THE COUNTRY POST: FROM TUESDAY, AUGUST THE TWELFTH, TO Two (This burlesque gazette was written by Gay.) [From the henroost, August the 4th.] wo days ago we were put in a dreadful consternation by the advance of a kite, which threatened every minute to fall upon us : he made several motions, as if he designed to attack our left wing, which covered our infantry. We were alarmed at his approach, and, upon a general muster of all our forces, the kitchen-maid came to our relief; but we were soon convinced that she had betrayed us, and was in the interest of the kite aforesaid; for she twisted off two of our companions' necks, and stripped them naked: five of us were also clapped in a close prison, in order to be sold for slaves the next marketday. P. S. The black hen was last night safely delivered of seven young ducks. [From the garden, August the 3d.] The boars have done much mischief of late in these parts, to such a degree, that not a turnip or carrot can lie safe in their beds. Yesterday several of them were taken, and sentenced to have a wooden engine put about their necks, to have their noses bored, and rings thrust through them, as a mark of infamy for such practices. [From the great pond, August the 1st.] Yesterday a large sail of ducks passed by here, after a small resistance from two little boys, who flung stones at them: they landed near the barn door, where they foraged with very good success. While they were upon this enterprise, an old turkey-cock attacked a maid in a red petticoat, and she retired with great precipitation. This afternoon being somewhat rainy, they set sail again, and took several frogs. Just now arrived the parson's wife, and twenty ducks were brought forth before her, in order to be tried, but for what crime we know not; however, two of them were condemned.. 'Twas also observed, that she carried off a gosling and three sucking-pigs. [From the little fort at the end of the garden, August the 5th.] Last night two young men of this place made a detachment of their breeches, in order, as it is thought, to possess themselves of the two overtures of the said fort; but at their approach they heard great firing from the port-holes; they found them already bombarded by the rear-guard of Sarah and Suky, who, fearing these young men were come to beat up their quarters, deserted their necessary posts, which were immediately taken possession of, notwithstanding, they were much annoyed, by reason of several stink-pots, that had been flung there the same morning.. [From the barley-mow near the barn, August the 3d.] It was yesterday rumoured, that there was heard a mighty squeaking near this place, as of an army of mice, who were thought to lie in ambuscade in the said mow. Upon this, the farmer assembled together a council of neighbours, wherein it was resolved, that the mow should be removed, to prevent the further destruction of the forage. This day the affair was put in execution; four hundred and seventy-nine mice, and three large rats, were killed, and a vast number wounded, by pitchforks and other instruments of husbandry. A mouse that was close pursued, took shelter under Dolly's petticoats; but, by the vigilance of George Simmons, he was taken, as he was endeavouring to force his way through a deep morass, and crushed to death on the spot. There was nothing material happened the next day, only Cicily Hart was observed to make water under the said mow, as she was going a-milking. [From the great yard, August the 2d.] It is very credibly reported, that there is a treaty of marriage on foot between the old red cock and the pied hen, they having of late appeared very much in public together: he yesterday made her a present of three barley-corns, so that we look on this affair as concluded. This is the same cock that fought a duel for her about a month ago. |