NEBUCHADNEZZAR. THE MULE OF THAT NAME. You, Nebuchadnezzah, whoa, sah! Dat I'll cure you ob your shines. Dar, dat's de way to do it! Dis nigger ain't no fool. He minds me like a nigger. He would, I tell you! Yes, sah! roast chick'n, 'n taters, all nice and hot," holding his plate aloft and walking the platform. "Where did you get that chicken, Uncle?" asked a passenger. Uncle looks at the intruder sharply, and then turns away, crying, "Here's yer nice roast chick'n, gentl'm'n, all hot; needn't go in de house for dat." "Where did you get that chicken," repeats the inquisitive passenger. Look-a-yer," says Uncle, speaking privately, "is you from the Norf?" "Yes." "Is you a friend of the cullud man?" "I hope I am." 66 Den don't you nebber ask me whar I got dat chick'n. Here's yer nice roast chick'n, all hot."-New York Tribune. AN EXPERIENCED SHOPPER. An old fellow who was noted through the town for his stuttering as well as for his shrewdness in making a bargain, stopped at a grocery and inquired: "How m-m-many t-t-t-turkeys have you g-g-got?" Eight,sir," replied the grocer. "T-t-t-tough or t-t-tender? "Some are tender and some tough,” was the reply. "I k-keep b-b-b-boarders," said the new customer. P-pick out the four t-t-toughest t-t-turkeys, if you p-p-please." The delighted grocer very willingly complied with the unusual request, and said in his politest tones: "These are the tough ones, sir." Upon which the merchant coolly put his hand on the remaining four, and ex claimed: "I'll t-t-take th-th-th-these " STIK and hang, yung man, dont forgit that it iz the last six inches that wins the race. When the dog meets yu with a wagging tale at the threshold, yu may be sure ov a kindly welkum at the fireside within. AN UNFRIENDLY QUESTION. It iz the way a thing iz sed or done that givs it importance. I hav met people "Here's yer nice roast chick'n," cried an who couldn't say "Good-morning" withaged colored man, as the cars stopped at out biteing off both ends ov the sentence. a Virginia railway station. "Here's yer JOSH BILLINGS. THE TURF. MR. JORROCKS AT NEWMARKET. [Fifty years ago, 1835.] on by City News, Police Reports, Fashionable arrivals and departures, Dinners given, Sporting Intelligence, Newmarket Craven meeting. "That's more in my way," said the Yorkshireman to himself as he laid down the paper and took a sip of his tea. "I've a great mind to go, for I Among the collections of books to be found in the may just as well be at Newmarket as here, houses of the nobility and gentry of England, none are having nothing particular to do in either so popular and frequent as the series of sporting place. I came to stay a hundred pounds novels written by Robert Smith Surtees, an English bar-in London it's true, but if I stay ten of rister at law, who wrote about 50 years ago, (1832) and, subsequently, illustrated by John Leech. John Jorrocks, a sporting grocer, is one of the principal characters in several of the novels, and in "Handley Cross" where he partially retires from active business and takes the mastership of The Handley Cross Fox Hounds, he "comes out" strongest. One of his first "trials" with this (now) celebrated pack, will form the extract from the novel of "Handley Cross," but in order to give a better idea of who Mr. Jorrocks is we introduce him on a visit to New Market along with his old friend's son, Charley Stubbs, who subsequently falls in love with Jorrocks' niece and heiress, Belinda. Some good judges class Surtees, as the equal of Thackeray and Dickens. A "muffin-and The Post, sir," said George to Stubbs the Yorkshireman,on one of the fine fresh mornings, that gently usher in the returning spring, and draw from the town-pent Cits, sighs for the verdure of the fields, as he placed the above-mentioned articles on his usual breakfast table in the coffee-room of the Piazza Hotel, Covent Garden, London. A it at Newmarket, it'ill be all the same, With the calm deliberation of a man whose whole day is unoccupied, the YorkNewmarket was still uppermost in his shireman sweetened his tea, drew the mind; and as he sauntered along in the muffin and a select dish of prawns to his direction of the Strand, it occurred to him elbow, and turning sideways to the table, that perhaps Mr. Jorrocks might have no crossed his legs and prepared to con the objection to accompany him. On entering contents of the paper. The first page as that great thoroughfare of humanity, he usual was full of advertisements. Sales turned to the East, and having examined by auction-Favor of your vote and in- the contents of all the caricature shops terest-If the next of kin-Reform your in the line, and paid three-pence for a tailor's bills-Law-Articled clerk-An look at the York Herald, in the Chapter absolute reversion-Pony phaeton-Arti- Coffee House, St. Paul's Church Yard, ficial teeth-Messrs. Tattersall-Brace of about noon he reached the corner of St. pointers-Dog lost-Boy found-Great Botolph Lane. Before Jorrocks & Co.'s sacrifice-No advance in coffee-Matri- warehouse, great bustle and symptoms of mony-A single gentleman-Board and brisk trade were visible. With true city lodging in an airy situation-To omnibus pride, the name on the door-post was in proprietors -Steam to Leith and Hull-small dirty-white letters, sufficiently_obStationery Desirable investment for a small capital-The fire reviver or lighter. Then turning it over, his eye ranged over a whole meadow of type, consisting of the previous night's debate, followed VOL. II.