With flags and shawls, for these Nepauls,
They hung the rooms of Willis up,
And decked the walls, and stairs, and halls,
With roses and with lilies up.

And JULLIEN's band, it tuck its stand,
So sweetly in the middle there,

And soft bassoons played heavenly chunes,
And violins did fiddle there.

And when the Coort was tired of spoort,

I'd lave you, boys, to think there was,

A nate buffet before them set,

Where lashins of good dhrink there was!

At ten before the ball-room door,

His moighty Excellency was,

He smoiled and bowed to all the crowd,
So gorgeous and immense he was.
His dusky shuit, sublime and mute,
Into the door-way followed him;

And O the noise, of the blackguard boys,
As they hurrood and hollowed him!

The noble Chair, stud at the stair,

And bade the dthrums to thump; and he
Did thus evince, to that Black Prince,
The welcome of his Cumpany.
O fair the girls, and rich the curls,

And bright the oys, you saw there, was;
And, fixed each oye, ye there could spoi,
On GINERAL JUNG BAHAWTHER, was!
This Gineral great, then tuck his sate,
With all the other ginerals,
(Bedad his troat, his belt, his coat,
All bleezed with precious minerals ;)
And as he there, with princely air,
Recloinin on his cushion was,
All round about his royal chair,

The squeezin and the pushin was.

O PAT, such girls, such Jukes, and Earls,

Such fashion and nobilitee!

Just think of TIM, and fancy him,

Amidst the hoigh gentility!

There was Lord DE L'HUYS, and the Portygeese
Ministher and his lady there,

And I reckonised, with much surprise,

Our messmate, BOB O'GRADY, there;

There was BARONFSS BRUNOW, that looked like JUNO,
And BARONESS REHAUSEN there,

And COUNTESS ROULLIER, that looked peculiar
Well, in her robes of gauze in there.

There was LORD CROWHURST (I knew him first,
When only MR. PIPS he was),

And MICK O'TOOLE, the great big fool,
That after supper tipsy was.

There was LORD FINGALL, and his ladies all,
And LORDS KILLEEN and DUFFERIN,
And PADDY FIFE, with his fat wife;

I wondther how he could stuff her in.

JAMES MATHESON, ESQUIRE, to whom, and the Board of Directors of the Peninsular and Oriental Company, I, TOTHEUS MALONY, late stoker on board the Iberia, the

There was LORD BELFAST, that by me past,
And seemed to ask how should I go there?
And the WIDOW MACRAE, and LORD A. HAY,
And the MARCHIONESS OF SLIGO there.

Yes, Jukes, and Earls, and diamonds, and pearls,
And pretty girls, was spoorting there;
And some beside (the rogues!) I spied,
Behind the windies, coorting there.

O, there's one I know, bedad would show
As beautiful as any there,

And I'd like to hear the pipers blow,

And shake a fut with FANNY there!

THE BEGINNING OF THE END.

UST now there are all the usual symptoms of the close of the Session being at hand; and measures that would otherwise have proceeded by the slowest and easiest stages, are being jerked through both Houses in the most sudden and precipitate manner.

The Bills of Parliament, like some bills of the play we have met with, seem to bear upon the face of them the information that " an interval of some time is supposed to elapse between the first and second acts" or first and second readings-though, in fact there is no interval at all: but conclusions are jumped to by the legislature with the same amount of recklessness that is displayed by the dramatist when the denouement is desired. Many of the members have already left their seats in the House for their seats in the country; and so as a sufficient number of "reading men can be kept together to read the remaining bills of the Session, that is all that appears to be required.

Legislation, which at the commencement of the Session drags its slow length along, is, at this more advanced period, carried forward at railway speed; and measures instead of being deliberately forwarded, and gradually carried, are shoved from stage to stage, pitched from house to house, and ultimately made law in batches of a dozen or so at a time; while the Government, like a threepenny 'bus, is allowed to carry just as large a number as it pleases, without the smallest regard to safety or convenience.

