it." The boy larfed and put the shillin I'd given him into his left eye in a inglorious manner, and commenced movin backwards towards the street.

I pursood and captered him, and after talkin to him a spell in a skarcastic stile, I let him went.

The old church was damp and chill. It was rainin. The only persons there when I entered was a fine bluff old 10 gentleman, who was talkin in a excited manner to a fashnibly dressed young man. "No, Ernest Montresser," the old gentleman said, "it is idle to pursoo this subjeck no further. You can never marry my daughter. You were seen last Monday in Piccadilly without a umbreller! I said then, as I say now, any young man as venturs out in a uncertain climit like this without a 20 umbreller, lacks foresight, caution, strength of mind and stability: and he is not a proper person to intrust a daughter's happiness to."

I slapt the old gentleman on the shoulder, and I said, "You're right! You're one of those kind of men, you are "

He wheeled suddenly round, and in a indignant voice, said, "Go way-go 30 way! This is a privit intervoo."

I didn't stop to enrich the old gentleman's mind with my conversation. I sort of inferred that he wasn't inclined to listen to me, and so I went on. But he was right about the umbreller. I'm really delighted with this grand old country, Mr. Punch, but you must admit that it does rain rayther numerously here. Whether this is owing to a 40 monerkal form of gov'ment or not, I leave all candid and onprejudiced persons to say.

William Shakspeare was born in Stratford in 1564. All the commentaters, Shaksperian scholars, etsetry, are agreed on this, which is about the only thing they are agreed on in regard to him, except that his mantle hasn't fallen onto any poet or dramatist hard 50 enough to hurt said poet or dramatist much. And there is no doubt if these commentaters and persons continner investigatin Shakspeare's career, we shall

not, in doo time, know anything about it at all. When a mere lad little William attended the Grammer School, because, as he said, the Grammer School wouldn't attend him. This remarkable remark, comin from one so young and inexperunced, set peple to thinkin there might be somethin in this lad. He subsequently wrote Hamlet and George Barnwell. When his kind teacher went to London to accept a position in the offices of the Metropolitan Railway, little William was chosen by his fellow pupils to deliver a farewell address. "Go on, Sir," he said, "in a glorus career. Be like a eagle, and soar, and the soarer you get the more we shall all be gratified! That's so."

My young readers, who wish to know about Shakspeare, better get these vallyable remarks framed.

I returned to the hotel. Meetin a young married couple, they asked me if I could direct them to the hotel which Washington Irving used to keep?

"I've understood that he was onsuccessful as a landlord," said the lady. "We've understood," said the young man, "that he busted up."

I told em I was a stranger, and hurried away. They were from my country, and ondoubtedly represented a thrifty Ile-well somewhere in Pennsylvany. It's a common thing, by the way, for a old farmer in Pennsylvany to wake up some mornin and find ile squirtin all around his back yard. He sells out for 'normous price, and his children put on gorgeous harness and start on a tower to astonish peple. They succeed in doin it. Meantime the Ile it squirts and squirts, and Time rolls on. Let it roll.

A very nice old town is Stratford, and a capital inn is the Red Horse. Every admirer of the great S. must go there once certinly; and to say one isn't a admirer of him, is equv'lent to sayin one has jest about brains enough to become a efficient tinker.

Some kind person has sent me Chawcer's Poems. Mr. C. had talent, but he couldn't spel. No man has a right to be a lit'rary man onless he

Tha tell me that them who hav the harte deseaze are liable to di at enny time, but i hav known thousands to reach a mean old age with it.

Fust appearances are ced to be everything. I dont put all mi fathe into this saying; i think oysters and clams, for instance, will bear looking into.

It strains a man's philosophee the wust kind tew laff when he gits beat.

Love aint one ov the vartues, bekauze it kant be controlled.

Charitee kant alwus be administered delikately. If you want to extrikate a crab from a dilemmer, yu hav got to take holt ov him just rite.

Dont hav enny more secrets than yu kan keep yureself.

"Truth is mitey and will prevail." So iz cider mitey, but yu hav got tew tap the barrell before it will prevale.