-W. H. scure to render it apparent that Mr. Jorrocks considered his house required no sign; while, as a sort of contradiction, the covered errand-cart before it, bore “JORROCKS & Co.'s WHOLESALE TEA WARE 19 HOUSE," in great gilt letters on each side | tother. Here Joe!" summoning his fore of the cover, so large that "he who runs might read," even though the errandcart were running too. Into this cart, which was drawn by the celebrated rat-tail hunter, they were pitching divers packages for town delivery, and a couple of light porters nearly upset the Yorkshireman, as they bustled out with their loads. The warehouse itself gave evident proof of great antiquity. It was not one of your fine, light, lofty, mahogany countered, banker-like establishments of modern times, where the stock in trade often consists of books and empty canisters, but a large, roomy, gloomy, dirty, dingy sort of a cellar above ground, full of hogsheads, casks, flasks, sugar loaves, jars, bags, bottles and boxes. The floor was half an inch thick at least, with dirt, and was sprinkled with rice, currants, raisins, &c., as though they had been scattered for the purpose of growing. A small corner seemed to have been cut off, like the fold of a Leicestershire grazing ground, and made into an office, in the centre of which was a square or two of glass that commanded a view of the whole warehouse. "Is Mr. Jorrocks in?" inquired the Yorkshireman of a porter, who was busy digging currants with a wooden spade. Yes, sir, you'll find him in the counting-house," was the answer; but on looking in, though his hat and gloves were there, no Jorrocks was visible. At the further end of the warehouse a man in his shirt sleeves, with a white apron round his waist and a brown paper cap on his head, was seen under a very melancholy-looking skylight, holding his head over something, as if his nose were bleeding. The Yorkshireman groped his way up to him, and, asking if Mr. Jorrocks was in, found he was addressing the grocer himself. He had been leaning over a large tray-full of little white cups -with teapots to match-trying the strength, flavor, and virtue of a large purchase of tea, and the beverage was all smoking before him. "My vig," exclaimed he, holding out his hand, who'd have thought of seeing you in the city, this is something unkimmon! However, you're wery welcome in St. Botolph Lane, and as this is your first visit, why I'll make you a present of some tea-wot do you drink?-black, or green, or perhaps both-four pounds of one and two of man, "put up four pounds of that last lot of black that came in, and two pounds of superior green, and this gentleman will tell you where to leave it.-And when do you think of starting?" again addressing the Yorkshireman-"egad this is fine weather for the country-have half a mind to have a jaunt myself-makes one quite youngfeel as if I'd laid full fifty years aside, and were again a boy-when did you say you start? "Why I don't know exactly,' replied the Yorkshireman, "the weather's so fine that I'm half tempted to go round by Newmarket." "Newmarket!" exclaimed Jorrocks, throwing his arm in the air, while his paper cap fell from his head with the jerk "by Newmarket! why, what in the name of all that's impure, have you to do at Newmarket?" " Fox Why nothing in particular; only when there's neither hunting nor shooting going on, what is a man to do with himself?-I'm sure you'd despise me if I were to go fishing." "True," observed Mr. Jorrocks somewhat subdued, and jingling the silver in his breeches-pocket. 