The legislative conductor and driver, feeling their labours to be near their close, are only in a hurry to get to their journey's end, and will carry whatever happens to be ready; but will leave behind anything, however important, that is not exactly prepared to jump up, or tumble on to the roof, or cling to the step, or hold on somehow or anyhow to the State vehicle. Some passengers, like the County Court Extension, for instance, may be suddenly deprived of a parcel of the most wholesome provisions; but with a shout of "Dropp'd a parcel! very valuable is it ? it can't be helped! we can't stop now for anybody or anything," the poor victim is hurried off, and, in fact, "carried," with the loss, perhaps, of the greater part of that for which the expense and trouble of being conveyed through all the previous stages had been gone to.

The Smithfield Life Pill.

SMITHFIELD has been so much extolled lately for its salubrity, and city medica. men have been so loud in their praises of the purity of its atmosphere, and the general healthiness of its neighbourhood, that we wonder that no Life Pill has yet seized upon its valuable name as a guarantee to cure everything. We think, if largely advertised, and backed with a few strong testimonials from well-known Aldermen and Common Councilmen, that the SMITHFIELD LIFE PILL would be a sure fortune to any one who does not mind imposing upon the credulity of the British Public. We should like to do it ourselves, for there is a difficulty now a-days to make your fortune, unless you happen to be a quack, only we have a few foolish doubts as to the honesty of the transaction.

WELCOME ARRIVAL.-The "Great Bull from Nineveh" will arrive

duction of my grateful muse.

WHIG ECONOMY; OR, SCREWING AT THE TAP, AND LETTING OUT OF THE BUNG.

THE BURIAL OF THE BILLS.

NOT a joke was heard, not a troublesome vote,
As the bills into limbo they hurried;
Not e'en INGLIS discharged a farewell shot,

O'er the grave where the Jew Bill was buried.
They buried them darkly at dead of night,

For bed all the members yearning;
With the aid of the Speaker to keep them right,
And GREEN's parliamentary learning.
No vain discussion their life supprest,
Nor did truth nor talk confound them;
They passed a few, and as for the rest,
They burked them just as they found them.
For most of the Session's task was done,
The supplies marked the hour for retiring;
And as August drew nigh, each son of a gun,
At the grouse, in his dreams, was a-firing.
Few and short were the words they said,

And the Speaker looked on, without sorrow,
To the time when he might get his rest in his bed,
Nor a snooze in his chair have to borrow.

MR. BROTHERTON seemed to be dying for bed,
And DISRAELI was dreadfully yellow;
And there sat LORD JOHNNY with harass half dead,
Unpitied, the poor little fellow.

Lightly they reck through what troubles he's gone,
And for his slow-coaching upbraid him;
But little he cares, so but tight to stick on
To the Treasury Bench they will aid him.

So they settled the Bills-other folks' and their own-
Never destined to figure in story;

They shed not a tear, and they heaved not a groan,
But they burked them alike, Whig and Tory!

PHYSIC AND FARMING.

'TO MEASTER PUNCH."

2

UR,- Loremassy! I wonder what the world's comin' to. Took up a peaper 'tother day, and read the 'count of the farm of MR. MECHI-that ere chap as makes the razor-strops and 'elegances.' Talk of new-fangled manoovres, I zays them as he uses beats everything. What dost think they be accordin' to the peaper? Why,

"Epsom and glauber salts were amongst the materials employed for improving the growth of the potatoes, and super-phosphate was described as an unfailing agency in cropping turnips.' Epsom and glauber zalts! Why, we shall get next to geein taturs a black dose. Bymeby, I spose, instead of gooin to stable and varm-yard for manoorer, we shall be zending vor't to Potticarries' Hall. We shall be told to put paregoric to our clover, bikerypickery to our turmuts, and pillicosher to our wutts.

"The paper zays besides:

'MR. MECHI possesses the rare art of teaching without giving himself the airs of a pedagogue. He meets his unscientific neighbours with no pragmatic display of superior and contemptuous skill; but taking each man by the button, he, so to speak, shakes ar acknowledgment of slovenly farming out of him, and jokingly and pleasantly points out the features and results of his own far better system."

"If ever I comes across un, I can only zay, dwooan't let un go tryun no sitch jokes wi me. I wun't take it on un. indeed, and think to shake slovenly varmun out o' me! I should just Take me by the button, like to zee un do't. If I didn't tak un by the collar of his quoat agen, and sheak his roobub, his Epsom zalts, and stuff out o' his head, my neam baint "JOLTER JOGTROT.

"Fallowdnon, Hampshire, July 26, 1850.

