for me. I have now given my reader an honest account of the black side of my life, and shall shew him next the brighter part thereof; hoping the relation of this will appear a ground of hope, and that of the latter a comfortable encouragement to hoping souls.

Thine to serve,

W.H.

THE

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN

TAKEN BY

PRAYER,

AFTER many ramblings about the country, I went and settled at last at Mortlake, in Surry, where the effectual work of drawing me from the world began to operate on my soul. I had lost my child by sudden death, as is related in the Bank of Faith. My wife went to nurse a lying-in woman at Barnes, at a little distance from Mortlake; and, during her stay at that place, I was left entirely alone, both at my work and at home.

As I was one day at my labour, I was reflecting on the many sicknesses, soul troubles, extreme poverty, and disappointments, which I had met with in the course of my life. I considered the poor, tried, troubled state I was then in, together with the loss of my child, and my being almost an utter stranger in a strange place; and, upon a proper view of the whole, I murmured and fretted at my hard fate; and thought

I might adopt the language of good old Jacob, and say, "Few and evil have the days of the years of life been."

of my

But suddenly it was impressed with power on my mind, that all these evils were brought upon me for my sin: and that I neither knew, feared, loved, nor served, God as I ought to do, and therefore had brought these trials on myself; and that it was a great mercy God did not take me instead of the infant. This impression was attended with an uncommon flow of contrition: insomuch that I was, at times, overwhelmed with a sorrowful spirit; and so dissolved into meekness, that I went weeping and mourning all the day long, until my soul was as a weaned child.

This frame of spirit was attended chiefly with self-pity, because I had, by sin, exposed myself to so many hardships in this life, and for aught I then knew, to more in the next. I was however at times a little tinctured with godly sorrow, to think I had so much offended the Almighty; and this was accompanied with a fear that he would not be pacified toward me.

Under these workings of mind I began secretly to call on the name of the Lord in prayer, and embraced every opportunity that offered itself. My petitions were such as I had learned out of books, with some expressions of my own, which I used in confession; as no form seemed

to be sufficient to suit the complicated diseases of my troubled mind. This heavy, gloomy frame of soul was attended with a twofold blessing; for my heart being pregnant with compunction, drove me perpetually to God in prayer; and in pouring out my soul before God I found I had ease in my mind, until I got under a fresh reflection of past offences, and a future view of the effects as the just rewards of sin, Then my heart conceived again her fresh burden; and I evidently found that there was no release to be had but on my knees before God, where I could speak so as to be eased.

The other blessing that attended me under this oppression of soul was, that it weaned me from company. I was naturally of a cheerful disposition, which entangled me in the company of many acquaintances; but, when I began to be a little habituated to these gloomy regions of death, I found that all my anxiety after, love to, and delight in company was quite blasted, so that my spirit withered, like the green herb, to all the joys of mortals. Rural retirement seemed most agreeable to me, as it best suited my bewildered state of mind; till at length I began to detest all company, and fly from all my acquaintances: I dwelt like a sparrow alone on the house tops, or like the pelican of the wilderness, or an owl of the desert.

Finding my spirit dead to all society, and no

ease to my soul but on my knees before God in private, I earnestly solicited the Almighty to keep me from all fellowship with the wicked; having, as I thought, accumulated guilt enough already. In answer to this it was suggested, as a voice to my best attention, that I must quit that place in which I dwelt, with all my com panions, and never more have fellowship with any worldly company whatsoever. This impression sunk so deep on my mind, that it never could be erased by all the frowns or smiles of the children of men, nor do I believe it ever will.

Under this impulse I went to Barnes, to inform my wife of my determination of leaving that place, and forsaking all my companions, and that for ever; and I gave her several reasons for this my determination, but concealed the worst of the matter. Her answer was, Do just as you will, I am ready to go with you to any place you choose.'

I have often since thought of good old Jacob's sending for Rachel and Leah into the field to him, to inform them of their father's conduct toward him, and of God's vision that was opened to him, and of the Lord's commanding him to return into his own country; whose submissive answer was, "Now then, whatsoever God hath said unto thee, do," Gen. xxxi. 16. A sweet