The Story of Uriah But I should n't be astonished And, when the Last Great Bugle Call I shouldn't like to be the man Hurnai: A pass in the Himalayas. THE POST THAT FITTED Though tangled and twisted the course of true love, No tangle 's so tangled it can not improve Ere the steamer bore him Eastward, Sleary was engaged to marry An attractive girl at Tunbridge, whom he called "my little Carrie." Sleary's pay was very modest; Sleary was the other way. Who can cook a two-plate dinner on eight paltry dibs a day? Long he pondered o'er the question in his scantly furnished quarters Then proposed to Minnie Boffkin, eldest of Judge Boffkin's daughters. Certainly an impecunious subaltern was not a catch, But the Boffkins knew that Minnie might n't make another match. So they recognized the business, and, to feed and clothe the bride, Got him made a Something Something somewhere on the Bombay side. Dibs: Rupees. The Post That Fitted Anyhow, the billet carried pay enough for him to marry As the artless Sleary put it: "Just the thing for me and Carrie." Did he, therefore, jilt Miss Boffkin - impulse of a baser mind? No! He started epileptic fits of an appalling kind. (Of his modus operandi only this much I could gather : "Pears' shaving sticks will give you little taste and lots of lather.") Frequently in public places his affliction used to smite Sleary with distressing vigor - always in the Boffkins' sight. Ere a week was over Minnie weepingly returned his ring, Told him his " unhappy weakness stopped all thought of marrying. Sleary bore the information with a chastened holy joy, Epileptic fits don't matter in political employ, Wired three short words to Carrie-took his ticket, packed his kit. Bade farewall to Minnie Boffkin in one last, long, lingering fit. Modus operandi: Way to go about it. Four weeks later Carrie Sleary read-and laughed until she wept Mrs. Boffkin's warning letter on the "wretched epilept." Year by year, in pious patience, vengeful Mrs. Boff kin sits Waiting for the Sleary babies to develop Sleary's fits. PUBLIC WASTE Walpole talks of "a man and his price." The sale of a Deputy-Acting-Vice- Bought like a bullock, hoof and hide, By the Little Tin Gods on the Mountain Side. By the Laws of the Family Circle 't is written in letters of brass That only a Colonel from Chatham can manage the Railways of State, Because of the gold on his breeks, and the subjects wherein he must pass; Because in all matters that deal not with Railways his knowledge is great. Now Exeter Battleby Tring had labored from boyhood to eld On the Lines of the East and the West, and eke of the North and South; Many Lines had he built and surveyed-important the posts which he held; And the Lords of the Iron Horse were dumb when he opened his mouth. Black as the raven his garb, and his heresies jettier still Hinting that Railways required lifetimes of study and knowledge; Breeks: Scotch for trousers. |