them will be somewhat subject to be rib- | fools, crack-brained coxcombs, addle-pated roasted, and have a St. Andrew's cross frantic wights, giddy, whimsical foplings, scored over their jobbernols at unawares. exchange-brokers, post-boys, foot-boys, This year one of those worthy persons tennis-court-keepers' boys, glass-mongers, will go nigh to be made a field-bishop, light-horse, watermen, mariners, messenand, mounted on a horse that was foaled gers, rakers and gleaners, will not long of an acorn, give the passengers a blessing stay in a place this year. However, so with his legs. many swag-bellies and puff-bags will hardly go to St. Hiacco,' as there did in the year 524.2 Great numbers of pilgrims will come down from the mountains of Savoy and Auvergne, but Sagittarius sorely threatens them with kibed heels. COW THE FOUR SEASONS OF THE YEAR. OF THE SPRING. Those who belong to Sol, as topers, quaffers, whipcans, tosspots, whittled, mellow, cup-shotten swillers, merryGreeks with crimson snouts of their own dyeing; fat, pursy gorbellies, brewers of wine and of beer, bottlers of hay, porters, mowers, menders of tiled, slated, and thatched houses, burthen-bearers, patchers, shepherds, ox-keepers, and herds, swine-herds, and hog-drivers, fowlers and bird-catchers, gardeners, barn- In all this year's revolution there will keepers, hedgers, common mumpers and be but one moon, neither will it be new. vagabonds, day-laborers, Scourers of I dare warrant, you are damnably down greasy thrum-caps, stuffers and bum- o' the mouth about it; you who don't bebasters of pack-saddles, rag-merchants, lieve in God, and persecute his holy and idle lusks, slothful idlebies, and drowsy loiterers, smell-feasts, and snap-gobbets, gentlemen generally wearing shirts with neck-bands, or heartily desiring to wear such; all these will be hale and sharp set, and not troubled with the gout at the grinders, or a stoppage at the gullet, when at a feast on free-cost. Those whom Venus is said to rule, will be famous this year. But when the sun enters Cancer, and other signs, let them beware. divine word, as also those that stand up for it. But you may e'en hang yourselves out of the way; I tell you there will never be any other moon than that which God created in the beginning of the world, and which was placed in the sky to light and guide mankind by night. But, in good sooth, I'll not infer thence that it never shows to the earth and earthly people a decrease or increase of its light, according as it is nearer the sun or further from it. No, no; why should I say this? For, As for those who come under Mercury, wherefore, because, however, notwithas sharpers, rooks, cozeners, setters, as standing, that, &c., and let none of you sherks, cheats, pickpockets, divers, but- hereafter pray that heaven may keep her tocking-foils, thieves, millers, night- from the wolves; for they'll not meddle walkers, masters of arts, decretists, pick- with her this twelve months, I'll warrant locks, deer-stealers, hedge rhymers, com- you. A propos, now I think on 't, you'll posers of serious doggerel metre, merry-see as many flowers again this season as andrews, jack-puddings, tumblers, masters in all the other three; neither shall that in the art of hocus-pocus, legerdemain, man be thought a fool, who'll have wit and powder of prelinpinpin; such as break Priscian's head, quibblers and punsters, stationers, paper-makers, cardmakers and pirates, will strive to appear more merry than they 'll often be; sometimes they'll laugh without any cause, and will be pretty apt to be blown up and march off, if they find themselves better stored with chink than they should be. 1St. James in Galicia. There had been published many predictions, which, on account of the grand conjunction of Saturn, Jupiter and Mars, in the sign of pisces in 1524, did declare there would be in February that year a second universal deluge: there needed no more to send the Germans, at that time very much addicted to pilgrimaging, in shoals to St. James in Galicia. 3 Pilgrims. Miquelots in the original. Young people who were wont to go in pilgrimage to St. Michael (thence their name Miquelots, I suppose). Тьево occasioned the proverb, little beggars go to St. Michael Those who belong to Madam Luna, as hawkers of almanacs and pamphlets, huntsmen, ostrich-catchers, falconers, couriers, salt carriers, lunatics, maggotty great ones to St. James. enough to lay by money, and get together the purpose too, let me tell you. The Griffons, and Marrons (men who make their ways passable in great snows, and dwell on the mountains of Savoy, and Dauphiné), and the Hyperboreans, that are perpetually furred with snow, are to miss this season, and have none on 't; for Avicenna tells us, 't is not spring till the snow does melt away on the mountains. Believe the liar. I have known the time when men reckoned ver, or the spring, to begin when the sun entered into the