GENERAL SUMMARY

We are very slightly changed
From the semi-apes who ranged
India's prehistoric clay;
Whoso drew the longest bow,
Ran his brother down, you know,
As we run men down to-day.

"Dowb," the first of all his race,
Met the Mammoth face to face
On the lake or in the cave,
Stole the steadiest canoe,

Ate the quarry others slew,

Died and took the finest grave.

When they scratched the reindeer-bone,
Some one made the sketch his own,
Filched it from the artist — then,

Even in those early days,

Won a simple Viceroy's praise

Through the toil of other men.
Ere they hewed the Sphinx's visage
Favoritism governed kissage,

Even as it does in this age.

Who shall doubt the secret hid

Under Cheops' pyramid

Was that the contractor did

Cheops out of several millions ?

Or that Joseph's sudden rise
To Comptroller of Supplies
Was a fraud of monstrous size

On King Pharaoh's swart Civilians ?

Thus, the artless songs I sing
Do not deal with anything

New or never said before.
As it was in the beginning,
Is to-day official sinning,
And shall be forever more.

ARMY HEADQUARTERS

Old is the song that I sing

Old as my unpaid bills

Old as the chicken that kitmatgars bring
Men at dak-bungalows-old as the Hills.

Ahasuerus Jenkins of the "Operatic Own"

Was dowered with a tenor voice of super-Santley tone, His views on equitation were, perhaps, a trifle queer; He had no seat worth mentioning, but oh! he had

an ear.

He clubbed his wretched company a dozen times a day,

He used to quit his charger in a parabolic way,

His method of saluting was the joy of all beholders, But Ahasuerus Jenkins had a head upon his shoulders.

He took two months to Simla when the year was at the spring,

And underneath the deodars eternally did sing.
He warbled like a bulbul, but particularly at
Cornelia Agrippina, who was musical and fat.

Kitmatgars: House-servants.

Dâk-bungalows: Wayside inns.

Deodars: Several sorts of trees; at Simla, a cypress.
Bulbul: Nightingale (Persian).

She controlled a humble husband, who in turn controlled a Dept.,

Where Cornelia Agrippina's human singing birds were

kept

From April to October on a plump retaining fee, Supplied, of course, per mensem, by the Indian Treasury.

Cornelia used to sing with him, and Jenkins used to play;

He praised unblushingly her notes, for he was false as they :

So when the winds of April turned the budding roses brown,

Cornelia told her husband: "Tom, you must n't send him down."

They haled him from his regiment, which didn't much regret him ;

They found for him an office stool, and on that stool they set him,

To play with

maps and catalogues three idle hours a day, And draw his plump retaining fee-which means his

double pay.

Now, ever after dinner, when the coffee-cups are brought,

Ahasuerus waileth o'er the grand pianoforte ;

And, thanks to fair Cornelia, his fame hath waxen great, And Ahasuerus Jenkins is a power in the State.

Per mensem: By the month.

STUDY OF AN ELEVATION,

IN INDIAN INK

This ditty is a string of lies;

But

how the deuce did Gubbins rise?

Potiphar Gubbins, C. E.,

Stands at the top of the tree;

And I muse in my bed on the reasons that led
To the hoisting of Potiphar G.

Potiphar Gubbins, C. E.,

Is seven years junior to me;

Each bridge that he makes he either buckles or breaks,

And his work is as rough as he.

Potiphar Gubbins, C. E.,

Is coarse as a chimpanzee;

And I can't understand why you gave him your

hand,

Lovely Mehitabel Lee.

Potiphar Gubbins, C. E.,

Is dear to the Powers that Be;

For They bow and They smile in an affable style Which is seldom accorded to Me.

C. E.: Civil Engineer.