'appy'-a novel but scarcely gallant greeting to a bride. They had also come to church with only one witness, and we had to supply the deficiency from the streets. When remonstrated with, the bridegroom said his mate had been coming, 'but 'e were that drunk 'e could na stand.' I suggested that nine in the morning was a little early for being in that condition, whereupon he clenched the matter by saying, 'You see, sir, us sailors, we don't think no time the wrong time to be drunk at.' That was altogether a cheerful wedding.

One of the most trying times in the year during my first curacy used to be the fortnight's funeral duty at the large cemetery, which served for a district containing 500,000 inhabitants. This occurred twice in the year, and while it lasted involved an attendance twice a day, and more often if there happened to be 'private' funerals. This fell to my lot during the influenza scourge of 1891-2, and I remember one occasion on which there were eleven bodies in the chapel at the same time. The most depressing circumstance, perhaps, was the fact that the clergyman could not know anything about those being buried unless the funeral happened to be from his particular parish. What mockery the words sometimes seemed, our dear sister' or ' our dear brother'! And yet there seemed no other plan to be adopted in a district so vast as the one in case. At times the behaviour on these occasions was very trying, the friends occasionally attending more or less drunk. My fellow curate, who had to take some funerals one Easter morning, told me that the mourners actually passed round the whisky-bottle during the service in the chapel. The complete callousness of the clerk can be well understood when it is realised that he has to be present at every funeral from one end of the week to the other. He comes to look at it from a purely professional point of view. I remember his saying one day, when I happened to remark on the number of burials, that it was quite providential, as he had long wanted some extra earth for banking up in another part of the cemetery. One had certainly never looked at death in that light before. I shall never forget an extraordinary remark he once made to my vicar about the size of the burial ground. It was a vast place, and already something like 50,000 are buried there. Ay,' he said, 'I often thinks to myself, at the Resurrection, when all these folks gets up, what a 'um there'll be.' Certainly a realistic, if somewhat material, view of the Last Day.

This materialistic idea about death reminds me of a story of the sexton in the parish where my father was rector. In the churchyard stands a mausoleum, erected by a wealthy family in the village, and more remarkable for its magnificence than its beauty. However, Brown was very proud of this building, and in showing it to visitors he used to explain its purpose with the following comment: You see, sir, a gen'leman like Mr. D. wouldn't like to see 'isself put under the ground.'

The extravagant waste of money at funerals is a well-known fact, and is very common among the poor. I once remonstrated with a woman, whom we had been helping all through her husband's illness, on the money she was spending over his funeral. Her answer was curious: My 'usband was allus a poor man, but I thinks to myself: My man, you shall 'ave one ride in a carriage and pair of 'osses, any'ow.' So she had hired hearse, horses, plumes, and all the hideous trappings of woe.

But enough of funerals. The curious expressions, which one so often hears used, are full of humour, and help to relieve the at times depressing character of the work. The half-educated are very fond of using big words, and this leads to some very odd phrases. I once asked a man how his mother got her living. He replied, She goes about, sir, attending encroachments.' In reality she was a second Mrs. Gamp. The men who were members of a club which was under my management often used to apologise if they had not had time to make a change of clothes before they came, 'You'll excuse us, sir, being in our disabills.' How they had originally heard the phrase 'en déshabillé ' I never could discover. In connection with this use of long words, I shall always remember a very funny difficulty in which I was placed soon after I took Orders. It was my special duty to look after the mission room, where services were held twice a week. The arrangements were carried out by the men who attended the club just mentioned. Soon after my arrival the secretary called me aside, and in a somewhat mysterious way asked me, What, sir, shall we do 'bout them Johnny Tors?' Here was a puzzler. I had never come across the species before, but not wishing to display my ignorance I thought it best to say that I did not like to move in the matter without first consulting my vicar. This I accordingly did, and eventually discovered that my predecessor had given to those who opened the door and showed people to their seats, &c., the rather pretentious name of janitors. A

woman once paid a very doubtful compliment to the vicar's daughter, who used to visit her. 'I can't tell you what she' done for me and my children,' she said to me; 'she's been reg'lar fallen angel to me, she 'as.' Here, too, is a good example of a 'portmanteau' word. I was sent to pacify an angry mother, who declared that her boy had been caned at school for only a 'trivolous' offence, a strange mixture of frivolous and trivial. The words of betrothal in the marriage service are a severe trial to the poor, and many are the renderings given of the well-known words. Not infrequently the bride or bridegroom says 'till death us depart,' words which curiously enough occur in the first Prayerbook. Is it, I wonder, a reminiscence of an old English phrase or merely a coincidence? And thereto,' I once heard an excited bridegroom exclaim, I plank thee my truth,' as if it was his 'bottom dollar.'

Of course, it is an old story that Mr. So-and-so is suffering from the brown kitis.' Only the other day I was visiting an old woman who had been a sufferer from this for years. She told me 'the doctor says it's some new kind of brown kitis, but I don't rightly mind the name.' Being pressed further on the matter, she replied, 'Any'ow, 'e said as 'ow it was a sort of brown kitis as you didn't get shut on in this life.' 'Did he call it chronic bronchitis?' I mildly suggested. 'Ay, that were the wery word 'e did say,' and the old lady seemed quite pleased to have got it right at last.

