"in the same bed! that's impossible; they are two arrant scrubs, I warrant them; and I believe young Squire Allworthy guessed right, that the fellow intended to rob her ladyship; for if he had broken open the lady's door with any of the wicked designs of a gentleman, he would never have sneaked away to another room, to save the expense of a supper and a bed to himself. They are certainly thieves, and their searching after a wife is nothing but a pretence." In these censures, my landlady did Mr. Fitzpatrick great injustice; for he was really born a gentleman, though not worth a groat; and though, perhaps, he had some few blemishes in his heart as well as in his head, yet being a sneaking or niggardly fellow was not one of them. In reality, he was so generous a man, that, whereas he had received a very handsome fortune with his wife, he had now spent every penny of it, except some little pittance which was settled upon her; and, in order to possess himself of this, he had used her with such cruelty, that, together with his jealousy, which was of the bitterest kind, it had forced the poor woman to run away from him. This gentleman, then, was well tired with his long journey from Chester in one day, with which, and some good dry blows he had received in the scuffle, his bones were so sore, that, added to the soreness of his mind, it had quite deprived him of any appetite for eating; and being now so violently disappointed in the woman, whom, at the maid's instance, he had mistaken for his wife, it never once entered into his head that she might nevertheless be in the house, though he had erred in the first person he had attacked: he therefore yielded to the dissuasions of his friend from searching any farther after her that night, and accepted the kind offer of part of his bed. The footman and postboy were in a different position. They were more ready to order than the landlady was to provide: however, after being pretty well satisfied by them of the real truth of the case, and that Mr. Fitzpatrick was no thief, she was at length prevailed on to set some cold meat before them, which they were devouring with great greediness when Partridge came into the kitchen. He had been first awaked by the hurry which we have before seen; and while he was endeavouring to compose himself again on his pillow, a screechowl had given him such a serenade at his window, that he leaped in a most horrible affright from his bed, and, hud

dling on his clothes with great expedition, ran down to the protection of the company, whom he heard talking below in the kitchen. His arrival detained my landlady from returning to her rest; for she was just about to leave the other two guests to the care of Susan; but the friend of young Squire Allworthy was not to be so neglected, especially as he called for a pint of wine to be mulled. She immediately obeyed, by putting the same quantity of perry to the fire; for this readily answered to the name of every kind of wine.

The Irish footman was retired to bed, and the postboy was going to follow; but Partridge invited him to stay and partake of his wine, which the lad very thankfully accepted. The schoolmaster was indeed afraid to return to bed by himself; and as he did not know how soon he might lose the company of my landlady, he was resolved to secure that of the boy, in whose presence he apprehended no danger from the devil or any of his adherents. And now arrived another postboy at the gate; upon which Susan, being ordered out, returned, introducing two young women in riding-habits, one of which was so very richly laced that Partridge and the postboy instantly started from their chairs, and my landlady fell to her courtesies and her ladyships with great eagerness. The lady in the rich habit said, with a smile of great condescension, "If you will give me leave, madam, I will warm myself a few minutes at your kitchen fire; for it is really very cold; but I must insist on disturbing no one from his seat." This was spoken on account of Partridge, who had retreated to the other end of the room, struck with the utmost awe and astonishment at the splendour of the lady's dress. Indeed, she had a much better title to respect than this; for she was one of the most beautiful creatures in the world. The lady earnestly desired Partridge to return to his seat, but could not prevail. She then pulled off her gloves, and displayed to the fire two hands, which had every property of snow in them except that of melting. Her companion, who was indeed her maid, likewise pulled off her gloves, and discovered what bore an exact resemblance, in cold and colour, to a piece of frozen beef. "I wish, madam," quoth the latter, "your ladyship would not think of going any farther tonight: I am terribly afraid your ladyship will not be able to bear the fatigue."-" Why sure," cries the landlady, "her ladyship's honour can never intend it! O, bless