first degree of Aries. If they reckon it otherwise now, I knock under, and mum's the word. OF SUMMER. Nor would I have you for the future hope to catch larks when the sky falls: for on my honor that will not happen in your time. Legions of hypocritical church-vermin, cucullated sham saints, peddlers and hawkers of pardons, perpetual mumpers and mumblers of orisons, and other such gangs of rascally scoundrels, will come out of their dens. Scape that scape can, say I. Harkee me, take heed also of the bones whenever you eat fish, and God preserve you from a dose of ratsbane, too. OF WINTER. IN winter, in my silly opinion, those men will not be over wise, who'll sell their furred gowns, swans-skins, and IN the summer I can't justly tell you other warm clothes, to buy fuel; neither what kind of wind will blow; but this I did the ancients use to do so, says Avenknow, that it ought to be warm weather zouart. If it chance to rain, don't fret then, and now and then a sea breeze. yourselves, so much the less dust you'll However, if things should fall out other- have when you go abroad. Keep yourwise, you must be sure not to curse God; selves as hot as toasts, d'ye hear: befor he is wiser than we, and knows what ware of catarrhs: drink of the best till 's fit for us far better than we ourselves, the other sort mend. Oh ho! poultry, do you may take my word for it, whatever you build your nests so high? Haly and his gang may have said. It will be a delicious thing to be merry, and drink cool wine, though some have said there is nothing more contrary to thirst. I believe it; and, indeed, contraria contrariis curantur. OF AUTUMN. In autumn men will make wine, or before or after it; 't is all one to me, so we have but good bub and Nippitati enough. As for those men and women who have vowed to fast till the stars be in the heavens, they may e'en from this present hour begin to feed like farmers by my particular grant and dispensation. Neither do they begin of the soonest; for those pretty twinkling things have been fixed there above sixteen thousand and I can't tell how many days, and stuck into 1 Cobwebs. It should be herrings, Aranes: though some editions have it Araignes. M. D. C. says, Rabelais here means, that in the spring people had better keep their money, than lay it out in herrings, which are good for nothing in that season of the year, Griffons. Gryphons: Men, who, like true griffins, climb up the sharpest and steepest rocks. An Arablan philosopher and mathematician. BLINDMAN'S BUFF. THREE wags (whom some fastidious carpers Entered, at York, the Cat and Fiddle; Whom they might safely try to diddle, And as the heat had made them very Of prime old port, and one of sherry. And, as he briskly went to work, he A trice upon the board was spread, Half a pig's head. To these succeeded puddings, pies, All doomed to fall a sacrifice To stuff into their monstrous craws The bottles stood no moment still. They rallied Sam with joke and banter, And, as they drained the last decanter, Called for the bill. 'T was brought, when one of them, who eyed And added up the items, cried, ; "Extremely moderate, indeed! I'll make a point to recommend This inn to every travelling friend And you, Sam, shall be doubly fee'd! This said, a weighty purse he drew, When his companion interposed: "Nay, Harry, that will never do ; Pray let your purse again be closed; You paid all charges yesterday, "T is clearly now my turn to pay." Harry, however, would n't listen To any such insulting offer; His generous eyes appeared to glisten, Indignant at the very proffer; And, though his friend talked loud, Lis clangor Seemed but to aggravate Hal's anger." At your expense? 'Tis childish, quite, Here, how much is the money, Sam ?" To this most rational proposal, The others gave such fierce negation, One might have fancied they were foes, all; So hot became the altercation, Each in his purse his money rattling, Insisting, arguing, and battling. One of them cried, at last,-"A truce! This point we will no longer moot, Wrangling for trifles is no use; And thus we'll finish the dispute : That we may settle what we three owe, We'll blindfold Sam, and whichsoe'er He catches of us first, shall bear The expenses of the other two, With half a crown (if that 's enough) To Sam for playing blindman's buff." Sam liked it hugely,-thought the ransom For a good game of fun, was handsome; Gave his own handkerchief beside, To have his eyes securely tied, And soon began to grope and search; When the three knaves, I need n't say, Adroitly left him in the lurch, Stepped down the stairs and stole away. Fancy that they're near the door, Just in the crisis of his doom, And, with a shout of laughter, said :- Off went the bandage, and his eyes Seemed to be goggling o'er his forehead, While his mouth widened with a horrid OFT has it been my lot to mark Two travellers of such a cast, As o'er Arabia's wilds they pass'd, And on their way, in friendly chat, Now talk'd of this, and then of that; Discoursed awhile, 'mongst other matter, Of the Chameleon's form and nature. A stranger animal,' cries one, 'Sure never lived beneath the sun : A lizard's body lean and long, A fish's head, a serpent's tongue, Its foot with triple claw disjoin'd And what a length of tail behind! How slow its pace! and then its hueWho ever saw so fine a blue !' 