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For a lady of quality, since dead, who received us at her husband's seat in Wales with less attention than he had long been accustomed to, he had a rough denunciation. "That woman," cries Johnson, "is like sour small-beer, the beverage of her table, and produce of the wretched country she lives in like that, she could never have been a good thing; and even that bad thing is spoiled." This was in the same vein of asperity, and, I believe, with something like the same provocation, that he observed of a Scotch lady that she resembled "a dead nettle. Were she alive," said he, "she would sting."-Mrs. Piozzi.

WIT.

AFTER dinner our conversation first turned upon Pope. Johnson said his characters of men were admirably drawn, those of women not so well. He repeated to us, in his forcible, melodious manner, the concluding lines of the “Dunciad." While he was talking loudly in praise of those lines, one of the company ventured to say, "Too fine for such a poem-a poem on what?" Johnson (with a disdainful look): "Why, on dunces. It was worth while being a dunce then. Ah, sir, hadst thou lived in those days! It is not worth while being a dunce now, when there are no wits.”—Boswell.

Johnson having argued for some time with a pertinacious gentleman, his opponent, who had talked in a very puzzling manner, happened to say, "I don't understand you, sir;" upon which Johnson observed, “Sir, I have found you an argument; but I am not obliged to find you an understanding."-Boswell.

Of Mr. Johnson's Toryism the world has long been witness. Says Garrick to him one day, "Why did not you make me a Tory when we lived so much together? You

love to make people Tories." "Why," says Johnson, pulling a heap of half-pence out of his pocket, "did not the king make these guineas ?"-Mrs. Piozzi.

John Gilbert Cooper related that soon after the publication of his Dictionary, Garrick being asked by Johnson what people said of it, told him, among other animadversions, it was objected that he cited authorities which were beneath the dignity of such a work, and mentioned Richardson. "Nay," said Johnson, "I have done worse than that: I have cited thee, David."-Boswell.

Johnson harangued against drinking wine. "A man," said he, "may choose whether he will have abstemiousness. and knowledge, or claret and ignorance." Dr. Robertson (who is very companionable) was beginning to dissent as to the proscription of claret. Johnson (with a placid smile): "Nay, sir, you shall not differ with me; as I have said that the man is most perfect who takes in the most things, I am for knowledge and claret." Robertson (holding a glass of generous claret in his hand): "Sir, I can only drink your health." Johnson: "Sir, I should be sorry if you should be ever in such a state as to be able to do nothing more." Robertson: "Dr. Johnson, allow me to say that in one respect I have the advantage of you: when you were in Scotland, you would not come to hear any of our preachers; whereas, when I am here, I attend your public worship without scruple, and indeed with great satisfaction." Johnson: "Why, sir, that is not so extraordinary; the King of Siam sent ambassadors to Louis the Fourteenth; but Louis the Fourteenth sent none to the King of Siam."—Boswell.

He was of a directly contrary opinion to that of Fielding in his "Tom Jones," who makes Partridge say of Garrick, 'Why, I could act as well as he myself. I am sure, if I had seen a ghost, I should have looked in the very same manner,

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and done just as he did." For, when I asked him, “ Would not you, sir, start as Mr. Garrick does if you saw a ghost?" he answered, "I hope not. If I did I should frighten the ghost."-Boswell.

Mr. Ogilvie was unlucky enough to choose for the topic of his conversation the praises of his native country. He began with saying that there was very rich land around Edinburgh. Goldsmith, who had studied physic there, contradicted this, very untruly, with a sneering laugh. Disconcerted a little by this, Mr. Ogilvie then took a new ground, where, I suppose, he thought himself perfectly safe; for he observed that Scotland had a great many noble wild prospects. Johnson: "I believe, sir, you have a great many. Norway, too, has noble wild prospects; and Lapland is remarkable for prodigious noble wild prospects. But, sir, let me tell you, the noblest prospect which a Scotchman ever sees is the high-road that leads him to England !"-Boswell.

Mrs. Brooke having repeatedly desired Johnson to look over her new play, he always found means to evade it. At last, she pressed him so closely that he actually refused to do it, and told her that she herself, by carefully looking it over, would be able to see if there was anything amiss as well as he could. "But, sir," said she, "I have no time, I have already so many irons in the fire." "Why, then, madam," said he, quite out of patience, "the best thing I can advise you to do is to put your tragedy along with your irons."Hannah More (abridged).

Johnson's dexterity in retort when he seemed to be driven to an extremity by his adversary was very remarkable. Of his power in this respect, our common friend, Mr. Windham, of Norfolk, has been pleased to furnish me with an eminent instance. However unfavorable to Scotland, he uniformly gave liberal praise to George Buchanan as a writer. In a

conversation concerning the literary merits of the two countries, in which Buchanan was introduced, a Scotchman, imagining that on this ground he should have an undoubted triumph over him, exclaimed, " Ah, Dr. Johnson, what would you have said of Buchanan had he been an Englishman ?" "Why, sir,” said Johnson, after a little pause, "I should not have said of Buchanan, had he been an Englishman, what I will now say of him as a Scotchman—that he was the only man of genius his country ever produced."-Boswell.

There are few tasks more dreary and wearisome than the perusal of a jest-book. Such pursuit of pleasure soon becomes a wofully serious business. Indeed, for steady reading, a dictionary would be decidedly preferable. Having before me the lively remembrance of personal sufferings, and the dread of inflicting like ills upon innocent and unoffending people, I have given but few examples of Johnson's wit and humor, and have contracted these divisions of my work within narrow limits. The Index will aid any one who wishes to pursue the subject systematically.-Editor.

HUMOR.

He would not allow Scotland to derive any credit from Lord Mansfield, for he was educated in England. "Much," said he, "may be made of a Scotchman if he be caught young."-Boswell.

A gentleman who had been very unhappy in marriage, married immediately after his wife died. Johnson said it was the triumph of hope over experience.-B. Langton.

Being solicited to compose a funeral sermon for the daughter of a tradesman, he naturally inquired into the character of the deceased; and being told she was remarkable for her

humility and condescension to inferiors, he observed that those were very laudable qualities, but it might not be so easy to discover who the lady's inferiors were.-B. Langton.

A gentleman having said that a congé d'elire has not, perhaps, the force of a command, but may be considered only as a strong recommendation, "Sir," replied Johnson, who overheard him, "it is such a recommendation as if I should throw you out of a two-pair-of-stairs window, and recommend you to fall soft.”—Boswell.

Miss Reynolds was asked for her toast after supper, as the custom was; and not answering readily, was required to give the ugliest man she knew. Without further hesitation. she named Goldsmith; on which the Mrs. Cholmondeley of that day, with a sudden burst of sympathy, rose up on the other side of the table and reached across to shake hands with her. "Thus," exclaimed Johnson, who was present"thus the ancients, on the commencements of their friendships, used to sacrifice a beast betwixt them."-John Forster (abridged).

I pitied a friend before Johnson who had a whining wife, that found everything painful to her, and nothing pleasing. "He does not know that she whimpers," says Johnson. "When a door has creaked for a fortnight together, you may observe, the master will scarcely give sixpence to get it oiled."-Mrs. Piozzi.

His humor crept into the sober pages of his Dictionary, as in these two instances:

"Grub Street. The name of a street in London much inhabited by writers of small histories, dictionaries, and poems; whence any mean production is called Grub Street.'

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Lexicographer. A writer of dictionaries, a harmless drudge."

After returning from his Scottish tour, he wrote to Boswell:

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