'unting is indeed the prince of sports. The image of war without its guilt and only half its danger. I confess I'm a martyr to it-a perfect wictim-no one knows wot I suffer from my ardor-If ever I'm visited with the last infirmity of noble minds, it will be caused by my ungovernable passion for the chase. The sight of a saddle makes me sweat. An 'ound makes me perfectly wild. A red coat throws me into a scarlet fever. Never throughout life have I had a good night's rest before an 'unting morning. But werry little racing does for me; Sadler's Wells is well enough of a fine summer evening-especially when they plump the clown overhead in the New River cut, and the ponies don't misbehave in the Circus,-but oh! Newmarket's a dreadful place, the werry name's a sickener. I used to hear a vast about it from poor Will Softly of Friday Street. It was the ruin of him and wot a fine business his father left him, both wholesale and retail, in the tripe and cow-heel line-all went in two years, and he had nothing to show at the end of that time for upwards of twenty thousand golden sovereigns, but a hundred weight of children's lamb's-wool socks, and warrants for thirteen hogsheads of damaged sherry in the docks. No, take my advice, and have nothing to say to them-stay where you are, or, if you're short of swag, come to Great Coram Street, where you shall have a bed, wear-andtear for your teeth, and all that sort of thing found you, and, if Saturday's a fine day, I'll treat you with a jaunt to Margate." the town and stroll to the wide open heath, where all is brightness and space; the white rails stand forth against the clear blue sky-the brushing gallop ever and anon startles the ear and eye; crowds of stable urchins, full of silent importance, stud the heath; you feel elated and long to bound over the well groomed turf and to try the speed of the careering wind. All things at Newmarket train the mind to racing. Life seems on the start, and dull indeed were he who could rein in his feelings when such inspiriting objects meet together to madden them!" "You are a regular old trump," said the Yorkshireman, after listening attentively until Mr. Jorrocks had exhausted himself, "but you see you've never been at Newmarket, and the people have been hoaxing you about it. I can assure you from personal experience that the people there 'Bravo!" exclaimed Jorrocks, throwing are quite as honest as those you meet his paper cap in the air as the Yorkshireevery day on 'Change, besides which, man concluded-"Bravo!-werry good there is nothing more invigorating to the indeed! You speak like ten Lord Mayors human frame-nothing more cheering to never heard nothing better. Dash my the spirits than the sight and air of New-vig, if I won't go. By Jove, you've done market Heath on a fine fresh spring it. Tell me one thing-is there a good morning like the present. The wind seems place to feed at?" to go by you at a racing pace, and the blood canters up and down the veins with the finest and freest action imaginable. A stranger to the race-course would feel, and almost instinctively know, what turf he was treading, and the purpose for which that turf was intended. 'There's a magic in the web of it." " "Capital!" replied the Yorkshireman, "beef, mutton, cheese, ham, all the delicacies of the season, as the sailor said;" and thereupon the Yorkshireman and Jorrocks shook hands upon the bargain. Sunday night arrived, and with it arrived, at the Belle Sauvage, in Ludgate hill, Mr. Jorrocks's boy " Binjimin," with Mr. Jorrocks's carpet bag; and shortly after Mr. Jorrocks, on his chestnut hunter, "Oh I know's you are a most persuasive and the Yorkshireman, in a hack cab, cock," observed Mr. Jorrocks interrupting entered the yard. Having consigned his the Yorkshireman, "and would convince horse to Binjimin, after giving him a very the devil himself that black is white, but instructive lesson relative to the manner you'll never make me believe the New-in which he would chastise him if he heard market folks are honest, and as to the fine of his trotting or playing any tricks with hair (air) you talk of, there's quite as good the horse on his way home, Mr. Jorrocks to get on the Hampstead Heath, and if it proceeded to pay the remainder of his fare doesn't make the blood canter up and in the coach office. The mail was full down your weins, you can always amuse inside and out, indeed the book-keeper yourself by watching the donkeys canter- assured him he could have filled a dozen ing up and down with the sweet little more, so anxious were all London to see children-haw haw haw!-But tell me the Riddlesworth run. "Inside," said he, what is there at Newmarket that should" are you and your friend, and if it wern't take a man there?" "What is there?" that .the night air might give you cold, rejoined the Yorkshireman, "why there's Mr. Jorrocks," (for all the book-keepers everything that makes life desirable and in London know him) "I should have constitutes happiness, in this world, except liked to have got you out-sides, and I hunting. First there is the beautiful, tried to make an exchange with two blackneat, clean towns with groups of booted legs, but they would hear of nothing less professors, ready for the rapidest march of than two guineas a head, which wouldn't intellect; then there are the strings of do, you know. Here comes another of clothed horses the finest in the world your passengers-a great foreign noblepassing indolently at intervals