DEPOZETIONS

Josh Billings being duly sworn deposes as follows:

That moste men had ruther sa a smart thing than tew dew a good one.

That there iz 2 things in this life for which we are never fully prepared, and that iz twins.

That the devil iz alwus prepared tew see kompany.

That "ignorance iz bliss," ignorance of sawing wood, for instanse.

That menny will fale tew be saved simpla bekause tha haint got ennything tew saive.

That the vartues ov woman are awl her own, but her frailities hav been taught her.

That a woman kant keep a sekret nor let ennybody else keep one.

That cider brandee taken inwardly in large quantitys iz good-for a rat hole.

AFFURISMS

Truth iz the onla thing I kno ov that kant be improved upon.

If yu want tew git a sure krop, and a big yield for the seed, sow wilde oats.

Wize men dont expeck tu do away with the visisitudes ov life; they onla expeck tew blunt the edge ov them.

Yu kan gorge avaris, but ambishun knows no gorge but the grave.

A sarkastic wit iz a kind ov human pole-cat.

Sum people hav the power ov saing a good deal in a fu words, while others hav the power ov saing a little in a good menny wurds.

Slander iz played on a tin horn, while truth steals forth like the dieing song ov a lute.

"Truth iz stranger than ficshun"that iz, tew some folks.

I hav found a grate menny things in this wurld that wuz free-free az a well tew git into, but like a rat trap, not egzackly free tu git out ov.

I dont kno but one thing on arth that kan improve a good wife, and that iz buty.

After yu hav made up yure mind just what yu are going to du, then iz a good time tew dew it.

When a feller gits tew sliding down hill, it duz seem as tho everything hed bin spechially greased for the occashun.

REMARKS

Impudense iz the affeck ov tew little knollege, and modesti iz az often the affeck ov tew mutch.

Not one man in a thousand iz known while living, yet awl expeck tew be well. remembered when tha are dead.

Men are very often ashamed tu tell the truth, because tha dont kno how.

No man haz a rite to be proud till he bekums entirely vartuous, and then he wont feel like being proud.

Sum folks when thay fite just throw the fust brick bat that kan git holt ov; jist so some folks when tha argy.

Epitaff: Here lied John Ferguson, Esq., died wuth half a million, less the Kingdom ov Heaven.

PROVERBS

Larfin at yure own story while yo are tellin on it iz a good dele like firin a gun oph thru the tuch hole.

If i hed a boy who cudnt lie well enuff tew sute me, i wud set him tew tendin a retale dri good store.

Man wuz created a little lower than the angells, and haz bin gittin lower ever sinse.

The most oneazy critter i ever perused was a bob-taled bull in fli time.

Pluk iz a nise compound ov pride, vanitee, and vartue.

We hate those who will not take our advise, and despise them who do.

I hav finally kum tew the konlushion. that a good reliable set ov bowels iz wuth more tew a man than enny amount ov brains.

If the harte is rite, the hed cant be very rong.

God save the phools, and dont let them run out! If it warnt for them; wise men couldn't git a livin.

It iz a verry delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimashun, and in yures too.

Woman's inflooense is powerfulespeshila when she wants enny thing.

The rode tew Ruin iz alwus kept in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense ov it.

Thare iz onla one advantage in going tew the Devil that i kan see, and that is, the rode is easy, and yo are sure tew git thare.

Luv iz like the measles: we kant alwus tell when we ketched it, and it aint apt to be severe but wunst; and then it aint kounted mutch unless it strikes in.

Rize arly, work hard and late, live on what yu kant sell, giv nothing awa; then if yu dont die ritch and go to the devil, yu ma sue me for damages.

There iz wun thing I kant never forgit nor i haint tried tew, and that iz, the fust time i kissed a gal.

I never knu a phool who hadnt a good voice.

To bring up a chile in the wa he shud co-travel that wa yourself.

SAYINS

If yu hav got a reel good wife, kepe perfeckly still, and thank God every twenty minnits for it.

A man with one idee alwus puts me in mind ov an old goose tryin to hatch out a pavin stun.