The Orang-Outang

A sea-song sang,
About a Chimpanzee
Who went abroad,
In a drinking gourd,

To the coast of Barberee.

Where he heard one night,
When the moon shone bright,
A school of mermaids pick
Chromatic scales

From off their tails,

'And did it mighty slick.

"All guests are here,

To eat the cheer,

'And dinner's served, my Lord."

The butler bowed;

'And then the crowd

Rushed in with one accord.

The fiddler-crab

Came in a cab,

And played a piece in C;
While on his horn,

The Unicorn

Blew, You'll Remember Me.

"To give a touch

Of early Dutch

To this great feast of feasts,

I'll drink ten drops

Of Holland's schnapps,"

Spoke out the King of Beasts.

"That must taste fine,"

Said the Porcupine,

"Did you see him smack his lip?"

"I'd smack mine, too,"

Cried the Kangaroo,

"If I didn't have the pip."

The Lion stood,

'And said: "Be good

Enough to look this way;
Court Etiquette

Do not forget,

And mark well what I say:

My royal wish

Is ev'ry dish

Be tasted first by me."

"Here's where I smile,"

Said the Crocodile,

'And he climbed an axle-tree.

The soup was brought,

'And quick as thought,

The Lion ate it all.

"You can't beat that,"
Exclaimed the Cat,
"For monumental gall."
"The soup," all cried.
"Gone," Leo replied,

""Twas just a bit too thick." "When we get through," Remarked the Gnu,

"I'll hit him with a brick."

The Tiger stepped,

Or, rather, crept,

Up where the Lion sat.

"O, mighty boss

I'm at a loss

To know where I am at.

I came to-night

With appetite

To drink and also eat;

As a Tiger grand,

I now demand,

I get there with both feet."

The Lion got

'All-fired hot

'And in a passion flew.

"Get out," he cried,

"And save your hide,

You most offensive You."

"I'm not afraid,"

The Tiger said,

"I know what I'm about."

But the Lion's paw
Reached the Tiger's jaw,
And he was good and out.

THE BILLVILLE SPIRIT MEETING

BY FRANK L. STANTON

We had a sperrit meetin' (we'll never have no more!)
To call up all the sperrits of them that's "gone before."
A feller called a "medium" (he wuz of medium size),
Took the contract fer the fetchin' o' them sperrits from the
skies.

The mayor-the town council-the parson an' his wife, Come to shake han's with them sperrits what had left the other life;

The Colonel an' the Major-the coroner, an' all

Wuz waitin' an' debatin' in the darkness o' the hall.

The medium roared, "Silence! Amanda Jones appears! Is her husband present?" ("No, sir-he's been restin' twenty years!")

"Here's the ghost of Sally Spilkins, from the lan' whar' glories glow:

Would her husband like to see her?" (An' a feeble voice said, "No!")

"Here's the wife of Colonel Buster; she wears a heavenly

smile:

She wants to see the Colonel, an' she's comin' down the aisle!"

Then all wuz wild confusion-it warn't a bit o' fun!With "Lord, have mercy on me," the Colonel broke an'

run!