by negligent rudeness of their dress bel; e nature, and render themselves lefs amiable than she has made them. But all this being granted, it will by no means juftify that exceffive cu iofity and folicitude, that expence of time and money too, which is now ufed. Moderation is much likelier to fucceed, than the contrary extravagance: among the prudenter fort of men, I am fure it is, if it be not among the loofe and vain, against which it will be their guard, and fo do them greater fervice. Certainly, he that chooses a wife for thofe qualities for which a wife man would refufe her, underftands fo li tle what marriage is, as portends no great felicity to her that fhall have him. But if they defire to marry men of fobriety and difcretion, they are obliged in justice to bring the fame qualities they expect, which will be very ill ordered by that excess and vanity we now talk of. For to speak a plain, tho' perhaps ungrateful truth, this, together with fome of the modifh liberties now in ufe, is that which keeps fo many young ladies about the town unmarried, till they lose the epithet of young. Sober men are afraid to venture upon a humour fo difagreeing to their own, left whilft, according to the primitive reafon of marriage, they feek a help, they efpoufe a ruin. But this is especially dreadful to a plain country gentleman, who looks upon one of thefe fine women as a gawdy idol, to whom, if he once becomes a votary, he muft facrifice a great part of his fortune, and all his content. How reasonable that apprehenfion is, the many wrecks of confiderable families do too evidently atteft. But I prefume fome of the nicer ladies have fuch a contempt of any thing that they please to call ruftic, that they will not much regret the lofing of those whom they never intended to gain. Not at least while they are in purfuit or hopes of others, tho' when thofe fail, thefe will be looked on as a welcome reserve, and therefore it will be no prudence to cut themfelves off from the laft refort, left they, as many have done, betake themselves to much worfe. For as in many inftances,

C 4

ftances, it is the country which feeds and maintains the grandeur of the town, fo of all commerces, there marriages would foonest fail, if all rural fupplies were cut off. I fhall not enlarge further upon drels, but refer to the head which treats of it. I have, in this, discoursed of obedience to parents, and in both may perhaps be thought uncourtly, and too much out of the mode; for I know this age has fo great a contempt of the former, that it is but matter of fcorn to alledge any of their cuftoms, elle I should fay, that the liberties which are now taken would then have been started at. They that fhould then have feen a young maid rambling abroad without her mother, or fome other prudent perfon, would have looked on her as a-ftray, and thought it but a neighbourly office to have brought her home. Whereas now it is a rarity to fee them in any company graver than themfelves, and fhe that goes with her parent, unless it be a parent as wild as herfelf, thinks the does but walk abroad with her jailor: but fure there are no fmall mifchiefs that attend this liberty, for it leaves them perfectly to the choice of their company, a thing of too weighty importance for giddy heads to determine,who will be fure to elect fuch as are of their own humour, with whom they may keep a traffic of little impertinences, and trifling entertainments, and fo by confequence, condemn themfelves never to grow wifer, which they might do by an ingenious converfation. Nay it is well if that negative will be the worst, for it gives opportunity to any that have ill defigns upon them. It will be eafy getting into their company, who have no guard to keep any body out; and as eafy by, little flatteries to infinuate into their good graces, who have not fagacity to difcern to what infiduous purpofes those blandishments are directed; and when once they begin to nibble at the bait, to be pleased with the courtfhip, it is odds they do not escape the hook.

Alas! how many poor innocent creatures have thus been indifcernibly enfnared? have at firft perhaps liked