"P.S. What countryman is this ere MR. MECHI? A vorener, [ spose, by the neam on un. Yah!-let un keep to his strops and vorreneerun nicknacks, and not purtend to teach his grandmother to zuck eggs."

RAILWAY ROMANCE AND REALITY SOMETIMES the chief beauty of a story is that there are two ways of telling it, and an incident may be made pleasing by a little romance which has nothing attractive in the reality. Large firms have been known to keep a poet, whose office it is to lard an ounce of fact, with a pound or so of fiction, but the Railway Companies would appear to have in their employ a genius whose duty it is to exercise an opposite function, and instead of exaggerating the truth, to diminish it to the very minimum, and pare it so completely down, that there is scarcely anything left of it. We are frequently very much struck by the wonderful faculty displayed by the Railway Historian, whose duty it is to prepare the official report of an accident, and who manages invariably to make the danger and inconvenience to the public "beautifully less" than, according to the accounts of the sufferers themselves, they seem to have experienced. We subjoin a specimen of the two styles of reports, the one official, and the other non-official, of a railway casualty, and we must leave the public to the task of reconciling the discrepancy between the two accounts, which might perhaps fairly meet each other half way, as the two trains did when they came into collision in the tunnel :

Yesterday evening at ten o'clock, Yesterday evening, while the just as the up-train entered the up-train was going through the Great Hearse Tunnel, being three Great Hearse Tunnel with its usual quarters of an hour after its time, punctuality, the regular luggage a luggage train, which was an hour train, which was proceeding at its and a half before its time, was customary moderate speed, met vainly trying to make its way out with a slight check, which someof the Tunnel, with an old worn-out what retarded its progress through engine, that was on its way to the the Tunnel, and slightly interfered terminus, to be broken up in the with the admirable routine of traffic foundry. The result was, that the on this well-managed line of railtender of the passenger train was way. In consequence of this trifling driven with fearful force on to the deviation from the ordinary course, last of the luggage trucks, several the tip of the tender touched the of which were immediately smashed outer edge of the last luggage van, to pieces. The hot water from the which led to a slight vibration that boiler was scattered in all directions, caused a partial spilling of the fearfully scalding the engine driver liquid, and the engineer and stoker and stoker, while the carriages were sat for an instant with their feet in driven together with a fearful crash, warm water, while their hands were the horrors of which were increased also washed in it. As is usual with by the frightful screams of the women and children, when taken passengers. The most alarming by surprise, a few female or inconfusion prevailed, for the dark fantine exclamations were immeness was intense, and after a delay diately uttered. Everything that of about five hours, a fresh engine could be done by the Company was was brought to extricate the immediately done, and we must alarmed, agitated, and wounded add that we could see no reason sufferers from their horrible po- for alarm; and after a pause, the sition. The amount of injury expe- assistance of a fresh engine was rienced by the passengers cannot procured, to continue the progress be as yet correctly ascertained, but of the train on its merry jaunt to there is too much reason to believe, the Metropolis. We have not from the appearance of many who heard whether any harm has been were brought bleeding and mangled done to any of the passengers, into the station, that there will be but a few scratches, and a bruise several most serious, and a few here and there, will, no doubt, fatal results to this most unwar- be the extent of the injury arising rantable accident. from this trifling contretemps.

THE FORTIFICATION OF SMITHFIELD.

WE understand that the Corporation of London has it seriously in contemplation to fortify Smithfield. The artillery for the defence of that odoriferously strong hold will be formed of the most stubborn brass, and several thousand pounders, of aldermanic calibre, will be ready to open the fire on invaders. The gabions will be constructed with gabies and drovers by means of a drawbridge,) will be dug round the encampof the densest description. A moat (which will afford ingress to animals slaughter-houses, which will render it an impassable gulf to the sanitary ment; and into it will be turned all the filth from the neighbouring invaders, the boldest of whom will be afraid to poke his nose into it. The Commander-in-Chief of the Garrison will be ALDERMAN SIDNEY, and his staff will be composed of DEPUTY UBBARD and MR. TAYLOR, with several of the most influential slaughtermen connected with the Livery.

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MAKE AND CONSTRUCT.

OMNIBUSSES are generally constructed to hold 15, but somehow they are made to hold 18, and on a wet night frequently more than that.