66

me! farther to-night indeed! let me beseech your ladyship not to think on't-But, to be sure, your ladyship can't. What will your honour be pleased to have for supper? I have mutton of all kinds, and some nice chicken.”—“ I think, madam,” said the lady, “it would be rather breakfast than supper; but I cannot eat any thing; and, if I stay, I shall only lie down for an hour or two however, if you please, madam, you may get me a little sack whey, made very small and thin.""Yes, madam," cries the mistress of the house, "I have some excellent white wine."-" You have no sack, then?" says the lady. "Yes, an't please your honour, I have; I may challenge the country for that: but let me beg your ladyship to eat something."—" Upon my word, I can't eat a morsel," answered the lady;" and I shall be much obliged to you if you will please to get my apartment ready as soon as possible; for I am resolved to be on horseback again in three hours."Why, Susan," cries the landlady, "is there a fire lit yet in the Wild-goose? I am sorry, madam, all my best rooms are full. Several people of the first quality are now in bed. Here's a great young squire, and many other great gentle folks of quality." Susan answered that the Irish gentlemen were got into the Wild-goose. “Was ever any thing like it!" says the mistress; "why the devil would you not keep some of the best rooms for the quality, when you know scarce a day passes without some calling here? If they be gentlemen, I am certain, when they know it is for her ladyship, they will get up again.""Not upon my account," says the lady; "I will have no person disturbed for me. If you have a room that is commonly decent, it will serve me very well, though it be never so plain. I beg, madam, you will not give yourself so much trouble on my account." -“ O, madam !" cries the other, "I have several good rooms for that matter, but none good enough for your honour's ladyship. However, as you are so condescending to take up with the best I have, do, Susan, get a fire in the Rose this minute. Will your ladyship be pleased to go up now, or stay till the fire is lighted ?"--"I think I have sufficiently warmed myself," answered the lady; so, if you please, I will go now. I am afraid I have kept people, and particularly that gentleman (meaning Partridge), too long in the cold already: indeed, I cannot bear to think of keeping any person from the fire

66

this dreadful weather." She then departed with her maid, the landlady marching with two lighted candles before her.

When that good woman returned, the conversation in the kitchen was all upon the charms of the young lady There is, indeed, in perfect beauty, a power which none almost can withstand; for my landlady, though she was not pleased at the negative given to the supper, declared she had never seen so lovely a creature. Partridge ran out into the most extravagant encomiums on her face, though he could not refrain from paying some compliments to the gold lace on her habit; the postboy sung forth the praises of her goodness, which were likewise echoed by the other postboy, who was now come in. "She's a true good lady, I warrant her," says he, “for she has mercy upon dumb creatures; for she asked me every now and then upon the journey if I did not think she should hurt the horses by riding too fast; and when she came in, she charged me to give them as much corn as ever they would eat." Such charms are there in affability, and so sure is it to attract the praises of all kinds of people. It may indeed be compared to the celebrated Mrs. Hussey:* it is equally sure to set off every female perfection to the highest advantage, and to palliate and conceal every defect: a short reflection which we could not forbear making in this place, where my reader has seen the loveliness of an affable deportment; and truth will now oblige us to contrast it, by showing the reverse.

CHAP. IV.-Containing infallible nostrums for procuring universal disesteem and hatred.

THE lady had no sooner laid herself on her pillow, than the waiting-woman returned to the kitchen to regale with some of those dainties which her mistress had refused. The company, at her entrance, showed her the same respect which they had before paid to her mistress, by rising; but she forgot to imitate her, by desiring them to sit down again; indeed, it was scarce possible they should have done so; for she placed her chair in

* A celebrated mantuamaker in the Strand, famous for setting off the shapes of women.

such a posture as to occupy almost the whole fire: she then ordered a chicken to be broiled that instant, declaring, if it was not ready in a quarter of an hour, she would not stay for it. Now though the said chicken was then at roost in the stable, and required the several ceremonies of catching, killing, and picking, before it was brought to the gridiron, my landlady would nevertheless have undertaken to do all within the time; but the guest being unfortunately admitted behind the scenes, must have been witness to the fourberie: the poor woman was therefore obliged to confess that she had none in the house; "but, madam," said she, "I can get any kind of mutton in an instant from the butcher's."-" Do you think, then," answered the waiting gentlewoman, "that I have the stomach of a horse, to eat mutton at this time of night? Sure you people that keep inns imagine your betters are like yourselves: indeed, I expect to get nothing at this wretched place. I wonder my lady would stop at it: I suppose none but tradesmen and graziers ever call here." The landlady fired at this indignity offered to her house; however, she suppressed her temper, and contented herself with saying, Very good quality frequented it, she thanked Heaven!" -"Don't tell me," cries the other, "of quality: I believe I know more of people of quality than such as you. But, prithee, without troubling me with any of your impertinence, do tell me what I can have for supper; for though I cannot eat horseflesh, I am really hungry."-" Why truly, madam," answered the landlady, "you could not take me again at such disadvan

tage; for I must confess I have nothing in the house, unless a cold piece of beef, which, indeed, a gentleman's footman and a postboy have almost cleared to the bone."

-"Woman," said Mrs. Abigail, so for shortness we will call her, "I entreat you not to make me sick. If I had fasted a month, I could not eat what had been touched by the fingers of such fellows: is there nothing neat or decent to be had in this horrid place?”—“ What think you of some eggs and bacon, madam?" said the landlady. "Are your eggs new-laid? are you certain they were laid to-day? and let me have the bacon cut very nice and thin; for I can't endure any thing that's gross. Prithee, try if you can do a little tolerably for once, and don't think you have a farmer's wife, or some of those creatures, in the house." The landlady began then to