the

the wit and rallery, perhaps the language and addrefs, then the freedom and good humour, till at last they came to like the perfon. It is therefore a moft neceffary caution for young women, not to trust too much to their own conduct, but to their dependence on those to whom God and nature have fubjected them, and to look on it not as their restraint and burden, but as their shelter and protection; for when once the authority of a parent comes to be defpifed, tho' in the flightest inftance, it lays the foundation of utmost difobedience. She that will not be prescribed to in the choice of her ordinary diverting company, will be lefs fo in choofing the fixed companions of her life; and we find it often eventually true, that those who govern themselves in the former, will not be governed by their friends in the latter, but by pre-engagements of their own, prevent their election for them. Of this I have treated in the former part of this head; and shall further observe, that the folly and fin of fuch difobedience are equal. They injure and afflict their parents, but they generally ruin and un-. do themselves, and that upon a double account. the fecular part, thofe that are fo rafh as to make fuch matches, cannot be imagined fo provident as to examine how agreeable it is to their interefi, or to contrive for any thing beyond the marriage: the thoughts of their future temporal conditions, like thofe of the eter nal, can find no room amidst their foolish raptures, but as if love were indeed that deity which the poets feigned it, they depend on it for all, and take no further care. And the event does commonly too foon inftruct them in the deceitfulness of that trust, love being fo unable to fupport them, that it cannot maintain itself, but quickly expires when it has brought the lovers into thofe ftraits from whence it cannot refcue them. Indeed it does but play the decoy with them, brings them into the noofe, and then retires For when fecular wants begin to pinch them, all the tranfports of their kindness.

As to

do ufually convert into mutual accufations, for having made each other miferable.

There is no reason to expect it should end better, when it began fo ill, they forfeit the title of the divine bleffing, nay, they put themselves out of a capacity to afk it: it being a ridiculous impudence to beg God to profper the tranfgreflions of his law. Such weddings feem to invoke only fome of the poetic, romantic deities, Venus and Hymen, from whence they are to derive a happiness as fictitious as the Gods that are to fend it. Let all virgins then religiously observe this part of obedience to their parents, that they may not only have their benediction, but God's; and to that purpose, let this be laid as a fundamental rule, that they never hearken to any proposal of marriage made them from any other hand; but when any fuch overture is made, let the virgin divert the addrefs from herself, and direct it to her parents, which will be the best test imaginable for any pretender. For if he know himself worthy of her, he will not fear to avow his defign to them; and if he decline that, it is a certain fymptom, he is conscious of fomething that he knows will not give him a valuable confideration. This courfe will repel no fuitor, but fuch as it is their intereft not to admit. Besides, it is most agreeable to the virgin modefty, which fhould make marriage rather an act of their obedience than their choice; and they that think their friends too flowpaced in the matter, and feek to out-run them, give caufe to fufpect they are fpurred on by fomewhat too warm defires.

As a daughter is neither to anticipate nor contradict the will of her parent, fo, to hang the balance even, I muft fay she is not obliged to force her own, by marrying where the cannot love. Tho' I have handled this matter in the preceding pages, yet it being the most important event of human life, I cannot forbear thefe further reflections; and not having prescribed myself any strict form in these essays, I fhall frequently confider things

again

again and again, as new matter occurs. A negative voice in a cafe of this importance, is fure as much the child's right as the parents. It is true, fhe ought well to examine the grounds of her averfion, and if they prove only childish and fanciful, fhe fhould endeavour to correct them by reafon and fober confideration; but if, after all, fhe cannot bring herself to like the perfon her parents would impofe upon her, fhe fhould not proceed to marry. I cannot fee how fhe can, without a facrilegious hypocrify, vow fo folemnly to love, where the at the inftant actually abhors. And when the marriage ftate is begun with fuch a perjury, it is no wonder to find it continued on at the fame rate; that other parts of the vow be alfo violated, and that the obferves the negative part no more than the pofitive, and as little forfake others, as fhe does heartily cleave to her hufband. I fear this is a confequence of which there are too many fad inftances now extant. For tho" doubtlefs there are fome virtues which will hold out against all the temptation their averfions can give, nay which. do at laft even conquer thofe averfions, and render their duty as eafy as they have kept it fafe, yet we find there are but fome that do fo, it is no infeparable property of the fex, therefore it is fure too hazardous an experiment for any of them to venture on.

If they may not marry upon the more generous motive of obedience, much lefs may they upon the worfe inducements of avarice and ambition. For a woman

to make a vow to the man, and yet intend only to marry his fortune, or his title, is the bafeft infincerity, and fuch as in any other kind of civil contracts, would not only have the infamy, but the punishment of a cheat. Nor will it at all fecure them, that in this it is only liable to God's tribunal, for that is not like to make the doom lefs, but more heavy. In a word, marriage is God's ordinance, and should be confidered as fuch, not made a stale to any unworthy defign; and it may well be prefumed one cause why fo few matches are happy,