to their exercise, the flower of the English aristocracy residing in the place. You leave 66 man they say-Baron something-though he looks as much like a foreign pickpocket as anything else." Vich be de voiture?' inquired a tall, posite each other, the Baron and old Sam gaunt-looking foreigner, with immense Spring, the betting man, did likewise. moustache, a high conical hat, with a Who doesn't know old Sam, with his cubright buckle, long loose bluish-blackish rious tortoise shell-rimmed spectacles, his frock coat, very short white waistcoat, old drab hat turned up with green, carebaggy brownish striped trousers, and long less neckcloth, flowing robe, and comical footed Wellington boots, with a sort of cut? He knew Jorrocks-though, tell it Chinese turn up at the toe. "Vich be de not in Coram Street, he didn't know his Newmarket voiture?" said he, repeating name; but concluding from the disparity the query, as he entered the office and de- of age between him and his companion, posited a silk umbrella, a camlet cloak, that Jorrocks was either a shark or a and a Swiss knapsack on the counter. shark's jackall, and the Yorkshireman a The porter, without any attempt at an victim, with due professional delicacy, he answer, took his goods and walked off to contented himself with scrutinizing the the mail, followed closely by the Baron, latter through his specs. The Baron's and after depositing the cloak inside, so choler having subsided, he was the first that the Baron might ride with his "face to break the ice of silence. "Foine to the horses," as the saying is, he turned noight," was the observation, which was the knapsack into the hind boot, and thrown out promiscuously to see who swung himself into the office till it was would take it up. Now Sam Spring, time to ask for something for his exertions. though he came late, had learned from the Meanwhile the Baron made a tour of the porter that there was a Baron in the coach, yard, taking a lesson in English from the and being a great admirer of the nobility, lettering on the various coaches, when, on for whose use he has a code of signals of the hind boot of one, he deciphered the his own, consisting of one finger to his word Cheapside "Ah, Cheapside!" said hat for a Baron Lord as he calls them, two he, pulling out his dictionary, and turning for a Viscount, three for an Earl, four for to the letter C. "Chaste, chat, chaw,- a Marquis, and the whole hand for a Duke, cheap, dat be it. Cheap, to be had at a he immediately responded with "Yes, my low price-small value. Ah! I hev (have) lord," with a fore-finger to his hat. There it," said he, stamping and knitting his is something sweet in the word "Lord" brows, sacrè e-e-e-e nom de Dieu," and the which finds its way home to the heart of first word being drawn out to its nasal an Englishman. No sooner did Sam prolongitude, three strides brought him and nounce it, than the Baron became transthe conclusion of the oath into the office formed in Jorrocks's eyes into a very supetogether. He then opened out upon the rior sort of person, and forthwith he combook-keeper, in a tremendous volley of menced ingratiating himself by offering French, English, and Hanoverian oaths, him a share of a large paper of sandwichfor he was a cross between the first and es, which the Baron accepted with the last named countries, the purport of which greatest condescension, eating what he was dad he had paid de best price, and could and stuffing the remainder into his he be dem if he vod ride on de Cheapside hat. His lordship was a better hand at of the coach." In vain the clerks and eating than speaking, and the united bookkeepers tried to convince him he was efforts of the party could not extract from wrong in his interpretation. With the him the precise purport of his journey. full conviction of a foreigner that he was Sam threw out two or three feasible offers about to be cheated, he had his cloak in the way of bets, but they fell still-born shifted to the opposite side of the coach, to the bottom of the coach, and Jorrocks and the knapsack placed on the roof. talked to him about hunting and had the The fourth inside having cast up, the conversation all to himself, the Baron outside passengers mounted, the insides merely replying with a bow and a stare, took their places, three-pences and six- sometimes diversified with, or "I tank you pences were pulled out for the porters, the-vare good." The conversation by deguard twanged his horn, the coachman turned out his elbow, flourished his whip, caught the point, cried "All right! sit tight!" and trotted out of the yard. Jorrocks and the Yorkshireman sat op grees resolved itself into a snore, in which they were all indulging, when the raw morning air rushed in among them, as a porter with a lanthorn opened the door and announced their arrival at New |