With regard to the visiting of the sick, I remember my father telling a story of an old woman he was called to visit on her death-bed. It was before the days of school boards. The dying woman was very anxious for one particular chapter to be read to her from the Bible. 'What is it you want?' 'I can't mind it all,' she replied, but it was some'at 'bout roast weal and wery comforting.' It was a happy guess that led my father to read the Parable of the Prodigal Son, for that was what the old woman wanted to hear once more. There is something pathetic in the incident of the fatted calf having been the chief point to become fixed in her mind: she had probably tasted little enough of that or any other delicacy. The compliments paid by the poor are often put in a very amusing way. I remember one old lady who was very fond of the rector, saying to me, 'You know, sir, us likes the rector, 'is ears are so clean!' surely an odd reason for parochial affection. Another admirer once declared with regard to the

whole staff of clergy, 'You are all so plain' (a word of high ommendation), but as for the vicar, 'e's beautiful!' The greatest ompliment, though at the same time the most curious I ever eard, was paid by a working man to a certain bishop, famous or his simple kindliness. What I likes 'bout the bishop is 'e's not a gen'leman,' an awful satire on that much-abused word.

Despite twenty-six years of more or less compulsory education he ignorance of people is very remarkable, scarcely realised except by those who move among them. In the canvassing

book of a candidate for a certain school board was seen the following note, written against several names-'gon ded'-to denote, as it appears, the decease of the particular voter. The candidate was elected, and a very good business member he proved, but in a discussion at one of the board meetings on the subject of the religious syllabus, he rose to object to the absence of the Lord's Prayer from the book of prayers which was under consideration. 'Our Father, etc.,' he read out, 'what do the children know about etc., Mr. Chairman ?'

Ignorance and superstition, of course, always go hand in hand, and superstition is by no means dead. A curious instance of this is to be found very frequently with regard to baptism. It seems to be a common belief that baptism is efficacious in strengthening sickly children. "They often says,' a woman declared to me, 'as 'ow they get on a deal better after being christened.' In fact, with some it is sought as the last resource to save the child's life. But the grossest form of superstition that I ever met with was in a country town of some 15,000 inhabitants. I was sent for on a certain occasion to see if I could do anything to exorcise a witch who lived next door to the complainant. At night she could be heard holding converse with the devil; and ' often's the time me and my man 'as seen the lightning a-playing round 'er winders.' On further inquiry I found that the old lady 'next door,' who was undoubtedly rather a bad lot, was also in the habit of taking opium. Under its influence she, no doubt, swore and blasphemed, and altogether was an unpleasant neighbour, but that was the whole extent of the witchcraft. As may be well understood, the habit of opium-taking is a difficult one to exorcise! Not only superstition but bigotry and prejudice often accompany ignorance; but it was a lady in fairly well-to-do circumstances who once asked me 'whether I thought there was any hope of Roman Catholics finding ultimate salvation.' A first

year pupil teacher, who apparently held much the same views, was found to declare that the religion of the Roman world before the birth of Christ was Catholic. The opposite extreme pre sented itself in the views of the teacher of a certain new sect which arose in the parish. One point of his creed was a strong objection to the Anglican view of baptism, and he based his faith, or want of faith, on the fact that Paul didn't think much of it.' This was rather startling, so I challenged the statement. whereupon he replied, 'At any rate, he thanked God he had not baptised any of the Corinthians save Crispus and Gaius'—a good instance of the result of wresting texts from their contexts, leading to a conclusion which certainly would have startled St. Paul.

6

'What did the 'To get work,' was

Of course, stories of children's answers are innumerable, but here are a few genuine ones given to me. I was trying to explain that the fifth commandment had a further meaning than merely honour for father and mother. For instance: What would you do if your father and mother were dead?' Up went a hand at once: 'Please, sir, go to the work'us.' prodigal son go away from his home for?' the prompt reply. By the way, in explaining this parable, it is always a difficulty in country districts to make the children understand the peculiar disgrace of the man being sent into the fields to feed swine.' The possession of a pig, on the contrary, is looked upon as the first step to fortune. In the poor districts of our large towns the knowledge of natural history is rather remarkable by its absence. I once heard the Government inspector ask a child what was the difference between the animal and vegetable kingdom. The question elicited the following curious but scarcely exhaustive definition: 'Please, sir, taties grows on trees and cows doesn't.' À propos of this, the following story would scarcely be believed. In some of our large towns, as is well known, there exists an organisation for taking the children of those who are willing to pay a small sum for a week's holiday in the country. I had something to do with this society in our parish, and on one occasion accompanied about thirty children to their country homes.' As the train steamed out of the tunnel into the suburbs of the city, the greatest excitement prevailed among the children as to which were the hedges.' Great disappointment was expressed at the sight of the 'taties,' as it is the general opinion that they grow on trees. But the