'Hold there,' the other quick replies, "Tis green, I saw it with these eyes, As late with open mouth it lay, And warm'd it in the sunny ray; Stretch'd at its ease the beast I view'd, And saw it eat the air for food.' 'Well, then, at once to ease the doubt,' Replies the man, I'll turn him out: And when before your eyes I've set him, If you don't find him black, I'll eat him.' He said; and full before their sight Produced the beast, and lo!-'twas white. Both stared, the man look'd wondrous wise'My children,' the Chameleon cries (Then first the creature found a tongue), You all are right, and all are wrong: When next you talk of what you view, Think others see as well as you: Nor wonder if you find that none Prefers your eyesight to his own.' IT was a colored preacher who said to his flock: "We has a collection to make dis mo'ning, and fo' de sake of yo' reputation, whichever of you stole Mr. Jones' turkeys, don't put anyfing on de plate." One who was there says, "Every blessed niggah in de church came down wid de rocks." THE LAST OF THE IRISH SERPENTS. says SURE everybody has heard tell of the blessed St. Patrick, and how he druve the sarpints and all manner of venomous things out of Ireland; how he "bothered all the varmint" entirely. But for all that, there was one ould sarpint left who was too cunning to be talked out of the country, or made to drown himself. St. Patrick did n't well know how to manage this fellow, who was doing great havoc; till at long last he bethought himself, and got a strong iron chest made with nine boults upon it. So one fine morning he takes a walk to where the sarpint used to keep; and the sarpint, who didn't like the saint in the least, and small blame to him for that, began to hiss and show his teeth at him like anything. "Oh," St. Patrick, says he, "where's the use of making such a piece of work about a gentleman like myself coming to see you? 'Tis a nice house I have got made for you agin the winter; for I'm going to civilize the whole country, man and beast," says he, "and you can come and look at it whenever you please, and 't is myself will be glad to see you." The sarpint, hearing such smooth words, thought that though St. Patrick had druve all the rest of the sarpints into the sea, he meant no harm to himself; so the sarpint walks fair and easy up to see him and the house he was speaking about. But when the sarpint saw the nine boults upon the chest, he thought he was sould (betrayed), and was for making off with himself as fast as ever he could. "'Tis a nice warm house, you see," says St. Patrick, "and 't is a good friend I am to you." "I thank you kindly, St. Patrick, for your civility," says the sarpint; but I think it's too small it is for me"-meaning it for an excuse, and away he was going. Too small!" says St. Patrick; "stop, if you please," says he; you're out in that, my boy, anyhow-I am sure 't will fit you completely; and I'll tell you what," says he, "I'll bet you a gallon of porter," says he, "that if you'll only try and get in, there'll be plenty of room for you." The sarpint was thirsty as could be with his walk; and 't was great joy to him the thoughts of doing St. Patrick out of the gallon of as porter; so, swelling himself up as big as he could, in he got to the chest, all but a little bit of his tail. "There, now," says he; "I've won the gallon, for you see the house is too small for me, for I can't get in my tail." When what does St. Patrick do, but he comes behind the great heavy lid of the chest, and, putting his two hands to it, down he slaps it with a bang like thunder. When the rogue of a sarpint saw the lid coming down, in went his tail like a shot, for fear of being whipped off him, and St. Patrick began at once to boult the nine iron boults. Oh, murder! won't you let me out, St. Pattrick? says the sarpint; "I've lost the bet fairly, and I'll pay you the gallon like " Let a man. you out, my darling?" says St. Patrick; to be sure I will, by all manner of means; but you see I haven't time just now, so you must wait till tomorrow." And so he took the iron chest, with the sarpint in it, and pitches it into the lake here, where it is to this hour for certain; and 'tis the sarpint struggling down at the bottom that makes the waves upon it. Many is the living man has heard the sarpint crying out from within the chest under the water: "Is it to-morrow yet?" which, to be sure, it never can be. -And that's the way St. Patrick settled the last of the sarpints, sir. THOMAS CROFTON CROKER, 1798–1854. |